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Author Topic: Joke thread  (Read 92984 times)
Darth Knox
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(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #375 on: February 17, 2017, 05:16:01 PM »

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.  She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." 

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." 

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." 

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." 

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
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Jev Moldara
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Posts: 6438

The Mad Professor


« Reply #376 on: February 17, 2017, 05:21:23 PM »

I am completely opposed to homosexual couples raising kids, but not for the reasons you think.

Basically, the poor kid is gonna get twice as many dad jokes or get caught in an endless loop of "go ask your mother."

No child deserves that.
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Mad Science means never stopping to ask "What's the worst that could happen?"

Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is ever forgotten.


Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #377 on: February 17, 2017, 05:22:17 PM »

I am completely opposed to homosexual couples raising kids, but not for the reasons you think.

Basically, the poor kid is gonna get twice as many dad jokes or get caught in an endless loop of "go ask your mother."

No child deserves that.
LOL
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Landen Se-Sentien
Shadow Sentinel of the Manticore Order
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« Reply #378 on: February 17, 2017, 06:56:53 PM »

I am completely opposed to homosexual couples raising kids, but not for the reasons you think.

Basically, the poor kid is gonna get twice as many dad jokes or get caught in an endless loop of "go ask your mother."

No child deserves that.

That got a point from me.
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Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #379 on: February 18, 2017, 05:43:45 PM »

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.
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Jev Moldara
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 1280
Posts: 6438

The Mad Professor


« Reply #380 on: February 18, 2017, 06:58:31 PM »

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

I would have gone with "Single on Valentine's Day," but your answer works as well.
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Mad Science means never stopping to ask "What's the worst that could happen?"

Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is ever forgotten.


Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #381 on: February 19, 2017, 06:49:23 PM »

What's the difference between Batman and a robber?
Batman can go into a shop with Robin

What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.

Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.
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Landen Se-Sentien
Shadow Sentinel of the Manticore Order
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I work in the Darkness in service of the Light


« Reply #382 on: February 20, 2017, 04:07:39 AM »

Quote of the day.

Scene: Landen, Mrs. Landen, and Landen's stepmother are drinking some of his famous margaritas. Landen's stepmother has a bag of pistachios and almonds in her lap. Landen reaches over, grabs the bag, and places it on the couch between the two of them.

Mrs. Landen: Did you just take those away from your mother?!
Landen: Yes.
Mrs. Landen: Why?
Landen: Because I felt awkward reaching into my mother's lap and grabbing her nuts.
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Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #383 on: February 20, 2017, 04:11:25 AM »

Quote of the day.

Scene: Landen, Mrs. Landen, and Landen's stepmother are drinking some of his famous margaritas. Landen's stepmother has a bag of pistachios and almonds in her lap. Landen reaches over, grabs the bag, and places it on the couch between the two of them.

Mrs. Landen: Did you just take those away from your mother?!
Landen: Yes.
Mrs. Landen: Why?
Landen: Because I felt awkward reaching into my mother's lap and grabbing her nuts.
Tee-hee!!
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Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #384 on: February 23, 2017, 04:22:53 PM »

My wife and I were very happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Majobu5
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« Reply #385 on: February 23, 2017, 07:21:49 PM »

My wife and I were very happy for 20 years. Then we met.

This is no joke.......
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No points, just fist bumps baby!

Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #386 on: February 23, 2017, 07:23:48 PM »

This is no joke.......
You're right (I'm not even married  Grin)
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Majobu5
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Agent Zero. No points


« Reply #387 on: February 23, 2017, 07:41:01 PM »

You're right (I'm not even married  Grin)

My wife reminded me yesterday of a mistake I made 16 years ago.. damn!! They don't let stuff go! How was I to remember what day I first asked her out!
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No points, just fist bumps baby!

Darth Knox
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*********

Force Alignment: -1913
Posts: 11751


(Dark points only) Do not hesitate. Show no mercy


« Reply #388 on: February 23, 2017, 07:42:46 PM »

My wife reminded me yesterday of a mistake I made 16 years ago.. damn!! They don't let stuff go! How was I to remember what day I first asked her out!
Because
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Majobu5
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 0
Posts: 1853


Agent Zero. No points


« Reply #389 on: February 23, 2017, 07:50:21 PM »

Because

I already said. Because I first asked her out February 22, 2001 at 12:23 pm going back from lunch...
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No points, just fist bumps baby!

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