Saber Forum

Thought I'd bring over a game from another forum!

The game goes is that someone makes a wish. The next person will say "GRANTED" but... and then something that makes the wish amazingly horrible.
For example:
"I wish Episode VIII would release tomorrow."
Next person could say
"GRANTED, it's Episode VIII: Jar Jar's bombad journey."
And then that person would make a wish.

Got it?
I'll start us up.

I wish I didn't have to cut the grass.

Granted! But now, you have to clear your garage of rats and rat feces.

I wish I had Vegeta hair.

Granted! But now you have lice.

I wish my beard was one color.

Granted, sickly sewer green.

I wish I had some bubble wrap.

GRANTED, but the bubble wrap will turn into dust if you attempt to pop it.

I wish I had more sabers..

Granted, but they're made of plastic.

I wish I could be in a Star Wars movie.

GRANTED, but you have to play child Anakin.

GRANTED, but IDK because you didn't wish anything! ;)

I wish I could have a better computer.

GRANTED, but you can never upgrade again.

I wish the Rangers win The Cup.

Granted, but then they'd be banished to the minors for all eternity.

I wish for teleporters.

GRANTED, but you can only teleport to work.

I wish for my own fully functional X-Wing.

Granted, but it's a kiddie ride.

I wish for unlimited funds.

(Ever been to a Ranger game at MSG?)

Granted, but you can only spend your salary per year and have to continue working.

(No, but it's a dream)

I wish to attend a Rangers game at MSG.

Granted, but there'll be a power outage that night.

(No, I hope you get to one day TJ, and the power stays on).

Granted, you get nothing and it's broken.

I wish for a dollar.

(D'OH! - good one)

Granted, but it's on your bank card.

I wish for ice cream.

Granted, dip spit flavor.

I wish for a pencil.

Granted, but it can never be sharpened.

I wish for a bike


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Granted, but it doesn't have a seat.

I wish for a white christmas.

Granted, but there's also no colour anywhere else.


I wish for my own island.

Granted, but you will forever be defending against invaders.

I wish to be able to order my Dark Sentinel in Fire Orange!

GRANTED!! But it's on back order with no foreseeable end in sight.

I wish that I could use the force!

Granted, you've mind tricked yourself to jump off a cliff.

I wish I had more Sriracha.

GRANTED! but it's out of date by 6 years.

I wish i could time travel.

Granted, but every time you use it your life goes horribly wrong a'la "The Butterfly Effect".

I wish I was a billionaire.

granted, but you're trump

I wish for more time to ride my bike

Granted, but it's a toddler's trike.

I wish for own service droid.

granted, but it only works off the horror that is simple owners manuals, it will forever be taking stuff to the dealership

I wish for.....my brother to actually clean his mess up

Granted, but then your parents would proclaim that they liked him best, and shower him in gifts, while forgetting about you.

I wish I had a sibling to torment.

GRANTED!

But you now have two siblings, one you can torment, but an older more evil sibling that torments you.


I wish i had a private jet to fly around the world.

Granted, but you get shot down over a no fly zone.

I wish i had more time to practice my sabering...

GRANTED! You are now unemployed.

I wish I had a pet red panda.

GRANTED! but your panda has a bad habit of escaping and going missing all the time...


I wish i could clone myself, and get my clone to go to work for me.

Granted, but your clone stars thinking it's the real you and eventually takes over your life.

I wish I had more shirts.

Granted. Unfortunately, they are all crop tops.

I wish I had a dollar for every wish I made that didn't come true.

Granted, but you'd be subject to a 99.99% wish income tax.

I wish my LPG BBQ was natural gas.

GRANTED! Now the ASPCA and the FBI want to have a chat with you about the cows with hoses up their backsides.

I wish I had two wishes for every wish that didn't come true.

GRANTED! but every 2 extra wishes are also doomed to never come true, resulting in a never ending cycle of useless wishes.

I wish i had the power to travel into video game worlds

Granted. But your friends can play as you, and if you die, you die for real.

I wish I could get rid of this god awful smell in my room.

GRANTED! But you now have to share a room with Jabba the Hut.

I wish I could go on a mission to Mars.

Granted, you become The Martian only you die.

I wish I had a pet sea turtle.

Granted, but it's a baby and gets picked off by gulls.

I wish I had children.


(BTW, +1 to the OP. This is great.)

Granted, but they come with a crazy potentially murder ex

I wish my bike jacket were heated


lol they do that anyway, and I still end up doing everything

? ? ?


Granted, but it regularly catches fire.


I wish I had a job at US.

GRANTED!! But your position is stamp licker for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

I wish I had a functioning X-wing Fighter.

Granted, but the second you get it the government confiscates it for "national security".

I wish Yoda was my teacher.

GRANTED!! But instead of the ways of the force he decides instead only to teach you ballet.

I wish that I could go to space.

Granted, but it's forged.

I wish for platinum.

Granted, you stole a platinum rap album and are killed in a drive-by shooting.

I wish I could interview Mark Hamill.

Granted, but he speaks only in Huttese.

I wish it wasn't raining today.

I thought this game was about ruining wishes?



Granted, it's blowing. Blowing rusty nails.

I wish I could skate better.

Granted, you master Skate 3.

I wish I had my headlights fixed.

Granted, now your taillights are broken.

I wish the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event happened again today.

Granted, an asteroid hit the Earth again, killing all the dinosaurs.

I wish I were better with video editing.

granted, but you are forced to use your skills for the illuminati

I wish 2016 would stop killing so many people off

Granted! but 2017 will now kill off twice as many.


I wish it was Monday so i could watch the new Game of Thrones already!

Granted, but someone gives you SURPRISE BUTT- ahem SPOILERS just before you turn the TV on.

I wish I was an extra in a Star Wars film, and launch my acting career from there...

granted, but you are the son of jar jar, even more annoying and get type cast as that sort of character

I wish my internet were reliable

Granted! But you can only use your internet to go on MySpace.

I wish for master programming skills

Granted! However if you make one typo or mistake, you are unable to edit it and must start from scratch every time.


I wish i had a Wookiee co-pilot and friend for life.

Granted, but he like to joke around a lot, and hits you.....Wookiee style.

I wish I could be a professional day dreamer.

Granted! But anytime you have a nightmare, it comes true.

I wish I could time travel

Granted, but you can only travel by a maximum of 5 seconds in either direction.

Granted, you get nothing and feel bad about it.

I wish I could sleep in tomorrow.

Granted, you fall into a coma.

I wish my room wasn't so hot.

Granted, you now live in Canada.

I wish for unlimited funds.

Granted, all counterfeit, and you have to spend it at a police station.

I wish Ramen had nutritional value.

Granted: negative vitamins, but 10x the sodium, carbs, calories, cholesterol, fat, etc.

I wish I could duel better.

Granted, 'cause so do I, but then the balance of the universe would be thrown off, and we'd implode, or fall into a gravity well, or something.

I wish the environment wasn't so knackered.

Granted, but now it's always deathly cold outside.

I wish I had ample room to practise dueling.

Granted, but your blades are only 6" long.

I wish I were an oscar meyer wiener

Granted, you get eaten by a corpulent 6th grader.

I wish I had more chocolate-covered strawberries.

granted, but you are allergic to strawberries and chocolate

I wish for more tea

Granted, you have way more t in your life.

I wish I could watch Better Call Saul.

Granted, but the show buffers every 5 minutes.

I wish I could get straight A's this semester.

Granted, you get straight A's this semester in exchange for all D's and F's for all other semesters.

I wish my sabers had actual crystals.

Granted, but they only work for 24 seconds in a 24 hour period.

I wish I had a Porche 911 Turbo.

Granted, it's a Hot Wheels.

I wish chocolate was free.

Granted, chocolate was free, but it's not anymore.

I wish I could use the force.

granted, but you can't control it and so have to not use it

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow

Granted, your boss dies and you're framed for his/her/its murder.

I wish my fan would stop making terrible noises.

Granted, but now it's broken.

I wish I had more Pringles.

Granted. You have an unlimited supply of Pringles, but once you pop, you can't stop. You die of sodium poisoning along with complications of bowel obstruction.

Can anybody find me somebody to love? I wish they could.

Granted, it's Freddy Mercury, but he's dead.

I wish a new Mega Man game would come out.

Granted buts it's made by EA

I wish for a nap.

Granted, but it's on a bed of spikes

I wish Doctor Who had a new season coming this year.

Granted, but the TARDIS is broken. Doctor Who spends the entire season in current times without a companion. And no Daleks.

I wish people respected each other despite differing views.

Granted, now differ on the view of respect and argue about it constantly.

I wish I could decide between FO or SY for my next saber.

Granted, but now you are unable to make any other decisions.

I wish I could be better at soccer

Granted, you can now put on shin guards twice as fast!

I wish I were better at guitar.

Granted, but you will never have a girlfriend, and your remaining time at college has no guarantee of good grades.

I wish I had some really good nachos for lunch.

Granted, but they give you really good bowel movements. Like, scary good.

I wish I had more gourds to make canteens out of.

GRANTED!! But they have all been soaked with radiation.

I wish I had a Brain, or maybe a Heart, or some Courage...  ::)

Granted, you are now part tin, part straw, and very hairy.

I wish Friday were here already.

GRANTED, but you just woke up from a coma.  And your car is totaled.

I wish my house were self-cleaning.

Granted, but it burns itself down in an attempt to destroy every pathogen in and around it.

I wish I could play football.

Granted, but everybody on the field, including your own team, wants a piece of you.

I wish I could come up with a better wish.

Granted, but as soon as you do, I take it.

I wish I had Logo's wish.

Granted, but knowing this I wished for a steaming pile >:D

I wish people would learn how to spell my name properly, and/or properly spell the possessive form.

Granted, but no one will be able to pronounce your name correctly.

I wish for a new KOTOR

Granted, but it sucks.

I wish I had more money for paying bills.

(Logos'?)

Granted, but then you get more bills, so it's a wash.

I wish I was on a tropical island today.

Granted, but it's volcanic, so it won't be here tomorrow.

I wish I didn't have any bills. :P

Granted, but you also don't have internet, electricity, running water, a car, etc.

I wish I had a significant other, for shenanigans.

Granted, but as soon as you become attached to this significant other, he/she dies.

I wish I had a leprechaun

Granted, but he constantly jumps out and punches you in the nuts.

I wish I had some Miracle Whip for this sandwich.

Granted, but you develop a severe allergy to miracle whip and sandwiches.
I wish I had an unlimited supply of gum

Granted, but you lose all your teeth.

I wish I had more vacation time.

(BWAHAHAHA! Leprechaun)

Granted, unpaid.

I wish I had a plate of pasta.

Granted, but it is uncooked and covered in mayonnaise.

I wish I didn't have to write essays.

Granted, you now have to study for an 8 hour exam.

I wish I had more weapons.

GRANTED!!! But they are all in disrepair and require some serious refurbishing...

I wish that I could breathe underwater

Granted, but you lose the ability to swim.

I wish I could urinate Gatorade

Granted, you have to drink it and it's only the flavors you don't like.

I wish I had my own radio show.

Granted, but the station only broadcasts with 1 watt.

I wish Mortal Combat was never invented.

