Venting.

[Frizzenflyer]

I might regret this...but in what way is it gendered...

they were talking about being hit on by dudes in creepy/unsettling to downright scary ways/places. Which pretty much is a gender specific thing because in my experience gay guys are less creepy about hitting on guys and women are less physically threatening (in general, there are outlyers).

[Darth Tepes]

they were talking about being hit on by dudes in creepy/unsettling to downright scary ways/places. Which pretty much is a gender specific thing because in my experience gay guys are less creepy about hitting on guys and women are less physically threatening (in general, there are outlyers).

yes, the response was to this quote....

People suck in general. It is not a man thing or a woman thing, it is a people thing. If you don't like the people you associate with it is time to find new people. And if an A-hole you don't know offends you don't blame it on the whole gender.

which I took to be more about the "mansplaning" (hurt to type that) than the attempt flirtation.    In which any person, regardless of gender....can  be a condescending ass.   As far as the hitting on someone, I have no comment because its not something I really have experience in, having married my High School sweetheart I never had to deal with the modern adult dating scene...thank goodness

[tx_tuff]

But it IS a gendered problem. So we talk about it, as it is.

I disagree.

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[tx_tuff]

they were talking about being hit on by dudes in creepy/unsettling to downright scary ways/places. Which pretty much is a gender specific thing because in my experience gay guys are less creepy about hitting on guys and women are less physically threatening (in general, there are outlyers).

Have a secret for you. A straight guy in the same gender as a gay guy.

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[Noctis]

they were talking about being hit on by dudes in creepy/unsettling to downright scary ways/places. Which pretty much is a gender specific thing because in my experience gay guys are less creepy about hitting on guys and women are less physically threatening (in general, there are outlyers).

Yes, this is true! As a side note,  I cut off all my hair and buffed up through weight lifting was to appear more androgynous for my own personal tastes, but it's been quite the deterrent for unwanted male behavior.  That's a little sad in a way that because I am now definitely not conventionally attractive, I'm spared this kind of behavior.  In the past, it was a daily thing.  Multiple times a day.  I hated going out in public in a skirt and high heels because someone always had to make a dirty, inappropriate comment.

Now, listen.  Let me make something very clear.  If a man or woman or ANYONE comes up to me and gives me a tasteful compliment, I'm going to smile, thank them, and feel good about it.  "That shirt looks nice on you" or "you have pretty eyes" or "your hair is really cool?"  Compliments.  Thank you.  Unfortunately, this is a lost art for most people.

As a side note, no one on this forum has ever once said anything unkind or inappropriate to me in this way.  I'm grateful that y'all don't act this way and treat everyone with respect.  But I do have to say that any commentary about "it's not a gender thing" reads very much like "get over it.  It happens to everyone."  Well, if you can walk down the street at night without worrying about being assaulted, cat called, or worse, then you're lucky.  Because most women can't.  EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I know has had something super uncomfortable (or worse) happen to her not once, but multiple times in her life.  It's a reality for being female and it shouldn't be.  So thank you to the men who are trying to change that and make the women feel safe because everyone deserves to feel safe!  Hey, if someone screws with any of my male friends and makes one of them uncomfortable?  I'll come for their ass, okay.  It's NEVER alright. 

I hope this doesn't turn into a war!  Please, please, please let's not do that.  The people I've gotten to know here are ALL great!

yes, the response was to this quote....

which I took to be more about the "mansplaning" (hurt to type that) than the attempt flirtation.    In which any person, regardless of gender....can  be a condescending ass.   As far as the hitting on someone, I have no comment because its not something I really have experience in, having married my High School sweetheart I never had to deal with the modern adult dating scene...thank goodness

Sorry about the word, Tepes!  I know that's an ugly word to a lot of men.  I feel that way when people say something like "she's having a mid-life crisis" when a woman wears crazy clothes or dyes her hair an unusual color.  My hair is navy blue.  FIGHT ME.   

