Saber Forum

Simple.. keep the story going.. last poster leave an open end for the next person to continue...

The idea is to be crazy and goofy and ridiculous. Let's have fun.



Chuck Norris and Gandalf were investigating a crime in which Giant Kangaroo Space Banditos had...

Stolen the moon so that they could harvest it for cheese, in order to...

Make the faces on mount Rushmore audition to american idol to...

Prove that the enemies of safety are really good guys that love...

to eat snicker doodles on Saturdays because...

Godzilla ate all of the Twinkies, which resulted in World War III because...

...people wanted to gain weight, so...

So that they could float out to sea and be friends with...

Manatees...lightsaber wielding manatees with perfectly groomed, handlebar mustaches, who had planned to....

Take over the world! and they would have succeeded if it wasn't for....

Jack Bauer! Who became a master Jedi in under a day, because he....

Trained in the art of origami with Bruce Lee who could...

Speak to the giant kangaroo space banditos in a language that only...

they could understand, because...

the frog was orange and it ate...

all the space kangaroos, which then...

Colored 1000 pictures of...

Mudkipz, which resulted in everyone going insane, and people started rioting, which made the chicken cross the...

Frozen Canadian Arctic lands in search of glorious golden...

Vacuum of solitude that can only be used by the...

Prince of Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong Land, who rules over his people with an iron...

Crown with a veil of...

Fashionable blue hand-dyed silk which is totally in this season....

Of love that has developed through centuries...

since the death of the great walrus...

a new king of the North has risen to power...Nanook the master of polar bears would not rest until the murderer was found...

Fighting Ninja clams in the ...

Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong Land, alongside Deadpool, who got distracted when some random fan threw him a chimichanga filled with...

artificial mucus; specifically a batch named "misty green" created by...

President Grover Cleveland who was secretly not training...

Abeloth in the ways of the...

Fudge...

So that sweet stickiness can completely cover...

The awesomeness that is...

The I'll fated Platypus lord Duckface who made lots of...

babies, who...

Farted a symphony that brought great pleasure to the...

Kings of old whose hollow graves still inhabit...

The Valley of the Dark Lords on Korriban...

That holds the secrets of how to cook the perfect...

Munchkin whose brain has...

Been replaced with A roller coaster that was so...

inadequately baked that the frosting seemed...

Like the most beautiful thing that Michal Jackson had ever seen.

Then suddenly...

as if a spawn of the devil...

Music started to play....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS6DdBKmZRY#ws (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS6DdBKmZRY#ws)

So Deadpool goes insane and flies over to Japan, where he puts a mind-control device on Godzilla, then he brings him over to America, where Chuck Norris creates the original Megazord using duct tape, crazy glue, and steel beams, and the two mount up and fight each other, when suddenly...

a bunny and kitten and a puppy start to play together......
 

With knives and a shotgun that shoots antimatter. Then...

The gun went off and killed the antimatter. And chuck Norris and gandalf arrested the puppy for wreck less manslaughter. The world mourned the death of antimatter and then the universe...

exploded, after which...

Deadpool and Godzilla get married. Then they throw a party on what is left of Earth. But, out of the shadows comes...

the toothfairy king with his...

Entourage of cavity creeps all of which were ...

wielding toothbrushes with sharp, pointy spikes on the ends, as well as floss whips... OF DOOM. So Deadpool takes out his katana and...

Uses it as a tooth pick for Godzillas teeth and now, with clean teeth Godzilla is ...

turning into a bunny rabbit...

hopping through the forest....

Scooping up little field nice and bopping them on the head.

Then with a great crash...

The gates of Hell opened releasing many Demons, who began to....

eat the field mice...

Then they did the Harlem Shake, much to the dismay of...

Scooby and the Gang who were investigating...

The killing of the Batman by...

The world's largest poptart that was made ...

by bunny rabbit Godzilla...

Who was adopted by Alex trebeck and turd fugeson who were both attending

Game 7 of the NBA Finals...

Because they had nothing better to do. After the game, they both went...

To Narnia to meet up with the enemies of safety for drinks and...

SPOOOOOKY CRISPS! They fed the spoooky crisps to bunny rabbit Godzilla, but he is allergic to them, so...

he EXPLODED, scattering...

pink and white striped wrapping paper all over the city of...

Taris...

And there was much rejoicing... yay

...

But suddenly, giant space kangaroos from Mars arrive on Earth to destroy us all! They have machine gun turrets on their backs that are controlled by their minds, and they aren't afraid to use them! In order to defeat them, Obama has brought Velociraptors back from the dead, and trained bazooka-wielding pilots to ride them into battle...

And the velociraptors were also trained in yodeling and performed a live concert for...

Hilary Duff, who..

Learned a lot about music. So much in fact, she..

Became the worlds greatest Bull fighter and then...

Died in a plane crash when she was shot down by...

the Death Star...

Before it was blown up by SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Easter Bunny...

who were all crossdressing..

and were accompanied by a mysterious figure in a fur suit, who turned out to be...

Elvis and Micheal Jackson reincarnated as elfs and Michelf was standing on Elfis' shoulders to form the awesome crime fighting duo known as...

Gandalf and Chuck Norris! But then Saruman and Count Dooku came to face them in a battle of...

Yo Momma jokes...

which was won by none other than the philosoraptor who then proceded to unleash his vicious army of...

Teacup Chihuahuas armed with...

Poop guns....

but they all jammed...

And so they resorted to their backup weapons....

which were sticks tipped with...

sea urchins, which...

could fire their own needles at super sonic speeds to destroy...

The one ring of power, which was, as we found out actually...

was in a Cracker Jack box until Angelo found it. Mr. Raines now has the ring and intends to use it to...

summon an army of tribbles....

to defeat the evil monkey man and save the 9th dimension!

The 9th dimention is a silly place where Lego people dance and have merry song making. But they were suddenly sadly saddened by huge... tracts of land, that were...

Infested with worms that...

were held together with duct tape, so Aslan named them the tape worms. then the mighty lion roared and unleashed a glorious storm of...

masking tape worms, which...

began a desperate campaign to overcome the duct tape worms as the superior tape until their plans were foiled by...

Billy Dee Williams, who arrived just in time to...

Use his beautiful soothing voice to put them all to sleep. And when they were all asleep he took all their tape and wrapped them up into the worlds largest tape worm ball and put it in the middle of North Dakota attracting the attention of...

...a giant warrior race of space slugs...

...that carried spears of frozen lemonade...

...In order to bash in the skulls of the...

The wonder twins who finally...

transformed into tape worms, assimilated their bodies into the ball, and rolled it all the way to...

....to a giant catapult that is overlooking ...

Canterlot...

Which is about to be invaded by the evil alien monkey surfers because...

...garage bands need money! They afford bologna sandwiches or...

....or cheese sandwiches in an effort to..

...please the Sandwich Gods! They must do this every day, otherwise...

The deli deities would be furious and cast down giant hoagies and grinders to earth destroying...

All the tacos! Which would in turn cause a taco shortage, which would make..

The citizens riot..

...and it would make me very angry! I love fish tacos :( But they can have the rest of them! And so they threaten to destroy them all, including the burritos and...

the quesadillas...

...which angered the mexican food gods, who then....

Turned them all into nachos with cheese sauce...

...with chilli and jalapeños that

...was the most delicious thing the townspeople ever ate....

so they ate it all until they couldn't eat any more, so they rolled down the hill...

...and random Nokia phones started falling from the sky! A lot of innocent people died that day...

And rose up as Nokia zombies who only wished to play angry birds on their Nokia phones and...

...and you'd better watch out for when their batteries run dry because then they will be craving....

Chocolate! With hot sauce and lemons...

Which they will spoon into their mouths using their flattened thumbs!

The Nokia Zombies have a rival faction though, the........

...Samsung Galaxy Squadron! They have come to eradicate the Nokia Zombies by...

Hovering their hands over the screens of their phones and poking their S pens into the Zombies.....

....Which of course causes then to explode as soon as the pens hit the screen, they also...

launch the catapult full of worm balls upon the land, sending the Nokia Zombies into the depths of...

The deepest bowls of Jupiter where the worm balls then...

sucked out their brains...

Which tasted like...

...chicken....

Which tastes like...

...everything, except tofu...

And the Lords of Tofu laughed manically to the point of ...

getting hernias...

... and migranes, which then led to...

Them all going to get ice cream and milk shakes and then they got massive ice cream head aches and exploded all over the city thus ending the tyrannical rule of the Tofu Lords. And their rule was taken over by...

Darth Sidious, in his rubber chicken costume...

suddently, all the chickens around the world began to flock towards the spot where Darth Sidious appeared...

And KFC and POPEYES hired bounty hunters to get their chickens back, and they hired assassins to kill Darth Sidious to stop his chicken madness, only to find that...

...Sidious is craving chickens, so he eats them all! Soon, Sidious becomes so fat that he turns into a giant Katamari. He then proceeds to roll around, and...

And he smashes through KFC and steals their chicken Wings, Then...

He discovered bacon.

Man kind was doomed forever... but then saved by...

...flying mutant pigs from the planet pigtopia, they came to our rescue wielding...

Spider Pig, who made the most succulent bacon that Lord Sidious had ever tasted, sating his hunger, and he began to store his excess energy inside the Earth-sized diamond at the core of Jupiter, until the energy was detected by Unicron, who wanted to eat the energy, until he was thwarted by...

Billy Dee Williams, who returned to this thread yet again to save us all, exclaiming...

"And now, young Skywalker, you will die."

DUN! DUN! DUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

But just in time Skywalker was able to narrowly escape and fled to his home at Skywalker Ranch in California. Feeling safe for now he...

Started building a suit made of mandalorian iron and called him self mando-iron man! He then returned to fight sidious, who was now...

the mandarin, who used his evil powers to...

control the ponies, sending them to attack...

everyone who's name started with M from Mando Iron Man to Marilyn Monroe to Morgan Freeman, who narrated the battle up to and including the part when he was knocked unconscious by...

Rainbow Dash...

...who then engaged Nyan Cat in a fierce battle to the death, and the resulting carnage left double rainbows scattered all over the sky. This was grave news for...

the Death Eaters, as there was little room left for the Dark Mark, witch was their favorite effect on the 4th of July, even tho the organization was based in England, they appreciated the gall of the Americans, and anyone else that would stand up to the "lawful evil" of the establisment. just then, it occurred to them to make room in the sky by...

Shooting down all the UFOs...

which of course were piloted by Nazis with steam-punk technology and an iPad that formerly belonged to Morgan Freeman, who at that moment awoke and continued narrating the battle, which was suddenly stopped when the eye of Sauron commanded the Dark wizard Tyrranus to...

...DESTROY EVERYTHING. That is when Samuel L. Jackson knocked out Morgan Freeman, and began narrating the battle instead. His excessive use of colorful words starting with the letter "F" made everything...

Just get beeped out by the sensors....

which were pros seeing as they had beeped out every line ever uttered by every astromech ever...

...But the tenacity of Samuel L. Jackson won out in the end, and the censors were all destroyed...

by the power of a word starting with f...

FUDGE. :D

Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!

...and the utterance of that one simple word triggers a self-destruct sequence that will cause the Earth to implode. The only way to stop this from happening is...

Stop the white queen of Narnia from uttering the Deplorable Word by shooting her with Monkeys from the Monkey Gun that was wielded by the mighty...

Stan-the Janitor Man..

combining his powers with Tenacious D to form...

The Super Tenacious Janitor Megazord!

Until the worst happened...diarrhea struck! If only they hadn't eaten...

The monkey muffins that they were given by...

Pinkie Pie after she...

...got cancer from listening to Justin Bieber's new record...

...but then the doctors let her listen to Japanese rock music, and she was instantly cured. But then...

...Justin Bieber came to the hospital and EVERYONE got cancer....

...and that's when Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax rushed into the hospital, and used their music to turn Justin Bieber into a pile of mush. Everyone celebrated. Well, everyone except the janitor, who...

Was secretly Justin Beibers master. He was angry because he just lost his best dark apprentice and in his anger he caused...

the sun to blow up...

..which angered the Math Gods...

...so they decide to incite a rebellion. The Language Arts Gods descend from their English clouds to quell this uprising before it even begins. They use their ABC wands to...

...add letters to the Math God's code. And thus algebra was born.

...realizing what they had done, the Language Arts Gods attempt to destroy the horrible abomination that they have unleashed upon the world, but alas, it is too late. To this day, not a single person has been able to defeat the Algebra Demon. That is until...

The Angels of Home Economics caught wind of the situation and stepped in and smote the Algebra Demon with their spatulas and rolling pins. All of a sudden social studies and chem. demons showed up and whipped...

...out their textbooks....

