OUTSTANDING rewrite, jsierra! A genuine improvement to be sure
You captured Vader's "Implacable Man" tendencies perfectly! Poor Shar-na, Mykl Anthon, Djaf-Rae; I agree that all three would have problems against the former Chosen One. One part that really evoked a cheer: both Djaf-Rae and Mykl coming to the realization that they could not abandon their fellow Jedi. Wonderful characterization, I am much more invested in these characters (and you're only on chapter 2
). I can't wait for the next part!
Another observation: your saber combat scenes flow very well. All too often, writers will get bogged down in exacting details (each lightsaber strike written, each action listed which becomes a tedious read). Nice job avoiding this!
To echo LSG: great cliff-hanger! Chapter 3 soon please