Granted. It never was. Mortal Kombat is now the only game you can play. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I wish I was awesomer on the bass.

GRANTED!! You can now take AWESOME selfies while on Sea Bass... All about that Bass

I wish that I could go on a fishing trip

Granted, but your boat sinks and you don't catch anything.

I wish I had a boat.

Granted, a 1985 Oldsmobile 88.

I wish it would all work out.

GRANTED!!! You shall spend the rest of your life in the Gym working it all out...

I wish that I made more money

Granted! But it turns to sand every time you touch it, and you can't put it in the bank.

I wish I wasn't so confused.

Granted, you have a complete understanding of everything except your job. And any future job.

I wish my stomach felt better.

Granted. but you legs are now in that horrible state where the feeling is coming back after going numb and its really painful

I wish I got my re-enactment kit sorted out

Granted, but the red-light district is the only place hiring.

I wish I could die by the Midas touch.

Granted, but the price of gold drops extremely low and your cold dead golden statue is worthless and frowned upon by everyone you knew and loved.

I wish I could grow a good Jedi Beard.

Granted, but then the Jedi are once again obliterated by their enemies.

I wish Project:BOOYA! were finished and operational.

(Who cares about the price of gold, I'd have a statue of my likeness epically posed for all time. ;D :P)

Not granted.  I personally like men with smooth faces or just a shadow.   :D

Pick something much better.   ;D

EDIT :  Logos... you and your trigger finger.  This reply was for Greg. 

Granted. but it breaks down immediately.

I wish I could get free gas for my Jeep.

Granted, but it's methane, and in no container...did you catch it?

I wish D7 didn't forget to make a wish.

To GG: Granted, but then all 4 tires go flat and they stop making compatible replacements.

Granted, but it wouldn't make sense.

I wish I had an English bulldog puppy.


Gotta wait for payday tomorrow to finish my buying.

(Rapine, I was thinking it, but I didn't get to it quick enough... :D )

Granted, but that puppy has destroyed every chewable item in your house.

I wish I had better coordination.

granted, but you are blind and cannot make use of this superior coordination

I wish my cat understood 2am is not an acceptable time to wake me up to re-fill his food bowl

Granted, but your cat ran away to find a more accommodating servant. :(

I wish I had more vacation time.

Granted, but your days off are always ruined by weather.

I wish I could play guitar as well as Prince did.

Granted, but nobody likes your music.

I wish I weren't flat footed.

Granted, you're club footed.

I wish I was ambidextrous.

Granted, but now you have two left hands and are equally awkward with both.

I wish I had kids.

Granted, you obtain a herd of goat babies.

I wish I had more flutes.

Granted, they are all skin flutes.

I wish I had more tea

granted, but you have no kettle, milk or sugar

I wish I could come up with a better wish

Granted, but you forget it instantly

I wish I was taller

Granted, but you become too tall with no sense of balance.

I wish I could punch you.

Granted, but you punch like an infant girl

I wish you weren't a loser

Granted, but then you become the loser.

I wish I had money for more sabers.

GRANTED!! But for every extra $1, you also gain $2 in debt

I wish that I had a functioning AT-ST Walker

Granted, but a tribe of angry Ewoks blows up the walker with you in it.  How embarrassing.

I wish my cats didn't shed so much.

Well damn... (as for your wish, me too)

GRANTED!!! Now they all have no fur whatsoever and will never have fur ever again

I wish I had a dozen Krispy Cream donuts and a gallon of milk

Granted, but it's all in an unknown currency that you can't figure out

I wish for a better sleep schedule

should have refreshed first lol

Your wish (now refreshed) is granted, but everything tastes like sand

I wish I had a better sleep schedule

Granted.  Now you sleep all day.  Everyday.

I wish today were Friday.

Granted, today is last Friday.

I wish I had more sunglasses.

Granted, but the sun has exploded and we're all about to die in the resulting super nova. (Thanks a lot)

I wish I had better mechanic skills.

Granted, but now you're an astromech and no one understands a thing you say.

I wish I could eat all the sweets I want and not mess up my health.

Granted, but now you can eat ONLY sweets.

I wish I could have a jet pack

(Awesome. Who doesn't love an astro-mech? Plus I have more gadgets than a Swiss Army knife. BONUS)

DJ: Granted, but you lose your tongue to cancer and can't taste anything.

Bay: Granted, but it explodes.

I wish other people would stop jacking my responses. >:(

Granted, but every response you give happens to you instead.


I wish I could win at Slither.io :/

Granted, but the victory is pointless.

I wish I was better at Battlefront.

Granted, but a new DLC comes out making it a children's alphabet learning game.

I wish for super strength

Granted, but only your toes have it.


I wish for fish.

Granted. Anchovies. Billions of them.

I wish for more bacon.

Granted, but it is turkey bacon.

I wish I had a big breakfast.

Granted, but it was bran muffins, so you'll spend the rest of the day on the toilet.

I wish I had a steak.

Granted, you now have an overcooked kangaroo steak.

I wish I didn't have to work today.

Granted. You are FIRED.

I wish Earth had more natural satellites.

Granted, but they fall to the earth and create an apocalypse.
I wish I could be fearless...

Granted, you become the song "Fearless" by T-Swizzle.

I wish I had more skateboards.

Granted, but instead of moons, they're planty spy cams that watch you in the shower.


I wish I had some Gatorade.

Granted but it is mixed with laxative (a la savage922).

I wish I had better wifi at school.

Granted, but it stands for "Wireless fightclub" which is a robotic group of MMA fighters, who really put the smackdown on you.


I wish I could have a Flamberge.

Granted but it spontaneously melts upon contact with any other surface

I wish I was good at sports

Granted, but you get in an accident that causes you to become a quadriplegic.

I wish I had more watches.

Granted, but they tell you condiment types instead of the time.


I wish Batman v Superman was a better movie :/

Granted, Captain America Civil War comes out next week.

I wish I had a great sith cosplay

Granted, you now have a film replica of whiny Anakin Skywalker.

I wish I had an awesome Jedi cosplay!

Granted, you now have a perfect cosplay of whiny Anakin Skywalker

I wish for more wishes

Point for the savage burn.....

Granted..........but they don't come true.

I wish for a nap.

Granted but you wake up more exhausted than before

I wish I passed all my finals

Granted, but you fail all your future undergrad finals.

I wish other people would jump in this game.

Granted, but now there's TOO MANY players.

I wish I could get paid to do nothing all day.

Granted, but you get paid in disembodied baby hands.

I wish for a car.

Granted. It's a matchbox.

I wish dinner was ready.

Granted, but it's Taco Bell and there are no toilets.

I wish my baby brother wasn't sick ;-;

GRANTED!! But now you have it twice as bad.

I wish I had more energy

Haha! I'm already more sick than him! I HAVE BROKEN THE GAME! XD


Granted, but now you can't ever sleep again.


I wish I could find a good Graflex font.

Granted, but to hear the swing and clash sounds you have to constantly change batteries....FOR EACH SOUND. muahahahah

I wish I was skilled enough in electronics to build my own lightsaber

Granted, but the FBI swarms your house and places you under arrest for bombmaking.

I wish I could sing.

Granted, you can sing, but are always a half-step lower than the original material.

I wish House were still on TV.

Granted, but now Danny DeVito is House.

I wish I could be as great as Bruce Lee.

Granted, you are as great as Bruce Lee at putting on shoes.

I wish for another Christopher Nolan Batman movie.

Granted, Danny DeVito is now Batman. And Catwoman, and the Joker, Harley, Two-Face, etc. 80's Arnold is the Penguin.

I wish I could double jump.

Granted, but the added height increases the distance to the ground, and you break your legs upon landing.

I wish I could single jump.

Granted, you become the greatest slam dunker in the world and get offered a basketball contract. You become bigger than Shaq, Kobe, LeBron, Nash, and Curry combined. You become a millionaire overnight, and instead of saving it and putting it towards investments, you squander it all in a single day due to its sheer overpowering nature. During your second professional game, however, your tear both your ACL's, and while the doctors say that they'll heal, they'll never be the same again. Your contacts and sponsorships disappear, and you become a traveling derelict searching for further adoration from your once-loyal fans.


I wish I had a cow.

(Well then - moo!)

Granted, but it eats like a goat.

I wish I could afford my dream retirement property.

Granted, but before you can purchase it the government turns it into farmland.

I wish I had more lawn chairs.

Granted, but they break every time someone sits on it, forcing you to buy more.

I wish there were more saber enthusiasts locally... and everyone didn't have to travel so far just to meet.

Granted, but you have to go door to door to tell them the news. (Get to it)

I wish Knox were back for longer stints.

Granted, but all his posts are garbage.

I wish I had a longer attention RED CAR! Oh.. I meant attention span.

Granted, but only when you're in an elevator.

I wish that every time I walk into a room a theme song would play

Granted, the theme never fits the action and is too loud.

I wish I didn't have a long drive ahead of me.

Granted, but it ends in a brick wall.

I wish I wasn't sick :/

Granted, but you still feel like you were
I wish I was a better wisher

Granted, but you still get smartass responses to your wishes.

I wish people would stop recycling the same tired wish I already made.

Granted, but you aren't able to come up with any new wishes.
I wish I could walk on water

Granted, you're in Canada in February.

I wish nothing negative ever happened to me.

Granted, now nothing will ever happen. Bad or Good.

I wish I were playing video games right now.

Granted except now you're playing E.T.  (If you don't see the issue, check on YouTube. O_O )

I wish I could read minds.

(don't get the reference so your granted wish is moot)

Granted, but you read mine and are now scarred for life.

I wish I had a Ben's pretzel.

Granted, but I didn't get that reference either, so it tastes like generic sand. :D

I wish we had space colonies and I could travel to one.

Granted, but you are forced to do slave labor at said station 22 hours a day for the rest of your life.
I wish I had four arms

Granted, but the extra two are atrophied and you can't hide them or get them removed.

I wish I didn't need glasses.

(You haven't lived. Giant fresh baked soft pretzel. Like Auntie Anne's, only bigger and better.)

Granted, you are now blind.

I wish I had $100.

Granted, but someone mugs you and you lose $101.

I wish I had the power of self-propelled flight.

Granted except your method of propulsion will make everybody gag for miles away.   :D

I wish I were more patient.

Granted............................

I wish people would stop forgetting to make wishes!

Granted, I have mind like a steel trap.

I wish I could remember what I wanted to wish for.

Granted, but you can't wish for it
I wish I could see through walls

I was forcing he to be patient for my reply.


Granted, but you can only see half-way through them.

I wish the weather would finally deliver spring.

Granted, but spring means TORNADOES.  Your house just got flattened.

I wish I sounded as good when I talk as when I write.

(Don't we all?)
Granted, now your grammar and punctuation will match your voice.

I wish I had an alternate source of income, so I could tell my ins. co. where to go.

-1

Granted, but now you work for said insurance company.

I wish the aforementioned tornadoes would dissipate.

Granted, but your house and all your belongings are still destroyed.
I wish I had superhuman hearing

Granted, but now you are blind and dumb.

I wish the skies would clear up.

Perhaps I should wish to be more patient...

Granted, the ozone layer disappears and the sun burns through the clouds.

