Chapter 8 — Roads Less Traveled — Confessions
Part 1
Yoda
The Temple was returning to life, for the Acting Grand Master that meant a morning slogging through nearly three dozen briefings and four meetings. It rankled him to deal with bureaucracy while Valens was still loose in the galaxy…His former apprentice…
His own damn apprentice.
He scowled as he strode along the hall way, passing still down cast Jedi. How could he betray him like that, how could a student he had trained turn into such a murderous zealot!
He paused in his stride to take a deep breath…anger…anger would lead to hate…and that could only lead to more suffering. Whether it had been his training, Kimars influence or something intrinsic about Valens…he would soon find out.
This next meeting was a long time coming…it would be hard…but it had to be done. He paused at the door taking a deep breath…he was Grand Master now…if not out of fraternity…then the authority would get him results…he hoped it didn’t come to that.
It was time.
The door slid open to Soryu’s room, his old friend who looked disturbingly younger since the Aethans healing, sat crossed legged on the floor, Yoda was expected.
Yoda sat as the door hissed closed to shut out the Temple.
“Valens,” Yoda said,
Soryu closed his eyes head bowed in sorrow, yet still a titanium core to his presence, conviction and calm Yoda had not sensed in the council meeting Soryu had all but stormed out of.
“I knew Kimar was sending him on dangerous missions…but I never thought…no…” he paused
“I didn’t want to believe he was using Valens as an assassin - I focused on Milaea…truly believing she was our future. I was wilfully blind and I own that”
Yoda could feel the depth of the guilt but also strength of will, Soryu had obviously already deeply considered his own failure - Yoda remained impassive
“I thought Valens sojourns, the new techniques he would teach me were, wonderful, impressive…it was like the happier days when the Mak’Tor were with us. I didn’t ask how he was learning these things or why…”
Yoda maintained his gaze, stifling any anger he felt as best he could,
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this Yoda - I was a fool, I thought their connection to the Living force a thing of beauty a truer way to live, in harmony with the galaxy…I saw in them what I wanted them to be not what they were…”
“And Kimar,” Yoda spoke
Soryu looked up at him with a convicting gaze,
“We both stand guilty for allowing that to go on as long as it did,”
Yoda was taken aback, he rarely saw his friend so condemning…yet Yoda could not disagree. He had volunteered for the expedition to Rakata Prime…in all honesty… to get away from the Temple…to clear his head…he had run from the problem and used the pursuit of knowledge as an excuse…for that he felt a deep shame.
“Sofa and Milaea? Of them what did you know?”
Soryu sighed, Yoda had long known Soryu held more than a Masters interest in the pair, but he saw no harm in that till now.
“I knew about Sofa and Valens…”
“And you did nothing,” Yoda struck quickly,
“I only wanted to see her happy…Valens gave her what the Order could not…she was never made for a life of celibacy and service…we all know affairs happen…but…”
He paused, Yoda could feel him on the brink of saying something he had never said out loud, a tension held for years about to be released
“Sofa is a daughter to me, Milaea too, and as her father I could never put her in harm’s way by revealing to Kimar what was happening, and I stand by that, I won’t recant…if that means being expelled from the Order, then I accept that…I love the Jedi…I believe in what the Jedi can become, in serving the Living Force…but I love those girls more.”
His eyes were stained with the first dew of tears
Yoda sighed in sympathy…here was a man truly stuck - unable to reconcile his dedication to the Order with his affection for his apprentice…his love of knowledge and the living force with the realities of Valens perversion…his hope for the future unity of Order with the dogmatism of Kimars rule…
But this had happened before, when the Mak’tor were exiled Soryu had faced a similar struggle of conscience…now Yoda saw how that event had scarred and coloured his actions ever since.
“
Our lives our circular, we face the same battles and make the same choices” Valens words from his knighting ceremony echoed in Yoda’s mind
“And Milaea,” Yoda added sternly, it was all a show, inside he was breaking for his friend, but he was Grand Master now and had to remain above such things…such attachment was too dangerous.
“She should’ve been everything we want to be – and we failed her – confused her into the path of violence”
He hung his head, silence echoed in the room for a number of minutes, finally Soryu raised his eyes.