...but the principal stepped up and banished them all to the Plains of Oblivion, where they were never heard from again. He then summoned the Music and Theatre Gods and charged them with the task of bringing peace and prosperity to the world. They accomplished this in a fortnight. All was well until...

Giant galactic giraffes opened the plains of oblivion and released the super space spiders and they wreaked havoc on everything! But before they could destroy the space spider time continuum they were confronted by...

...the Hagfish of Havok and cHaos, who were drawn into the battle by the smell of...

Funions.

But then a wild Snorlax appeared, and he ate all of the funions. He liked them so much that he then proceeded to eat up the world's supply of these tasty treats, thus causing a mass shortage, followed by a mass panic. Soon, the last funion on Earth was discovered, and chaos ensued as...

Tenacious D & the Decepticons began to battle over control of the last Funion

But sadly, in the middle of the chaos, the funion was crushed by Mr. Black, who ate the funion crumbs as soon as he could before anyone else noticed. By the time somebody did notice...

He had already eaten all of them, and gained his endless powers!

...And then he transformed into a dragon. 'Cause, you know, dragons are awesome...

...until he was slain by...

The Grand Galactic Inquisitor who only wanted to be ignored but the dragon wouldn't leave him alone because...

because pizza...

Was featured on Behind the Actors studio with James Lipton. Also Bagel Bites and hot pockets were there. But when James asked them the question about what do you want God to say to you, pizza, bagel bites, and hot pockets all...

...said it doesn't matter, he'll probably eat us anyway...

...which would give God such terrible indigestion that...

he will FART!! And you don't want to see what happens when God farts...

...because it has happened before. What do you think happened to all those poor dinosaurs? So you better watch out...

 ...I'm telling you why, Santa clause is coming to town. And we don't want that. Last time he did ...

There was pasta in the toilet, half the house was burned down, George was passed out in the pool, and you were dancing on the tables wearing the showgirl bikini that was never supposed to see the light of day. You klepto perv.

But that was perfectly alright because then...

Jammo showed up with a ton of rum infused gummy bears, exclaiming...

I HAVE THE POWER!!! And the power is Rummy bears. The party was off to a great start, there were taco fountains and chimicanga pinatas and Taquilla jelly bellys. But some one brought...

My gloriously inebriated father, who attracted the attention of Billy D Williams, who had been battling at the side of Will I Am against the narrative prowess of the Dynamic duo of Morgan Freeman and his assistant, Master Windu, who owed Mr. Williams a large sum of...

Girl Scout Cookies, which were hard to find because...

God ate them. But then he farted...

Again! It had such a devastating effect that the universe started over and the big bang as we know it was never a catastrophic event from whence everything came, but in fact the TV show from the very beginning of the universe. But in stead of people it was produced by Niblonians who were already...

part of the reason quarks have so many flavors, as they quickly grew tired of the same old protons and neutrons, but just then, Zaphod Beblebrox appeared in the Heart of Gold, hoping to find the Big Bang Burger Joint, but was disappointed to only find a Quark Salad, so disappointed in fact that he hired Boba Fett to go find him a decent Burger...

Which Boba promptly found at Dexter's Diner. The only problem was that...

the bun was actually a hiding orbalisk, which tryed to stick to Fett, but the armor was too thick...

so it wrote him a beautiful poem about missiles, lilacs, and monster trucks, thus they got married at the swamp in the blue dot by that one area in Super Metroid where...

legend said that there was a giant stash of Funions and Zebra cakes buryed by...

That had been mutated by radioactivity into killing machines. So then they got out and...

and bought every Men Without Hats CD on the planet because it was part of their plan to...

Build the largest collection of 1980's music ever. They also got Devo and Flock of Seagulls among others. But then David Bowie crashed the party with his Diamond Dogs and everything went...

up to 11 because it was an 80's party, damn it! but then...

A large group of minions crashed the party,

(http://www.geeksofdoom.com/GoD/img/2012/07/2012-07-23-the_minions-e1343093893354-533x465.jpg)

causing the party goers to...

to do the Macarena, which is so horrid and annoying that it caused the universe to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiBYM6g8Tck

Implode into an infinite never ending place where every image and video in the existence could be found.  There they found...

...a wanderer, to the man without a home, a lonely god...

Who showed them this!

(http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4868733053568236&pid=1.7)

And it was so AWESOME that the entire universe came back and then it...

brought forth every internet meme ever created. The memes took a vote and decided to...

Take a vote to see what the best meme ever was. The winner was...

Luke Skywalker, who...

took out his lightsaber and....

sliced the pizza. There wasn't enough for everyone however, so...

Luke used the force to make more pizza and he turned the water into beer. He also used the force to create the funkiest party ever. Cool and the Gang showed up and

Began doing there usual set, before getting on the subspace transceiver and calling up figrin d'an and the modal nodes to come over for a Jam session. They arrived, and then.....

(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpmaeaazPn1qbhfrso1_500.jpg)

Luke immediately killed them for sucking, which lead to...

...A special appearance from Boba Fett, who had improvised a spectacular last minute improvised skit, that would surely make the crowd go...

completely insane, at witch point the entire congrigation performed a mind meld and created the Star Forge, so a fleet of Rakata warships came to...

Bring the bean dip that had been lacking, which cause everything to...

Disintegrate into 500 billion pieces. The Rakata enslaved everyone at the party but who should come to the rescue, none other than...

George Carlin, with his enchanting cheer about...

Fabric softener and Laundry soap. The Rakata so enthralled by the idea of clean laundry captured George Carlin and took him to the nearest Target store so they could buy all the laundry soap. While they were there they also bought some kick ass starwars shirts and...

Toy Light sabers and lots of Star wars Legos. They were angry to learn there weren't any sets featuring them, the Rakata. After they went home, they beat each other stupid with the light sabers and lost some of the Lego parts, the young ones ate most of them. Then they washed their new T Shirts in their new Target brand, George Carlin recommended fabric softener. All was great until...

Somebody decided to start double-posting. Seriously, the nerve of some people is truly...

jellybean inducing. So all the Rakata were eaten by the jellybeans, which caused....

Raging hurricanes of Jellybean goo all over the planet. The Rakata were gone but the goo was here to stay forever. Lucky for us though...

Double posting is just fine and no one really cares. The goo was cleaned up by large Flying Colossal Squid that came from...

The dark side of the moon; which is really, really odd when you...

Consider that Pink Floyd never intended for that to happen from their album... but who knows, maybe they did. They did intend however for...

Billy Dee Williams to return once again to this thread and exclaim...

"Let them eat cake!"
at which point an enormous cake of red velvet in the shape of Serj Tankian in full Ven Zallow style Jedi armor and a fleet of devil's food star destroyers fell from the sky and there was much merriment until...

The land of Chewandswallow was attacked by ATAT's made of giant waffles and pickles. The rebels put up a good fight with their mashed potatoes speeders but in the end they were crushed and their base on Chewandswallow was crushed by the...

Daleks, who were under the control of...

The eye of Sauron, who had charged the Daleks with finding his lost contact lens, which had been lost when...

Chuck Norris slapped him on the back of the head. Little did we realize that it was infact Chuck Norris that destroyed Sauron, not Frodo. Frodo was too buisy with...

the decadent fleet of cakes, which had been filled with thermal detonators because Mr. Williams got tired of...

Everyone's bull hockey....

This, of course, incited the wrath of...

Willy Wonka and his vast army of loyal bloodthirsty Oompa Loompa mercenaries who invaded the Jelly Belly factory and...

Demanded that Billy Dee Williams give him the secret to...

The Crabby Patty Formula, which could...

Eventually lead to the creation of a new race of colossal killer tardigrades that came from the seventh dimention of space and time. They were horrible and impossible to kill! The only way to destroy them was...

to feed furby after midnight and unleash the power of...

EXCALIBUR, wielded by Bugs Bunny who in his spare time...

had been practicing his Vapaad in order to defeat...

Hoardes of evil clowns, who had sworn their allegiance to...

Richard Simmons and his sidekick Billy Blanks who captured thousands of victims and forced them to work out to recordings of finger nails of chalkboards and steak knives on plates. Many of them parishes but some were brainwashed and joined the hoards of evil clowns. They then invaded...

New York... home of the New York Jedi! Who were...

Just waking up from an afternoon nap, where they had been dreaming of…

Killer death clowns controlled by Richard Simmons! To their horror their dreams became a reality and they were forced to take action. The quick thinking of the crew at Ultrasabers provided the New York Jedi with some of the finest weapons  in the galaxy.  The NYJ were kicking ass until...

They slipped on banana peels left by a go-carting yoshi, who was chasing after...

Vixus PriX, because he used his ancient evil magic to resurrect this thread. PriX proved elusive, however, as he was riding in a high-tech shopping cart powered by a...

(I want this one) Energon harvested from...
:P

an elephant's butt, which doubled as a secret tunnel to...

The 738th dimention where all things looked like they were in a Dahli painting but painted by Picasso. Vixus was safe from the evil hoards of death clowns but then...

The Decepticons teamed up with the Replicators to

Eat some blueberry pie, then...

They all went to Ikea, where they found this really cool...

DEMON-POSSESSED CHAIR, which then proceeded to eat up all the other furniture in the store, because...

it was hungry for...

Blue Suede Shoes but Elvis was too busy...

Having an awesome party with Jim Morrison, Kieth Moon, Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, Micheal Jackson, John Bonham, Kurt Kobain and Freddy Mercury. But the party was shortly crashed by...

Miley Cyrus. And as soon as she walked into the building, all the other guys and gals turned to her and were all like

(http://oi50.tinypic.com/2eur6tv.jpg)

so Miley turned and left. And then...

Started her own party. When the guys from One Direction asked where Justin Beiber was at at she took off her disguise and yelled Surprise! I'm the same person! This was followed by Jessica Simpson who turned out to actually be Ashton Kutcher and many other followed. The most surprising however was...

Tiger Woods and his mistress....

Who were arrested for...

Streaking through the quad then to the gymnasium with Will Ferrell....

hogtied between them, soaking in...

Dr. Pepper, Heineken, and BBQ sauce....

Until a wild Gary Bucey appeared, followed by Indigo Montoya shouting...

French profanities from the back of a...

Bat Mobile!
(http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090609183448/batman/images/8/80/1960%27s_TV_BAtmobile_01.jpg)
being driven by...

Mark Walhberg (which actually happened in the movie "Rock Star" in 2001). Unfortunately, Mark was pulled over for being under the influence of...

Mind altering Dubstep created by Darth Skrillex trying to control the minds of youth to create an army against...

The United Alliance of METAL! \m/

So in order to combat this threat, specially designed guitar and bass amps were created, which would invoke the power of METAL \m/ to create sonic projectiles that would launch themselves through the amps whenever a member of The United Alliance of METAL! \m/ plays a power chord, and whenever they shred a guitar solo, those sonic projectiles come out in rapid-fire succession, and when they pull on the whammy bar...

At the same time that the BA55 drops, the destruction was equivalent to the Mass Shadow Generator, creating the Second Coming of Darth Nihlus! Who proceeded to...

NO, you ruined it!

And now I am too...

Fine.


Fight Godzilla, who...

Apeared again in this story. He was so Furious that Hobbit was ruined! He then marched across the ocean to middle earth to find the ruiner of Hobbit. Godzilla then met Nihilus in a match of a game of...

Curling. Godzilla won, so.....

Godzilla won the right to remain in this story as the biggest scariest monster and Nihilus had to leave forever. Right as he was about to...
 

Go to Burger King, Mothra flew in and was all like...

Surprise Nihilus!
And Mothra dropped Rockso the Clown upon the Burger King parking lot to sing the praises of...

Onion Rings dipped in...

The blood of...

virgin flamangoes, thus creating...

A vortex sucking everything back into the 738th dimention! When the vortex finally closed none recognized anything except...

Tom Selek, however his mustache had also been destroyed. Fortunately...

He used his super Tom Selek powers to regrow it in 2 seconds. Chuck Norris's chin caught wind of this and immediately went after Tom Selek's moustache, hoping to steal its magic regrowing powers. When Chuck's chin finally caught Toms muostache...

He realised it was actually Mario's moustache, and felt

Thirsty. Fortunately, Billy Dee Williams returned to the thread with a truckload of Colt .45 and everyone started to...

Shoot wildly in the air! AHAHAHAHA!!! Then, when they ran out of ammo, they had to resort to...

Using lightsabers which they found in...

The basement at Rancho Obi-Wan, which had been abandoned after the Cylon invasion of...

Gallifrey, which sounds unusual until you realize that...

Galifrey has all the best electricity due to...

Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. But, this stuff caused...

A shift in the space-time continuum...

Which led to Bill and Ted stealing the TARDIS by mistake which caused...

