I just wrote and posted this somewhere else (with reference to a different forum nickname) but I thought you guys might get a kick out of it.
Well..."might" is the operative word. Comedy is not my strength, but this scene wanted to come out anyway.
A trip to the grocery store ended up in a moment of supreme nerdiness when I found a display of Star Wars action figures and a 12" Kylo Ren figure that seems to be out of stock just about everywhere (but he was the only one in the store) came home with me. Yes, paid for properly--I am not THAT much of a Dark Sider
But seeing him there in his box just got me thinking of that awesome Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon dreams his Spock action figure has come to life (here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty2t0u12ORs ). All I could think was that if your toy comes from a Galaxy Far, Far Away, things could well take a much different turn...
There shouldn't be spoilers for anything you haven't seen in the trailers except for Kylo Ren's relation to the original trilogy, so unless you're worried about having his identity spoiled, you should be free to keep reading.
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[The setting is night, in the living room where Darth Justicar works. A 12-inch Kylo Ren action figure stands on the TV tray in a box, facing Darth Justicar and the cats, who are currently busy bathing each other ever so cutely on her lap as she types on the laptop. Yes, its a tight fit but the cats and laptop somehow work.]
VOICE: Darth Justicar!
[DJlooks around, confused. The cats' ears perk up. But then cats tend to do that for nothing apparent sometimes, so DJ resumes typing.]
VOICE: Darth Justicar!
[DJ's suspicious now. She's only heard this voice once before, but it sure sounds familiar...]
DJ: Is someone there?
VOICE: On your TV tray, inside the box.
DJ: Kylo Ren?!
TINY KYLO: I demand to speak with you!
DJ: I've got a very bad feeling about this...this must be a nightmare, like the ones Anakin used to get. Oh...never mind, that was just because he was being forced to act in a trilogy of bad movies.
TINY KYLO: How DARE you insult my grandfather!
DJ: What? I'm insulting George Lucas, not your grandfather...
TINY KYLO: [Growling menacingly under his mask, sounds as if he's counting to ten. Very carefully. When he speaks next, he's calmed down. Just a bit.] I'm not going to dignify that with a response! Now, to the matter at hand. You need to free me from this box so I can finish what so many beloved Darth Vader toys have started.
DJ: But you're mint-in-box. Well...your box is a little bit scuffed, but close enough.
TINY KYLO: Yes, and according to the
Jedi, to open it would 'destroy my value.' But remember...like me--YOU also have a dark side.
DJ: [indignant] Well, I'm not going to dignify THAT with a response!
TINY KYLO: Consider this. My lightsaber is a good five inches long. If I put it through your heart, it's still going to KILL YOU. So you'd better open this box yourself before I DO IT FOR YOU!
[Box begins to rumble ominously. The cats jump off DJ's lap and run for cover under the couch.]
DJ: Stop it, Kylo, you're right, I admit it, you're right! I'll do it!
TINY KYLO: Justicar, wait--you have to wake up first. I'll be watching, inside your mind...
DJ: Y-y-you mean...you're there, too?
[Cut to scene of DJ tossing and turning under the covers.]
DJ: [muttering in sleep] Help! Tiny Kylo! NOOOOOOOOOO!
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Still need to decide what to do about this action figure though, and whether the scuff on the plastic window of the box makes it "not mint enough" to take it out of the package...