“Perhaps…perhaps something of her past…a legacy of her peoples suffering has called her away…”
“To where do you think she, or Valens will go?”
“I don’t know…I truly don’t…”
That annoyed Yoda, surely he had some idea where they would go - and every day the trail grew colder and colder and the Chancellors complaints louder and louder.
“Something mentioned in passing perhaps…an intention or desire?”
“Hapes…Sofa had only been twice but loved it…if she’s alive…Milaea I don’t know…Valens…” Soryus eyes widened, he had recalled something,
Yoda shook his head at the poor lie, “Soryu, help anyone your silence does not,”
Soryu looked him dead in the eye “Yes it does…you want go after him…but not for justice”
“Allowed to roam free Valens must not be, where!” Yoda said firmly,
“You’re just as angry as I am conflicted Yoda,” Soryu said clearly, Yoda felt him brushing him in the force,
“You feel betrayed by your apprentice, enraged at what he’s done…and guilty you weren’t here to stop it.”
Yoda scowled,
“Correct you are…but my emotion regulate I can…this search sanctioned by the Senate and the Law is, the need to see justice done and unwind fear - Where!”
He could sense Soryu’s conflict…his wish to protect Yoda from what he thought a dark path, to avoid more losses to the Aethans…against this the knowledge that Valens was a danger and a desire to rescue Sofa and Milaea from him.
“A Jedi should always speak Truth...” Soryu said quietly,
“Myrkr”
“He mentioned he wanted to investigate the force sensitive flora and fauna on Myrkr,”
<<<<>>>>
Jarys
He punched in the co-ordinates to Myrkr and pushed the toggle forward. Arxis, the pack leader of the Vorynx he and Milaea had tamed poked his head up to watch the stars lengthen from pinpoints to streaks then dissolve into each other as they entered hyperspace. Unimpressed the Vorynx yawned and curled back up beside the pilot’s seat.
“Away we go!” Kiraea chimed from the co-pilots chair, her bare feet a stark contrast to the Chiss grey of the console as she played with his daggers. Her lounging about and complete lack of any concepts of personal property, space or decorum was…refreshing…truer to how they had lived before the Devastation.
He was excited to be heading to Myrkr to assist in picking up new force sensitive species for their home world…A Time to Live.
“You killed two Jedi Masters with these alone…” Kiraea interrupted
“I haven’t fought a Jedi…well I fought Milaea and spar with Valens but I don’t think that counts…I wonder if I’ll ever get to…”
He looked across with concern,
“I don’t think going out looking for a fight with a Jedi is a good idea…”
“Why not, can’t be that tough…plus it’d be cool having a collection of lightsabre trophies…”
He shook his head…whilst he, Valens and Yorna were of an age Kiraea was four years younger when the Devastation happened, it seemed she still had a lot of growing up to do even now…
“I do not!” she said in faux offence, “I’m a grown woman you know,”
“Physically at least…” her tendency to stroll around Central Station wearing just her overly expensive yet insubstantial bra and panties left no doubt as to that…
She scrunched her nose at him, “Come on you’ve been in hundreds more fights than I have, you can hardly judge me for wanting a bit of life and death excitement,”
“I didn’t fight because I wanted to…” he recalled the brutal introduction to the galaxy he had in the fighting pits of Nar Shadda, “Only because I had to,”
“You still enjoyed it,”
He couldn’t argue with that…a dozen hormonal systems in concert made them enjoy fighting, fearless and unyielding…yet even so there were limits.
“Maybe because I wasn’t given a chance to enjoy anything else,” he countered
That quietened her for a while.
“Do you still miss her…Cilina,” she said out of nowhere,
Jarys felt a familiar stab in his chest, seeing Milaea had reminded him all too much of Cilina, that he hadn’t been there when she needed him most – and that he never could be.
“Sometimes…we weren’t together for long….I miss the chances we never had…the things we never did…” he replied honestly while absently checking the estimated time of arrival, he didn’t avoid the thoughts but dwelling on that pain too much was not good for him.