I wish I could play handball.

Granted, but someone mistakes your head for the ball and smacks you silly.

I wish I was getting a haircut today.

Granted, but the only tool the barber has is a chainsaw.


I wish I could finish my cosplay by tommorow

Granted, but you look like Sailor Moon.

I wish I had more wooden animal figures.

(you are the worst XD)

Granted, but a mage has cursed them, and they become blood-thirsty monsters at night

I sometimes wish Skyrim was real

Granted, but now the Feds are after you to make you answer for another dimension invading our own. ;)

I wish people didn't call me at inconvenient times.

Granted, but now people DROP IN at inconvenient times.


I wish my wish wouldn't be ruined

Granted, you wished to drink a gallon sized sewer smoothie.

I wish for a rock.

Granted. You're now part of the Roman empire. You're being stoned. Execution.


I wish for a breath of fresh air.

Granted, but you're on top of Mt. Everest.  You collapse from hypoxia.

I wish junk mail were banned.

Granted, you now have hundreds upon hundreds of pop-ups to offset the junk mail.

I wish for some ramen.

GRANTED, but it has been sitting out for a few days.

I wish I was surrounded by kittens!!

Granted, but they are eating away at your flesh.

I wish I was better at drawing.

Granted. You become a great artist; rivaling the imagination, talent, and sheer incredibleness of artists such as da Vinci, van Gogh, and Munch. Like all great artists, however, no one appreciates or even gives your art a second look. You fall into a deep depression and eventually live in squalor, having to resort to eating your paintings in order to survive. You die alone and unknown, and it's not until after your death that your art becomes popular.

I wish I could play paintball on the reg.

Granted, except Paintballs are now the size of cannon balls and are lethal.


I wish school would let up.

(actually, under the right circs, paintballs can be lethal)


Granted, but that's because you failed out and must now seek minimum wage employment.

I too wish I could play paintball regularly. (God, I miss it.)

Granted, but it's with John Wick.


I wish I was rich.

GRANTED!! You now have a very Rich yet Sour smell

I wish that reports could write themselves

Granted!  Problem is, your report just told your teacher what they could do with themselves. O_O

I wish popular music wasn't horrible.

Granted, but now all the other types of music are horrible. Classical, rock, rap, country, alternative...all of them become the scourge of humanity. People revolt and burn all non-pop songs, and eventually the entire world becomes a ruthless dictatorship in which different pop artists and groups vie to be Supreme Leader of the world.

I wish I could tap dance.

Granted, but you can never stop.

I wish I had a boyfriend....or a puppy.

Granted!  You have a boyfriend, and he's very bitchy.

I wish I could find a cheap Vader Force FX Black soundboard.

Granted, but the board is fried.

I wish I could buy a replica Graflex clamp.

Granted, but it's made from very cheap plastic.



I wish US would release a new saber soon...

Granted, but it's released into your chest....Han Style.


I wish......oh crap, I'm out of wishes.

Granted, you are the first loser in this game.

I wish for a Culver's pub burger.

Granted, but it came out of the dumpster.

I wish for a vacation home in Florida.

Granted, it's a foot off the shoreline and you can only use it during high tide.

I wish my boots were easier to clean.

Granted, they are now made out of glass.
I wish I could swim through land

(I almost misread that)


Granted, but you can only breath under water.

I wish it were 5:00pm EST

Granted, but you now work evening shifts.

I wish I could build a 1:1 scale replica of the World Trade Center out of LEGOS.

Granted, but then it is attacked by more terrorist a-holes.

I wish I had a quarter pounder dressed like a Big Mac.

Granted, but it's a veggie burger.

I wish I could sleep better.

Granted, but you never wake up.

I wish I could write essays faster.

Granted, you write essays at the speed of light. However, you fail to stop after completing your essay, and burrow through your keyboard. Your fingers get twisted and broken, and blood gushes from your furious phalanges. After going through your solid oak table with your fingers being reduced to only the palm of your hands, you start going through your carpet. You still have the typing motion going as you dig through your carpet and into the cement that makes the foundation of your house. Finally, after breaking through the concrete you stop, the only remnants of your arms being your shoulder blades.

I wish I had a new laptop.

(GreG - speech recognition software)

Granted, I don't have to think of anything bad; they do it themselves.

I wish I could teleport.

Granted, but you can only teleport to theaters playing "Out of Africa" marathons.

I wish I could make money materialize whenever I need it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Your wish is granted!  You may now create one Zimbabwean Dollar bill every second.

I wish I had more hair.

Granted, but you are now commonly mistaken for Sasquatch.

I wish I knew what my cats were thinking.

Granted!  They're thinking, "Should we murder her in her sleep tonight, like I've long been planning?"

I wish I knew the plot of Episode VIII ahead of time.

Granted, but the plot is god-awful and involves a Gungan holiday special.

I wish for more vacation days.

(That was maliciously awesome +1)

Granted, but they all lie on 2/29.

I wish I could snap my fingers and instantly be caught up.

Granted, but you're only caught up on the issues that don't have any relevance to society (like what the 5th Avenue alley cats had for lunch today)

I wish I never had to write an essay again.

Granted, but that's because you failed out of school.

I wish I spoke better Russian than I do.

предоставляется. You spend a few months in Russia where you become nearly fluent, but that's only because your passport got rejected, and you can't leave. You're in serious trouble with the Russian mob as well, but you have no particular set of skills. You'll be able to scream in Russian when they strap you to a chair and hook a battery to your sensitive bits.

I wish my imagination were more fun.

Granted, you mind constantly acts as though you are on LSD even when you are sober.

I wish I had something interesting to do tonight.

Granted, but now you're on the run from the start the zombie apocalypse.

I wish I required less sleep.

I had a friend like that...

Granted.  You now have severe mania and are unable to sleep more than a couple hours every few nights.  (Speaking of acting like you're on LSD all the time...)

I wish I were not allergic to cats.

Granted, you're allergic to oxygen now.

I wish I knew how to record a good youtube video.

Granted, your videos become the cock of the walk and you rise to the top of the Youtube charts. You become the fastest and most subscribed person in history, and become an overnight sensation. However, you soon get tangled in a messy PR situation, with accusations of activities involving mules and door stoppers. People judge you with no proof whatsoever, and you're soon put in jail because of baseless charges and corrupt cops planting evidence. Now you rot in the Folsom Penitentiary, with only a six string made of cement and inmate hair to keep you company.

I wish I could be this guy:

(http://cache4.asset-cache.net/gc/57520499-man-wearing-dressing-gown-reading-magazine-in-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=Z%2FDj%2FPwYrZUp1e%2FOMiZIIkxzxrT6YU5wMz%2BVC6owuJNGb3LvIRE50y1hmyW0wLJu)

Granted, you are forever frozen in a stock image. Forever subjected to being looked at. You are tormented by the terrible memes made of you. And forever haunted by the laughter of those who don't understand your purpose as a stock photo. You try to weep, but you are in the frozen state of stock imagery and not a sound or tear escapes from you.

I wish I wasn't so morbid.

Granted, you now have the mental state of a baby. You also have the physical and emotional capabilities of a baby. You become unable to care for yourself, and become a huge burden on your family, who then relegate you to a nursing home and never call or visit you. All the pictures of you are taken down, and the only people who ever speak your name again are your spiteful, abusive caretakers.

I wish I had more button-ups.

Granted, but now zippers are lost technology to you.

I wish I had a private commode in my office.

Granted, but it's not *your* private commode. It belongs to a 1,000-pound slug named Jabba who only eats Taco Bell burritos for every meal.

I wish I had another motorcycle.

Granted!  You now have a shiny new Gold Wing in your garage.  It belongs to the local police chief, and the cops are actively looking for it.

I wish I could grant ruined wishes in real life.

Granted, except you now live inside the internet, therefore making the internet your reality.



I wish US would come out with a green-hilt line (Green reapers!)

Granted, but they're covered in grass stains rather than anodized.

I wish Common Core would be abolished.

Granted, but now all schools teach the "Stork Theory" in health class, the "It's Magic Theory" in science class, the "Take a Guess" method in grammar class, the "Denial Approach" in history class, and the "Don't Worry About It; It's Too Hard" method in math class.

I wish everyone in the world could just treat other people with compassion.

Granted, except sin is still a problem


I wish that I could have some ice cream

Granted, but now it's the only food there is.  And you have sensitive teeth and lactose intolerance.

I wish I could know everything I needed to know for this exam without having to study.

Granted, but then you get blamed for cheating.

I wish I could do something right for once.

That's fine.  I have working lightsabers on the Internet.  ;D

Granted.  You do a perfect job of slicing your own wrists.

I wish I could eat more pizza.

Granted, but suddenly your throat tightens as you eat, and a voice deadpans, "Oh, no.  He's choking on food."  Then it turns vicious.  "I see what's in your mind.  YOU...KILLED...RAPINE!"  Getting slammed into a soda machine is suddenly the LEAST of your worries as a small Knight of Ren avenges your victim... O_O

I wish I could go on vacation with my cats, completely hassle-free.

Hey, I didn't kill him!  He did it himself!  ...and he did a very good job of it, too.  :P

Note to self: never actually piss off Justicar.  She's vicious!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, wait, that was actually your wish?  Wow, that one's pretty implausible--I mean, "hassle-free" and "cats" don't really go together, but I'll see what I can do.  (I love cats.  ;D )


Granted!  Now you're the cats, and they're the humans.  No hassles as far as you're concerned!  Just a billion new things to explore/sniff/scratch/chase/mark/etc.

I wish I understood what a soda machine had to do with a small Knight of Ren avenging Rapine.

(Okay, that would actually be fun for a day to experience the cat life and then come back to tell about it! :D )

Granted, but now that you've watched "Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base" on YouTube, you can't stop laughing.  EVER.  FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. [Note: that's actually the answer.]

I wish clothes shopping weren't so difficult and time consuming.

Dude, Matt straight-up sucks!

Granted, but now it is much, MUCH more wallet consuming.

I wish for some tacos.

Granted, a pile of tacos magically appear in front of you and you gorge yourself with them. A feeling of utter guilt then comes upon you, with the onset of a 48hr long explosive diarrhea.

I wish there was an easier way of losing weight besides watching what I eat and exercise...

Granted.  You're now missing all of your limbs.

I wish I didn't suck so badly at getting to bed at a reasonable hour.

Same here, it's 5:30 am and I'm only mildly sleepy.

Granted, Danny DeVito dresses up as the Sandman, sneaks into your room, and throws sand in your face until you fall asleep at 9 pm. Every single night.

I wish I was married to T-Swizzle.

Granted, but not until she is 85 years old.
I wish I could type really quickly

Granted, but it only works on antique typewriters with sticky keys.

I wish I had a Coke.

Granted, but it's Diet. (HAHAH)

I wish I had money to buy new editing software!

(DIE)

Granted, but the language is in Sanskrit. ~¿~

I wish the weekend began tomorrow, all my crap was caught up, but Thursday & Friday were added to the normal weekend days of Saturday and Sunday, and I still got paid for Thursday and Friday.

Granted but you're in a coma and your extra pay goes to your hospital bills. But at least everybody else is enjoying their long weekends!

