Baby Steps Are Made Of Win

[TheHobbitofDune]

Warning: The following post will probably be really scatterbrained and sloppily written. lol. I totally missed my alarm this morning... woke up an hour late. Was really disappointed. But I've been feeling really tired lately... battered and beaten. I dunno.

Anywho,

Goku and I want to share a little positive energy with you, Hobbie

*clipped*

Thanks SO much for that Xaeyon It's exactly what I needed to hear. And I'll be sure to dig up some sticky notes. Although, I am a bit confused by "start from the last thing, work your way to the first". I know, I'm slow. lol. But in any case, I'll be sure to apply this to my studies... continuing to learn Japanese and all that. Thanks again. Point!

Hey just saying...there are Air Force duty stations all over the world, including Japan...paid to travel and learn a career...hmmm

I know, and I'm not trying to brush you off or anything, it's just that I'm not sure if it's the right path for me to take. The military is for the people who want to serve, not those who want to be served, IMO. I mean, yeah, it does have it's benefits, but ultimately I'm just not patriotic in the least, and if I can find a better alternative, I'd rather go with that. But if it really comes down to it, and I've expended all my other options, then fine, I'll take the Air Force into consideration.

Also, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I do want to spend the rest of my life in Japan. In the Air Force, I can't choose where I'm stationed at, and even if I could, it's my understanding that I'll just get bounced around every so often. I'm lazy. lol. I just want to settle down somewhere nice, and be comfortable.

But once again, I'm not trying to brush you off. I seriously appreciate you taking time to offer suggestions. I mean that.

My sister's actually teaching English in the Czech Republic right now. She loves it.

MORE ENCOURAGEMENT. I love it.

Points to all.

[Xaeyon]

Thanks SO much for that Xaeyon It's exactly what I needed to hear. And I'll be sure to dig up some sticky notes. Although, I am a bit confused by "start from the last thing, work your way to the first". I know, I'm slow. lol. But in any case, I'll be sure to apply this to my studies... continuing to learn Japanese and all that. Thanks again. Point!

Ah, that was a reference to "Passion is a hard thing to find, but a positive outlook and a little direction can go a long way". That could have been a little clearer, sorry
I meant what you need to find first is a little direction in your life, which the sticky notes will help with. Once you get comfortable and proud (maybe not the right words, but along the right lines) of these things that you are slowly accomplishing, a positive outlook will be easier to come by. Passion is a hard thing to find, something I haven't found yet but one day it'll come along so long as you have the outlook to notice it.

Good luck with your Japanese If you do end up teaching English in Japan, you're sure to pick [more of] it up very quickly being immersed in their culture and language. It's sure to be an incredible experience.

[TheHobbitofDune]

^ Oh, I get it now. Thanks! Double thanks, actually

And you're right. I just need to lay the groundwork a bit more first. It's also been a while since I took Japanese in college, so I've forgotten quite a bit... but I do still remember enough to not feel too guilty about it. lol. To be completely honest, I would have passed the class if it wasn't for my depression and other issues *sigh* How do I fail in Japanese

Also, I KILLED A GIANT SPIDER EARLIER.

I know, that sounds silly, but I have had pretty horrible experiences with spiders, so this was a huge step up for me. Still very traumatic though... I couldn't get it right away, so it lay there, covering up, twitching... I don't think I'll ever be able to condition myself to not feel scared around a spider. But I'll keep trying.

And that's it.

Sincerely,
Hobbie's thread-turned-public diary

[Xaeyon]

Cheers to you Hobb loads of people can't face spiders so that's quite a feat

Here's a clip about an Aussie sporting 'legend' and his fear of spiders

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk_HuLCbfks" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk_HuLCbfks</a>

[TheHobbitofDune]

I'll check that out after lunch just in case

And the way I see it is, even though I'm deathly afraid of spiders, I know that when I move out and start living on my own, I can't just call my parents (lol) to deal with it... so I have to start getting used to it now.

Even though I wish someone could just come up with a way to eradicate all the spiders and bugs in the world...

I would give that guy a huge hug.

[TheHobbitofDune]

Just wanted to give a quick update...

I've hit a rough patch, and I'll explain it later, but for now I still need some time to process and let the tears out. I just wanted to let you all know because... I dunno, because I just want people to know whats up, even if they can't necessarily do anything to help.

But at the same time, I am continuing to do better with the walks, and with waking up early, etc., even if I did hit a snag along the way there as well. As in, I gave up for a little bit, but now I'm back.

Right now, I feel utterly hopeless and broken. And while there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that seems to grow larger or smaller in an erratic fashion, it ultimately stays dull most of the time. And I need to ensure that it'll go the other way instead.