“I miss all the things I’d like to have done with Yorna…to show her…all the sights on the different planets, the funny aliens…” her tone saddened,
“She was nicer, smarter, stronger than me…she should’ve survived instead of me…”
Yorna had been the most mature…the responsible older sister to Kiraea, helping her climb trees, letting her win games, making sure she didn’t lose her shoes…but then…
“You looked after Adaea and Lyaea…built a home and a life for them…Yorna was a wonderful girl, but you don’t need to compare yourself to her, or me, or anyone else…You’re just as amazing as well Kiraea,” he looked over to her, she had curled up on the chair downcast,
“Thanks…” she said quietly as he wondered why she was telling him all this…but then he supposed she didn’t have anyone else really to open up to…He slid out of his chair,
“Hey come here,” he headed over to draw her into an embrace,
“Sorry…I…”
“It’s okay, you should talk more…you don’t always have to be exploding with rage or making dirty jokes, everyone know you’re more than that…Melron trusts you to look after Adaea and Lyaea, Valens trusts you to manage the Terraforming and deal with the Chiss and let you plan the attack on Coruscant…even Milaea trusted you to help Sofa,” he rubbed her back as she buried her head in his shoulder.
“You’re fine as you are Kiraea…well all need you just as you are…”
<<<<>>>>
Sofa
With all Adaea’s modifications crowding inside, the Chiss ship was cramped - single bed cabin, minimal refresher, impeccably organised by full storage areas - yet somehow Valens never to be in the same room as her…never passed her going to or from anywhere…she was convinced he could cloak or teleport.
They’d been dropping in and out of hyperspace for days…the last few hours had been constant jumps of less than an hour at time, rattling and bumping. She had no idea where they were going…
The ship suddenly jolted out of hyperspace again and the bed she sat on twirling a disruptor pistol bounced…the most action that she had seen in a bed for weeks she sneered…
She wanted to be there for him…she knew he was struggling, yet this wasn’t how she wanted to start her new Aethan life new life – she didn’t want to have to share the man she wanted with memories…
BANG!
Lost in her thoughts a jolt caught her off guard, head hitting the thick wall behind her.
“Right that’s it!” she screamed marching to the cockpit where Valens seemed extremely busy navigating between what looked like two black holes swirling with the dying light of a dark blue nova between them,
She flopped into the navigators chair just behind him,
“You want to know something!” she leaned toward him and said loudly,
He just kept on hitting buttons and checking figures,
“Well I’m going to tell you anyway!”
The ship jolted again and slid unnervingly to the swirling lights that rimmed the singularity on the right as Valens struggled to correct it.
“After I was in a coma for the first time…you know after you pulled my memories out of my head….I spent months…months in pain during rehab…I could barely sleep…my legs, my arms hated being still and hated moving even more…”
She could feel herself start to tear up, but tried to push past it,
“And then there was the fact I had missed my Trials…I was put back a whole year because of it…Soryu helped me…but he was often away back then…I felt abandoned…alone in pain…”
She hadn’t planned to say this and it didn’t really follow where she had been heading, but she didn’t care about getting her story straight right now, she just wanted to be HEARD.
“And you know what they used to call me…Six-Credit-Sofa…cause everyone knew I’d make out with anyone for six credits…I was easy…cheap…all I wanted was someone to show me some affection and I was branded a slut.”
Her head dropped as she remembered how it all felt…and still did
“When I couldn’t sleep for the pain…I’d sit naked on the floor and press my sabre between my breasts…against my heart…just thinking how easy it would be to make it all go away…” now her tears came,
“Just one button…but I couldn’t even do that…a hundred times I’d sit there and I just couldn’t do it…I was a coward…I couldn’t face my life and I couldn’t end it either…”
The ship shuddered as it found a slightly safe spot between the gravity wells.
“But then I met someone new…someone who wasn’t like the other Jedi…wasn’t a stuck up know it all, didn’t treat me like a good time girl…guess who that was?” she kicked the back of his chair in frustration,
He was still focused on keeping them from being ripped apart by the cosmic forces about them…but in the force…the aether she could sense he was paying her a lot of attention.
“You think about that,” she added as she went back to the cabin.