I wish my jaw didn't ache today.

Granted, you now look like Darth Malak.

I wish I could go home. Oh wait...

Granted, you go to Africa.

I wish I had some Slim Jims.

Granted!  You have some Slim Jims--the lockpick kind.  More good news!  You have a long-lost identical twin you didn't know about!  He's been breaking into cars nearby, and several cameras have gotten clear photos of him.  You should probably go answer that knock on your door--it sounds like it's the police, and they say they have a warrant.

I wish I had a working submarine.

Granted, but it is made out of paper mache
I wish I could meet my favorite youtuber, Jacksepticeye.

Granted, but it's at his house in the middle of the night and he shoots you in the head after mistaking you for an intruder.

I wish Jon Stewart would run for POTUS.

Sean doesn't own a gun, nor is he legally allowed to.
In fact, he really doesn't like guns. But, okay, whatever.  :D

Granted, he is forced to drop out and is put to death after another candidate digs up dirt revealing that he is a serial strangler.

I wish I were better at counter strike.

Also, high fives all around! Psh, psh, wpsh!

Granted, but you get better at being worse.

I wish for a fish.

(And I'll see you all... IN THE NEEEEXT VIIIIIIDDDEEEEOOOOOOOOO!)

Granted, but it's dead.

I wish I didn't have responsibilities today.

(So juicy sweet.)


Granted, but you're dead.

I wish I could take a nap at lunch.

Granted but you never wake up (JFC this forum is so damn morbid)

I wish that I could buy my video editing software.

Granted, you have your video editing software. Then suddenly, a car crashes into your house - it's a gang of escaped convicts! They beat and tie you up, then ransack your home for any valuables. Just then, the cops arrive and have the place surrounded. One of the felons says "I can't go back to jail, man" and the ringleader tells him to shut up, that they're not going down without a fight. The felon attacks his leader, tired of being constantly picked on. The leader's gun goes off, prompting the 100 cops and SWAT officers to open fire on your house. The gang is riddled with bullets before your very eyes, and the last bullet fired by the supposed "good guys" hits your water heater, blowing up your house and taking you, the corpses, and 30 of the officers with it.

I wish I had a new flask.

Granted, but it's an Erlenmeyer flask.  Looks cool, but it's not one for sneaking alcohol into places unnoticed.

I wish people would not smoke anywhere in my vicinity.  EVER.

Granted!  You're stranded alone on a rapidly-melting iceberg.

I wish I could reliably and repeatedly find or create magnetic monopoles.

Granted, you discover that all Monopoly board game pieces are indeed magnetic. Congrats.

I wish this headache would leave.

Granted. You're decapitated, so your head(ache) is gone.

I wish I had enough to get my filming hobby off the ground.

Granted, here's a bunch of helium balloons.

I wish I had a bunch of helium balloons for myself.

Granted, your house floats away towards paradise falls but crashes into the cliffside and your home is destroyed.

I wish I could take daily naps.

Granted, but you sleep all the days away, and are left awake and alone at night.

I wish I were instantly good at everything.

(Vyk, I like your avatar pic.)

Granted, but you can never enjoy doing anything.

I wish I could play bass. lol

Granted, bass clarinet.

I wish I could drink lots of water and not get full

Granted, but now you can't go more than 15 minutes without needing to relieve yourself.  You only specified your stomach wouldn't get full, after all. ;)

I wish I weren't always so cold.

Granted, you now live on a hybrid planed of Tatooine and Jakku and three large, blazing suns cause you to grow significantly tan and wearing any sort of clothing makes you sweat up a storm, leaving you in a constant, moist, discomfort.

I wish I was less cold sensitive!

Thanks!  One of my TOR chars, who not-so-surprisingly is named Vyk, and not-so-coincidentally looks a lot like I do IRL.  :)

Granted!  Now even in Hoth-like temperatures, you feel like you're living on a hybrid planet of Tatooine and Jakku, so you constantly sweat up a storm, leaving you in a constant, moist, discomfort.  :P

I wish I were better at cram-fu.

Granted, but now you can never return to SaberForum because you're maximizing your time.  ALL the time. :(

I wish summer would hurry up and get here.

Granted, but you're still cold.

I wish my switch covers from Sedsti would hurry and get in.

Granted, but they don't fit and are the wrong color. Oh, and no returns.

I wish I were off tomorrow without losing my job.

Granted, your boss generously grants you a day off, with pay! However, as you're resting home peacefully enjoying your paid day off, you hear a knock at your door. You open it to find a little girl scout selling cookies. The box art looks great and the aroma itself is scrumptious, and you buy a box. As you're reaching for your wallet, however, the girl pulls out a tire iron from behind her back and whacks your knees, shattering them. The rest of the scouts come out from the bushes and start attacking you, and it's then you realize that they're not innocent girl scouts - they're the infamous Judy Garland Gang, a group comprised entirely of convicted, battle-hardened, drug addicted midget women! You scream in pain as they shatter your bones and tear the flesh from your body. Leaving you within an inch of your life, they proceed to raid your abode for any valuables and burn the rest. Finally, as you crawl away in order to escape the fiery inferno that was your home, your neighbors simply point and laugh at you while stating "it was just a prank, bro!"

I wish I had the e-pipe I wanted.

Granted, but you're also granted a view of your future...you will die an early, slow, agonizing death.  (But remember, the future isn't set...you may be able to save yourself if you put down the nicotine...)

I wish TV didn't suck.

Granted but it's only one channel of reruns that plays at a tenth the speed the last time it was played.

I wish I had fly spray.

Granted, but it doesn't do anything to make you more "fly" at all.  It just leaves you wet, sticky, and smelly.

I wish the weather here wasn't terrible today.

Granted, but it's hurricanes and tornados for the rest of the year.

I wish I could buy anything I wanted.

Haha don't worry, I'm much too poor to afford any addiction :D


Granted, you have all the money in the world! However, due to being able to buy anything you could possibly want, you become a hedonist. Of course, since you're a hedonist who can afford anything, you quickly become bored. You start dabbling in taboo and forbidden activities, and your carnality becomes famous worldwide. Eventually, a vagabond appears at your door one day and offers you a strange-looking puzzle box. Being confused but highly intrigued, you accept it. You spend days and nights devoted solely to trying to figuring it out, and eventually you give up. Eventually, you pass the box while skinning a durian, and cut yourself on the knife. Suddenly, you hear a loud boom and a flash of light appears before your eyes - it's the Cenobites! They offer you pleasure as you've never known before, and being a hedonist you quickly accept. After being dragged into their dimension, you feel a sort of heavenly euphoria. After a couple seconds of that, however, you feel nothing but sharp, searing pain from every one of your nerves. You realize that the Cenobites are so extreme in their pursuit of self-gratification that they can no longer differentiate between pleasure and pain, and have chosen you to be their tortured guinea pig for all of eternity.

I wish I had more skateboards.

Granted, but none them have wheels and they're all coated in Teflon.

I wish for some AA batteries.

Granted, but now YOU are battery-powered instead of your stunt saber.  If you run out of AA's, you die.

I wish my longsword fighting skills were awesome instead of nearly nonexistent.

Granted, but you are transported back in time to fight alongside King Arthur, you die a miserable bloody death.

I wish my defensive skills could keep up (speed) with my sparring partner.

Granted, but now your offensive skills are worse than a star-nosed mole's.

I wish I was around for the black belt presentation in August.  (Although it's just a formality)

Granted, but you are now the demonstration dummy.

I wish I had more UCS LEGO sets.

Granted. You wake up in the middle of the night. As you get out of bed to get a glass of water, you feel a sharp pain in your feet. You have EVERY UCS LEGO set. Except they're all an unassembled, waist-high heap of bricks that now fills your house.



I wish I could improve my Makashi and Ataru skills

(AWESOME!!!!)


Granted, but your Soresu is now deplorable, and you receive a never ending string of ass-whoopins.

I wish my car were fully fixed.

I'll be nice in this round,

Granted, your car is fully repaired and you happily drive into the sunset..........then you run over a banana peel and you plummet down a canyon (Poor O'Doyle)

I wish I had money for Legos.

(BAH! I didn't get the "fixed car" one - I had a good reply for that)

Granted, you have unlimited funds, but it can only ever be spent on Lego. No food.  No rent.

I wish force points were spendable.

granted, you have money for legos, but only legos, which aren't really a thing as I assume you mean lego

I wish for an orange

Granted, granted. You both have force points to spend on oranges but they are inedible and can only be used to exchange for more force points.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted, but they are Señor Scholl shoes and are crippling to wear. They've also been welded to your feet.

I wish I were better at special effects.

granted

but you never get work because whilst films these days love special effects and CGI, they also like to cheap out on them most of the time

I wish for comfier beds at work

Granted!  They're irresistibly comfortable, but if you're caught sleeping, you get fired.

I wish I could have my name in the credits of a major motion picture.

Granted, but you're one of the plethora of nobodies that wiped someone's ass. And nobody ever reads those.

I wish I had a frozen cappuccino right now.

Granted, but it's only a few degrees shy of absolute zero.  You've got a LONG wait ahead of you before you can safely drink that.

I wish people would be methodical and organized in presenting new processes at work instead of talking a million miles a minute and throwing out acronyms like we're supposed to just telepathically know what that means.

Granted, but now new processes take about three days to get across, and you are reprimanded for being too slow.

I wish I wouldn't have jury duty Thursday.

Granted, but now you're the defendant.  In a murder case.  And you're guilty.

I wish for a new calculator.

Granted, but it doesn't work either.

I wish I were still in bed.

I'd totally take that.  :D

You are.  There's a really hot woman there with you, too.  Her husband is a MMA champion and he just walked through your door.  (Not in your door.  Through it.  He's kind of mad.)

I wish I had whatever Justicar used to cool Logos's cappuccino.  :)

Granted, but you drop it on your foot and it freezes and falls off.

I wish I was a better dancer.

Granted, but now you can't stop dancing. You stay awake in endless nights of jazz tap routine that slowly drives you mad from lack of sleep and repetitive rhythmical tapping.

I wish I was more motivated.

A) I think I can take him. (Go all Mugin on him)
B) Liquid Hydrogen.


Granted, but you're now a Social Justice Warrior d-bag and everyone hates you.

I wish I had a cat.

If it's "a few degrees shy of absolute zero", it's probably not liquid hydrogen, actually; hydrogen freezes at 14K, which is more than "a few degrees" IMO.  :P  (Not that the difference between 4K and 14K matters much to the drinkability of one's coffee.)  I'd guess liquid helium, but only Justicar knows for sure.  :)

One of the instruments where I work requires liquid helium-3 for cooling; normal liquid helium (which is primarily helium-4) isn't cold enough.  :o  (The instrument's operating temperature is 0.35K.)

You do.  Schrödinger's cat.  Time to open the box--good luck to you both!

I wish I were better at writing.

Granted...you're better at writing but the reason is that you can no longer speak.

I wish I could exchange my city's climate for San Antonio's.


(And Schroedinger's Cat...aaahahaha!)

Granted, it's always warm and sunny and fine.

I wish I was dead.

Cheerfully granted!  Party's at my place, everybody!!!  ;D
(I'm going to get in trouble with Justicar again, aren't I?)