I suppose in order to be more clear, the way I feel right now is just... so utterly broken that the only way out that I can see is suicide. Not that I want to. And I wouldn't dare. I have no desire to, especially because of what it would do to my family... but I'm just saying this because thats how far down I am right now. That thoughts like those actually cross my mind.

Once again, I'll explain everything in full later, but for now, please just keep me in your thoughts and wish me well, because I don't want to be alone here. I need my friends, and my family, and anyone who gives a damn, to just know that I am struggling, and to know that I can't do this alone. Fix myself alone.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for supporting me... this forum is truly the best.

Hobbie, out.

[Qui-Lar]

I hear you brother. I've been in your shoes
and it helps to talk it out. Don't let the
Four walls close in on you, get out and
make a difference. I'm not saying it will
be easy, ask for help, there is no shame.
I'm a veteran of two wars, driving
Submarines and also a corpsman with
the Marine Corps(oohrah)  Believe it or
not, things will get better,  be patient
and on those (shady days) challenge
yourself to do something positive and
share it with someone. Keep us posted

[Darth Scorpious]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE7jS8bfScI" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE7jS8bfScI</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vj-ZmYTGAw" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vj-ZmYTGAw</a>

Please forgive the sports references in the second video do what I do filter those out and listen to the message it presents. I was in a very bad place a long time ago myself and I made a choice and that choice was I would believe in me even if no one else would. These are hard steps to make even going outside would terrify me, every step is a positive. Fear in ourselves and others is hard to overcome but it can be done even if it means being afraid of the unknown there will always be someone there willing to help even if you don't know it they are there, you might not see them or even know them but just ask and they will appear. None of my hopes and dreams have come true that I set myself all those years ago but I always have a new one to replace and old one some have happened and some haven't but the point is never give up trying and never underestimate a step you take even the smallest could change your life.
Forgive me if this is to soppy but my prayers are with you and I'm a someone there willing to help.

[Jedijosh]

Keep it up Hobbie. I know you can do it:).

[TheHobbitofDune]

Oppa progress style! (lol )

So I've been doing better lately. Needed some time to figure things out and stuff. I thank you all for the support. I know I'm super late, but I didn't want to go and type this out while the wounds were still being healed... well, they still are, but at least now I have a much, much better grasp on my life. Thus, here I am.

I've been waking up every morning at seven, going on hour long walks every weekday, doing thirty sit-ups every other day, walking my dog every day, period, getting to bed around twelve, and keeping my internet addiction in check by using it only in the morning, then shutting off the laptop for the remainder of every day. I'm currently studying for my driver's permit, and I help my mom out a lot in the kitchen as well, which is great because I love to cook. And I dare say... food always tastes better when you're the one cooking it

Did I miss anything? Hm, don't think so. Anyway, that's all I got for now. And I haven't screwed up my schedule at all over this past month, and I'm very proud of myself because of that.

[RLYHYPERGUY]

Oppa progress style! (lol )

So I've been doing better lately. Needed some time to figure things out and stuff. I thank you all for the support. I know I'm super late, but I didn't want to go and type this out while the wounds were still being healed... well, they still are, but at least now I have a much, much better grasp on my life. Thus, here I am.

I've been waking up every morning at seven, going on hour long walks every weekday, doing thirty sit-ups every other day, walking my dog every day, period, getting to bed around twelve, and keeping my internet addiction in check by using it only in the morning, then shutting off the laptop for the remainder of every day. I'm currently studying for my driver's permit, and I help my mom out a lot in the kitchen as well, which is great because I love to cook. And I dare say... food always tastes better when you're the one cooking it

Did I miss anything? Hm, don't think so. Anyway, that's all I got for now. And I haven't screwed up my schedule at all over this past month, and I'm very proud of myself because of that.

Wow, that's really great! So that's why you haven't been on as much. 

Keep up the great work, man!

[Xaeyon]

That's fantastic, Hobbie! You've found the perfect routine of moderation and I'm glad to hear you're looking up

Keep up the small things and, like you've named the thread, baby-steps are made of win! All the larger things will fall into place

[TheHobbitofDune]

Thank you both

I know I've been a bit irritable lately, so I guess it's two steps forward, one step back, but I'm working on it. I just have this issue with pushing people away. I dunno.

Anyway, thanks again. I'm off to go do stuff. lol.

[Jedijosh]

Sorry I'm late anyway congrats Keep it up and keep us in the know we enjoy hearing about your successes:).

[TheHobbitofDune]

Thank you, Jedijosh