More or less venting

[Kresnik]

My apologies for the below vent but I am looking for some sort of advice here.

A "friend" of mine whom I am currently questioning our friendship over last nights little exchange is really frustrating me.

I  am new to light sabering, I have done some stunt choreography and I was in fencing years ago so I know the basics as doe my "friend".

Well my friend cannot lose and it's getting quite frustrating. We both agreed to do some of the basics Form I moves and positions at about 50% ... As soon as he feels as though I got a slight upper hand even in slow deliberate 50% sparring he turns on the jets and all ideas of sticking to Form I go out the window.  Someone gets hurt there is yelling and demands to stop and that is usually me doing the yelling.

Well last night we had our protective gear on and we were doing pretty good at keeping to about 75% I then stepped out and got a point contact on his thigh.  This of course angered him and he started to face off with me in a fencing stance and kept thrusting and approaching which turned into a full contact swinging match.

I was just blocking all of his incoming strikes as he was going to town on my blade.

I asked him to stop and he kept going at it, he made contact with the under side of my mask and hit my chin / throat area really hard.

So I struck high for him to block dropped my saber and took him down with a double leg take down and then applied a triangle body lock and threatened to choke him out.

The guy wouldn't stop and kept swinging harde and harder so I panicked.

Well this exchanged turned into him screaming trying to bite me ( that was new ) and him striking me with his fists in the side of my head. So I applied applied the choke and then let go to warn him. I let go and he stood up and squares off with me.

Needles to say we didn't talk much after that ...

So my question is - how the heck do you deal with someone who keeps going harder and harder when you agreed on 50%

This guy is nuts and super overly competitive but otherwise a good friend when not in any sort of competition ... Kinda sucks losing a friend but I'm not sure if we can get past a bruised throat, cut eye and contusions on the side of our faces ...

[Ryn]

You fix it by not working out with him. I hate to say it, but if he won't listen or stop his immaturity then neither of you are learning anything.   If your workouts are worth it to him, then he'll stop. Be honest and straightforward. Let him know your friendship is suffering due to his behavior.

[Crescent King]

This story reminds me a little of a old friend of mine from years ago. He had spent the night at my house and the next morning we played light contact football and things got out of hand until it turned into a full contact killing match. I stopped the game andkindly asked him to leave ut he refused for some reason. He lived four houses away so it wasn't like I asked him to walk two miles to get home. Anyway, it turned into a slugging match when he got angry over me asking him to leave again and I ended up knocking him unconcious in the front yard and calling his parents. We didn't talk for weeks on end until one day he apologized to me and we agreeded not to play competitive contact sports any more and things were fine for the next couple years till he moves away. Point is, I would just wait and see if he apoligizes and then agree not to spar any more. Or maybe find someone who can be a referee for the two of you.

[Kresnik]

Yeah it's pretty much over... Too bad we have been friends for like 5 years ... Just can't deal with his hyper active competitive nature

[Master Lucien Kane]

Here's the deal, you don't need to not be friends, but you need to not be sparring partners.

I've dealt with his kind before, they aren't bad people generally, but they do have issues out side of the ring they need to deal with before sparring.

My response to such behavior is to either let them swing themselves tired, and then score a mark of contact, or I simply keep countering their wild attacks until they get the point that unbridled rage fits don't get them what they want.

I've also shown people like that, that I'm not trying half as hard as I could. I've put taped pool noodles over blades and not worried about pulling my strikes. Any one of those strategies for me usually gets the point across.

However there's a skill difference between myself and the people I'm talking about.

For you I think the best advice would be to remain friends,  but not dueling partners. There's no shame in that, he just has some issues he needs to sort out, because this is not rational behavior.

[Kresnik]

Thank you Master Lucien Kane

Makes sense, it was quite scary actually I have always seen a deranged competitive nature about him but when I was holding him down I had never seen so much anger.

He explained it to me about an hour ago so I m letting his bite marks on my forearm be forgiven.

Though I did ask him if he had been tested for rabies.

I enjoy the pool noodle idea.

I am a very defense / counter strike oriented fighter and I have to admit I was enjoying it at 100% until I scored a mark of contact and that is when he lost it.

If you can calm your mind it's actually pretty easy to be defensive and block a deranged attacker. 

I learned it in -jujitsu / mma there is nothing more terrifying than being on your back with someone on top of you trying to break a limb or restrict your blood flow

[James Casey]

You said you wanted to test your Form I against each other.

He heard you asking him to test his Form VII against your Form III.

A simple misunderstanding... although the biting is an unusual means of communication.

In all seriousness, Master Kane is right. Friends is fine, but until you can be sure he can control his temper then keep him away from lightsabres, broomsticks, pool cues, carving knives...

Well done on controlling matters, though. It must have been tempting to meet aggression with aggression, but you'd probably have done a lot more damage to your friendship that way, so it seems like you made good choices

[Darth Nonymous]

My apologies for the below vent but I am looking for some sort of advice here.

A "friend" of mine whom I am currently questioning our friendship over last nights little exchange is really frustrating me.

I  am new to light sabering, I have done some stunt choreography and I was in fencing years ago so I know the basics as doe my "friend".

Well my friend cannot lose and it's getting quite frustrating. We both agreed to do some of the basics Form I moves and positions at about 50% ... As soon as he feels as though I got a slight upper hand even in slow deliberate 50% sparring he turns on the jets and all ideas of sticking to Form I go out the window.  Someone gets hurt there is yelling and demands to stop and that is usually me doing the yelling.

Well last night we had our protective gear on and we were doing pretty good at keeping to about 75% I then stepped out and got a point contact on his thigh.  This of course angered him and he started to face off with me in a fencing stance and kept thrusting and approaching which turned into a full contact swinging match.

I was just blocking all of his incoming strikes as he was going to town on my blade.

I asked him to stop and he kept going at it, he made contact with the under side of my mask and hit my chin / throat area really hard.

So I struck high for him to block dropped my saber and took him down with a double leg take down and then applied a triangle body lock and threatened to choke him out.

The guy wouldn't stop and kept swinging harde and harder so I panicked.

Well this exchanged turned into him screaming trying to bite me ( that was new ) and him striking me with his fists in the side of my head. So I applied applied the choke and then let go to warn him. I let go and he stood up and squares off with me.

Needles to say we didn't talk much after that ...

So my question is - how the heck do you deal with someone who keeps going harder and harder when you agreed on 50%

This guy is nuts and super overly competitive but otherwise a good friend when not in any sort of competition ... Kinda sucks losing a friend but I'm not sure if we can get past a bruised throat, cut eye and contusions on the side of our faces ...

I echo what Lucien said. don't spar with him. He can't handle it.

Second: what type of gear are you using that still allows you to get a bruised throat cut eye, and contusions on the side of your faces? A fencing mask can do away with all of that. It seems that you need to use better gear too. A fire balling mad man depends on pain and the fear of it. If everyone is in full gear no pain or injury, their advantage disappears.

For me, if some one is going too hard (as is the case with most beginners) I just parry strike until they get the picture they wont get anywhere with that strategy. But you have to make the hit too. Throwing on a choke hold after the emotions are already high does nothing but aggrivate the situation.

More gear. Your head face should be completely protected.

[Kresnik]

I am by no means a master so my blocks parrys were probably about 15 for 20 ...

We were wearing  the grated fencing masks the ones with the rubber neck guard, fencing gloves on him and lacrosse gloves for me.

The damage occurred on the ground, we took our masks off once the sabers dropped.

I think all is good I told him no more sparring at all and we agreed to go out to lunch tomorrow ...