Again, special thanks for LSG's contribution
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Chapter 38: A Daughter’s ForgivenessWithin the convalescent suite, the silence that followed Kazic’s confession was in stark contrast to the tale that he’d woven over the long night. Still holding his hand, her Force Healing virtually the
only reason that Kazic had lasted this long, D’Aylanna sat back in her seat, processing all that she’d heard.
And on the agreement that she’d made, both as a favor to her father as well as for the good of the Vhal’Dan Order.
Her dark eyes stared into the wasted face of the venerable Anzat, her face blank. The atmosphere between the two felt palpable, the magnitude of what had passed significant and prodigious.
“And so now you understand,
Nur’us…” Kazic lamented. Although relieved to be free of his secrets he now felt the full weight of concern for his beloved daughter, his family not by blood but rather by choice. He understood the burden that was now hers to bear—yea Maker he’d done so himself for centuries!—knowing her to be the Vhal’Dan’s best chance at survival…but he commiserated with her nonetheless. “I am so, so very sorry to saddle you with this, Dear One…” He began.
“…Don’t be, Father. As I said: I understand without condemning nor condoning.” Her voice was objective, impersonal…for a moment. But when next she spoke she smiled, her tone matching the love that she felt for the old Anzat. “Father, you did what you thought best. We are all of us fallible. And without allaying any responsibility for your actions, I feel that you have been remiss in not addressing all of the good that you’ve done in your life.” Leaning close, she kissed his forehead. “If not for you, neither I nor my
Shakal would be here and—by extension—neither would your granddaughter, Jorya. Yes Father, you’ve made mistakes…but as I said: who has not? But more importantly you’ve given hope, life, and happiness to many…many that would’ve otherwise suffered had it not been for you. Focus on that, my dear Kazic.” She tenderly replied.
Hearing those words, Kazic’s face relaxed somewhat, gratitude and love radiating from him. But even now there was an undercurrent of regret. “…Thank you,
Nur’us. I…I cannot have asked for better children…a better family.” He began coughing again but it was subdued compared to what he’d been experiencing. And he knew that his time had come. “D’Aylanna…please go get my son and granddaughter now.” His sad eyes looked past her. “Time…time to say ‘goodbye…’”
With a silent tear rolling down her dark cheek, D’Aylanna nodded, smiling briefly while assuring Kazic that she would return forthwith. After the tension of telling his tale throughout the evening, Kazic suddenly felt very comfortable in the aircouch, his lidded eyes witnessing the diminutive form of his daughter regally glide from his convalescent suite, her gray and navy skirts making virtually no noise as she softly shut the door behind her.
And he reflected.
He’d lived a long life, much of it good…and much of it bad. And his
Nur’us had it exact: he had his family… Quiet tears pooled in his sunken eyes. He cried but not for himself. He cried for his granddaughter, Jorya…his son, Zearic…his
Nur’us…
He cried for all of those lost. His wives…his friends…his colleagues from centuries past. Those Vhal’Dan that were casualties of the Civil War…Kasah…Corvus…Tsar and later Jorol, their children…Arkady…Anson, his brother…Lor-Riou, his son…
…Saani, his
Kanp’a…
He smiled bitterly. He hurt; by the Maker he hurt! Throughout his life, he’d experienced physical pain beyond what most sentients had experienced, much less endured. But even all of that…his heart ached for his children, for his friends, for them
all. Everything…all of it came crashing down upon him; everything that he’d suppressed, that he’d buried, that he’d forgotten. He tried not to remember, he didn’t
want to…
…Remember…His cheek twitched. Tentatively, he opened his eyes fully. Something tickled his mind…elusive…eliciting both his past…as well as the present. His eyes…something seemed…clouded…what…who?
…Daughter… It was…but not his
Nur’us…
“…Ari…” As if naming her had called the young woman he remembered, incredibly she stood before him. She was just as he recalled: her red hair vibrant, aqua eyes luminous, an intangible but effervescent aura surrounding her. “How…after so long…Ari…my daughter.”
She looked down on him sadly his time was fast running out, yet she bore a strange smile for all that. “Not so long as you thought Father…” Reaching across, her fingers bathed in a red glow as she touched his forehead. Inhaling almost violently, Kazic’s eyes shot open.
Like a key to a vault his mind was opened by the touch. Memories locked away resurfacing in a tidal wave that made him wonder if this was the end, if his life was truly flashing before his eyes…
Even after what had happened with Saani…Ari could not remain at a distance forever… Dozens of times Kazic had wandered, following a thread she left for him in the
daen nosi, every time surprised to find her in secluded places on distant worlds to spend time together…and not just her…Ari’s…children…grandchildren…
He remembered them all now...but not before because…
Suddenly Kazic was elsewhere, Zonama Sekot far, far away…instead of the comfortable if clinical suite of the convalescence ward, he found himself surrounded by pure whiteness…
“It’s the only way we can stay safe…” Ari had said amidst the cold winds of the Alderaan mountains, the incredible peaks towering over them, encircling them, hiding them. “…I don’t want to shut you out…but there is a cost to ever seeing each other…”
He’d smiled against the snow flecked winds. For her safety and arguably his own, he had to end each meeting by locking out the memory of it in his own mind…leaving him for the most part believing she was lost to him…until time allowed her to seek him out once more.
Years of bitter regret punctuated by unremembered moments of sweetness…
“I’ll take what I want and pay for it,” he had replied, helping to design the very mental blocks he would have to place on himself a mere three days later.
The frustrations afterward…thinking he had followed the
daen nosi to an abandoned cabin in the wilds of Alderaan, a small island on Fresia, or a forgotten station in a terminal orbit of an insignificant planetoid for no reason or reward…no memory of what had actually occurred…repeated a dozen times over throughout the years…yet…
…Yet now it was worth it.