I wish there were a realistic way for us all to get together for a party.

Granted, although it gets a little out of hand and you are subsequently clubbed and tasered to death by police.

I wish to watch The Grand Tour when it comes out.

Granted, but you have to sit in a cinema filled with new mothers and their crying offspring that seem to be irritatingly timed with the tension curve of the movie.

I wish could turn water into tea by touching it.

GRANTED! But it will be always your least favorite flavor.

I wish I would have came up with this thread.

Granted, but none of your wishes come true.

I wish the Bellicose were in stock.

Granted, but now it's the only thing left in stock as US goes out of business.

(Hope that never comes true!!)

I wish I wouldn't always forget to pull my laundry out of the washing machine.

Granted, but now you always forget to pull it out of the dryer and it all gets wrinkled.

I wish there was something fun to do..

Granted!  You go bungee-jumping, and it's really fun for the few seconds before the bungee breaks.

I wish medication withdrawal didn't suck so much.

GRANTED! But now you must give away all of your current Ultrasabers.

I wish the weather the last few weeks of school wasn't so warm. :P

Granted!  Now you go to school year round, so there won't BE a last week.

I wish tobacco would go extinct.  (SOOOO tired of people thinking they have a right to inflict their smoke on others.)

Granted! Since a huge cash crop like Tobacco is now extinct, people replace it with Marijuana! Great for you!
 (No, not really. I was being sarcastic)


I wish I bought a grab bag...

Granted! But now you have to eat nothing but ramen for the next month.

I wish I could have a 90-minute massage every day.

Granted, but it's from a mouse.

I wish I could have a good hair day every day!

Granted, but to everyone else you appear bald.

I wish I was fire resistant.

Granted, but you are now a Weeping Angel.  What a lonely, miserable life.

I wish Windows 10 updates did not require me to manually update all drivers because it installed all the wrong stuff.

Granted! Buuuut the next Win 10 update replaces your OS with Windows NT. Enjoy.

I wish I could function on 2 hours of sleep a night.

Granted, but now you're a salarian and you have only a 40 year lifespan.  However, you are the very model of a scientist salarian.

I wish I had a 3D printer.

Granted, although due to an irreversible software error, it won't stop printing firearm parts and the ATF wants to talk to you.

I wish the Big Fat Quiz of 2016 would broadcast in America.

Granted, but the broadcast is so strong it takes over all channels even when the television is off.

I wish things didn't break when you depend on them.

Granted, now all things are broken all the time.

I wish I had enough to order my Bellicose.

Granted, you now have a Bellicose empty hilt.  And it's completely solid, so you can't put electronics in.

Also, I wish for a new pen.

GRANTED! But it can't write, so you eventually become so frustrated with it that you throw it away.

I wish every day was Saturday.

Granted!  But it's also Groundhog Day...again...and again...and again.

I wish I could spend more time writing stories.

Granted, you become an author comparable to J.R.R. Tolkien, then Universal Studios wants to produce your books into feature films. The whole world anticipates the films release and to your (and the rest of the world's) horror, they've turned it into a crap movie that shares a universe with the Twilight films. The world turns their anger to the author and you die alone in your home which you are doomed to as the angry mobs will destroy you as soon as you step outside.

I wish my robe would hurry and get here.

GRANTED! Your robe hurries with a mind of its own and is appalled at the idea of being occupied by flesh and organs. It won't let you wear it.

I wish for a multi tool that does all of the things. 

Granted!  It does literally everything possible.  It's also the size of a large building and can't be moved, and requires about 50 tons of enriched uranium to function (uranium not included).  On the plus side, if you fuel it once, you may never have to fuel it again, since it can mine and enrich uranium for you.  Incidentally, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission might want to talk to you about that.

I wish I could drive more and brighter EL wire from a driver small enough to fit in a hilt.

Granted, but what ever it is, it sucks.

I wish I could get along better with salesmen.

Granted!  You get along with them so well that you buy anything they suggest.

Electroluminescent wire was an old way to make lightsaber blades; the first couple of Force FX sabers were made that way.  It fell out of fashion because LEDs are so much brighter and easier to power.  (EL wire takes AC power, which is what the driver does--it converts DC from the batteries into AC for the wire.)  However, it does have very even lighting and a slightly different look from LEDs, so I'm playing with it to try to replicate the look of one of my SWTOR characters' blades.  It's depressingly dim, though.  :(

I wish everything cool in SWTOR wasn't so freaking expensive.

No, wait...

I wish everything cool anywhere wasn't so freaking expensive.  :)

Granted; everything cool is now so cheap that you can afford everything you ever dreamed of. Consequently, you become a hoarder and now cannot make it out of bed, trapped by your affordable obsession. You have five days to live before your thirst consumes you.

I wish vet bills were more reasonable.

Granted!  But now the vet offices are flooded with humans seeking treatment by vets because it's so much more economical than the doctor.

I wish my neighbors would keep their dog on a leash instead of letting it run around where it is going to get hit by a car.

Granted, but the leash is two feet long, and anchored to your headboard.

I wish my sleep cycle were more normal.  O_o

Granted, but you now have the attention span of an ADHD squirrel.

I wish I had some lunch.

GRANTED! But it's stinky brussel sprouts.

I wish that I could decide on what my next saber will be.

Granted, but you will never be able to raise the funds to buy it. >:D

I wish it were quittin' time already.

Granted, but you just got told to pack your things and escorted out by security. O_O

I wish I could visit my story universes.

GRANTED! But it soon becomes controlled by robots and machines who turn it into a matrix-esque system where you have no control and you eventually hate being there.

I wish it would stop raining so I could play with my lightsabers.

Granted, it never rains aga....oooo shiny.

I wish I could focus bett...oooo a butterfly...

Granted, you are now a butterfly.

I wish the days had 30 hours instead of 24.

Granted, but because the Earth's rotation has slowed, the planet is now inhospitable to humans.  Enjoy a freaky "documentary" on me.  https://youtu.be/nH3bmG-KjvU

I wish I could use the Force.

GRANTED! You can use the force, but only when you wear a certain ring. You quickly get killed for the power of that ring.

I wish my dishes would clean themselves.

Granted! Your dishes absorb food so whenever you cook the food just disappears. You I never able again to eat at home.

I wish everybody ran off universal time.

Granted!  Extreme overpopulation in the UTC/GMT timezone leads to plague, war, and ruin.  Your world is now a post-apocalyptic ruin.

I wish I had a real wood-burning fireplace in the winter.

Granted, but your constant need for firewood drains your local area of trees, causing a chain reaction and sending the whole ecosystem into a tizzy. Angered by this, one of the townspeople sneaks into your apartment at night and disables your smoke detector, while others pile wood onto the fireplace and block the chimney. Others still silently barricade the doors, and wait outside your house dressed in an assortment of clothes and masks a'la Wicker Man (1973). You wake up coughing violently, and run downstairs to see that your entire downstairs is on fire! You try to unlock your front door but are met with a blockade of wooden planks. You look around and shout for help, but the majority of the anonymous townspeople merely stare at you, while others are in prayer circles and some more are playing their assortment of instruments - clarinets, bongo drums, rainsticks, and the like. The fire encroaches on you as you frantically try to pry the wood away from the entrance. Finally, the fire reaches your pajamas and engulfs your body. You run around your house trying to douse the flames, but to no avail. The townspeople lock arms and do the Irish stepdance as your house burns down. Despite not having tap shoes nor a hard ground to dance on, their feet manage to make the clacking noises the dance is famous for. Insects and other vermin crawl out from their hiding places, awakened by the sights and the sounds.


I wish I had a decent wooden spoon.

This seems funny so I'll participate :P I wish I had Kid Majin Buu's energy attacks but Starkiller's strength but then also the power of a Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan :P

Here's how it works, Zren... :)


Granted, but it's sized for a full-grown elephant instead of a person.

I wish I could work from home tomorrow.

Granted, but your employer soon realises that you are more productive from there.  You're asked to continue doing so.  This comes with a steep pay cut; however, since you're no longer having to commute or park, and no more sick days.

I wish everything were free, and existed in unlimited quantities.  Strike that.  I wish for replicators.

GRANTED! However, an evil genius takes hold of your replicator and replicates an evil twin version of you. Your evil twin version then seeks to destroy not only your replicas, but the originals as well. Hence, you are eventually left with nothing and are fighting for your own survival.

I wish that the production release date of Star Wars 8 was bumped up a year to December of 2016.

GRANTED! Rogue One is scrapped, and is replaced by Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Return of Jar-Jar.

I wish that I was a Linux expert.

Granted, but now Linux is obsolete.

I gotta pee due to boredom.

Is that a wish or a statement of fact?  :P

He he he (checking who's paying attention)

I wish I had something to do tonight.

Granted!  Your best bud walks through the door and catches you twirling your saber.

I wish computer microphones and cameras had off switches.

Granted, you flick the switch and you're now deaf and blind.

I wish I had just the right trickle of work during work hours to keep me occupied but not overwhelmed.

Granted, but just when you're about to leave work, you get THIS desk visit (http://"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjJCdCXFslY") and now you have overwhelming amounts of work to do AFTER hours.

I wish I had time to foster a litter of kittens.

Granted, but that's all you have time for now.  Cat-lady-dom.

(link didn't work for me) :(

I wish I could just fall asleep.

Granted!  You now have narcolepsy.

I wish I could have a couple of days of vacation to rest and just do what I WANT (and not what I HAVE TO).

(LR: That link was supposed to be Lumbergh from Office Space ambushing the main character at his cube to make him work over the entire weekend.)

Just as I suspected...lol

Granted. You're fired.

I wish I could get caught up on my current collections.

Granted you now have everything you ever wanted for you collections. However, it all melts from a nuclear explosion in 1 year.

I wish I was as smart as einstein.

Granted. You're also as dead as Einstein.

I wish people weren't prone to overreactions.

Granted.  Now everybody dies in millions of horrible ways because they have no startle reflexes to alert them to pull back from danger.

I wish I weren't so clumsy.

(so...AFV then?) :P

Granted, you're a cat. But since, you're a cat now, and have no opposable thumbs, you can't eat, and starve.

I wish I wasn't awake just yet.

Granted. From now on, you will be forever asleep in peace  ;D

I wish I can Jedi-Mind-Trick anyone I want.

Granted. The Lelouch Rebellion is unsuccessful and your power overtakes you.


I wish I had long hair again

Granted, but it's your pubic hair.

I wish it would finally stay sunny and warm.

-1 for the EEEWWWWWW

Granted, but the earth's axis shifts to rotate perpendicular to its rotation causing your neck of the woods to be as scorched as the Brightlands of Ryloth. Way to go.

I wish I had some awesome fried chicken for lunch.

Granted. There are lasers and fireworks and a live chicken is prepared on your desk at work for the frying process. Your boss isn't happy about the noise, but agrees that it's the best damn tasting fried chicken he's ever had.


I wish for more greenery around my home.

Granted.  Your house is consumed by unkillable kudzu.

I wish I could play the piano.

Granted. You have the devils hands and can finally play fantastic music, but did I mention you have the devils hands? They keep choking people when you sleep.