Torchwood to become involved. Jack Harkness decided that the best course of action was to...

Get buried in concrete. Understandably, Rose was...

Thuroughly entertained due to her state of inebriation caused by mead brewed with...

Glistening Melon. But, the Melon had been...

Laced with small shards of kryptonite, so Superman...

had to take a call in the next room, while business was taken care of by...

Deathstroke, who then proceeded to kill everyone on the planet...

Namek, when Frieza got terribly jealous, so he...

Appeared in this story so that he, Freiza could destroy all of the Heata's on earth... but he was stopped by ...

Snoop Lion, with the Bong of a Destiny that he borrowed from Jack Black in return for...

a recipe for Funions, that he was still obsessing over from earlier in the thread. Meanwhile...

At the Legion of Doom, plans were afoot to build an army of killer...

Spork-wielding chimpanzee astronaut ninja samurai pirate knight super saiyan robot thingies that...

sounded really cool but weren't actually any of those things, so the Lizard Space Pope had to...

Enact a galaxy wide mandate that all lizard space God worshippers must pay higher taxes in the form of...

Six month old Doritos. But large quantities of these were scarce, so a backup plan was put in place to . .

which required everyone to stand on their heads and do the hokey-pokey for 16 hours...

Needless to say, all were tired by the end of the first hour, but they were reinvigorated when...

the pizza delivery guy showed up with...

Chinese food and fried chicken. He was immediately fired. When this happened, the pizza delivery guy immediately grew to 500x his size and to everyone's horror, he was actually Godzilla's crazy uncle Frankzilla. Frankzilla then made everyone sit down in the living room to watch countless hours of...

Pokemon. This made everybody very...

ANGRY, 'CAUSE POKEMON AIN'T COOL NO MORE. This harsh statement was shouted by...

Bender Rodriguez, who then drew the sword that he stole from that shapeshiftin prince and began ...

singing folk music due to the...

Super magnetic field emitted by Frankzilla's teeth. The super magnetic field was so strong it pulled down the Starship Enterprise and when it crashed down on the house it left...

A message, saying "POKEMON IS ALWAYS AND WILL ALWAYS BE COOL!" The effect this had on...

the rest of the galaxy was miniscule, as only the people of Earth understood this bizarre card game, everyone else was too busy...

Playing the much more awesome video games on their...

wii-box-stations. But with so much Awesome gaming power, they had a tendancy to explode! causing . .

Radioactive fall-out with the effect-radius the size of an apple... that when in contact with it, a person will...

cause spontaneous singing of "What Does the Fox Say" by Ylvis, which leads to...

the Earth to become divided between those who liked the song, and those that didn't. An epic war ensued, but ultimately...

people fell from either side at an equal rate, so they chose a single person to fight for their side. the representatives were...

William Shatner and Patrick Stewart, though due to prior commitments they were unable to attend, so instead the honors fell to Carrot Top and Lewis Black, who then...

chickened out, and resorted to namecalling. It was such a disappointment that every went home to bed, forgetting that in the morning...

was 5/4/14, a day that couldn't be forgotten, therefore causing a rift in...

The region of Kanto. Kanto was...

A male prostitute who sidelined as a pizza delivery guy named Chuck with a transforming bicycle that became...

A Borg Cube whenever someone sang and danced the Macarena. Unfortunately Chuck met his ultimate demise when two rival street gangs had a dance off and one gang chose the macarena as their dance. Chuck was killed as his bike transformed and having witnessed the whole thing, the two rival street gangs...

Swore a vow of silence in memory of Chuck that they would only break if...

Jack Black gave them some of his Funion, however...

The Funion recipe was stolen my Gary Bucy, leading an army of Dethklok fans angry about...

Giant killer pengiuns from the Dunes of Arakus. They were always angry about that though. The Dethklok fans then set out to invade the Harkonen palace and make things right again when...
 

They were set upon by Cthulhu's Viking army erupting from the sea with a cry of...

One million kazoos! The discordant and unbearable kazoo noises caused both of the armies to immediately turn to...

Cross-dressing, which caught the attention of Elmer Fudd, who exclaimed...

"FUDGE!!" Meanwhile . .

On Ilum, the sacred plant had been discovered by (insert evil organization here ((Hutts, Sith, etc.)))...

the creators of Angry Birds. Using the Sacred Plant, they bought the rights to Candy Crush in order to monopolise the Phone-to-Facebook gaming niche and brainwash the world of 'gamers', however...

The gamers were totally done with those games they were back to playing board games, Apples to Apples was a popular one, as well as Mousetrap. Monopoly was retired for good, everyone was just sick of it. But then some guy invented a new game called...

Rock Paper Scissor Lizard Spock...
1. Scissors cuts Paper

2. Paper covers Rock

3. Rock crushes Lizard

4. Lizard poisons Spock

5. Spock smashes Scissors

6. Scissors decapitates Lizard

7. Lizard eats Paper

8. Paper disproves Spock

9. Spock vaporizes Rock

10. Rock crushes Scissors

which led to...

a shortage of lizards, due to them all being crushed under rocks. However Lenard Nimoy had a steady gig, despite all the morphine he needed from the lizard poison, and was so content he decided to...

make a barbie hut for other distressed lizards to relax between rounds. the barbie house was made of...

Pokéballs, but the round shape of them made the house quite unstable. This made the lizards...

TURN INTO FREAKING DRAGONS. And those dragons flew off into the sunset to join their brothers and sisters on the battlefields of...

Hoth. The Dragon lizard things were engaged in a fierce battle with a group of Wampa, which...

Resulted in the death of all the Dragons and Wampas. They all died and went to Dragon/Wampa Valhalla where they continued the battle for eternity. The whole thing was witnessed by...

Jack Black, Kyle Gass and Snoop Lion, who had acquired the Sacred Plant, the BoD and the Funion recipe in a Holy Trinity to bring more Energon to Cybertron, but they were interrupted by the Decepticons who had joined forces with...

The Teletubbies, who now demanded that...

The creepy hoover thing leave them, as it was scaring...

their audience away. But the people fled for good reason, because...

A heard of raging Ultralisks were on their way through, and destroyed everything in their path! Nothing could stop them not even...

Bob the Janitor and his mop of infinite cleanliness, which he used to...

defeat Madam Grime in the Great Septic War  of '03. Since his triumphant victory, Bob has...

Decided that he wants to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is his real test. To train them is his cause. He will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each Pokemon to understand... THE POWER THAT'S INSIDE. And as he sang these lyrics rather loudly to himself in the shower, just before heading out for what was sure to be a grand Pokemon journey, he...

When suddenly, he slipped on a puddle and had to be rushed to the emergency room, where...

He was thrown out his hospital bed and down into a very deep chasm to the center of the Earth. Along the way down he was attacked and eaten by Balrogs and Dragons. At the bottom of the chasm was a mysterious world where no one had been before. There Bob found...

nothing, because he had been eaten already. Instead, Timmy found...

Lava, lots and lots of molten hot lava, Timmy's demise was witnessed by Billy, who then...

Found the secret to the universe. It was...

sad, and Billy plotted to destroy all evidence of its existence, by recruiting ...

Daleks! But The Daleks were plotting against Billy and wanted to destroy the Universe without him, so they...

Disintergrated Billy in a volley or energy blasts! However this made the Lava unstable, and caused it to erupt through a local Volcano! Half melted Daleks were Strewn across the landscape. The area's Farming comunites were . .

overjoyed to have the resources to make enough Dalek burgers for the next 20 years. Sadly...

The Dalek burgers, when consumed, would transform the farmers into sushi. Godzilla, having sensed this, decided to eat all the sushi farmers. And he did. But he became so fat that he exploded, and caused a...

Tectonic shift so powerful that Earth would have been turned inside-out if not for...

magnets! Big magnets, small magnets; magnets, how does it work? Nobody knows, and nobody cares because it diverted disaster. However, another evil was brewing...

Godzilla's crazy uncle Frankzilla returned! He ate all the Magnets and what had remained of the Dalek burgers. He then got such raging acid reflux that he too exploded in a giant ball of...

confetti, and there was much rejoicing... meanwhile, Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table had encountered the old man from scene 23, who bade them to answer his questions three...

"What is your name?
"What is your quest?
"What is your favourite colour?"

And the knight replied in alphabetical order...

The correct answers. Arthur then asked the old man these questions three...

What is the number value of YellowPurple*TexAlabaMontanAlaska+TurkeyGator?

When does Blurbsday occur each week?

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

To which of course he replies

01011001 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 01010000 01110101 01110010 01110000 01101100 01100101 00101010 01010100 01100101 01111000 01000001 01101100 01100001 01100010 01100001 01001101 01101111 01101110 01110100 01100001 01101110 01000001 01101100 01100001 01110011 01101011 01100001 00101011 01010100 01110101 01110010 01101011 01100101 01111001 01000111 01100001 01110100 01101111 01110010

Whenever

And

Anything commanded by the Great Prophet Zarquon!

But of course they were all the wrong answers and the old man was cast into the pit of eternal peril!

The correct answers were...

Written on the back of a stamp that the

Commander of the Intergalactic House of Waffles had mailed to his girlfriend Ilene on Valentine's Day in nineteen dickity-two, right before the battle of...

Sesame Street but the stamp got lost in the mail and the letter that the commander of the intergalactic house of waffles posted contained

the secret recipe of their arch nemesis, the Transdimensional Villa of Pancakes! The secret recipe would...

Allow for peace in the transdimensional universe by having a giant Tea Party but

 somehow The Never Ending Saberforum Story ended... which isn't possible, therefore causing the galaxy to have to reboot in an violent way, causing...

Fling space midget sheep to

give birth to ...

Santa Claus who would...

beget the nation of…

Kraplakistan into giving up a nuclear warhead to Doctor Evil, who planned to use it to further his plans to...

Unblock his toilet but then realized...

he wasn't actually flushing. The sanitation department was called in and they …

Did nothing, as government employees often do. This enraged the...

Mighty Sarlac and he climbed out of his hole on Tatooine and flew away so he could teach the sanitation dept. a lesson in safety and responsibility. When he got there he ate everyone, forgetting that...

It was a Sunday which is a day of rest the Mighty Sarlac was so depressed he then....

Watched the Hunger Games which is almost depressing as...

Twilight. Fortunately, Billy Dee Williams returned once again to save The Never Ending Saberforum Story Game, exclaiming...

in a tone of pure contrabass, with a timbre that could melt rainbows...

That "In a world... full of windmills... one windmill will rise above the others and gain ULTIMATE POWER!" *background orchestral music reaches crescendo, abruptly stops, then picks up again along with some choir action, while Michael Bay explosions fill the entire friggin' screen* Then, in the audience, some guy...

And his two robots sat up front and constantly added their hilarious commentary. The movie was going great until one of the robots got bored and started to go on a killing spree. Billy dee Williams intervened and put a stop to the robots fury with a...

Ice cold Colt 45.  He then began to expound on the virtues of being Lando Calirissian to anyone who would listen, as well as...

Buying drinks and attracting the attention of attractive beings, until the overflow of affectionate drunkards was channelled toward...

Chuck and Gandalf who by now....

Were so inebriated that they began to sing a drinking song, but the lyrics became an Incantation so powerful that they accidentally summoned Cthulhu! There was by now only one hope left...

geriatric Han Solo, who was the designated driver. Solo pulled out his comlink and hailed Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon to...

Go pick up some burgers at In N Out for everyone. Chewie of course obliged, but when he got to the order box, the employees didn't speak wookie. Chewie was so angry that he...

Got Cthulhu to eat the entire In n out franchise...

Including the building and employees. It was a sad day indeed, for that town lost its favorite burger place.  All the teens had to then go to...

School, because this in fact happened on a Thursday night, which is a school night in most galaxies, thankfully Thursday gave way to Friday, which meant...

Blurbsday was next and all the teens would then go to...

The sock-hop at Adam West's house, which was going well until...

He came home to find a ton of teens at his house. He put on his Batman outfit and kicked all the teens out of his house. Then they had to go to...

Bill Murray's house, but they forgot, he was killed during the Zombieland Apocalypse of 2009, so instead they all...

Went for a walk and on that walk they found a yellow brick road which lead them to...

Narnia where they found collosal...

Butt cheeks and as they consumed the power of the butt cheeks it enabled them with...

THE FEROCIOUS POWER METAL POWAHS OF DRAGONFORCE!!! They used these powers to make glorious metal music that awakened ancient dragons from their centuries-long slumber, and this caused a new war: World War D. This...

Was not good for the munchkin's of the lollipop guild as they had never seen Dragons before so to be caught up in world war D was a bit unfair to them but...

with the power of the One Ring ...

