My character, personal Star Wars bio

So I am quite new to the Forum, don't know if I am putting this in the right place, but this is my story in Star Wars.

Darth Zhar
Kal Ramillor
**This record is taken from the Jedi Archive, this contains all records the Jedi have on Kal Ramillor.**

Kal Ramillor was born in the terrestrial moon of Gall, which orbited around the gas giant Zhar. He was a young orphan when he first met the Jedi, living on the streets and dying of cold one night. A Jedi Knight saw him and took pity on this poor boy, sensing The Force inside him the Jedi Knight took him back to Coruscant. There Kal was accepted to the Jedi Order as a youngling. Kal joined the Kataran Clan, as it suited his style the most of being stealthy. Kal was a quiet youngling, keeping to the back in classes and not speaking much, but he learnt a great deal. Kal did have some close friends from his clan, although he was quiet Kal was very adventurous, taking risks that no one else would. After an appropriate amount of time Kal went through the Initiate trails and passed with ease, (though there was nothing remarkable about his performance.) Kal found a Jedi Knight willing to train him, in the form of Surenit Kli'qiy. Master Kli'qiy was a member of the Caamasi race.
As a Padawan Kal Ramillor and Surenit Kli'qiy formed a strong bond in a short time. Exploring much of the outer rim together, they were strong in their sword play and tactics. They were sent on a mission to discover a possible Sith threat but that turned out to be false, however that mission almost cost them their lives at the hands of some Mandalorians launching a surprise attack on them.
During his Padawan training, Kal experimented in using the force to increase his psychical capabilities, he became particularly gifted in his force jump, jumping far beyond what his Master thought possible. This allowed them greater access as they continued to explore the Outer Rim planets.
Kal was training in the art of Djem So, a powerful combat style. However with his love of force enhancing, he worked hard at blending Djem So with Ataru, a much quicker style of fighting. Master Kli'qiy, saw great potential in his apprentice blending these two styles so worked together. The Jedi Order is unsure if Kal Ramillor managed this.
For many years Master Kli'qiy and Padawan Ramillor explored the Galaxy and had many successful missions together. Then came the time for Kal Ramillor to take the Jedi Trails, which again Kal Ramillor managed to complete with relative ease. His command of The Force over his psychical abilities was remarkable.
As a Jedi Knight Kal Ramillors first mission was to go with his former master and new apprentice to a Sullist to seek out a possible Sith threat. Within. A short time Kal Ramillor returned to the Jedi Temple, alone. He stated that they had found a rouge band of Sith called the Black Knights. Upon attempting to stop them Master Kli'qiy and his apprentice ever killed, he had managed to escape death. Kal gave the Jedi Council a broken Sith lightsaber as proof of what happened.
The Council granted Kals request to stay in the Temple for a while to train and teach Saber combat. He taught Djem So masterfully, it was clear to the Council that he was a Djem So master, in his time in the temple he was unbeaten in every battle.
After a year Kal Ramillor came to the temple, requesting to become a Jedi Sentinel. Upon reflection the Jedi Council granted this. (Upon reflection Master Yoda realised this was a mistake). As a Jedi Sentinel, Kal Ramillor was gifted a yellow saber crystal, to which he created a special blue hilted saber to mark the occasion. Kal stated that it provided enough to delivery the powerful blows for Djem So but also allowed for quick and light attacks of Ataru.
Kal Ramillor was a highly skilled and successful Jedi Sentinel, he never failed a mission. In hunting the Dark forces in this galaxy, he would not weaver or tire. He would always complete the mission. He helped stop many dark forces and dark creatures from killing thousands. Most notable of his victories was killing the last of the Terentatek still in the Republic, and the Sith that were their masters. (Though may exist beyond our space.)
Kal Ramillor was chosen to be a one of the elite, a Jedi Shadow, after his defeat of the Terentatek, to find out as as much as he could of the Sith and the Dark Side and vanquish them. Kal Ramillor never returned from his first mission as a Jedi Shadow, to Yavin. What his fate was remains unknown.
**This is all the information that Jedi Archive has on Kal Ramillor**

***Now reads the Personal Account of Kal Ramillor***

My first mission for the Jedi Council as a Jedi Shadow was my only one. I was sent to Yavin to try and find out as much information about the rumour of a Sith Lord on the planet. But I did not find the Sith Lord, instead I found the Black Knights. I found the ones who killed my Master Kli'qiy and Trera his apprentice. As a Jedi Shadow I was skilled in hiding from everyone. So I hid, I watched and I followed. These Sith were unaware of my existence always trailing them.
I moved with them from planet to planet, I watched them use the Dark side of the force. I watched them perform many horrors in the name of the Sith. I discovered that these Knights were after old Sith artifacts to try and increase their mastery of The Force, they were looking for a Dark Reaper supposedly lost on Ord Radama. I also learnt that these Sith did not think that the Rule of Two was the way forward and seemed to become a large Sith force. Maybe they wanted to use the Dark Reaper to become the only Siths.
I was unaware that my time watching these Sith, meant I was changing. Each day that went by that I remain undetected or I managed to escape from being found my confidence grew, no my pride in my own ability grew. Slowly I entertained the idea of defeating all of the Sith.
It started small, every time I discovered a ally of the Sith, one they left I would terminate him or her. I would kill expertly leaving no trace and no one alive. I knew the more I killed the more that I could defeat them. I had been out of contact with the Jedi for almost a entire year, I knew they would be expecting me back Many months ago. There was probably a few Jedi searching for me now.
Then we finally arrived at Ord Radrama. It was here that my greatest failure happened, my pride lead be to believe I could defeat all 8 of them. 2 had died before they even knew I was attacking. Once the remains 6 had collected themselves they struck back, they used such power I was overwhelmed. I was able to kill a third Sith, and that's when I met him. A true Sith Lord. Darth Ruin. He stopped the Black Knights from killing me, instead he chose to kept me.
I spent weeks with Darth Ruin, he would hurt me, use a Mind Shard to cause me great pain, or Memory Walk to make me relive my old Masters death over and over. And to relive each life I have taken. I began to see that the Dark Side of The Force holds power and uses power in ways the Jedi can only Imagine. Darth Ruin helped me use the rage and pride I had built over the last year as a Jedi Shadow to show me true power. From that moment I became his apprentice.
My Master gave me the name Darth Zhar from then on, he taught and instructed me in the great ways of the Dark Side. I learnt then that I was finally free, that I preferred being away from other Jedi because I knew they were wrong. That my desire for the mission was my desire to free people, from the oppression and control that the Jedi exhorted over them and the Republic.
I have killed many Jedi now. They are blinded by the teachings of the Jedi, and it is disgusting how they have and are being manipulated. The Sith will free the people by ridding them of the Jedi. My master has recently granted me the title of Sith Lord, I now take others back to Ord Radrama in search of the Dark Reaper, to use to destroy the Jedi, once and for all.
My only regret was that I had wasted so much of my life with the Jedi, that I had not seen the truth and joined the Sith earlier, I am sure that Master Kli'qiy would have agreed and joined with me.

Please be kind, I am an aspiring writer too, so is this any good at all?

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