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/aa/Futurama_ep72.jpg/250px-Futurama_ep72.jpg)

I wish I could get a job in my field.

Granted, You now lose your job and magically have a job in the thing you hate most and have to work their forever and you can not die no matter what.

I wish you made a wish.

Granted, and you ruined it.

I wish that our environment wasn't so messed up.

(All that talk of hands and then wanting a job made me re-read your wish. ::))



Granted. Now it's really messed up instead of just so.

I wish I had more time to do things.

Granted, you have all the time in the world! But to conserve space-time dimensionality, you now have no space to do those things in.


I wish for a basket of fresh fruit.

Granted, you get a basket of fresh fruit. But, you're also allergic to all those fruits! As soon as you take a bite out of an especially scrumptious-looking apple, your skin starts itching, you get rashes, and you start tearing up. Your symptoms grow more severe; your eyes become bloodshot, you turn into a terrifyingly dark shade of red, and your throat closes, rendering you unable to breath. As you desperately (and futilely) gasp for air, you see a figure standing by your window - it's the Grim Reaper, in the form of your grandmother riding a skeletal horse! You try running up the stairs as you attempt to cheat death, but to no avail as you collapse on your staircase, dead from oxygen deprivation. The reaper and his steed phase through the wall, and stand by your body singing the Small Potatoes theme song. The horse has the voice of Bing Crosby.



I wish I had a magical picture like Dorian Gray.

Granted, but now your soul is as hideous as the picture you hide in your attic, and everybody hates you and wishes you were dead.

I wish I could chat with Professor X.

Granted. Initially it's good until the Professor falls asleep while speaking to you telepathically. You are stuck in an empty, endless, white room with elevator music ringing throughout. He wakes up briefly, relieving you of the abyss. But, you notice he now needs to be changed and all the caretakers have gone home for the night.


I wish for crystal blue oceans

The oceans are made of blue crystals, but now there is no water in the ecosystem, so the water cycle stops and the only life left on Earth is extremophile bacteria.

I wish my tablet battery was always charged.

Granted, but with no water on the planet, it makes no matter.  :P

I wish for a campfire.

Good thing I'm a nihilist :D


Granted, you get the biggest campfire your country's ever seen. But, the sheer size of it entices hippies to flock to your backyard and hold Burning Man there. Despite you and your neighbors' protests, they've acquired permission from the government because the revenue generated from the event would give a huge boost to the Canadian economy. The festival goes on, and it's filled with sights and stenches of booze, multiple drugs, and dirty people having a good time. When it comes time to light the effigy, however, the Burning Man falls over as it's alight - killing 50 people instantly and 300 more later, due to the burning fire as well as the smoke inhalation and general chaos. You're held accountable for all the deaths and the costs associated with the wanton destruction caused by all the attendees. You go mad from all the debt you've acquired, and are left a lonesome, empty shell of a man. One morning, while roaming the streets at 4 am, you see a couple kids who seem to be hippies. You assault and murder them due to your newly-acquired hatred of hippies, and receive two life sentences in Canadian prison.

I wish nursing school wasn't so hard.

(Oh, so free room & board for five years - and an education - alright. :))

Granted, it's simple.  You're the worst nurse in history though.

I wish I was I had no attraction to other people.

Granted, but now you're narcissistic to the point that you cover every wall inside your home with mirrors as so you never leave your own sight, which causes you to become jealous of the wall behind you always staring at, well, your butt. Eventually, you decide it's best you and you can't live like this no more, and you take your life, and yours as well.

I wish grass was always green.

What can I say, I read that story in school.  Your wish was already corrupted from the get-go. ;)


Granted, but the spray-paint fumes everywhere there's grass are intolerable, because the grass as been PAINTED green.

I wish my drawing skills were better.

Granted, but your improved drawing skills are now in the style of Sergio Aragones.
(http://static7.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/0/4/35874-5437-40055-1-sergio-aragones-groo.jpg)

I wish my dog could talk.

Granted, but you find out your dog is an over opinionated, know it all who can't stay quiet during TV time.

I wish I had better style.

Granted! Your style is known among the world, and you can never have another moment of peace for your fans are always hunting you down.

I wish for a better mattress.

Granted, and that night you get the best night of sleep ever! Which, is also the last night of sleep you ever get. Because your body rested so well, it has convinced itself that it no longer needs anymore rest. Your brain doesn't get the memo, and you become a restless insomniac, filling your house full of 2am infomercial items.

I wish I had a better body.

Granted!  Except it's the body of a tiger.  Which is pretty cool, except you'll have to live the rest of your life in the zoo with people gawking at you all day.  No privacy or change of scenery, ever.

I wish people were nicer to each other.

Granted! People go out of their way to help others so much that the individuals feels so neglected by themselves resulting in decreased self-satisfaction and increased suicide rates.

I wish for universally accepted currency.

Granted, but then the banks increase their fees to prohibitive levels, and make interest rates virtually non-existent.  There are more businesses with monopolies than ever before.  Poverty rates soar, as do suicide rates.

I wish today was over already.

Granted. Today is over, but today is tomorrow somewhere else in the world when you made your wish, therefore, putting a rip in the space time continuum and effectively ending the world.

I wish everyone DIDN'T love New York.

Granted, more people share my hatred for big crowded cities and hermitism becomes a very popular hobby. People are more self-sufficient, but big business crumbles because they can't prey on the artificial needs they had created before.

I wish there was a simple metaphor for everything so that anything can easily be communicated. 

Granted!  Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, Picard and Dathon at El-Adrel.  Shaka, when the walls fell.

I wish I could move me and my job to San Antonio.

("Temba, his arms wide")

Granted, but your pay goes somewhere else.

I wish I had somebody to talk to right now.

ALL THE POINTS.

(Wouldn't that be "Temba, his eyes open"?)

Granted, now you never get a moment's peace.

I wish I had every LEGO set ever released, in pristine condition, with box (and the boxes, bags, and instructions are able to be opened), and all future sets as well.

(Well, no...As I recall, "Temba, his eyes shut" meant to not listen or understand.  "Temba, his arms wide" meant to receive or be given something.)

Granted, you own them all, but can never touch them.

I wish vets were free. UGH!

No I remember that part. "His arms wide" meant 'to spread out'.


Granted, but they only offer euthanasia services. :'(

I wish I could work faster.

Granted, but they only offer euthanasia services. :'(

I wish I could work faster.

[/quote]

Granted.  Now, you have even more work piled on, yet, promotions and raises still aren't in the foreseeable future.

I wish I didn't sweat so much.

Granted, but now you suffer from uncontrollable flatulence...

I wish Monday's never came.

Granted. An eternal Sunday, where everyone is hungover, and the work week never starts. Doctors, the courts, most businesses that don't work on weekends never return back to work. Criminals are set free, people's health deteriorate, the world is in chaos.

I wish my lightside points would stop going down.

Granted.  The force alignment scoring system is corrupted by a computer virus and no one is ever awarded another point.  Without the feedback and support of peers, the whole forum grinds to a halt as people stop bothering to post.

I wish had more arms for multitasking.  (It'd also make for a crazy Grievous cosplay.)

Granted. But now you've become too much of a distraction at work. You're going through a stick of deodorant a week, and soon thereafter, you start chaffing. Your insurance doesn't know how to cover you, and you get denied workers comp.

I wish football would last all year.

Granted, but now so do the riots and hooliganism.  And now these idiots are ripping up YOUR neighborhood.

I wish I didn't get any more junk mail.

Granted. But you get no mail. Not even Ultrasaber orders.
I wish for world peace.

Granted. Ron Artest is your new best friend.

I wish I had a bigger pool.

GRanted.  A water main break on your property causes a massive, water-filled sinkhole.  It swallows your house and car.  But hey, you have an ENORMOUS pool!

I wish I could get paid to read fun books.

Granted. A penny per a book, a nickel per review... a dime if you tell em that you LOVE IT!!!!!!

I wish my wife wanted "it" more often.

Granted. But from your mailman who brings the ultrasabers.lol

I wish for a million wishes that can't be ruined.

Granted. The devil grants you anything you want, in exchange for your soul burning in hell for all eternity!!

Ooh, that was evil. You didn't make a wish!!

Oh crap. I got a call. Must've just sent it.

I wish my memory was sharper.

Granted, but now you can't forget anything. (Just think of Mama June after hot yoga.)

I wish my paychecks were bigger.

Granted!  Your paychecks are now printed on foam board at 1 ft. by 3 ft.  The amount hasn't changed--but now the bank won't accept them so you get nothing at all.

I wish the iPhone had a user-friendly way to add words to the dictionary.

(Yes! That's actually what I was wishing for. PS: If all the numbers are correct and in the proper locations, a check can be written on a napkin and the bank has to take it.)

Granted, but now all of your misspellings are automatically added to your dictionary.

I wish my metabolism could burn off everything from what I ate regardless of kind of food it was.

Granted.
But now you're all skin and bones and no matter how much you work out you never gain any muscle.

I wish I were stronger.

Granted. You are now the strongest smelling man on earth. Congratulations. No amount of scrubbing or deodorant will help, Stinky.

I wish I could see as well naturally as I do through lenses.

Granted!  But the lenses in question were your prescription sunglasses so now you have no night vision.  But hey, at least it's true when you go around singing this: https://youtu.be/X2LTL8KgKv8

I wish that Epic Rap Battles of History would feature Kylo Ren...and that Ren will be awesome.

(Logos, I think you may have mixed up the gender there...lol  - oh, never mind, you can't see well... :P)

Granted. it stinks in here, 'cause Kylo's the shell!

I wish I could order 10 sabers at once. ;)

Considering the staggering ratio of male:female on this forum, it was a safe assumption.

You don't need to make a wish in order to order 10 Sabers, but for the sake of the thread, granted. And, they are in the mail. What's not in the mail, is your mortgage payment, Waterville, electricity bill, and, they are in the mail. What's not in the mail, is your mortgage payment, water bill, electricity bill, and all other bills that need to be paid.

I wish I didn't have to drive so far to work everyday.

Granted, now you have to walk.

I wish I could AFFORD 10 sabers at once.

Lol, actually I am female but the account is my brother's who buys the sabers.
You both kinda right.
He's always working so he decided to let me take over.

Granted, you become a millllllllllllllionaire. But, all the people who so much as looked your way for the past ~20 years come to your home, demanding that you give them some of your money. Frightened by the heavily-armed Canadian mob, you reluctantly fork over the cash. Even when you're broke, the crowd still feels gypped, and want all the possessions you're left with. This time, you stand up for yourself and fight back. Angered by not getting what they want, they charge your home and drag you outside. They douse you in spicy mustard, then tie you to a tree and flog you with a cat o' nine tails made of car radio antennae. The stress of it all eventually binds you to the tree itself and makes the both of you immortal and invincible. You become the watcher of events, and are forced to bear witness to all things until the end of this world. Despite seeing innumerable acts of charity and goodness, the sheer barbarity of other happenings turn you into a sad, cynical, and ultimately hateful tree - grass dies around you, animals don't dare step on your land, and dandelions grow around you. It'd be nice, but these dandelions are secretly GMO bee-plant hybrids planted by the World Government in order to take over the galaxy and resurrect the long-lost city of Atlantis. With the power of bee-plants and Atlantean souls and technology on their side, the World Government succeeds. However, their triumph has unexpected consequences - they rip a hole into the 7 2/7th dimension, which sucks up both our dimension and the other 7 5/7 dimensions, plunging countless lives and atoms into disharmony and chaos. After centuries of pure discord on earth, the dimensions affected by the ripples of your wish finally collapse into each other, and only then does your life and duty as a tree-man end.