<<<<>>>>
Milaea
“People Don’t Meditate” Kiraea had said amidst their other…activities…in the sacred caverns of Aephrodaea behind the waterfall.
“Why would you sit there just thinking, when you’ve got two good hands, the aether and the Goddesses most wonderful creation between your legs?”
Milaea had turned red as the ultra-dense Bloodstone the cavern was carved from.
“Just look at yourself, so beautiful I’m almost jealous! I can’t believe you do anything else!”
Still Milaea found some meditation useful and the small visions since – returning? - home were troubling…
By siding with the People despite what they had done on Coruscant, she had hoped she averted their becoming the Oblivion Army running rampant across the galaxy. Influencing them away from that path was the only way she could justify her choice to that part of her still infused with Jedi morality,
But Always in Motion is the future.
Something dark and violent teased her peripheral vision pushing toward the same outcome by different means. She’d had visions as long as she could remember, mostly of being Aethena, but ever since she had fully accepted that part of herself they had faded into occasional dreams.
Shifting into a more open position on the Gormin wool blanket the rush of Aephordaea’s Tears waterfall outside provided a soothing background noise. As a sacred space for women she was undressed, despite the alpine climate the cavern was warm, heated by small aetheric fires that tinged the Blood Red Stone a fleshy purple.
Milaea had to admit she found meditation too cerebral, the reason now was obvious. For the Aethan women connecting spirit mind and body required actions very inappropriate for a Jedi mediation classroom – Kiraea might not call it mediation but her sacred Rites had very similar results with a deep sense of contentment, presence in the current moment, expanded awareness and deepened connection to the Living force….she idly wondered what Soryu would make of such carnal methodologies.
Using a slow strokes of one of the many Rites Kiraea had shown her, her blood flow increased, pheromones wafting slowly to her nose. The increase in hormonal activity altered her brain chemistry making the meditation more…fertile…euphoric feelings reduced cognitive barriers and increased lateral thinking.
Connecting the thread of the sapphire crystalline shards of recent visions she followed them with closed eyes to an obsidian whorl of pain, loss…the Devastation…its jagged black shaded to bruised purple across every fractionally variant path in the lattice of potential futures…the Past could not be denied.
Near on the path was a splintering of glassy moments – painful topaz but not holding the same hopeless despair – something they could react to…
But how they reacted…Violence…death…ruby sheens of blood grew as stalactites from each edge upon ALL clustered coloured paths forward…unavoidable…some less bloody than others…only progressing along the path did it recede.
Twists in the geometry of the crystal lattice past this point were too complex too numerous - yet everything they did was magnified in the convex diamond glare of the future - their genetic, cognitive and aetheric superiority projected explosively onto monolithic edifices of fracturing quartz unrealized realities –like mercury it rippled out vast waves that spun knife fragments of ruby, each in turn yielding untold billions smaller shocks.
Brow furrowing as her hands worked faster she used the mounting pressure of her body to push down the metaphysical haze of the largest, most likely futures.
Red…dark…but not the Red of the Goddess…a Master of Red who twisted blood and bone - not as the People did…darker more selfish…working from oily shadows to corrupt.
Emerald, aflame almost white slowly turning sickly and dark consumed by emotions he should be able to deny at his age – his hubris became blindness.
Between them…the People in Midnight clad – both protagonist and puppet…so lost, pained -failure, guilt, inadequacy, hatred steeled their oblivion swords as they struck feelings outwards Others tried to manipulate their wrath for their own gain only for it to recoil and shatter them to chinks of sandy glass.
Three continental plates grinding against each other another – The sickly red, haunted green and light trapping black, lesser islands ground to dust between them before…
Golden red crashed and fell through the centre, an angel brought to earth with a sickening thud, through the cracks to reveal the shadow in the aether beneath – an emptiness not made of Oblivion Stone but punished flesh.
Her body reached its peak, eyes reopened a cavern lit red by energy arcing off her skin, sinking deep into the aether absorbent blood-stone.
With a cry she fell back into the rug, skin at once numb and over sensitive as her breasts heaved up and down - neither wiser nor consoled – only burdened by the futures she wished she hadn’t seen.
<<<<>>>>