Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903
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« Reply #75 on: June 11, 2018, 10:48:35 PM » |
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Common theme in these four seems to be this Queen...and wow that's a lot of dedication wrapped in a amazing set you your simple (i don't think any one line gets past four words!) yet absolutely startling imagery and metaphors - especially "brilliant soft points" which is full of color (blue white, red, green) and the oceanic parallels strongest in "This moment suspends". Maybe its just me but this is like the kind of thing I imagine a darker Tristan/Lancelot writing to Isolde/Guinevere.
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Lord_S_Gray
Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?" Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."
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Taegin Roan
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 2066
Posts: 6252
Lord of the Force
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« Reply #76 on: June 12, 2018, 02:25:28 AM » |
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Common theme in these four seems to be this Queen...and wow that's a lot of dedication wrapped in a amazing set you your simple (i don't think any one line gets past four words!) yet absolutely startling imagery and metaphors - especially "brilliant soft points" which is full of color (blue white, red, green) and the oceanic parallels strongest in "This moment suspends". Maybe its just me but this is like the kind of thing I imagine a darker Tristan/Lancelot writing to Isolde/Guinevere.
Very good parallel here. I didn't think about it when I first read them, but after reading your comment, I whole-heartedly agree.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan "Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker "So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala
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Illyiss
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946
There are shadows darker still...
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« Reply #77 on: June 16, 2018, 06:52:28 AM » |
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All alone Not one soul Giving face Voices echo Screaming,screaching Whispers, murmers Shouts and yells Cacaphonic overload Thousands of thousands Tales and tells Advice and critique All eternity Fractured infinite Laughing void Tender nirvana Swirling slicing A mind unhinged Connection complete Download or delusion Pain from the flood Or loss from the first Is murder our only forever...
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Darth Pandæmis
Peace is a lie...
Jedi Council of Ohio
Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG
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Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903
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« Reply #78 on: June 17, 2018, 02:51:35 AM » |
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Took a few reads but i think i get this one now..the start bit sounds like someone who is subject to sensory overload of some kind experiencing an overload from all the sounds...yet still alone...then it seems like 'advice and critiques' basically send them in a swirling madness it resolves back to the start with "Pain from the flood/Or loss from the first" - is the apin from the flood of sensory information or the isolation ending is a chilling but pertinent question, are these two things both fleeting and the reality of the abyss the only true forever thing. Complex but so succinct and as always thought provoking.
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Lord_S_Gray
Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?" Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."
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Illyiss
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946
There are shadows darker still...
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« Reply #79 on: July 15, 2018, 07:01:35 PM » |
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I'm not okay.
Except I am.
That's what you see, the face I wear.
Inside it hurts, it forges me hard.
The passion, the fire, the love so strong.
Apart, away, with no word, just faith.
Despite the flame, dark cold edges in.
I battle the ill, the flaw of soul.
I trust, I love, I hold belief in us.
Caught between love and depression.
I cry, I struggle, I fight to tread water.
I believe in you, I believe in us.
Every day as well, I believe in me, though that is the struggle.
You with I, one day shall be, I know my heart in glee.
I am okay.
Except I'm not.
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Darth Pandæmis
Peace is a lie...
Jedi Council of Ohio
Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG
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Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903
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« Reply #80 on: July 16, 2018, 01:51:22 AM » |
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I'm not okay.
Except I am.
I am okay.
Except I'm not.
That is a genius mirror start and finish. Has a very kind of 'Not Waving but drowning' feel about it, i don't think there's anyone that isn't doing this in some way, covering up something that cutting inside, but its okay in a way, but its not. As always you speak to common experiences that one doesn't really reflect one is or has (or will) experienced in such an eloquent way.
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Lord_S_Gray
Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?" Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."
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TheDutchman
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 1106
Posts: 4131
Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth
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« Reply #81 on: July 16, 2018, 12:15:57 PM » |
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Superb poignancy as always Illyiss. I believe that most (if not all of us) can empathize with this, and so much more than "duality of man" labels.
A sword may appreciate the fires of the forge as necessary but that doesn't translate as liking them. So too with adversity. What's ironic is that through progressive resistance do we become stronger.
But I don't have to like it.
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrubCataphract Triarch of the Vhal'DanMy sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY
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« Reply #82 on: July 16, 2018, 03:17:50 PM » |
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Thank you Illyiss. Powerful and poignant. With any love comes pain, we are all flawed and end up hurting those we love the most.
And I want to echo LSG: the use of mirror images beginning and end is excellent construction. :-) Nicely done!