I wish my pipe and pipe accessories were here already.

My bad for this post guys. I was driving and using talk to text... epic fail -points for me.

(Wow Burce O_o)

Granted, but you'll never find any product for it anywhere.

I wish I could go somewhere.

;)

Lord Rapine wakes up, screaming "WHERE AM I?!?!"

"Whoa there partner", says the man in the seat beside him. "Looks like you had another knight mare. Haha, get it? Because you keep dreaming of evil medieval horses."

Rapine, confused but not wanting to rouse any suspicion in the man, reluctantly agrees. He takes a further look around his surroundings - huge front windows, control panel with tons of buttons, pilot uniforms...he's an aviator! And the man beside him is his copilot!

"Wow, I guess wishes really do come true!", Rapine exclaims.

The two of them start up the plane and begin their voyage into the wide world beyond them. After flying for a couple hours, they set the plane on autopilot while they eat, talk, and catch a good night's rest.

Rapine and the man are woken up by a loud, blaring noise coming from the control panel. "Warning, system failure imminent", the speaker says.

"We're going down! And just over the...BERMUDA TRIANGLE?!?", Rapine shouts.

"You mean you're going down." Rapine looks over at the man who used to be beside him - in his stead is no man, but a giant octopus-man-bat! The hideous manticore jumps from one of the front windows and flies off, leaving Rapine to perish alone.

SPLISH-SPLASH. The plane connects with the water, with the weight and velocity of the traveling aeroplane sending enormous tidal waves onto the coasts of the US, Africa, and Canada, killing millions. Just as well, the islands of Papua New Guinea and Hawaii are wiped off the face of the earth.

The plane descends further into the deep, blue sea, and finally reaches the bottom...when a giant eye (that also doubles as a mouth, and triples as an ear) opens! The gaping maw of the mysterious being(?) swallows the plane whole, with Rapine still inside, and still alive due to his seatbelt, oxygen mask, and water flotation devices.

Rapine wakes up on the cliff of a mysterious shore. The ground is purple, the sky is red, and the sand is a light brown. Kind of a tan color. He further coughs up sea water and some plankton, before turning to see the expanse of the strange land before him. But he is not greeted by a wondrous, new location for him to explore - instead, he sees only Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young.

Seeing such a fasntastic, terrible, and monstrous sight causes Rapine's eyes to burst into violent flames, and the scorch marks leave the side of his face a charred mess. As he falls to the ground in horror and pain, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young opens its mouth, commanding its children to feast.



I wish for maracas.

Granted. 2 brand new maracas from Fisher price, for which some spoiled kid throws a fit cuz he wants the maracas you have. His mother belittles you for being a grown man playing with maracas. You've been shamed, and your maracas are now at a yard sale for .25¢ each

I wish for better work shoes

Granted, but now you can't go to because your shoes are ALL you have, and your birthday suit is unacceptable.

I wish I could sleep on a more normal schedule.

Granted, you begin to sleep on a more normal schedule.  From there it naturally follows that you begin to do everything else normally as well.  Eventually you become so normal that you start finding anything not normal distasteful.  You even decide that Kylo Ren guy is abnormal and quite distasteful.  All the abnormally awesome people on this forum now make you shudder and you finally give up your lightsaber while renouncing the Knights of Ren to lead a perfectly normal life.

I wish I didn't have to work all weekend.

(Oh my.  Complete normalcy is HORRIFYING.  O_O )

Granted. Out of the possible 48 hours of the weekend, you'll work 42 of them, so it's not really all weekend.

I wish I was a liitle bit taller, and a baller.

Granted. Now you're 7' tall, and play for the Washington Generals.

I wish it was July 5th already (delivery day). :)

Granted. The mail carrier delivers a letter saying your delivery was lost in transit, and cannot be found.

I wish they made more Christian Bale Batman films

Granted, but Christian Bale is now a mute due to the strain on his vocal chords from the growly batman voice he does and is now over dubbed by Gilbert Gotfried.

I wish the 4th of July was over already.

Granted. And now it's today. Get back to work.

I wish my student loan would disappear.

Granted but the IRS has you arrested for tax evasion because they're convinced you did something illegal to make it disappear.  Enjoy Camp Fed.  You're going to have a long stay.

I wish people would not be jerks when people are fans of different stuff than they are.

Granted, but all that negativity has to go somewhere. Enter you, who now is totally cranky by everyone getting along so well. The kumbaya everyone is unspokenly chanting drives you into angry outbursts, rants and tirades on forums, and eventually distain for anything you once thought was cool.

I wish my dog loved fireworks

Granted, now your dog is an absolute pyro and burns down whatever domicile you reside in.

I wish I had more time to read.

Granted. You are wrongfully accused of a major crime, sentenced to life in prison. Your job in prison is stationed in tge library.

I wish we had a better way of choosing a president.

Granted. You now choose from a selection of death row inmates who will be executed at the end of their elective terms.

I wish for a bag of holding.

Granted, but now you've fallen in the bag and can't find your way back again.

I wish I could cosplay at work without getting in trouble.

Granted. Others follow your lead, and soon everyone is dressed up. Business trips are even taken in costume. The result: no one takes your company serious anymore. You don't get in trouble though, cuz the company folds due to poor reputation. But hey, the unemployment office just brightened up!

I wish the Ninja Turtles would stop refacing the franchise over and over again.

Granted. The franchise brings back the cast from the original live action 1990 movie.  The turtles are no longer teenagers, but instead middle-agers who mostly battle diabetes, heart disease, and high cholesterol brought on from the overconsumption of pizza.

I wish there wasn't so much housework to catch up on tomorrow.

Granted. It's catches up to you tonight. And since you half arsed  it, it catches up to you on Friday as well.

I wish unions didn't suck.

Granted. Now they blow.

I wish it wasn't so stinkin' early.

Granted. Now, it's late, very late, time for bed late. And you can't sleep, which stinks.

I wish my house was paid for already.

(That's a contradiction. Unions are made up of people who suck. They bully people into joining their sucky ranks, in order to gain a louder voice for their sucky complaints. Therefore, if people didn't suck at their jobs, there would be no reason to form unions that suck.)

Granted, you're homeowner's insurance pays it off after the fire.

I wish I was in perfect health and due to live a long and fruitful life.

Granted, but now the future you were supposed to save by your heroic sacrifice in the relatively-near future has been erased and replaced with an apocalyptic world of suffering and anguish.  Good going, hero.

I wish people would give me my data requests in a way that was actually user friendly instead of making my job insanely more difficult than it needs to be.

That. Was absolutely beautiful. :)

-1

Hey, I never wished to be a hero. You did that on your own.

Granted.  Your company completely revamps the data sharing system to the pinnacle of both ease & efficiency.  Because it cost a small fortune and it's so easy a monkey can do it, you're replaced by a monkey they can pay in bananas.

Now I wish I had some fresh fruit.

Granted.  Problem is, they're deadly manchineel  (http://"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manchineel")fruits.  I wouldn't eat that if I were you.

I wish the food in the cafeteria at work were better.

Granted. It is, and now everyone is morbidly obese.   Good going murderer.  ;)

I wish it wasn't raining today.

Granted.  It's snowing.  By the time you get done shovelling the driveway you'd be late for work, but you won't be able to go anyway cause now busses aren't running and someone's gotta stay home with the kids ;). 

I wish they'd do an Old Republic series like they did for the clone wars, but animated like the SWTOR trailers!

Let me guess, just like guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, I guess spoons make people fat?

I was not in the slightest bit offended by Rapine...I took it as a goofy joke in the same vein as my silliness from last night.

I'm just curious about his logic.

I didn't think there was any logic intended besides goofiness.

But anyway...



Granted!  You got your Old Republic trailer, but all characters have practically the same face and some have unrealistically refrigerator-like builds and it's now a laughingstock.  (Real artistic gripes I have with SWTOR despite loving the storytelling.)

I wish I could just instantly know stuff like Neo knew kung fu.  Except without the whole being enslaved by the Matrix bit.

Not at all.  I simply remember spending a month in training at work.  The cafeteria at the training facility was phenomenal. I gained over 10lbs., and didn't ever use a spoon. :P

"Resistance is futile" is what I meant. :)

Granted.  You're able to download the new Instant Kung Fu brain app.  It's amazing, other than the fact you simply went with the free version instead of the premium $9.99 version because of your latest Ultrasaber purchase.  But having to dismiss the periodic in brain ads is a small price to pay for being a Kung Fu master.

That is, until the day you're in an intense bout and a Candy Crush ad appears.  While you're attempting to dismiss ad in 5, 4, 3, 2... your opponent literally knocks you into next week where you finally awake on Wednesday.

Just be thankful it was only Kung Fu and not the Instant Podracer app.

I wish I could take amazing pictures like medwyn posts.

Granted, you have a very expensive new camera that takes amazing photos but the loanshark is after your knee caps.


I wish I didn't have a headache.

Granted. Now your stomach aches, joints ache, throat, ears, whole body aches. You have the flu, really bad, or your experiencing early old age.

I wish my new dog and old dog got along.

Granted! Guess who's expecting puppies! :D

I wish I knew what to have for breakfast.

Granted. But a friend of yours you've been godly attracted to asks you out for coffee tomorrow morning. Now your in a dilemma. Cuz your wish only lasts for one breakfast, and you know it'll be a wasted wish if you go on your date. But, it you proceed with your wishful breakfast, you might ruin all possibilities with your friend. The stress tonight gives you diarrhea tomorrow morning, blowing both plans out of the water.

I wish divorce was easier to do.

Granted! Murder is now the number one reason for marriage dissolution. The paperwork is so much easier and you get plenty of time to yourself with other like-minded people!

I wish distractions were more productive.

Granted.  What could be more productive than distractingly posting on the SaberForum while at work?  Discussing lightsaber combat, looking at saber pictures, and helping fellow members choose their next saber is all sorts of productive, of course.

Although, your boss, who isn't cool like you, doesn't think so.  More concerned about your diminished productivity on the job instead of on the forum, your boss permanently sends you home, thus allowing you to be even productive on the forum.  So really, this wish isn't entirely ruined.

I wish I had the cardio capacity I had a couple of years ago.

Granted. And for added bonus, your metabolism gets a boost. The boost is so substantial, you begin losing weight, and rapidly. Local news is notified and you soon become famous. They make a sequel to the movie Thinner, with Stephen King writing your life story. All the while, you've become so thin, you lose muscle mass. You get desperate. Start eating junk food like crazy. Your cardiologist advised against, but you feel you have no choice. You therefore have constant diarrhea, and suffer a heart attack. You now reside in the ICU

I wish I could go back on this thread, and make a real wish after I ruined one.

Granted! And... ummm... the thread continues...?


I wish this wish would be ruined.