They transformed from normal looking munchkins to shriveled up nasty looking Gollum munkins which are 100x worse than...

that feeling that you get when you have to speak in front of an audience and you have no idea what they want you to say. Yeah, that feeling. Anyway, the Gollum-munchkins...

United as one, and fought to take back earth from the mighty dragons, but they were hopelessly outnumbered. All hope seemed lost until the original Megazord came charging in on the back of Godzilla. Joining them were Optimus Prime (who rode on Mothra), and Chuck Norris, who rode on a donkey. But then he sang to the donkey, turning it into a mighty winged Pegasus with double rainbows shooting out of it's butt. Together, they helped turn the tide of war, and...

Unintentionally ended up with a No. 1 single called "Chuck Serenade a Donkey, who becomes a Pegasus", this received world wide acclaim! The Fans were clamouring for . .

Chuck to come back and perform an encor but chuck had better things to do like clean up the mess of earth. Meanwhile while he was cleaning he unintentionally created yet another number 1 hit called "chuck: the Mr clean of earth" because of this the fans were satisfied that they got an encore despite chucks best efforts. The fans were so happy they...

erected a statue in honour of …

Billy Dee Williams in honor of him saving The Never Ending Saberforum Story Game many times. The statue was made of...

Machine guns and pit bulls so that earth would never be defenseless again. Billy Dee Williams was very pleased with his statue but chuck Norris was mad because this was supposed to be his statue. Angry about this Chuck went to...

Moraband and insisted it's name is really Korriban, because he too was a true Star Wars Fan and knew that the new movies had no business changing the past like this.  Meanwhile Juan Solo and his Nookie sidekick Moobacca...

Visited Moobacca's homeworld of Baa-shyyyk and found...

The holy grail! Arthur and his knights got wind of this and got there as soon as they could. But only having Coconuts for mounts, it took them a really long time to get there. Meanwhile...

At the Legion of Doom...

And the Hall of Justice...

Matman was chatting to Aqueous man about...

The latest plot of the Decievodroids...

Which involved, a potatoe, a cattle prod, and a cybernetic Nun . .

A waterbed, a medieval suit of armor, a giant squid...

And the entire cast of Farscape which lead them to use...

an amulet that they found buried deep in their attic to ...

Reserect the ancient lord of...

Garfield, who immediately went to sleep causing...

The Big Snooze in which ...

Prowl 1701 finally got enough sleep, which caused him to...

come up with a good follow up to this post. What he said was ...

That Hobbie was much better at these things, so Hobbie posted instead. The post was so illiterate and obscene that the internet crashed for everyone involved. This led to...

A vortex in time and space that warped everything back into the 738th dimention once again. This time it rained burritos and fried twinkies... I swear we're back in Chewandswallow... then all of a sudden the empire attacked with ATAT'S made of french toast and bacon. The rebel forces held them off with their icecream speeders but it was too much...

tooth decay for the dentists to handle, so with the assistance of...

Doctor Emmet Brown and his trusty time travelling Delorian, created a new vortex to undo the changes of the previous one, reverting the 738th dimesion back to some form of normality (As if that's even possible in this thread :P ) The changes made an impact by immediately  . .

Turning everyone into bacon-wielding jars of nutella. This...

made the dentist cry. They threw down their drills and walked off into the sunset. Everyone else was so delicious that ...

They ate each other. Aliens watched from above, and were so deeply perplexed that they...

just had to have a taste! They came down and began to ...

Nibble and munch until Deceptae reverted to his more violent Zabrak form and hit the alien leaders with so much Force lightning that...

They had to turn to Chuck Norris for help. He went up to Deceptae and...

Was immediately cast away by the awesome power of Tenacious D who were merely opening for...

K.I.S.S. ! They Rocked out like no Rock had ever been Rocked before! The sheer Epicness of Rock caused . .

A shiny demon to shine in the middle of the road, and he said...

"Plaaaay the Greatist song in the world! and I will give you cookies! . . " Amazed they . .

Completely forgot the greatest song ever and instead were forced to play a tribute to the greatest song ever, this really pissed off the demon, which made him...

eat Jack Black's Funion recipe, given to him earlier in the thread. With Funions well and truly gone for good ...

The only hope was to just sort of walk into Mordor and politely ask Sauron for the legendary Funion Scroll, but in return he asked for...

Justin Bieber, who was turned over to Sauron without a whole lot of questions. Little did we know that Sauron was going turn Bieber into...

A Psudo-Metro-Diva the likes of which had not been seen since...

the last one, the one everyone had purged from historical and living memory because it was just that bad. Continuing on, Sauron...

Then decided he didn't like this pseudo diva abomination and he gathered all his failed horror creature experiments including this diva thing, into one collossal hulking beast bigger than the titanic, and released it into ...

Japan, but thankfully it was Godzilla's day to destroy Tokyo, so he was already there and decided this abomination must die via radioactive flame breath and sweet kung fu moves, Godzilla was victorious and decided to...

Take his show on the road. He started by destroying...

Mordor and the shire. But he restored Gondolin back to its former glory. This made the elves so happy that they...

Died. Back on earth, New York became the singularity point in which literally every sci-fi universe converged. This created the most insane and mind-blowing war Earth had ever known, and because they were still rebuilding from World War D, earth's citizens...

Hid in the subways and hoped the Avengers would Assemble! like the last time they were needed, because they have a Hulk, and the world could always use more Hulk, except when it doesn't, then it really needs...

A Nap! Everybody always feels better after a Nap! or Siesta?! whichever you prefer? So after a brief Naptime . .

Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mousilini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Gienie, Robocob, Terminater, Capitain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill, Ted, Spock, Dwane Jonson, Dr. Octavious, and Hulk Hogan all appeared..

They all came out of nowhere lightning fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass. It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw, with civilians looking on in total awe. And the fight raged on for a century. Many lives were claimed, but eventually the champion stood. The rest saw their better: Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater. This is...

Sparta! At least, that's what he yelled when he kicked all of his vanquished foes into a...

gaping pit, because we all know that the cliché must be completed. Back at the centre of the Earth, these mighty fallen heros...

Were consumed as fuel by the Earth. The Earth had been planning this the whole time! And finally it was time for the earth's diabolical plan to come to fruition. With the super fuel it received from all of Mankind's mightiest heroes, Earth broke free of its gravitational hold and went to go kick Mars's red butt. However when it got there...

Mars was no where to be found, it turns out Mars had this thing for Venus and Earth had always been in the way, so as soon as Earth left, Mars moved into it's spot to start trying to get Venus' attention by...

Showing her his vast collection of heart-shaped rocks, but Venus was more interested in Jupiter, so she completely ignored Mars until...

Venus realized that Jupiter was already married to Saturn. Jupiter gave Saturn one bigass blingin wedding ring and Venus was sad and then went after the sun. But the sun...

Was off flirting with the moon. So Venus got really depressed and went over to Mercury...

and discussed the original G1 Transformers cartoon, which lead to...

Venus getting bored quickly with the conversation and left the solar system for good. Venus was off to try to find...

Steve Harvey because his mustache is just so...

robust, and Venus thought that the robust moustache would...

would make a great conversationalist so naturally Venus wanted too...

Discuss taking over the 738th dimension from earlier in the thread, so they opened a portal and walked throough, where...

All of a sudden... they were turned into a Steve Harvey and the planet Venus sized Jello Molds. Then The Venus Jello consumed the Steve Harvey jello because he wasn't as interesting as Venus had hoped. But he was Strawberry flavored and Venus liked that. So now in the 738th dimention a giant planet sized Jello mold was floating around and...

accidentally found a perfectly round potato. And we all know what happens when Jello and potatoes mix, they ....

Seal the deal and give birth to these little things called jellatoes, which are potatoes covered in jello. This...

was gross, and nobody wanted that. So the 738th dimension was sealed, then destroyed leaving a nothing between dimension 737 and 379, except a ...

Huge vortex that consumed everything in a near proximity. It sucked everything into the 856th dimention! This time jello and potatoes made perfect snacks. And to everyone's surprise...

Jellatoes made a huge comeback. In fact, they became more popular than even bacon or nutella. This made the fanatics very angry, so they...

Gathered them up and Destroyed Them! Because nothing can be better than Bacon or Nutella! EVER! The Fanatics rejoiced at the Great Purge! But they had forgotten about . .

The ever-reliable food sources known across the many dimensions as Chinese take-out and Japanese Ramen. These two powerful forces united to take down the Bacon and Nutella! Their plan was to...

Ultimately Fail however! Because  . . "You DO not underestimate the POWER of BACON!! . . or Nutella . ." and a New Civil war broke out between these two powerhouses of opposing food courts! This battle raged on for Years! until . .

The Korean BBQ pimp-slapped everyone, including the Bacon and Nutella, and took over as the one supreme food source. But then the KFC across the street was like, "AW HELL NAW!", so they prepared for retaliation. Meanwhile, the Australian food was like, "WTF, mate?", and the Mexican food was screaming at the top of their lungs, saying, "BURRITO POWER!" Many other food stuffs joined in, thus resulting in the most epic food fight since the great Pizza/Hot Dog wars of 1989. Anyway...

Back in the 711th dimension, things were a little screwed up due to . .

multiple adjacent dimensional collapses, or MADiCs. There was a frenzy to escape the dimension before the wave of MADiCs reached D-711. So with the help of GLaDOS ...

the 856th Dimension gave way to the Fast Food Franchise wars, in which all restaurants were defeated and forced to become Taco Bell's.  This made Dennis Leary angry and he had several rants about it and went into the San Angelas Underground to search for non-gassy foods, this made Raymond Cocteu thaw out Simon Phoenix, which made the police department thaw out John Spartan, which in turn led to...

Re-casting Sandra Bullock because they could not afford her ridiculous salary (since she's an A-lister now). They auditioned many actresses, but settled on...

Amanda Cosgrove who decided that she wanted to play opposite Ben Stiller, but Ben was hiding in the Tunisian desert, having changed his name to Kenobi and tried to scrape out a living...

By opening a Banther washing service for sand people but they weren't happy about the price he was charging so they came to a compromise by....

Kidnapping Ben Stiller/Kenobi and holding him ransom for $1million dollars! But Hollywood just laughed at them. The kidnappers then...

Fled into the dessert, even though no one was chasing them... they got very lost because the maps they were given were really just sheets of 400grit sand paper, upon discovering this they all...

(That's the funniest goshdamn thing I've read all week!)

They all ... went back to the future! Where they found...

(Seriously, point for sandpaper)

An all-powerful demon-overlord making war against a single samurai with a magic sword, but little did the demon-lord know...

That Earth had summoned the lone marine you play as in the Doom games. He brought with him his rocket launcher, double barreled shot gun and the BFG and toasted the demon lord! The single samurai was so impressed with the marine that he...

Gave him the name "Arnold Schwarzenegger", and sent him back into the 1980's to...

kill the real Schwarzenegger and take his roll as the Terminator to gather all their current time travel technology to ...

Prevent George Lucas' father from having a vasectomy done! The mission was a success only the Butterfly Effect lead to the deaths of a number of great artists to be, and an established artist: Douglas Adams, and this in turn lead to the birth of...

science fiction that wasn't based in just getting a laugh. Everyone was happy, until ...

The prism on the dark side of the moon exploded creating ...

A Moon with a big hole in it?! Duh?!! This however caused the Tides of local planets to go NUTZ! The scientific community then sprang into action! (insert personal "springing action" here ) They devised a plan to . .

Build a new moon! Only the new moon would be mobile, and capable of housing millions of people, and it would be a support structure for a giant Railgun that could fire electrified tungstein projectiles at relativistic speeds to protect against...

The giant space kangaroo banditos mentioned at the beginning of the never ending saber forum story game! They were hideous monsters who were totally relentless. But fortunately for earth the "new moon" wasn't a moon but a space station! And it used its high tech rail gun to blast the space kangaroo banditos into...

Teeny Tiny Bits! But eventually, after much blasting Banditos, the area around the space station was so clogged up with floating bits?! That they couldn't get a lock on anything?!! To fix this they employed . .

Hundreds of hungry mynocks, who fed upon the kangaroo bits until they were gone, at which point the mynocks were fed to tailrings who were then sold at the spaceport over Neptune at a great profit to...

Repay the debts the entire population of the mobile moon owed to ...

the previous moon, who spent all the money on hospital charges, because it was uninsured due to the last catastrophe, after which the insurance company was all "Nu-uuuh! We ain't gunna insure yo big cheese-face no mo!", and tore up the contract. After sixteen months of physical therapy, the moon was back and fighting, and challenged the insurance agencies of the world to a tourney of ...