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signature picture by DarthScrub Master Singer of the Mak'Tor
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Darth Silenoz
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -1287
Posts: 1263
Sith Juggernaut
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« Reply #83 on: July 16, 2018, 06:54:37 PM » |
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Damn. Well done Illyiss.
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"I believe it is quite possible to misbehave while still employing good manners." - Darth Logos
"There are too many stupid people, and I do not have enough patience for a whole universe of bozos." - Lady Revan
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Illyiss
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946
There are shadows darker still...
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« Reply #84 on: July 20, 2018, 03:10:06 AM » |
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When you meet someone and fall By inches and degrees Step by spoken word Quietly the heart of you Beats to now another The space within you grows All of you, to each of them Never growing cold Even when they've gone away Or never feel the same way So leaps and bounds Pile on deep inside The love, which fills Beside the ache that chills
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Darth Pandæmis
Peace is a lie...
Jedi Council of Ohio
Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG
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« Reply #85 on: July 20, 2018, 06:29:47 AM » |
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Illyiss, this is a beautiful look at and description of a relationship. The initial pass and I wanted to think it was in reference to a romantic relationship, but this goes so much deeper than that. This is real love, real relationship, the kind of connections that expand our lives and make it worth living - even when we know they're not permanent. The imagery of hearts beating together, of lives filling the nooks and crannies of each other's existence...
Thank you, sir. This is awesome.
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signature picture by DarthScrub Master Singer of the Mak'Tor
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Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903
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« Reply #86 on: July 20, 2018, 09:46:14 PM » |
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Illyiss, this is a beautiful look at and description of a relationship. The initial pass and I wanted to think it was in reference to a romantic relationship, but this goes so much deeper than that. This is real love, real relationship, the kind of connections that expand our lives and make it worth living - even when we know they're not permanent. The imagery of hearts beating together, of lives filling the nooks and crannies of each other's existence...
Thank you, sir. This is awesome.
Agreed there is also a sad edge at the end in my reading "even when they've gone away / or never feel the same way...the love which fills besides ether aches that chills" once they are gone it becomes a hideous absence all that connection you had (or thought you did) rebounds all the more painfully....but maybe that's just my personal experiences read into the poem...but then that is what poetry is all about - saying what you feel in ways you can't articulate yourself - time and again Illyiss has done this for all of us.
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Lord_S_Gray
Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?" Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."
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Illyiss
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946
There are shadows darker still...
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« Reply #87 on: July 20, 2018, 09:35:32 PM » |
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It is a strange joy of poetry, for the poet, that the words, with such strong and specific meaning when penned, can mean something different and unique to each reader. Even at times a reader may find different meaning when at different points in their life. Many other forms of written work, to have the original intent not conveyed clearly to each reader, is a consternation, perhaps even a failing, yet poetry, most like painting in this way, draws forth meaning through perception.
Thank you all for your praise, and for indulging my prose.
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Darth Pandæmis
Peace is a lie...
Jedi Council of Ohio
Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG
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Illyiss
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946
There are shadows darker still...
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« Reply #88 on: July 20, 2018, 09:48:42 PM » |
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Forever alone Inside this skin suit Wether crowded room Or solitude complete As though a passenger Traveling through this life Longing to love Connections not quite When so near at hand I feel light years away So more like the sun I send out my light Burning inside My heart's furnace bright Yet never knowing a moon Unreflected My light
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Darth Pandæmis
Peace is a lie...
Jedi Council of Ohio
Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG
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TheDutchman
Knight Commander
Force Alignment: 1106
Posts: 4131
Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth
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« Reply #89 on: July 21, 2018, 03:10:53 PM » |
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Forever alone Inside this skin suit Wether crowded room Or solitude complete As though a passenger Traveling through this life Longing to love Connections not quite When so near at hand I feel light years away So more like the sun I send out my light Burning inside My heart's furnace bright Yet never knowing a moon Unreflected My light
When you meet someone and fall By inches and degrees Step by spoken word Quietly the heart of you Beats to now another The space within you grows All of you, to each of them Never growing cold Even when they've gone away Or never feel the same way So leaps and bounds Pile on deep inside The love, which fills Beside the ache that chills
BOTH of these REALLY spoke to me. Since my childhood, I'd suffered from a gut-wrenching loneliness that was a constant for my first 20 years of life. Then, I met the woman who became my wife, more than filling the emptiness and banishing the pain. I won't go into more particulars here but...suffice it to say, the weight of imagery is so much more sublime than even words alone can convey. Thank you, Illyiss. Prose truly moving and altogether entirely personal.
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrubCataphract Triarch of the Vhal'DanMy sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY
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