"Granted!", says the magical man in the mobile machine. Instead of saying "I wish this wish would be ruined", your words get twisted into "I wish all puppies died slow, torturous deaths", and is streamed 24/7 on every reflective surface (even places such as the water, or beer tankards). With all 7.4 billion people constantly being barraged with your wish to see their favorite baby animals suffering harrowing cessations, they decide that the only way to end this is with you dead. With one unanimous vote, they shout "GET HIM!" in such a volume that all glass breaks, all the leaves get blown off the trees, and the continents move 3 feet to the right. As you see a ginormous, bloodthirsty crowd coming to execute you, you recoil in fear and horror. But fear not! An equally magical man (this time in a subterranean submersible) saves you, and burrows down to the ground. As you shake the man's hand, you realize something: it's getting awfully hot in here. What the heck? As you stand there perplexed, the man opens the escape hatch and says "I wanted to kill you myself! Ta-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." As he's ejected back into the aboveground, you only sink further and further into the earth's molten core. The metal coverings of the automaton begin melting and warping, and you feel the flesh melting off your bones. As you shriek in anguish, both you and the robot boat become one with the earth's core, forever powering the earth until its eventual end. The world recovers, your name and family history is erased from all the records, and puppy videos have now surpassed the popularity of cat videos on YouTube. Everything's more or less normal, save the sudden emergence of shadowed, dark-robed figures who claim to worship a mysterious being known only as "Xaeyon, Twirler of Terra".


I wish I had more T-Swizzle paraphernalia.

Granted, you have it all, but she's found out to be extremely racist and bigoted, and becomes a huge pariah the world over, and now it's not only worthless, but shunned.

I wish the trash would take itself to the curb today.

Granted!  It does...problem is, it's not YOUR definition of what constitutes trash, and by the time you figure out tons of stuff you care about went out to the curb, it's already been picked up and it's not coming back, ever.

I wish the neighborhood landscapers wouldn't run noisy equipment so early in the morning that it wakes me up before my alarm goes off.

Granted - but they run it from when the sun goes down so you don't get to sleep ever.

I wish, i wish, i didn't squish that fish

Granted. That fish, though, is a poisonous fish. Chopped up and served as a fish stick, it's poison spreads to some young children. The method to cure them, radiation, turns them into superheroes. Now superheroes, alien races come to attack earth. Defeated, the superheroes can't save earth and it explodes.

I wish good, healthy food WASNT so expensive.

ERROR:

Good healthy food is expensive.

I wish my truck wasn't such a clunker.

Granted. Now your truck makes no noises whatsoever and sits atop four cinder blocks in your front yard.

I wish I had someone to hang out with tonight.

Granted.  You have a stalker, just like in Misery.  NOW WRITE YOUR COCKADOODIE NOVEL OR ELSE!!!!!

I wish spicy food didn't give me heartburn.

Granted.  Now all food does.  Waa Waa!

I wish I could make mine look like this:
(https://www.allenbrothers.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/b/e/beef_baconfilets_1.jpg)
(stolen from another thread)

(Man!?! Everybody be jackin' my style today.)

Mimicry is the most sincere form of flattery Darth Logos.

It's a great pic. :)

The saying goes "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

Personally I prefer not to ruin a great cut with anything extra, but that's a topic for another thread.

Granted, your food does look like this.  Now if only it wasn't undercooked and laden with tapeworms that have taken up residence in your GI tract.

I wish my well would stop running out of water.

Granted, now there's such a massive upswell of groundwater that a sinkhole forms beneath your house and swallows all of your property.

I wish I could afford all the music I want.

Granted. New problem: where to store it.

I wish ants and flies never existed.

Granted.  Now figure out what to do with all of the corpses and roadkill that are taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r to decompose.  And now mosquitoes are evolving to take over all of those niches.  And they still love blood and harbor deadly disease...

I wish I had time to foster a litter of kittens.  THEY'RE SO FLUFFY!

Granted: but you didn't specify what species. Before long you're overrun with man eating tigers & are torn to shreds.

I wish any wish I made had no negative repercussions.

Granted. They aren't negative, they're catastrophic. Permanent conjunctivitis for you for making such a wish.

I wish I knew 5 days in advance when I'm going to be manic.

Granted, but you forgot to wish for the willpower to do something helpful about it when you get the warning. :/

I wish my family wouldn't hassle me about it if they knew I owned a lightsaber and a cosplay.

Granted. They accept you with open arms. They all get sabers too! And they all jump on the forum, posting about everything you post on. In fact, they've taken on cosplaying as well. The feeling that your beautiful little secret is no longer your secret eats away at you, causing you to give up the cosplay and saber forever.

(side note) My family is 50/50 on the sabers I have. Some say it's cool, some say I waste my money. Just own it. Then again, I'm a nut, so it shouldn't surprise them.

I wish chorizo and potato didn't tear up my body in any way.

(It's really sad when family doesn't understand or sympathize with our interests. I hope they can learn to at least accept that it's important to you, and that since it's not destructive, that makes it okay.)


Granted, you can eat all you want. But then you realize that you don't like them at all, and since you spent all of your money on them, you're stuck eating foods you hate for three months.


I wish that the person who replies to this post wins the summer raffle. (I dare you to mess that one up. :P )

Granted!  I didn't enter this time, but I'll take a free saber. :)

I wish I didn't age.

Granted, but as everyone else does and you don't, all of your family and friends turn on you, for you have clearly harnessed the power of the Dark Side.  Even if you find immortality, you'll be miserable for the rest of your horribly long days.

I wish football season would hurry up and get here.

Granted, but this year they introduce the "touch" rule. Essentially making it as exciting as watching paint dry.

I wish I had a billion US dollars - tax free.

Granted. You set up multiple accounts, onshore and off, but you suffer a major concussion at your home. It causes you to have major memory loss, thus, forgetting you had a billion dollars, let alone, where you have it or the passwords to access the accounts.

I wish dogs had a longer life span.

Granted, but now they're all smaller than chihuahuas and even yappier and uglier.  Following the "logic" that if smaller dogs live longer, making them even smaller will make them live even longer.

I wish this cough would go away.

(That was funny!)

Granted. It goes away, but promises to come back with a vengeance. Fear of the cough causes you to become a super germaphobe, so much that you stop going out, becoming isolated and eventually turning into bubble girl.

I wish the county Fair had free admission, so I wouldn't feel totally ripped off going for a drumstick, funnel cake, and those towering curly fries.

Granted! The fair lets everyone in for free. But they raise the prices on all the food and drinks to ten times the previous levels, and because of the lack of admittance fees, most of the good rides are gone.


Agreed!


I wish that all of my wishes would be granted problem-free and exactly the way I want them.

 

Granted, but you unexpectedly lose your creativity and are unable to think of anything to wish for.


I wish problems didn't come in threes.

Granted, now they come in millions.

I wish all the congestion left over from my cold would instantly vanish.

Granted. You are completely 100% healthy again and are back to work. Problem: a pothole pops up on your way to work, thus, causing traffic and....congestion amongst cars.

I wish others would stop trying to kill the thread with seemingly unruinable wishes. (unruinable is not a word, I know)

Granted. They do. The problem is no one posts any wishes now, ruinable or otherwise.


I wish I had a chocolate bar. (There's an easy one to ruin.)

Granted! However it is 4 years past it's expiration date.


I wish there was a healthy version of insomnia.

Granted. It's called sleep. Problem is that you now sleep too much, getting nothing productive done. Time to seek out a healthy balance of the 2.

I wish I had a personal chef.

Granted, but your chef insists on cooking only healthy stuff that tastes terrible.

I wish my cat would NEVER poop outside the box.

(Previous message here deleted for being a double response.)

Granted, but your cat doesn't like to poop where he pees still, so now he/she pees outside the box.

I wish my dog would stop shedding.

Granted. Your dog is now hairless and highly susceptible to hypothermia.


I wish I was given a free pass to never pay taxes ever again.

Granted but now you pay suggested retail price instead of sale prices. Dollar menus don't apply. You pay filet mignon price for rump roast.

I wish millennials weren't so social media centric.

Granted! The internet goes down, cell service stops, mobile data is cut off, and tech reverts to the mid 1900's. Only millennials are so clueless that now they are incapable of acquiring food, and starve.

I wish people would stop using their phones while driving.

You make it sound like a bad thing.


Granted, but now you realize that people are just inherently terrible drivers. Losing all faith in humanity you kill yourself. Way to go, champ. :P

I wish I could function on only 1hr of sleep.

Granted. You tell everyone your key to success:1 hour of sleep. Like sheep, others soon follow. Soon enough, they stop functioning, are lethargic and making your life a nightmare..a 23 hour nightmare.

I wish people would stay in one lane instead if trying to get ahead, thus creating more traffic, in traffic.

Granted. However noone gets to where they are going due to being unable to get to the exits, causing crashes and traffic jams due to empty gas tanks.


I wish I wasn't an Oscar Meyer weiner.

Granted, now you're a chocolate chip cookie.  And you just got eaten.  You'll be something else in a few days.

I wish we stopped putting prescription drug commercials on TV.

Granted, but now all drugs, including prescription, are illegal to own and possession is punishable by exile to the moon.

I wish I had a Correllian Corvette.

*Note: This post used to say something else and respond to a different person, but I made a mistake. This new version fixes it.

Granted, but you just got pulled over by Vader and his posse, and we all know how that plays out, Capt. Antiles.

I wish I wasn't at work on a Saturday.

Me either!

Granted. Come back tomorrow, and every Sunday from now on. Oh no, that doesn't mean you're getting Saturdays off, no no....

I wish Kurt Cobain was still alive.

Granted, but so is Hitler XD

I wish I had more money to buy more sabers...

Granted, but now you have no money for food because all of your money is on a check made out to UltraSabers.  And UltraSabers doesn't make food.  Have fun trying to tell whether hilts or blades are more edible.

I wish the weather was always this nice.

Granted, but the permanent weather change causes cataclysmic damage to the water and carbon cycles, effectively ending all life on this little blue rock. But hey at least you can enjoy a glass of Merlot in the nice weather among the heaps of corpses.

I wish I actually had the powers of the force.

Granted. You have all force powers, but you are also transformed into a Hutt. You are completly immobile, and nobody likes you.



I wish I had money for cosplay and new sabers

Granted, except that money used to be your college fund.  Good luck getting a paying cosplay job when you graduate high school!

I wish I could always know when people are trying to lie to me.

Granted, you now can discern whether or not someone is lying to you or not, but now YOU have an uncontrollable urge to constantly lie. Now nobody trusts you.




I wish I had a college fund :D

Granted. University of Alaska is sending you their packet. Might take 3 weeks to get it though, seeing as the only have one mailman in the whole town.

I wish my body didn't ache so much.

Granted, but now you've lost all feeling  and are completely unaware when you are hurt, leading you to do things like lean on an active burner without noticing.

I wish that we could get an Elder Scrolls V style Star Wars game that wasn't totally made of DLC.

Granted. No one understands it, it flops like a fish out of water, and it sucks to boot.

I wish all my food could be prepped so when I get home and cook, I can eat before the sun goes down instead of when everyone is asleep.

Granted, but every dish contains an ingredient you're allergic to.

I wish the Simpsons had ended after season 9.