Quiddich. This of course was simply ridiculous for the Mobil moon station to even suggest seeing as how the MMS was just too massive to catch the flying golden thing. Or even ride on the brooms. The Insurance companies won by default at their opponents own game. This caused the MMS to get so furious that they...

Threatened to launch a carpet bombing run against Wall Street, but their plans were thwarted by none other than the trifecta of awesome made up of Adam West, Sam Jackson and Billy D. Williams, who by now had purchased a vacation home in this thread from...

Gandalf, who in his spare time owned a summer home in Gondor, but due to recent activity with something about destroying some ring or something, he just couldn't keep up with it so he decided to sell it. Billy Dee was so happy that he...

offered to buy the next round at the pub. All was going well until Patrick Stewart wanted to do shots of ...

Some kind of liquored up green jello off of his favorite shipmate from the Enterprise...

Data!  Who kept insisting this is not what he meant when he told Tasha he was fully functional.  Instead they just settled for drinking green beverages out of regular glasses, because that was less likely to get the authors of the neverending story into an sort of trouble, however...

Atreu and Falcor were already angry because the Never Ending saberforum story game (NESFSG) name sounded a lot like the movie they appeared in so long ago. But the authors assured them, the Saberforum game was close but legally distinct. They then joined everyone for rounds of strange green liquid. But then Falcor got a little too tipsy and he...

began to sob. When asked what he was crying about, he answered ...

"I canth pheel mah thounge emymurr! Ith gun na'll dumbth!" He then went back to sobbing . . Meanwhile! in the Next room . .

SIX blind mice were causing more havoc for the Farmer's wife than the previous three. Naturally, the Farmer ....

said "to hell with the knives..." and grabbed "The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington, S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger." So he let the mice have it with both barrels, a lot, and because it's a special weapon he never once had to reload it, even after firing more than 12 times, until reloading just looked cool... sadly he forgot...

That the thing auto loads itself because of some kind of demon fire santa clause magic and when he loaded it up there were too many shells in the chamber. When he fired it it blew them all up to the north pole where they found...

A penguin and a polar bear doing...

All they could to appease the Great Amun-Ra, but he was still displeased by the giant rail gun so he sent the Chariot of the Sun to...

Jack in the Box for some Monster Tacos and...

Lots of ice cream! Eating the monster tacos and ice cream naturally lead to...

a serious case of Jack in the Box induced Montezuma's Revenge, which forced Amun-Ra to reside in restroom of his great pyramid for many many many many many moons while...

The Metal \m/ fans and Dub(WUBWUB)step fans raged an all out musical war on a desolate world, but the power of the music itself caused the most brutal life possible to spring into existence, giving life to a world henceforth known as Dathomir, it was only a matter of time before...

The legendary (well, maybe on a thread on Saberforum) Hawk-Bat Squadron arrived on the scene. Their commander, Captain Jammo, ordered his brave pilots to...

fire on that small blue police box that was floating in space because it...

was becoming an overrated franchise. The destruction of the Blue Policebox cause celebration all over ...

The Dalek fleet until the Hawk-Bats destroyed them too. With the Time War now just a memory, the Hawk-Bats celebrated by...

drinking everyone under the table, until ...

the guy who owned the blue police box showed up with a ticked off look on his face and started to...

use the convenient, over-utilised power of his light-up pen to fix ...

Hawk-Bat 8's faulty compensator, which made him very greatful, so he didn't shoot the man with the light pen, but he did steal the pen to further repair his squadmates ships, but that would have to wait until after...

these commercials ...

I'm the ghost of Billy Mays, here for...

Zombie cream! Is your zombie skin all dry and cracked? Well, no more! Now you can try new zombie cream and get back your lose, soggy and saggy skin again in minutes! Just apply zombie cream to your dry skin and problem solved! If you order in the next five minutes we'll double the order! Only 28 payments of $45.87 plus shipping. But wait! There's more!...

if you purchase two or more Zombie Cream today, you'll also receive this digital camera and 4 TB hard drive for storing all your zombie memories on. Remember the look on the last guy's face you bit off? No? Well NOW! YOU! CAAAAAAN!

Call within the next five minutes and we'll throw in the Zombie Survival Guide (For Zombies) at no extra cost to you, which is great because...

As a zombie you probably don't have any money. Remember, the next time you are about to eat someone's delicious brain, stop, make them order Zombie cream for you, then eat them! Call 9 (662) 432-7326. (Yes, that spells zombie cream) order zombie cream now! Zombie cream! From the makers of...

The T-Virus!

But Wait!! Theres MOOORE!!! Not only can you get your hands on the 'Life ending and resurrecting potion of death'!? You also receive  . . A Free set of STEAK KNIVES! to throw at whomever of your Zombie buddies REEEALY annoys you! But that's not all folks?! Order now and . .

and you will realize that the person who resurrected the never ending saberfoum game has mysteriously disappeared from posting for the last couple weeks, and is trapped in Mordor, and needs...

you to pick up that phone and place an order with us! All we need is your bank details, the name of your first pet, your mother's maiden name ...

and the social security numbers of 37 illegal immigrants... Remember, thats Zombie Cream, accept no substitutes...  Meanwhile, back on Ryloth, the Hawk-Bat Squadron was escorting General Skywalker's fleet and systematically killing off the clones before they could execute General Order 66 and...

And turning the dead clones in to zombies...just kidding, there were no zom..I mean clones left to execute the Jedi!  The Jedi generals near by were saved from Order 66 but then...

They still had to deal with whiny Anakin and the power hungry Palpatine. The Jedi decided that the best thing to do was...

Move to Wild Space, where they could head-off the Youzhan Vong invasion enough to make it more manageable for the New Republic but these unsung Heroes were only discovered after...

They had been dead for a thousand years. The archeologists found their bones but they also found ...

A large crystal skull, which was given to Henry "Han Indiana Jones" Solo, Jr. so he could take it to...

The tomb of Darth Scion, that the One Sith might have a worthy leader, but first he had to...

Help srams get his 230th LS point back.  The quest was...

epic, but the mission was completed by "8-Ball" also known as HawkBat 8, intergalactic hero to all and...

His mother who also refers to him as her special little guy but 8ball is also.....

The worlds greatest billiards player. He master the game at 5 years old and beat the best players at 7. He got the name when he beat...

an alternate timeline version of himself... it's all timey-wimey and wibbly-wobbly... very complicated stuff... so back to the Tomb of Darth Scion and his continued state of being deceased...

which wasn't likely to change because....well he was deceased.  This revelation lead everyone to decide to...

Leave him in peace... after they looted his tomb of course, but they didn't find much. Other than his dead rotten corpse they found a can of zombie cream and...

A star map to the final resting place of the left bracer of Darth Nihlus, and so Deceptae set out for the powerful relic, but his search was interrupted by...

Gilbert Gottfried, who exclaimed in his signature, obnoxious voice...

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS"
And his voice thundered across the vast Plains of Revelation, but having thought ahead Deceptae had brought Morgan Freeman along, and so there was a vocal battle the likes of which the Galaxy had never heard. The counter vibrations could be heard parsecs away and the planet was rend apart, luckily there had been another clue to the location of the bracer, and the aspiring young Sith followed the trail ever deeper into the Core until...

he accidentally ventured too close to the SuperMassiveBlackHole at the centre of the galaxy and the last clue was destroyed. Stephen Hawking measured the x-ray decay as the Sith fell in and discovered ...

That the young warrior was not destroyed as previously suspected, but merely transported to...

Mordor, because one does not simply walk there. The transportation was so unexpected that ....

The (middle) earth shook and the sky was in tempest. And who should descend down from the heavens to the wastes of Mordor, the one, the only, the legendary...

Dent, Arthur Dent... wearing his dressing gown and carrying a very battered and frayed towel and his copy of the most amazing book in the history of the universe, The...

Book of Life.

however inside the book was only Death. As Death leapt from the pages of that accursed book ...

Deceptae happened upon the complacently confused Englishman and attempted to quell the storm that he may discover the secrets of the book...

As Deceptae worked on the Storm, and Arthur was still befuddled as to where he was?, Death stretched his back, yawned and cracked his skeletal knuckles, surveying his surroundings. He then spoke in a hollow voice "Damnit!  . . Why is it whenever I come back to this plane of existence, that its never on at A BEACH RESORT?!! *sighs*  . . I Need a drink!" And with that? picked up his Sycthe and wandered off, mumbling something about '"Being an avatar of un-life really sucks! . ."

By Now Arthur had plucked up the courage to ask? . . .

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.” But that's not really a question, is it, that's more of a statement of fact... upon realizing this, Arthur promptly...

...asked another question. The most important question of all...

Where are my sandwich knives? Deceptae was too stunned to answer, still contemplating the actions of Death and trying to find where the Book had fallen on the ground. Suddenly...

Where the book had touched the ground, a mighty chasm opened and out came a collosal...

Teddy Bear. But this was no ordinary teddy bear. No... it was a ZOMBIE ROBOTRON TEDDY BEAR MARK V! This...

was the latest incarnation of Gozer the Gozarian, who had not been defeated in 1985 like everyone thought, but had actually journeyed through time thanks to an anomaly caused my crossing the streams in New York and a Delorean in Hill Valley, CA... this meant...

Deceptae was forced to flee without the gauntlet, but his time was not wasted, for during his travels he had aquired...

The Magnetic Colon Beam, which he quickly used to...

Make this story even weirder. The weird level had just been turned up to 11, when the Fonz came in room and was like...

Ayyyy, look! That shark is lookin at me funny, I'm gonna kick his ass!
And he dove into a 6x7 meter shark tank and proceeded to...

Do the Safety Dance, which confused the sharks and caused them to think...

Wow, this guy look really delicious. So the Fonz met a quick and horrifying death by shark. But then after that the sharks were arrested for Fonzicide. They were looking at 25- life each, however, their defense lawyer was...

The Chewbacca Defense, consisting of Chewy singing Chris Cornell songs with the help of...

Godzilla, which lead to the sharks being found not guilty, because nobody wants to piss off Godzilla, unfortunately this had the side effect of...

Mass protesting in the streets of Tokyo, which enraged Godzilla, but not as much as Batman's Batgrenade...

Which caused an explosion that caused bat-shrapnel, or Batnel to fly everywhere. But one of the bats grew tired of flying and landed on the space shuttle. He didn't fly away when the shuttle was launched and thus died when it left the atmosphere of Earth. This bat became known as the legendary Space Bat. RIP space bat. We will always remember you. (This is real, Google it)

And in memory of Space bat, Batman...

Strapped a clown to the next up going rocket to bring ballance to Gothem, all was well until Alegasia was set upon from the Eastern Sea by Kaan's Brotherhood of Darkness, but the Riders soon mounted a defense force to hold the Sith at the Spine, and the army was commanded by...

Borgs rappelling from a Borg Cube, however the non-Borgs of the army were not impressed, so ...

the goblin sitting in the corner began casting a spell of the Armageddon, which horribly back-fired causing the goblin to...

Become ASSIMILATED by the Borg Cube, so all the ancient Heart-of-Hearts joined forces with the Brotherhood in order to defeat the Borg...

but then they realized that this had become a rather silly place, yet was less silly than Camelot, so they left to find the Holy Grail once more, having forgotten that Henry Han Indiana Jones Solo, Jr. had already found it with the help of his father James Bond Jones, Sr, and Gimli and Treebeard, who were really the same person, this of course meant...

that Gimli had known where the hobbits were and thus must have been in league with Sauron and Saruman! The White Wizard then proceeded to ...

Play Twister with the evil queen Bavmorda. They met on a dating site called...

"Wicked Hookups", the number one dating site in the Land of Oz for all beings of magical power. Needless to say ...

They got married and had a ton of Minion Kids. They trained their army of minions children to take over...

Wal-Mart, since The White Wizard and Bavmorda wanted to rule over something truly evil. Still they didn't count on the fact that standing in their way would be the legendary hero...

Heroic duo of JB and KG, wielding their guitars and voices against the minion army...

For they played Rock and they played it hard and they sang the greatest song in the world but the song they sang about the greatest didn't sound anything like that song it was just a tribute. The minion army was shocked and they....

Sought the help of the only musical talent capable of matching the D...

but Yoko Ono was busy this fateful day, so instead they ended up with Bjork... Bjork sang with all her icelandic might and still dropped dead, so Ylvis stepped in to sing a with JB on "What does the Fox say?" this lead to panic in the streets and...

Soon the Great Council of Muses descended their wrath upon the planet, razing all previous artistic endeavors deemed to be "substandard" in what came to be known as...

The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief. This greatly pleased Humma Kavula and now that he had that out of the way, he could focus more time and energy on...

blowing his nose. In the long years that he'd been busy he had gathered many items of interest in his nasal cavity. Now with the Great White Handkerchief, he blew out ...