And boy, are you right about dating, man!  I wouldn't want to be in that sea of nonsense right now for sure!  Both sexes are crazy lol.

[Noctis]

Have a secret for you. A straight guy in the same gender as a gay guy.

I know what you were going for here, but I've got to say this somewhat off-topic thing about this.

Gender is a social construct.  Sex is biological.  They are not the same thing.  However, if you are straight guy who identifies as male, then yes, you are the same SEX as a gay guy who identifies as male.  You can, however, be born as a biological male and consider your gender to be female or non-binary or gender-fluid, etc.  

Not trying to start any debates, just putting it out there for those who don't know and might like to understand.  

(sorry for the double post.  The "modify" function isn't working right for me today!)

[Frizzenflyer]

Have a secret for you. A straight guy in the same gender as a gay guy.

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My gut reaction to this was "No sh** Sherlock, you've missed the point of view though".

Look at it this way though, from the perspective of the person being hit on. For many women being isolated and hit on by a strange guy can be terrifying, on average men are larger than women in terms of muscle mass because of the generally accepted societal roles, which puts her at a physical disadvantage. As a dude being hit on by another dude you are less likely to experience the potential physical disadvantage. For an isolated woman a man can be terrifying because societally men are much more likely to be in the habit of disregarding womens feelings and pushing to get what they want because of the culture of them not being told off for that before, and therefor he is more likely to be handsy or harassing because he thinks it's okay to treat women that way. As a dude being hit on by a gay guy you are less likely to experience that because you would be viewed as more of an equal, and therefor not somebody he can push to get what he wants.

When was the last time you felt threatened by a gay guy hitting on you? Did you let them know that you weren't interested? Did they back down some or tone it back when you did?

People being garbage people is not a gendered thing, but impact of it can be, and often is.

[Noctis]

My gut reaction to this was "No sh** Sherlock, you've missed the point of view though".

Look at it this way though, from the perspective of the person being hit on. For many women being isolated and hit on by a strange guy can be terrifying, on average men are larger than women in terms of muscle mass because of the generally accepted societal roles, which puts her at a physical disadvantage. As a dude being hit on by another dude you are less likely to experience the potential physical disadvantage. For an isolated woman a man can be terrifying because societally men are much more likely to be in the habit of disregarding womens feelings and pushing to get what they want because of the culture of them not being told off for that before, and therefor he is more likely to be handsy or harassing because he thinks it's okay to treat women that way. As a dude being hit on by a gay guy you are less likely to experience that because you would be viewed as more of an equal, and therefor not somebody he can push to get what he wants.

When was the last time you felt threatened by a gay guy hitting on you? Did you let them know that you weren't interested? Did they back down some or tone it back when you did?

People being garbage people is not a gendered thing, but impact of it can be, and often is.

This, this, this. 

Fun fact:  I am a trained martial artist.  I'm good at it.  I may not be able to get away from an attacker without some serious damage, but I'm going to seriously damage the attacker also, if I can.  HOWEVER . . .

The first man who trained me tried to assault me.  It was extra terrifying because I knew that there was nothing I could do that he couldn't counter because he taught it all to me.  I knew if I fought him on it, I would lose and lose badly.  So, I got out of it by playing along to an extent and when he let his guard down, I got away.  I was VERY lucky.  It had zero to do my training.  I BS'ed my way out danger.   Needless to say I stopped training with him, but I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt to have someone I trusted try to force himself on me.  I never, ever would have expected a friend, a trusted teacher, to do such a thing.  But he did.

I also date women and no woman has ever pulled this crap with me.  Not once.  Not ever.  Are there garbage women out there?  You bet.  I've dated a few.  But to say that it's "not a gender /sex thing" is the commentary of someone who has never experienced it. 

Again, thanks to the men working to change this behavior and call it out as unacceptable. I am VERY grateful!

