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Author Topic: Made a character out of boredom. thoughts?  (Read 1354 times)
Je.daiiOfMandalore
Knight Sergeant
*

Force Alignment: 15
Posts: 112


"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"


« on: February 29, 2016, 05:03:57 PM »

All I remembered was growing up on Concord dawn. I was told my name was Char Vuhl. This is the name I went by for the first part of my life. from birth I was trained by my mandalorian brothers to fight. But when I was young, Jedi master Ki Adi Mundi bought me from my “father” to be brought back to coruscant. I would later find out this was due to my force sensitivity. When I was a padawan I snuck into the Jedi library to try to find out who my real parents were. What I found astonished me. I was of house Kryze of Mandalore. This was the ruling house. I felt confused. I didn't know how to think of myself. Strong concord dawn warrior, or the lost child of house Kryze. “Vuhl or Kryze?” “Vhul or Kryze?” I pondered this question for years. After much identity crisis I decided I would shed both names and identities and go only by Aliche Rite. I named myself Aliche after my one friend on concord dawn, and made the surname Rite representing my mandalorian birth rite to house Kryze. To further change my identity I joined the jedi guard, hiding behind a mask to forget who I really was. My brief training and mandalorian instincts helped me in my time as a temple guard. but one day when I was going to the jedi temple to stand guard I felt a dark presence. As soon as I got to the entrance I saw my guardian brothers dead on the ground. I checked the wounds. They were saber marks. I thought maybe the fabled sith had attacked but I sensed a more familiar presence. I went inside to find younglings scattered about on the floor. At the end of the hall I saw the jedi knight Anakin Skywalker looking out the window. I hadn’t known him too well but I had met him a few times. “Skywalker! Something has happened. The temple is under attack. We need to find any survivors and get them to safety.” He said nothing. but ignited his saber and turned around to face me. We were about 50 feet away from each other but I could still see his eyes clearly. Too clearly. They were bloodshot, and glowing a deep yellow. His expression was grief stricken, but not remorseful. He walked towards me, saber dragging on the ground, melting a trail in the metal floor behind him. I readied my weapon. I didn’t know exactly what he was planning on doing. When he reached me he began to strike. Blow after blow I blocked, but he was relentless. Eventually he disarmed me and pinned me to the ground. He tried to finish me off but I was able to roll away, force grab my saber, and get to my feet but it wasn’t enough. He force pushed me back, right out the window of the temple. battle damaged, I fell, barely lucid. Out of blind luck I landed on a passing speeder. I  lied on the back seat of the speeder on the verge of passing out, and I saw through my out of my one open eye.  I saw the blurry image of two beating yellow eyes, and a saber at their side, looking down at me as I ride away. I then passed out. I woke up to find an Ithorian man Yelling at me in his native tongue. I apologized and put some credits in his hand. then I left, limping to my ship. I didn’t know where exactly I was going to go. But I did know that I needed to find answers.
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Light side points please
saber on the way: emerald arbiter with obsidian v4

Darth Knox
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -1011
Posts: 6916


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2016, 05:36:44 PM »

I like it. Although, you might want to think about spacing/paragraphs. Would make it easier to read
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Je.daiiOfMandalore
Knight Sergeant
*

Force Alignment: 15
Posts: 112


"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"


« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2016, 06:14:01 PM »

I like it. Although, you might want to think about spacing/paragraphs. Would make it easier to read
Yup definitely. When I wrote it I didnt actually plan on people reading it, and decided to publish it here later. I'll revise it now
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Light side points please
saber on the way: emerald arbiter with obsidian v4

Karmack
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 313
Posts: 1559


Light side points please.


« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2016, 08:30:03 AM »

A good beginning!  I look forward to additional installments.  :-)
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Sabers I Own:   Aeon V4 Emerald/Obs V4 "Reverse LE",  Dark Ini V4 w/ Obs Lite in FO, Dark Apprentice LE Stunt in FO, Dominix V4 LE w/ Obs Lite in SRD, Sentinel LE Stunt in BR, Dominix V4 Obs Lite in AG.    Wish List:  Scorpion w/ Obsidian V4 and Emerald, Dark Malice Staff w/ Emerald


Karmack: Sentinel of the Red Jedi Order

Je.daiiOfMandalore
Knight Sergeant
*

Force Alignment: 15
Posts: 112


"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"


« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2016, 02:28:55 PM »

A good beginning!  I look forward to additional installments.  :-)
Thanks!
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Light side points please
saber on the way: emerald arbiter with obsidian v4

Rathayatra
Knight Officer
*

Force Alignment: 95
Posts: 197


"Mud hole? Slimy? My home this is"


« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2016, 01:03:28 PM »

Good start -- points given.
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lightside points please --- thanks an old youngling
Initiate LE v4 CG             
Prophesy v3 OPS GB 
Graflex GB OPS
Yoda FX
Dk. Prophesy v3 SY
Standard Issue Battle v3 GB
Dk. Prophesy v3 VA
Archon v2.1 GB
Dk. Prophesy v3 CG
Dk. Menace tri GB
Consular v4 GB Nickel
Shock GB OPS + Raffle Prophesy CG Stunt
Archon v3.1 + spring raffle Dominix LE v4

Darth Vigorous
Knight Captain
*

Force Alignment: -117
Posts: 452


I am Darth Vigorous. My power knows no boundaries.


WWW
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2016, 10:17:51 PM »

Very epic. Please update soon.   Cheesy
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I am the nightmare beyond your wildest dreams. I am the monstrosity of mankind itself. I will Never be overcome by any being, anything, any thought. I am the godling of a new greater power of the Sith to be. I am Darth Vigorous. Lord, grand and supreme, master of the Sith.


Je.daiiOfMandalore
Knight Sergeant
*

Force Alignment: 15
Posts: 112


"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"


« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2016, 09:23:38 PM »

Very epic. Please update soon.   Cheesy
will do sorry for the delay! Grin
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Light side points please
saber on the way: emerald arbiter with obsidian v4

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