Milliway's, aka, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe... which was good, because he had reservations for dinner at 8:30 for himself and...

James Bond, who arrived disguised as ...

Johnny English, who was on an undercover mission for...

ODIN, but Sterling Archer was onto him, teamed up with Dr. Kreiger in the form of...

VOLTRON! Defender of the Universe! Doing his best to disrupt the plans of Skeletor, as he seeks the . .

Ending of this insanely insane game of insane zaniness. But to do so, he must first go on an epic journey, which starts with the reading of a scroll...:

"Chuck Norris and Gandalf were investigating a crime in which Giant Kangaroo Space Banditos had stolen the moon so that they could harvest it for cheese, in order to make the faces on mount Rushmore audition to american idol to prove that the enemies of safety are really good guys that love to eat snicker doodles on Saturdays because Godzilla ate all of the Twinkies, which resulted in World War III because people wanted to gain weight, so that they could float out to sea and be friends with Manatees...lightsaber wielding manatees with perfectly groomed, handlebar mustaches, who had planned to take over the world! and they would have succeeded if it wasn't for Jack Bauer! Who became a master Jedi in under a day, because he trained in the art of origami with Bruce Lee who could speak to the giant kangaroo space banditos in a language that only they could understand, because the frog was orange and it ate all the space kangaroos, which then colored 1000 pictures of Mudkipz, which resulted in everyone going insane, and people started rioting, which made the chicken cross the Frozen Canadian Arctic lands in search of the glorious golden Vacuum of solitude that can only be used by the Prince of Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong Land, who rules over his people with an iron..."

*gasp* What is this? The rest of the scroll is missing! Voltron narrows his eyes, clenching the scroll in a white-knuckled grip. He then sets off into the wilderness to find the remainder of the scroll, and to discover what the iron thingamadoohickey is. But it is there that he meets...

Barney Stinson, who entrusted him with his playbook, which had in fact not been destroyed as we had been led to believe. Voltron decided to run a play called...

Cats. The play went on for a stupid long time, made tons of money and got some nice reviews. But tragedy struck the theater when...

the bullet catch trick was sabotaged, so a magician was shot. This lead to a lifelong grudge and many flashbacks that had a huge pseudoscience twist at the end that blew everyone's mind with a side of disappointment. Sadly, the magicians' power could not bring back their true love ....

Nicola Tesla, as played by David Bowie... but that was ok, because...

Frogs ruled the earth, the sky was pink, and people swam with dinosaurs in the ocean of chocolate pudding...

and the frogs hated the play "Cats" so they wrote their own played called "Frogs" which was about...

How Frog and Toad were friends until Toad betrayed Frog by...

Eating all the grubs behind Frogs back. At first Frog was angry and tried to fry Toad's legs, but then Frog realized this was not a nice thing to do, and Frog, being the better amphibian, forgave toad. But the Toad..

betrayed the Frog by joining with the new plumber dressed in red and blue.  The Toad killed the Frog andf\ then skinned his corpse and used the skin to create a frog suit for the plumber. The plumber was overjoyed and he...

Began eating Magical Mushrooms of Resiliance until it was discovered that Voltron...

Was a hallucination caused by the mushrooms, as was most of the events in the never ending story game, this meant that...

Sir Paul McCartney could sing the frog song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpevZ0-wUYQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpevZ0-wUYQ)
And when the frogs, toads, Rupert and Paul McCartney finished all the mushrooms they....

decided to retire. At this time, halfway across the galaxy, Darth Vader ...

Was engaged in an Epic match of Brockian Ultra Cricket against...

Cricket-tron 5000i-xtl, but they were interrupted by the destruction of ...

Every childhood ever when the owners it said childhoods read the original tales of the brothers Grimm. Eventually though all the emotional scarring made everyone realize...

How funny the names Dooku and Kit Fisto really are.  This cause mass laughter at some guy named George, who decided to pack up his toys and sell them to a guy named Walt for an obscene amount of money.  This caused fans through the galaxy to rejoice, but remain apprehensive and skeptical, because this could lead to more emotional scarring for all, so...

they all speculated and complained and rejoiced and cried and nodded their approval as third parties reported on outlandishly extrapolated statements, yet still they held on, for the day ...

That they would be saved by the legenday, the magnificent, the beautiful, the glorious...

Flying space sheep and on the back of 1 of the sheep was flash Gordon and in his hand was....

A giant hole and it was bleeding profusely! He was in total panic and screaming! Just before he went into shock...

He saw a mystical vision of space whales telling him to...

not always drink beer, but when he does, drink Dos Equis... but this made no sense, because the whales were nowhere near that interesting, but who was he to ignore his spirit guide vision... FLASH freakin GORDON, that's who, and no space whale was going to tell him...

To drink Does Equis, he was a Guinness man! In fact he had a 50 year endorsement contract with Guinness that every time he said Shennanigans they would...

Pistol whip him. The pistol whipping was to be carried out by...

Leprechaun's just to carry on the Irish tradition after the pistol whipping they would go back over there rainbow to.....

Partake in the consumption of beating hearts from living beings, and they were lead by Deceptae, who had come to fully recognize the fallacy of peace and embrace the true meaning and purpose of suffering, so there was a great Darkness that spread across the once joyous land of Mordor...

That could only be broken by...

An acoustic version of Don McClean's American Pie on the bagpipes while being sung in kurdish by a small japanese man during...

Ramadan that was being celebrated by Mexican Vikings who live in huts on the islands of Fiji and ...

Tonga. The most grievous troubles plagued them during the celebrations; who does a Viking still wield his battle-axe while eating a plate of tacos?  Needless to say, it couldn't be done, until they were showed the true way by ...

The Most Interesting Man in the World... or so they thought. Mystery Inc. cracked the case and removed his mask, revealing The Most Interesting Man in the World to actually be...

Gary Bucy, who was trying to...

talk Keaneu Reeves into making Point Break 2 so he could have a career again, but Keaneu said...

He was making 47Rhonin 2 which would make as much sense as the first film this angered Gary Bucy to the point where...

he volunteered to do an ad for adult diapers. It was a huge success, soon everyone was …

Clamoring for Busey to return to the big screen, so he made a buddy cop movie with...

Axel Foley, who came with his own awesome 80's synth theme music. The pair were relaxing, enjoying the tune when …

Everything began exploding! Y'now just like in every 80's movie?! So once half the city exploded (for no apparent reason?) Axel and Gary went back to chillaxin', until . .

A couple of guys who were up to no good started causin trouble in their neiborhood they got in one little fight and their mom got scared she said...

"Clean up this misers right now."...

Axel and Gary rushed to the casino, and with the help of ...

Stingray Sam and the Quasar Kid, they were able to get the entire mess cleaned up before...

lunch time. The chef had a wonderful special today of ...

Salisbury Steak. Chef also sang to the lunch goers, prompting them to...

Make love... to the ladies... of course, this being a public school cafeteria, that was seriously against the health codes, so he decided to amend his songs to classics like...

Dean Martin, Gene Autry, and Fred Astaire.

After it was all said and done, ....

Gwar took the stage in honor of the recently passed Dave Brockie, a.k.a Oderus Urungus. Led by his somehow reanimated corpse, they played a show so epic that...

even the "D" paused for a moment of silence... this led everything back to another replaying of American Pie, because it's always played when musicians die, meaning...

They are not very creative. When news reached the National Audubon Society of Mr. Brockies passing they created a field guide on how to identify musicians who have died, in the wild. The book was a huge success with many but particularly with...

Rick Grimes. He picked it up at the "Stuff and Things" store, and began going door-to-door, selling copies by the boat load. The tremendous success caused ...

The Jemimah's Witnesses to take up their door to door pancake crusades once again, but this was all useless without control of the vast maple syrup farms of Canada, so war began...

yet again in the Saberforum Never Ending Story Game. The Canadians were armed with spears tipped with crystalline maple syrup that could cut through ...

The stalest of French Toast...

And even the flappiest of jacks could not save the Jemimah's Witnesses from the wrath of the Canadian Army. After the war there was a great bonfire In honor of...

Jimmy Dean for his valiant efforts with his army of breakfast sausage soldier militia, that were sadly (yet, very happily) eaten by the Canadians. The Canadian army was eternally greatful for this delicious conflict with the Jemima's witnesses. They made the JW's honorary...

bacon... but we all just call it ham... They joined forces and decided to go after the most foul and foreign French... for they were the inventors of that nasty egg soaked "toast" stuff...

The Canadians were merciless, and tore the recipe from the Frogs' cold fingers to improve upon it, deciding that the egg should soak the bread before cooking. The world celebrated when ...

Some guy used cinnamon roll instead of bread and there was an all out riot because its was just so amazing and the people had to have more! But they had ran out and then...

There were mobs and riots which caused mayhem and destruction, which in turn placed the cooks in...

full retreat to Dimension 799. The rioters had no choice but to ...

All sit down for a nice Sunday brunch featuring a sweet white wine and fruit salads... this made the rioters...

Even angrier because now instead of cinnamon french toast, they craved Bacon! Bacon, bacon, bacon! They had no interest in white wine and fruit, they wanted bacon! When news of this reached the Justice League they quickly...

(and brutally) murdered so many pigs that bacon became so rare that it was used as currency in the New Order of ...

Anvilania, where Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner were singing the national anthem with...

Future Folk, since the Hondonian band had in fact wrote the anthem in question. Soon the song was over and...

Dumbledore said, "Let the Feast Begin!" Of course, Malfoy rolled his eyes and said...

"This is all Potter's fault"  but it wasn't, because...

Potter had been in the Chamber of Secrets trying to unlock a Sith Holocron so he could learn...

Darth Sidious' connection to the heist being performed at ...

The Second Bank of Gotham by Two Face, who was flipping his coin to make up his mind about...

whether or not to trust Dumbledore's distraction of our hero, ...

John McClane...

who was eating at the Christmas feast in the Great Hall, when suddenly....

Troll in the dungeon!!!!

Was grammatically incorrect! Then the trolls left the dungeon to go back to the first grade. Some moved on but most got held back. One troll graduated with a 2.1 and was looked upon as an intellectual god. His name was...

Arty Morty

And he liked to eat pulled unicorn sandwiches on ...

whole wheat toast with bbq sauce and french fried taters and a dill pickle while drinking a large classic coke at the local...

Daycare while singing a chorus of...

Barbie Girl and he was singing it to....

Bob Saget while he...

Was directing the movie Dirty Work but during the fish scene...

Aquaman emerged from the sea on the shoulder of Cthulhu, angry about...

The Fact that someone had used his Trident as a BBQ tool! His rage was such that . .

Wait a minute... he's Aquaman. No one is going to take him seriously... anyway his anger and rage were totally ignored. The people however were completely freighted by Cthulhu! But Cthulhu didn't care and went back from where he came. Aquaman was even more angry that he was being ignored he took his trident back and then...

DC's marketing team decided that they had to find a way to make Aquaman popular. So they decided to...

Let Rob Liefield draw him in the mid-1990's, as this tended to make all sorts of comics popular, despite the fact that Liefield obviously has no idea how anatomy works... of course Aquaman...

was no longer efficiently fluid-dynamic, so despite his sudden rise in popularity, he could no longer swim very well. So Aquaman decided to leave the ocean to become ....

A road warrior and lead a band of highway guerillas attacking ...

Oz, which was no longer defended by the Wizard, but rather...

Robocop, this was much more cost effective, since he only needed the occasional recharge and ate baby food, plus he could target flying monkeys in mid-flight which made knocking them down extra easy compared to...

those magic fireballs, which was a really expensive stunt to pull off. Anyway, with the help of Robocop ...

Oz was saved and the people could set about finding an adventurer brave enough to find the Lost Orb of Phantastacoria, which had been lost since...

yesterday morning when it forgot to tell everyone where it was going. The team that was assigned to find the Lost Orb of Phantastacoria consisted of...

Dora the Explorer, Waldo, Carmen San Diego, and Team Oomi Zoomi, they set off on the perilous journey...

...and simply walked in to Mordor. This really pissed off Sauron and Saruman, so they...

had to make a meme about not walking into Mordor to discourage further attempts. Once in Mordor, the band of heros ....

Decided that they were actually rather peckish and elected to take a trip to Miliways, whereupon they were seated at the table adjacent to the Lost Orb of Phantastacoria, whom had been discussing the virtues of desintigration with...

Boba Fett. It was Fett's day off, where he enjoyed such recreation as...

Watching Star Trek marathons and lively debates over which captain was the best.  In a totally unexpected turn of events, he always maintained that it was Scott Bakula as Johnathon Archer.  This angered many people, but they were always too afraid to argue, because this was Boba "goshdarned" Fett and he tended to...

display overindulgent enjoyment with his disintegrations. Consequently, Scott Bakula/Johnathon Archer ....