[tx_tuff]

On the gender thing I am more then aware that you "can be" any gender you want to be. But it was specifically stated "gay guy". Guy is being used to identify gender. So like I said a straight guy and a gay guy are the same gender. Gender has nothing at all to do with what you like in a sexual partner.

Once again I will say on this subject, it is not a gender thing. By saying it is a gender thing you are implying that all men (that don't decide to change gender) are inherently bad people. Are there a bunch of A-hole men or there? Of course there are, but like I said there are a lot of bad people in general out there. I don't think women that are treated wrong "should get over it". I think everybody, dads, moms, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, and on and on should teach the children today growing up how to respect not just women but everybody. And yes it is very important to teach boys how to grow up to be gentlemen and how to treat women. Among other things you should teach them. But don't teach them that their gender is inferior or bad in general, if you do what kind of men will these boys be raised to be?

We are have different points of views, the main thing is just to treat everybody with respect no matter what. If we all did that life sure would be grand!

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[tx_tuff]

This would be a good time to bring up something that has been on my mind since I joined here. The thread "People You Find Attractive". Personally I find it demeaning (mostly to women). Why do we need a thread in this forum to sexually objectify anybody? Not all post in the thread so that but many pictures do and many more comments.

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[JEStucker]

This would be a good time to bring up something that has been on my mind since I joined here. The thread "People You Find Attractive". Personally I find it demeaning (mostly to women). Why do we need a thread in this forum to sexually objectify anybody? Not all post in the thread so that but many pictures do and many more comments.

I think I posted there once, and I'm straight and my picture was of another man... I've got a serious man-crush on Alton Brown

[tx_tuff]

I think I posted there once, and I'm straight and my picture was of another man... I've got a serious man-crush on Alton Brown

At least he can cook a hell of a meal for you! LOL

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[Darth Logos]

But it IS a gendered problem. So we talk about it, as it is.

How so?

they were talking about being hit on by dudes in creepy/unsettling to downright scary ways/places. Which pretty much is a gender specific thing because in my experience gay guys are less creepy about hitting on guys and women are less physically threatening (in general, there are outlyers).

And when was last time you heard a man complain about a woman being overly interested?

which I took to be more about the "mansplaning" (hurt to type that) than the attempt flirtation.    In which any person, regardless of gender....can  be a condescending ass.   

Let's re-coin this as vexplaining.

Sorry about the word, Tepes!  I know that's an ugly word to a lot of men.  I feel that way when people say something like "she's having a mid-life crisis" when a woman wears crazy clothes or dyes her hair an unusual color.  My hair is navy blue.  FIGHT ME.   

Can't help but feel this is aimed at me from another thread.

This would be a good time to bring up something that has been on my mind since I joined here. The thread "People You Find Attractive". Personally I find it demeaning (mostly to women). Why do we need a thread in this forum to sexually objectify anybody? Not all post in the thread so that but many pictures do and many more comments.

News flash: being that this is a Humans Only forum, and humans generally like to see and share things that they find attractive, it was inevitable to broach the subject. It makes for interesting exchanges when people share who they find attractive. In fact, Jev and I bonded (somewhat) over how our taste in women is almost identical. I've spent a considerable time on that thread. Matters of attraction have always been a fascinating study for me. What I'm also intrigued by is the occasional homosexual post. Although not as common as heterosexual selections, men admitting that they can see the attractive qualities of another man is refreshing. The "man-crush" as it were. I find it equally intriguing when one can admit that they are attracted to someone that is not the industry standard of beauty. And despite some posts by those that felt the need to skirt the intent and decorum of the thread, I don't think it's as bad as you're depicting it. Plus, some people only have taste in their mouth.

[DaddyFlip]

I think I posted there once, and I'm straight and my picture was of another man... I've got a serious man-crush on Alton Brown

That's okay. You can tell folks you're not horny, just hungry.

[Darth Tepes]

Let's re-coin this as vexplaining.

I like it....point