Joke thread

[Darth Knox]

as i'm currently in a good mood i thought i'd start a thread where we can share our favourite jokes. They can be one liners, cheesy, droll or dirty (within reason).

Here's one to start us off....

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One looks at the other and says "Dam"

[Landen Se-Sentien]

It's not my favorite joke, but it's a spillover from another thread...

What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty.

[Rapine]

A blind guy walks into a bar; and the wall; and a door...

[sedstiskyfaller]

Forgive me but any post on this thread is probably gonna be a chemistry joke    Not only that, but they are cheesy


A WWII operator who was recently drafted from his job as a chemistry professor found himself in his first conflict.

He was instructed to use code words to describe any situation that occurred, however he was not told what code to use.

Upon the first attack, he sent the message, "NaCl/NaOH! NaCl/NaOH!"

The receiving operator at the allied base responded, "What is going on?! What does that even mean?!"

The new operator explained, "The base is under a salt! The base is under assault!"

[Landen Se-Sentien]

Yeah, I actually got that before the punchline. I don't know if I should be proud, considering my limited chemistry knowledge, or if I should slam my head in a door. Either way, pretty good joke.

[Darth Knox]

A dyslexic man who walks into a bra....

[Jev Moldara]

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

To get to the same side.

[Darth Knox]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

[GregG124]

My social life. ahahaha... *sobs*

[Gilbert]

"Oh I see," said the blind man, as he he picked up his hammer and saw.

[Darth Calon]

Argh. You beat me to it Knox. I was going to make this thread but then I forgot.

This is a great one:

A big Texas rancher and a little Missouri farmer had a conversation.

The Texas rancher said, "I can get into my truck, drive it all day and not ever get off of my ranch!"

"Yeah," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that one time."

[Drahcir]

In line with Sedsti's chemistry theme, mine follow an archaeology theme.

------

Archaeologists are a fickle lot, we're always dating something new.

It's a sad fact, most archaeologist's careers are in ruins.

A lot of them just aren't appropriate for posting on the forum, what can I say - archaeologists like it dirty.

[Rapine]

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks the bartender (a proton); "How much for a drink?" 

The proton bartender replies: "For you? No charge."

The neutron asks: "Are you sure?"

The proton replies: "I'm positive."

[Darth Knox]

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey.  I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.  "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

[Rapine]

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey.  I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.  "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"