Sent down a small army of men in red shirts to apprehend Fett, armed to the teeth with...

teeth. Well, not real teeth, but rather full dental implants of combat ready teeth made of...

Beskar! The redshirts began to...

Do the Can-Can, which causes the core of a nearby photon laser teleporter to...

Wet there pants which was helpful because....

nothing was waterproof or scotch-guarded, this meant that...

The Redshirts were transported to some unknown spot in interstellar space, and soon thereafter died. The Great Old Ones had anticipated this and used the distraction to grant Fett-their hired minion- the chance to kidnap the Lost Orb of Phantastacoria and bring it to Sauroman, who intended to use it to awaken the Old Ones, little did the Wizard know, however...

That Billy Dee Williams would return yet again to foil him, exclaiming...

"Why have you summoned me yet again?!"and from the back of the crowd he heard...

"FOR YOUR DOOM!!"

And from the crowd emerged...

Michael Jackson, wielding...

His sparkling white glove of power and fedora of resiliance, and the two stars engaged in a battle of...

truly epic proportions... Micheal tried to use the power of the moonwalk against Williams, but Williams countered with a Colt 45, both the malt liquor and the handgun, Michael was prepared to defend against the Malt Liquor attack, but was unable to stop actual bullets.  Billy Dee Williams was victorious and unscathed, so he...

Drank the rest of the liquor and then burned Micheal Jacksons body so he couldn't come back as a zombie and prevent Thriller from ever existing. And this changed the pop music scene forever. Instead of Thriller being the huge pop sensation it was Billy Dee Williams...

and his co-star...

The Quazar Kid, and their first album was so sensational that it caused the downfall of the Pop music industry and several mid-sized governments, luckily Mr. Williams started a charity called...

Billy's Kids, which benefited the war orphans of Alderaan, however, since Alderaan had been destroyed, there were no orphans left, so he really had quite the money making scheme, which he used to...

Make new Extra Strength Colt .45, which was very popular with...

The children of Earth. It was all fun and games until some one shot their eye out, and the guns were confiscated by...

Governor Tarkin who was holding...

The confiscated guns. Darth Vader really wanted the new shiny 45's. So he choked Tarkin and took the guns... Vader used them to...

See if the Stormtroopers worked better with projectile weapons...

Which now they didn't now bullets were ricocheting off...

Everything and hitting the stormtroopers. Now... not only did they not hit their intended targets, but they were shooting them selves. Darth Vader just face palmed and left this depressing scene. He went to hire better soldiers at the...

Blue light special Black Friday sale. :)

Alas, the new Storm Troopers were not what they appeared, and with a yell of "Hail Hydra!", they started to...

brainstorm a complete list of ...

how to build a Death Star without exhaust ports so no purple people eaters could get in and mess around with...

The newly installed people-bar, complete with...

purple people that did not wish to be eaten, so to fix the problem ...

Everyone was issued an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polkadot bikini that they had to wear for the first time that day, this lead to...

A rash of eating disorders that put the people bar out of business. They replaced the people bar with...

a proper reactor. With the DS-1 Battlestation at full power...

It still exploded due to an object being sucked in through an exhaust port... yeah, yeah, laws of physics and such, but take it up with Jabba the Lucas... So anyways, DS-1 went KABLOOEY which means...

The Covanant was safe to try and activate the HALO Array and bring the Rakata back to the Galaxy, only there was one man in the way...

The Swedish Chef, who let out a mighty yell of...

HINGA-DINGA-DERF!...

The Covenant ran scared, while the Swedish Chef made a nice meal of ...

Spaghetti and chocolate mousse... the language barrier caused some issues as he couldn't get Bullwinkle to stand still to be doused in molten chocolate, thankfully Rocky was there to...

KO Bullwinkle and call "Aaaadrieen! Aaaadrien! Dinner time!" The couple were double-dating with...

The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy. They were at a nice restaurant but then when their orders came they...

Ordered dessert and a bottle of wine, because who follows orders anymore?  This meant the orders instead went to...

Big Foot and The Loch Mess Monster... when they got the orders they immediately took action. When they got to Moscow they were...

Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd trying to perform surgery on...

Godzilla with a pen knife when all of a sudden......

Everyone wanted to see this unique surgery this resulted in....

sweating. A boat-load of sweating. Each, from the comedy duo. There was so much sweat...

That the world began to flood with sweat. Someone decided to build a boat and loaded up a bunch of crap. Then someone made a movie of it too. But disaster struck when...

everyone realized how crappy the movie actually was without the greatest actor in the world, the man, the legend, the chin, Bruce Campbell, so an epic quest was begun, a quest to get Bruce, which would finally...

culminate in the revival of ...

Women with awesome 80's hair, and there was much rejoicing among quirky teens across the land...

Bruce was, of course, found at Phoenix Comic Con (yes, this is happening), where he told all the con goers to...

Watch reruns of Burn Notice, because he's awesome in it, and brace themselves for the next Evil Dead/Army of Darkness movie, cause he's in it... or something he can or cant confirm like that...

But life goes on. Then a funny thing happened to the Never Endning Saberforum Story... Monty Python got a hold of it. The ensuing chaos was silly and hilarious. But then another silly thing happened...

We all wanted to be lumberjacks and the French said that they already had a holy grail, so we road off on our fake coconut horses to find......

A shrubbery... taller than the first, but not too tall, just so we can have that two tier effect and it will look so nice.  Then they must cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring...

That is really hard to do, so they instead decided to...

Have a bite at Milliways: The a Restaurant at the End of the Universe, but soon the entire bar was...

Full of scruffy looking Nerf herders and all they wanted was......

to plug the damn cord into the wall outlet the right way for once. Seriously why are they so hard to get right the first time!? But the Nerf Herders would have no such luck. In their anger and frustration they started a band and they named it after themselves. They left the Bar, and went off too...

Cut their debut album, which was titled...

... "I'm going to slap you with a smelly tuna fish". People thought that name was weird so...

they didn't buy the record, so the band quickly broke up and went their separate ways, which meant...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to find a different  band to perform the theme song. They instead got Slayer to do it which was much more appropriate.  But the song they wrote for the show was ...

Called fluffy pink rainbow in the sky....

...and My Little Pony thought they liked the sound of that song and stole it for their theme song, then...

Then there was an all out war between MLP and the Buffy Scooby gang. Seeing as how the MLP group was only animated the Buffy gang won the battle and the rights to the song. But they soon realized...

Using Judge Doom's dip on the ponies made them martyrs, and martyrs are always avenged. An army of angry bronies attacked the Buffy cast with...

tasty cupcakes and rainbow glitter, the Buffy cast laughed and enjoyed the desert until the glitter cloud became too think and they couldn't breathe.  So they asphyxiated on the glitter and all died, just as Joss Whedon had originally intended in the first place... the Bronies then stormed off to...

Try to take on the Angel cast. But Cordellia had a premonition and the Angel crew were ready to fight the Bronies. Angel and Spike pounded and ate most of he Bronies while Wesley and Gunn finished off the rest, but then ...

Balki returned from the island of Mypos looking for his cousin Larry. When he saw the bronie carnage, he...

....jumped up and down on the spot til he wore a hole in the ground. Then a firefly class transport named Serenity came flying in and...

Jayne aimed a large rifle at Balki and said "Six men came to kill me one time. And the best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun. I call it Vera." Then Mal said...

...."if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you." Then Balki broke out into the Jayne Hero of Canton song "the man they call Jaaayyynnneeee...."...

But during all these silly charades no one noticed that Orcs had invaded the planet in one of their pointless, reckless and relentless WAAAAGGHHH campaigns. The Space Marines responded quickly. Drop pods started falling by the hundreds and Dreadnaughts and Predators annihilated the orcs. The Space Marines also finished off the Bronies and the Joss Wedon characters. But then... Chaos showed up. And then...

Carl from The Walking Dead showed up with his Cowboy Hat tilted ever so slightly and his gun drawn saying "I'm here to kill zombies and take names" and everyone else turned and shouted .....

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses..."

"Hit it."

Thus did the chaos truly begin, a trail of destroyed cars and broken watches followed in their wake as their mission from God claimed soul after soul, all in the name of a good rhythm and blues revue show...

But Slaanesh the Chaos God was not pleased. The zombie souls were not satisfactory to him. He sent waves of Chaos soldiers and his Keepers of Secrets to the fray. The Walking dead guys were pretty much that. The remaining Space Marines and Orcs and Zombies were all but consumed. But there was one lone human survivor. His name was...

Bill Murray. He went back to his fifth mansion and shut himself in before discovering that...

The party at his mansion was still going on despite the fact he kicked everyone out... what is this strange time warp where time repeats it self? When Chaos showed up they tore a rip in the warp and time was now going haywire and things that happened in this story began to happen again! NNOOOO!!!! Suddenly...

The local JC Penny ran out of socks which angered...

The Oopma Loompas, who cried out...

"Who did this?! Was it the Oompa Loompas, or the Oompa Loopmas?!" They reached into their pockets and brought out...

Giant golden banjos, they played their native song...

Freebird. When the crowd pulled out lighters to hold up and sway, some dummy set the sprinklers off and the impromptu show ended as fast as it had begun. But the oopma  loopmas were so short they all drowned in the sprinkler water that had now flooded the rooms. Willy Wonka quickly called for help he called...

The Ghostbusters, who put the ghosts of the Oopma Loompas into a special containment unit, so they will never torture anyone with their singing again. Willy Wonka and the Ghostbusters then...

All had ice cream which was ironic as Willy Wonka was known for chocolate the oompa loompas didn't stay trapped for long because they had help from General Zod in the phantom zone.......

.... And then Death and his granddaughter Susan from Discworld arrived on the back of Death's steed Binky. The Death of Rats came too.

To combat this...

In the Great Hall of the Justice League, there are assembled the world's four greatest heroes created from the cosmic legends of the universe!

Superman! Wonder Woman! Batman! Aquaman! And the three Junior Super Friends, Wendy, Marvin and Wonderdog!

Their mission: To fight injustice, to right that which is wrong, and to serve all mankind!

So of course Death and Susan were defeated, which lead to a time of great prosperity...

But the time of prosperity was interrupted buy ...

The Death of Rats. The heroes hadn't noticed it, and so when the time came it ran around waving its little scythe at the heroes ankles and squeaking at them.

But someone just stepped on Rat Death, ending his tiny reign of ankle terror. The real Death then appeared to take away Rat Deaths soul. But someone though it would be funny to throw a bottle at the real Death. Death got mad and...

The Winchester brothers arrived riding on the back of a pink fluffy unicorn shouting......

"’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
      And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
      The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
      The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand;
      Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
      And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
      The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
      And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
      The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
      He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
      Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
      He chortled in his joy.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
      And the mome raths outgrabe."

...

... Everyone just stood in stunned silence at this, unsure what to say or do, until...

Billy Dee Williams showed up with a truckload of Colt .45. This of course caused everyone to...

Go grab Tommys and load up. Then they marched on...

J. J. Abrams for his

Advice, and how would be the best way to cause mass mayhem, while still having a gripping plot? He responded by . .

Showing the crowd his plans for Star Wars 7, the script was so bad that...

The Phantom Menace looked good in comparison, but JJ didn't care, because he had the mystical power of nostalgia and LENS FLARE to...

Persuade Disney to bring back the cannoninity of the EU. But Disney couldn't be fooled by his film trickery, so Mr. Abrams wrote in to the script an elaborate time travel bit, where the characters go back in time to the point before Lucas sold SW to Disney. And all was well again in the universe until Bob Iger turned out to really be a Sith Lord and...

Dubbed himself, oddly enough? Darth Cannoninity! With his new title Decided, He boldly stepped forth into . .

The 3687th dimension, this time disrupting the balance of the force to such a great degree that the craziest things started to happen such as...

Spirits from the netherworld of those he knew began to attack him. Although no physical harm could be done, mentally he was breaking, until he...

Ate chocolate waffles with ice cream.

And promptly dispelled the spirits who were, incidentally, terrified of chocolate waffles and ice cream.

The chocolate waffles and ice cream did little to preserve  Darth Cannoninity's sanity, which had truly shattered when he realized the Ewok movies and the Droids and Ewok cartoons were part of the cannon that he was forced to acknowledge...

But he chose not to. He conjured up his dark force powers (his team of writers) and re-wrote the Cannon Timeline to eliminate the Ewok and Droid movies. He then used his Dark influence and erased them from the minds of everyone! One young hero however was immune to his mind warp, this young hero was...

Born strong with The Force. So strong in fact, he was immune to its effects, no matter how powerful. He had not yet, however, mastered the use of these powers himself. He felt this influence and knew he had to learn the ways of The Force for himself, so he traveled to...

