OK, now that I'm completely caught up with this story...
First off: WONDERFUL job taking canon and truly making it your own, LR! Frankly I think that the legend of Revan is made all the more poignant after reading this iteration, not to mention that having the additional conflict involving Malak's burgeoning feelings towards Revan makes for EXCELLENT pathos! Reminds me of Dune: "circles within circles" indeed
While I'm fairly familiar with much of Revan's story, this feels entirely original, where the Easter eggs make me feel like I'm privy to insider information. And my compliments LR on the emotional scenes, some standouts that come immediately to mind: Halin's rediscovery of her relationship with her brother; when she becomes the Revanchist; the near-genocide of the Cathar; Malak's torture--and Halin's/Revan's reaction in learning about it--at the hands of Demagol; the betrayal of the Mandalorian Jedi; the apathy of the Jedi Council; Revan taking the mask&name; the unresolved sexual tension between Revan and Malak (I can't WAIT to see what happens that makes them...um, well I don't want to give anything away to those readers who are unfamiliar with the story; shall we say their inability to get together
).
Another point that separates LR's iteration (and of course I love this next part): the inclusion of the Mak'Tor & the Song! Bringing them into the narrative--especially in relation to the Voice and Revan's visions. This was just too awesome when I read it
Let the galaxy burn….In some ways the Mando’s seem like a kind of swarm of locusts that periodically assails the rest of the galaxy, like they are simply a force of nature that ebbs and flows every now and then, ultimately always pushed back because if they really did win, I’m not sure they would know what to do next…except perhaps dissolve into factional mini-kingdoms constantly at war with each other so they can keep finding glory in battle…
A little feedback that meeting at the start of part 4 was very strange to read…you have everyone assembled via holo and then Revan reflects on them…then it just sort of finishes and no one actually says anything-
I get the focus was on Rev/Malak post the meeting but still I think it would’ve been much better as actual dialogue between each of the Revanchists in turn with Revan reflecting on how each had changed as they speak, it just seemed really weird to have an assembly like that and not show the dialogue which could’ve delved into the detail rather than having the text as blocks. The ultimate conclusion that she ‘couldn’t be Halin Chan’ after such experiences even if she wanted to was a very good conclusive point but got a bit lost in there.
Opela’s section in part 3 was quite good …getting really into the gritty action would be great to see more of that -the subsequent reference to Thustra just made me wonder what happened there that we didn't 'see' – I’d recommend checking out Dutchmans Schisms from about chapter 16 onward for some great examples of how to do some combat scenes in open war that also mix in some deeper reflections - might give you some ideas!
http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=38018.msg639062#msg639062But yeah just my opinions anyway!
Yeah it can be hard to know what to zoom in on in something as grand as a galactic scale war…zoom out too far and it loses its impact…zoom in too close and it does the same but in a different way. I don’t think anyone ever really can tell what works and what doesn’t till you try…and even then….
But ultimately it needs to be about the characters, so when in doubt go with the person centred approach I think – Dutch does this by having non central (often 1 chapter) characters experience of the war which I think works well to broaden the scope to a large scale but keep that person focus- add in a tangent to a main character and bam there you go.
Anyway as you progress I’m sure you’ll work out your own way of managing different sections and foci. Take your time with it usually get better result in the end!
That one of my fellow writers would give me such praise is an honor. Thanks LSG!
But to be fair: those chapters concerning periphery characters were a synthesis between an idea that LSG had floated my way and some stray thoughts about how best to proceed with the narrative. I can honestly say that LSG's insight really gave vital breath to what I was trying to pin down from the aether (no pun intended
).
With all that said: I canNOT wait for the next part of this story! Kudos to you LR!