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Author Topic: It has no title, yet...  (Read 3207 times)
Hobb
Knight Lance Corporal
*

Force Alignment: 1
Posts: 56

I wear my saber on my hip.


« on: January 16, 2011, 05:53:45 PM »

((Author's Note: This is but a small portion of a much larger story I am working on. Currently it is but fan fiction, however, as I wish to make writing part of my living, I may move to get it published as official canon one day. Only time will tell. Anyway, please enjoy and comment as you will, feedback is always appreciated.))

Without warning, Darth Cruvis ignited his Lightsaber in his left hand, its sanguine blade bathing the room with a bloody glow. With merely a flick of the wrist, the blade sliced through Kerrick’s skin, taking off this right arm just above the elbow and letting it fall to the floor. Before he could let out a cry from the pain, Cruvis reached out with the Force, and grappled his apprentice, first by the stub where his arm once was, then deeper, within his body and crushing at his heart and other major organs. Kerrick felt them being squeezed, then released, only to be squeezed again and with increased pressure. He wanted to scream in agony, but dared not for fear of causing himself more harm. For in such a hold a single wrong move, even a twitch, and it would all be over. He gritted his teeth and glared into his master’s burning orange-yellow eyes, as if to beg the question, why? Cruvis answered the glare by lifting Kerrick in the air and slamming him into the wall behind him, whilst still keeping the grip on his arm and organs. “You are weak; you are undisciplined. How am I to train you if you will not listen; will not obey?” The Sith Lord moved closer, lifting his Lightsaber and pressing the tip against Kerrick’s chest, letting it burn into his skin until he could feel it against his ribs, getting ever closer to his heart which was still constricted by the Force. “I will not tolerate your arrogance; your insolence for much longer. Next time I give you a command, do it. No hesitation; no mercy.” Cruvis switched off his Lightsaber and threw his broken apprentice to the ground, rather than just letting him fall. Returning his Lightsaber to its holster at his side, Cruvis collected Kerrick’s severed arm with the Force, taking it with him. “Clean up this mess. Don’t fail me again.” With that he turned and left the room, leaving Kerrick with twisted thoughts of anger and hatred. “Yes, my master.” The words came as a bitter, foul taste in his mouth, but his strength could not rival that of the Sith Lord’s, not yet at least. So, for now, he would suffer; he would endure. And when the time was right, as with all Sith before him, he would take his Master’s life, and succeed him.
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“Infinite, is the Force. Only do we set the limitations… for ourselves.” —Kerrick Rin

Stockton
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Leave Your Legacy - Light side point please!


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« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2011, 06:04:11 PM »

Sounds pretty good!
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Manroon
Protector of Abused Dungeon Rancors
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Nova Six, two lit and in the green.


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« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2011, 06:13:01 PM »

I like it. It certainly shows how truely evil a Sith Master is. I like how you can see the master fostering his apprentice's anger while the apprentice hasn't got a clue what's being done to him, and at the same time it's serving the double purpose of instilling obedience. Very cool! Reminds me some of the novel Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter, the segments focusing on Maul's training. You put on a much more intense show though, IMO. Smiley
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I am not a color...


A Knight can serve only one Master.

narri
Force Sensitive
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Force Alignment: 1
Posts: 3



« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2011, 02:41:09 AM »

Hey this is great I like it!
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"Jedi refer to the ‘light side’ and the ‘dark side’, but really, these are only words, and the Force is beyond words. It is not evil, just as it isn’t good—it's simply what it is."
―Barriss Offee

MOSEPH
Knight Aspirant
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Force Alignment: 0
Posts: 10


« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2011, 02:48:45 AM »

Hey bro i like this and im a bit of a writer myself just trying to get like three stories together, including a star wars short story if u could message me your email, I'd like some help on making my canon to the SW universe
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Hobb
Knight Lance Corporal
*

Force Alignment: 1
Posts: 56

I wear my saber on my hip.


« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2011, 05:09:10 AM »

I like how you can see the master fostering his apprentice's anger while the apprentice hasn't got a clue what's being done to him, and at the same time it's serving the double purpose of instilling obedience.

Would it be strange to say that 'that is what I was going for, even though I did not know it at the time of writing it'?

Hey this is great I like it!

Narri, great to see you on the forum!

Hey bro i like this and im a bit of a writer myself just trying to get like three stories together, including a star wars short story if u could message me your email, I'd like some help on making my canon to the SW universe

Well, my email is listed on my profile. Other than that, I do not know what I can really do to help you. I am a bit of a greenhorn myself, only putting this story together in my spare time. I am currently writing in my own 'pocket universe' (based on the SWEU). As I said before, if I do end up finishing it, only then will I puts around with making it into official canon.
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“Infinite, is the Force. Only do we set the limitations… for ourselves.” —Kerrick Rin

Manroon
Protector of Abused Dungeon Rancors
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Nova Six, two lit and in the green.


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« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2011, 06:58:48 AM »

Wouldn't be strange at all, man. Not at all.  Grin
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I am not a color...


A Knight can serve only one Master.

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