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Author Topic: Joke thread  (Read 92987 times)
BatMike90
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« Reply #330 on: January 17, 2017, 11:20:06 AM »

I saw a shirt that says

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep."

That is funny!
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Darth Calon
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« Reply #331 on: January 17, 2017, 03:13:51 PM »

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical.

"Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?" he asks.

"That depends," says the doctor. "Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"



"No."

"Do you fool around with loose women?"

"Of course not."


"Well, then," says the doctor. "Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?"

Point!
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Darth Knox
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« Reply #332 on: January 17, 2017, 03:21:24 PM »

A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. 

The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"
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Darth Logos
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« Reply #333 on: January 17, 2017, 06:48:52 PM »

A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. 

The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

I think you already told this one. Wink
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Darth Knox
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« Reply #334 on: January 17, 2017, 06:54:23 PM »

I think you already told this one. Wink
I don't think so. Maybe it was my twin brother Otto. We were separated at birth. He was raised in Europe by gypsies Tongue Tongue

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his shirt. "Damn," he says. "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she's gonna kill me."

"Not to worry," says the bartender as he sticks a £20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks.

The drunk replies, "Ummm, yeah... he crapped in my pants, too."
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Rapine
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« Reply #335 on: January 22, 2017, 06:17:45 PM »

Two Irishmen are in a pub.

One asks the other:

"Have ye seen Sean lately?"

"Aye", says the other "he saw a big sign the other day, that read: Drink Canada Dry.  So, he went."
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Majobu5
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Agent Zero. No points


« Reply #336 on: January 22, 2017, 07:50:59 PM »

Two Irishmen are in a pub.

One asks the other:

"Have ye seen Sean lately?"

"Aye", says the other "he saw a big sign the other day, that read: Drink Canada Dry.  So, he went."

Tis a challenge, aye!
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No points, just fist bumps baby!

Darth Knox
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« Reply #337 on: January 22, 2017, 07:52:32 PM »

Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in the commercial
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #338 on: January 22, 2017, 11:00:23 PM »

Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in the commercial

Haha, good one. Point.
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Darth Knox
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« Reply #339 on: February 06, 2017, 10:46:24 PM »

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?

To get to the Dark Side.

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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #340 on: February 06, 2017, 10:50:19 PM »

That... isn't even worth commenting on. Sad If the original joke wasn't so overused, and there weren't so many variations, I would say that it is a good joke, but it has just become sad.
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"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

Darth Knox
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« Reply #341 on: February 06, 2017, 10:53:03 PM »

That... isn't even worth commenting on. Sad If the original joke wasn't so overused, and there weren't so many variations, I would say that it is a good joke, but it has just become sad.
Well aren't you just a misery.
Also, nowhere does it state that jokes have to be good on this thread
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #342 on: February 06, 2017, 10:55:46 PM »

Well aren't you just a misery.
Also, nowhere does it state that jokes have to be good on this thread

You're correct. They don't have to be good. But if they are, you are more likely to get points than if they are bad.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

Darth Knox
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« Reply #343 on: February 06, 2017, 10:58:32 PM »

You're correct. They don't have to be good. But if they are, you are more likely to get points than if they are bad.
I don't post anything just to get points. If people want to award me points, then great. If not, that's cool too.

Dirty joke of the day:

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.
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Darth Logos
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« Reply #344 on: February 07, 2017, 04:33:08 PM »

I don't post anything just to get points. If people want to award me points, then great. If not, that's cool too.

Dirty joke of the day:

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.
-1 for the earlier awesome bad joke, and -1 pending for this. Cheesy
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