Kashyyk to celebrate Life Day with Chewbacca's family and guest star in the Star Wars Holiday Special... that's right, the one so powerful in the force was none other than Bea Arthur... though she did have to constantly remind people she was indeed a female...

Baritone in the wookiee choir. Too many wookiees were baritone however, so they expelled Bea Arthur, and thus she vowed revenge on...

The entire galaxy! She vowed to never let anyone wrong her again, so she set out on a mission of revenge. But first she had to find some companions...

...only to find that they were all partying with the Doctor. The Doctor, however, found a place for Bea Arthur on the planet...

Catachan, the jungle Death World of the Ultima Segmentum in Imperium Space. When she arrived there she discovered hundreds of new animal species and she immediately started her new PETA campaign to save them all but soon after she was killed when she picked up a highly toxic Great Barking Toad. Thinking it was harmless the thing exploded and killed her in a horrifying cloud or super toxins. When Darth Cannoninity heard of this news he...

Quickly retconned the event to make sure she moved to Boca Raton and moved in with Rose, Blanche, and Sophia, this gave them many great years of TV together, leading to...

This Short Commercial Break! "STEAK KNIVES! Do you want them? Do you NEED them??! We don't care!? HAVE THEM ANYWAY!!!" *Darth Cannoninity changes the channel, hoping to bypass the advertisements* . .

But RTV (Rebellion TV) Had gotten a hold of many channels and forced their surplus steak knives on unsuspecting citizens across the Galaxy everywhere!! Next it was an hour and a half long ad for that stupid garden hose that coils up into the tiny bucket. Darth Cannoinity was outraged, OUTRAGED! at the rebels audacity and brazen attempt to force feed everyone the crap they didn't want. But when DC called the RTV station he was put on hold for six hours. But it wasn't all bad, the on hold music was...

...the Mos Eisley Cantina music! Oh how he had fond memories of that place and the Twi'lek girl he met there who was on the run after escaping Jabba's palace. His reminiscing was then interrupted by the obnoxious call person on the other end of the line who said...

"Hi, Billy Mays here for Oxy-Clean!"

At that moment DC realized just how far he had gone back in time... Billy Mays was back alive? To right his wrong and bring the universe back into order he used force lightning through the telephone line and fryed Billy thus killing him again, and making sure the universe was again safe. When this happened another familiar voice picked up the phone on Billy's end... It was...

"Hi it's Vince from shamwow, you'll be saying wow everytime.
It's like a shammy, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge.
A regular towel doesn't work wet, this works wet or dry.
This is for the house
The Car
The Boat
The RV
Shamwow holds 20 times it's weight in liquid, look at this, it just does the work.
Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess, ring it out.
You wash it in the washing machine. Made in Germany, you know the germans always make good stuff.
You can cut it in half, use one as a bathmat, drain your dishes with the other one, use one as a towel.
Olympic divers, they use it as a towel- look at that, completely dry.
Put a wet seater roll it up it dries your sweaters.
Here's some cola, wine, coffee, cola, pet stains.
Not only is your damage going to be on top, there's your mildew.
That is gonna smell, see that.
Now we're gonna do this in real time, look at this, put it on the spill, turn it over without putting any pressure, 50% of the cola...right there you following me camera guy?
The other 50% the color starts to come up no other towels' gonna do that.
It acts like a vacuum, and look at this virtually dry on the bottom.
See what i'm telling ya Shamwow you'll be saying wow everytime.

I can't live without it, i just love it!
Oh my gosh i don't even buy paper towels anymore.
If you're gonna wash your cars or any other vehicle, you'll be out of your mind not to own one of these.
All i can say is SHAM! WOW!

You're gonna spend twenty dollars every month on paper towels anyway you're throwin away your money.
The mini shamwows are for everything, for everyday use.
This last tens years, this last a week, i don't know it sells itself.
The shamwow sells for 19.95 you get one for the house, one for the car, two for the kitchen and bathroom.
But if you call now, within the next twenty minutes cause we can't do this all day, we'll give you a second set absolutely free. So that's 8 shamwows for 19.95. it comes with a ten year warrenty, here's how to order.

Call 18009517100
Shamwow it not available in stores and is made in germany beware of shamwow immitators,
 call 18009517100
thats 18009517100 call now!"

The Galaxy couldn't take any more bad pitchmen, so Billy Dee Williams returned to the thread yet again to save us. The fact that his freighter was carrying a load of Colt .45 malt liquor was appreciated by...

All the Hawk-Bats, because their stills were already working overtime to fill orders and leaving very little for the squadron to drink...

…so they tried to prove how tough they were in order to get in to the Salty Spittoon… oh wait, that's the wrong story...

The right story begins in the land of...

Honah Lee... (with apologies to Peter, Paul, and Mary)

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Little Jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whenever they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

Unfortunately, this was all interrupted by the arrival of the worst villain the land of Honah Lee had ever seen. The name of this villain was...

Sir Patrick Stewart which was strange because......

His Borg years were done and over with:).

All the same, he and Ian McKellen donned their bowler hats and set off to rampage through the land of Honah Lee, yelling...

"Where the F*** is Godot?  We're tired of Waiting!"

Little did they know that a group of heroes was being assembled to oppose this rampage. It included...

David Hasselhoff, Ross Perot and every character Sean Bean ever played that died...

And for Sean Bean?! That's ALOT of undead heroes! So many In fact, that to keep them all in line, they needed a . .

An administrative assistant the likes of which had never before been seen, they needed...

Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science...

Sent from my HTC VLE_U using Tapatalk

Who was unavailable so they got Jack Black instead who.....

Started a band with all the heroes. They scored a hit with a song called...

"The Ballad of all those Heroes"  It wasn't their best title, but the song was awesome, but it turned out it had already been used as the Theme to Firefly...

So instead Jack Black wrote a great and legendary song called "The History of Funions". It was No. 1 for 1738 weeks on every country's charts. The song was a huge hit until one fan read this story and realized that Mr. Black was actually to blame for the extinction of Funions. Suddenly Jack Black was an enemy to all of earth. He then fled to...

Aldaraan hoping he could stop the destruction of...

The one ring...

And No! Its not -THAT- Ring you're thinking of ?!, It was that 'Other' Ring. The one that . .

activated the Wonder Twin Powers... except there was only one of them, so the powers wouldn't activate... also, because he didn't have a twin, he just had Kyle Gass, who refused to take the form of anything other than a bald, overweight, middle-aged guitar player, which made him perfect for...

Playing the Goblin King in the Broadway play of The Hobbit. But it was a major flop. So then what happened was...

Doctor Evil hatched a diabolical plan to threaten the world with...

a "laser" -  but this time it would be fired from a moving Yugo in Kraplakistan.  The Yugo was to be driven with his laser beam equipped sharks...  Seriously, Dr. Evil didn't even think this one through... but as always, Mike Meyers was ready to make another paycheck so he became Austin Powers, Goldmember, Fat Bastard, and a new character he called Rich @$$hole ... and forgot he was also Dr. Evil...

The movie still made a ton of money, which Myers spent on...

Making a new mega franchise or Wayne's World movies. It consisted of 14 movies of him and Garth just hanig out in his Moms basement. They had a few good musical guests but most of them were just awful, they couldn't get too many guests... Although they did manage to book...

Tickets to Broadway....

and a bunch of popcorn...

And again this story was saved by Billy Dee Williams. This time he brought his friend...

The Most Interesting Man in the World. Billy gave him a Colt .45, which The Most Interesting Man in the World tried and then said that...

He needed some more applesauce in his taco sandwich and he could only find apple purée which is exactly the same but completely different so he got the paprika from...

his father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate, which made them...

Absolutely nothing! This prompted him to say goodbye to his two best friends...

And he didnt mean his pals in the winnebego...

So he packed up his plastic dolls grabbed his Mog and headed for the Ford Galaxy when......

it was destroyed by the Chevy Nova, this caused them great distress as they were flung far off course, somewhere beyond the Plymouth Horizon...

And the Nissan Skyline. There in the distance they saw a great big...

Maid sucking air from a planet through her big hoover for.....

Someone, somewhere... but alas, she went from suck to blow and self destructed, and there was much rejoicing...

By the pigeons who live in Times Square. Furthermore, these pigeons....

Answered only to the Godpigeon and perched upon a statue of Martin Scorsese.  "Are you coo-ing my girl?"  "are you coo-ing my girl?"

...Right. Anyhow, these seemingly irrelevant pigeons caused major....

death... everywhere death! which cause this thread to die, and was revived 2 months later, and such resurrection caused...

Me to comment. Again. Afterward......

When the story was resurrected, it seemed like everything was calm and peaceful. But we all knew it wouldn't last long in this story... Suddenly the peace was shattered by the Nazgul who were no longer interested in the Ring or Hobbits or serving Sauron... His time they wanted...

People to go check out his Facebook page or be murdered. This could spell death for.....

MySpace, which was fine, because no one had used it since like 1999 or something... Anyways, the Nazgul did something that surely caused something else to happen to someone somewhere, because...

Obama was elected for his 444,444,444th term this year. Conspiracy? I don't know.....

But I do... Or do I... Maybe Obama does... Or the Nazgul...

Anyway... The Nazgul finally got what they had come for... 1 Million Ping Pong Balls. What they would do with them... Was simply horrifying and terrifying... They were planning on...

Filling the bodies of the kardashians with them. Actually, maybe that's not so bad... In any case, the vultures that would arrive to feast on such a meal would......

immediately start playing pingpong with the leftovers, until Christopher Walken arrived and challenged them to a PingPong tournament...

...clothing optional...

... and then put miniature explosives inside the ping pong balls so that...

Arthur Dent would be forced to turn over the Infinite Improbability Drive so...

(Hi five and point for the ref.)
Somehow, the Infinite Improbability Drive decides that it would be Infinitely Improbable for it do do something probable, therefore no-longer being improbable, and creates a true-false paradox and creates a warp in space, unleashing Dr. Doom who was imprisoned due to the theft of Oden's power. Dr. Doom decides to create...

... a poisoned giant ham sandwitch, and give it to...

OBAMA! Who had it mass-produced, and sent...

to the cheese cake factory, so it could be distributed to...

Sheldon, Raj, Leonard, and Howard, though their real target was William Shatner, but no one realized that Penny was only his daughter in those insurance commercials, this led to many...

Many knock knock Penny jokes, so being bored I
turned on the comedy channel where I watched...

Van Wilder for the 50,497th time in one week...

And having watched that horrible movie for that many times Qui-Lar was contacted by Giuness World Records. Which it turned out was founded by Sir Alec Giuness. And when he was struck down by Vader and became more powerful than we could posibly imagine, instead of becomeing one with the Force he became...

Stay-Puft the marshmallow man, terrorizing ...

New York, until Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd teamed up with Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson...

And Chuck Norris and Gandalf who were still buisy investigating that first crim involving the giant space kangaroos when sudenly Stay Puft ...

got bored of terrorizing New York and decided to...

go back into the Marshmallow business. Making special marshmallow covered chocolate candies for one and all.  No one had the heart to tell him this was backwards, because hey, who's wanting to argue with a 200' marshmallow man, that is until Willy Wonka stepped out of his glass elevator, and not the horrid Johnny Depp version, but the properly psychotic Gene Wilder edition...

Unfortunately, Mr. Stay Puft was beating Wonka in the ensuing wrestling match pretty soundly, but it was a tag match and Wonka made it to his corner, tagging in...

The Doctor, because we all secretly knew that Willy Wonka was a Time Lord ([ur]http://www.forevergeek.com/2014/03/10-characters-never-knew-time-lords/[/url])... however, the Doctor disliked all this violence and opted instead to...

Magically make me appear. This caused.....

Me to get a fright from Slender's sudden appearance, which in turn caused...

Me to laugh out loud. His response to this was....

to ignite his lightsaber, which caused...

Billy Dee Williams to appear with a Colt 45... no, not that kind, but an actual M1911A1 Colt .45, and he opened fire...

On Kai-Gon to defend me. Kai-Gon, of course, had to.....

Leave because he had to go save some fish from drowning.  But it was OK the fish survived. But when Kai Gon returned...

With fish sticks and fries for dinner, this caused a moral dilemma that almost...

Tore a hole in the fabric of the universe. The only thing that stopped this was...

All Gore and his band of Action Rangers! There was Stephen Hawking, Nachelle Nichols, Gary Gygax and Deep Blue... The arrived in their Terrestrial Transport Module (A School Bus) but as soon as they arrived they just played Dungeons and Dragons for the next Quadrillion years... Thus the hole in the university got bigger until...

BOB arrived. This of course is the answer to all problems. Therefore.....