His self-imposed ignorance kept Ari—and more importantly her children and her children’s children—safe from the risk he might let slip even a hint at their existence. None of his wives had even known, even the strongest in the Force among them couldn't sense a self-imposed mind wipe.
He reached out to grasp Ari’s hand…it held a strange…anti-firmness in the illusion as a series of green and aqua eyes always framed by red hair of some shade clustered behind her bidding silent goodbye to “Papa Kazic”…a legacy perhaps greater than any other he would leave, that Ari’s kind had at least one Outsider they could consider and would remember as Family.
“Rest peacefully Father,” Ari said quietly as the door opened behind her, her image fading out as D’Aylanna entered.
“Father!” D’Aylanna rushed back to his side, “What is wrong?” Behind her, Jorya appeared above the Hapan Master’s shoulder, Zearic’s wide body seeming to eclipse them all.
…My family…ALL
of my family…He slowly became fully aware of his surroundings again. He was sitting up in the aircouch, back straight with his arm held out, hand reaching as if gripping another… He barely realized he was still sobbing.
Oh how he wanted to tell them, to share his joy at recalling his other family…still more than he deserved…with her…with
them…but he knew that such was not his place.
“Father…” Zearic said miserably. “…you can’t go.” He smiled bleakly. “After all…who else is going to point out all of the mistakes that I’ll make as maenowan?” His big shoulders slouched.
Smiling weakly, Kazic barked a laugh. “…You know that…
Nur’us is…is a better teacher than I ever was…” He suddenly sobered. “…Remember: always trust in one another, that the will of the Force is guiding you, and that…that the Maker will never forsake you…so long as you…you stay true to your family…love one another…love…
you…” Staring off into the distance the Anzat’s voice trailed off, his breathing slowing as Kazic could now see…
really see…why weren’t they looking…how could they not see?
And while Kazic breathed his last, two things happened.
For D’Aylanna, Zearic, and Jorya, they drew together in shared sorrow, all of them saddened by the passing of their paterfamilias. But even as they commiserated with one another, they took comfort from each other as well. Throughout the tears, they were grateful for their time with Kazic and--thanks to him--each other.
And, even in sadness, they grew stronger all because of the love of an Anzat.
For Kazic, the bed around which was gathered his daughter, his son, and his granddaughter, the world of the convalescence ward, of Zonama Sekot drained away, changing. The quiet sound of crying and reassuring words...sound lost all volume. For a moment, he could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing…but as his eyes seemed to grow accustomed to his surroundings, Kazic saw that he was back in his shared apartments on Galtea, the sounds that he associate with those rooms—
his home—a comfort long forgotten. From one vantage, he could see the entirety of Lake Olucem’m, crystal clear, blue…as it was before the Civil War. The snowcapped peaks of the Cthodral Mountains dominated the far horizon, the valley between the two sparsely populated with evergreen trees hundreds of years old.
“Mama! Papa! Come see!” An excited voice shouted from the opposite side of the apartments. That voice…was it…possible?
…By the Maker…how…? Kazic thought.
Swiftly, he ran. And was greeted with another surprise: he was tall, young, full of vigor, just as he’d been in his prime. Not stopping, he crossed the apartments in no time, stopping short as he saw the tableau before him: the entire wall of transparisteel windows had been opened up, the city of Vhal’Ulhadv a panorama before them. Again, as it was before the Civil War.
Tall, immense buildings stabbed into the sky, the twin-towers of the Congressional Bureau housing Galtea’s R&D departments, planetary defense, and civic control, crowned by the Kage’s Atrium high atop of them dwarfing every other building in the city. Roads lay along the city’s arteries, leading to and from all districts, mirrored from above by multiple hyperloops. And at the center of it all was the domed Hall of Balance where all of the Vhal’Dan Order congregated.
“Mama…Papa…look!” The voice came again.
Looking out the Galtean sun emerged, setting behind the twin-towers, the cumulous clouds from the springtime storm having finally parted. But that wasn’t what held his attention, at least not the focus of it. There, sitting upon the transparisteel balcony was Aresaea…but not the woman that he now recalled…
…But as a teenager…the girl that had come to live with him…Ari…his…
…His and Saani’s daughter…
Tears began to cloud his vision. Blinking, Kazic wiped at his face so as to clear his eyes. Sitting comfortably with her knees to her side, her bare feet curled up by the hem of her seasonal dress, Ari stared out taking in the entire cityscape, her red hair gathered in an easy ponytail. “Papa it’s so beautiful!”
Speechless, Kazic could only nod.
…My Ari… He thought as he began to cry anew. But then, thinking that nothing else could surprise him, he suddenly felt a pair of hands caress his arm as someone laid their head upon his shoulder. Looking down, he started. “…By the Maker…Saani?
Kanp’a?!”
Looking up at him, her purple eyes full of good humor, Saani smiled. “Of course,
K’ompo. Who else would be here but us: you, Ari, and myself? Our family?”
“Yeah Papa…it’s just us here!” Ari enthusiastically agreed. “C’mon, come out here! It’s so wonderful…”
Even as the shock of everything hit him, the feeling quickly diminished, his consternation giving way to his happiness.
And love.
Stepping onto the balcony, Kazic put his hand on Ari’s head while drawing his
Kanp’a closer to him with his other arm. All worries, all concerns, all troubles left; all that remained was that which made him happy, his wife and daughter. As the Force took him, he knew of the universal truth of family...
And, even in contentment, they grew stronger all because of the love of an Anzat.