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Author Topic: Shadow of the Outcast  (Read 14764 times)
TheDutchman
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« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2017, 03:00:49 PM »

Thanks guys. This story is actually kind of hard to write. I have no idea where I am going with the next chapters. I know the beginning and the ending, but I have no idea how to get there. It may be a while till I get chapter 2 written. I'm glad you like it though. Hopefully I can continue to keep you intrigued.
I know EXACTLY what you mean: I have my beginning and my ending; it's getting the narrative from "A" to "B" that I am face-palming over  Tongue Grin

Admittedly TR, you and Karm make it look easy  Wink.  And take all the time you need  Smiley
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Taegin Roan
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« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2017, 03:51:08 PM »

I know EXACTLY what you mean: I have my beginning and my ending; it's getting the narrative from "A" to "B" that I am face-palming over  Tongue Grin

Admittedly TR, you and Karm make it look easy  Wink.  And take all the time you need  Smiley

Thanks, but it isn't easy for me. Luckily I know my character, and I also have an interest in fighting, so writing battles is easy for me. But I will continue working on it.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

TheDutchman
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« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2017, 03:55:33 PM »

Well you make it look easy, my friend  Wink
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
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« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2017, 11:12:32 AM »

Thanks guys. This story is actually kind of hard to write. I have no idea where I am going with the next chapters. I know the beginning and the ending, but I have no idea how to get there. It may be a while till I get chapter 2 written. I'm glad you like it though. Hopefully I can continue to keep you intrigued.

I'm with you on that!  Sometimes the middle can be excruciating!  Keep after it though.  This one has great potential!  :-)
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2017, 05:48:13 PM »

I'm with you on that!  Sometimes the middle can be excruciating!  Keep after it though.  This one has great potential!  :-)

Thanks. I think I finally have a decent outline that I can work off of, so maybe I can keep it going.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

Karmack
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« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2017, 01:50:23 PM »

Thanks. I think I finally have a decent outline that I can work off of, so maybe I can keep it going.

I do that in longer works.  Write a quick outline of your story, pick a few highlights and then hammer away.  No other way to do it.

With these stories I have a very broad outline in mind at the beginning and I am basically picking the scenes I want to illuminate along the way.  Also these are becoming experiments in first person narrative, something I've not really done before.  I usually write in 3rd person omniscient, like a Tom Clancy or David Weber novel.  But I like this format.  Its .... compelling.
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2017, 02:01:15 PM »

I do that in longer works.  Write a quick outline of your story, pick a few highlights and then hammer away.  No other way to do it.

What  I mean by "decent outline" is really just "outline". I had nothing before, but now I have something of an outline which makes it easier to see where I am going.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

TheDutchman
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« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2017, 01:55:58 PM »

What  I mean by "decent outline" is really just "outline". I had nothing before, but now I have something of an outline which makes it easier to see where I am going.
Yeah I found myself doing this as well TR.  I really wish I could free write organically but without specific planning I find myself falling into admittedly bad cliches  Sad

That said, I am eager to read what you've got coming next my friend  Smiley
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Taegin Roan
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« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2017, 09:19:37 PM »

Yeah I found myself doing this as well TR.  I really wish I could free write organically but without specific planning I find myself falling into admittedly bad cliches  Sad

That said, I am eager to read what you've got coming next my friend  Smiley

Thanks. I haven't had much time to write recently, so chapter 2 might be a while yet, but it is coming.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

Taegin Roan
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Force Alignment: 1868
Posts: 5459


Lord of the Force


« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2017, 04:27:27 PM »

Chapter 2

By the time Rowahn’s ship left Calginax’s atmosphere, he was in his quarters trying to make contact with the Grand Inquisitor so he could make his report. Once contact was established, Rowahn told the man what had happened. “Jord has become a powerful Jedi since the order fell. I am not yet sure how, but she escaped once again.” He was saying, “We are trying to pick up her trail again and. . .” before he could finish the Inquisitor interrupted. “Your men had their blasters trained on her and they didn’t fire? You battled her yourself and yet you did not kill her? Do you have a weak spot for this girl or something? You have been following her trail for over two years now, and the first time you actually see her, you let her go. This form of behavior will not be tolerated. If you do not find her soon, we will be forced to recall you from this mission and have someone else take over. We are trying to make contact with a Jedi Hunter named Caedon Ti-Rell. He has proven adept at hunting and killing Jedi like this Jord. If you do not find her before we make contact, you will be recalled. Is that what you want, do you want someone else to take you place? Find her Inquisitor or face the consequences.”

Rowahn was about to reply when the Inquisitor cut off the call. “It’s Darth, not Inquisitor” he mumbled under his breath in an annoyed tone. As his holoprojector blinked off with a high pitched blip, Rowahn sat down. The movement caused him to wince in pain. He had bandaged his wounded leg before returning to the ship, but a lightsaber wound was painful. He could feel it throbbing even now. Forcing the pain down, and letting it fuel his anger, he rose and stalked out of his quarters heading towards the bridge. When he got there, he asked “Have you picked up the ships plasma trail, or hyperdrive signature yet?”

“No sir.” Came the reply of the pilot, “But we think we may know which way she is heading. From the direction her ship was going when it left the planet, it seems to be heading to one of the farthest outlying systems. We will know more in a few minutes once we pick up the trail.”

“Fine. Alert me when you have it. I will be in my quarters.” Rowahn said as he turned and walked back the way he came. As he walked down the hallway, he passed the medical supply closet. While he generally did not use medicinal supplies to speed up his healing he decided it might be a good idea if he were to this time since he did not know how long it would be until they caught up to Jord again. He needed to be at full strength if he wanted to defeat her, and he needed to make sure that he did not underestimate her powers again. That had been the true reason that he had failed to capture or kill her this time. Still he was bothered by the fact that he didn’t know why he had not been able to see the Force blast coming. Besides that, he had not remembered her. True, it had been about eighteen years since he saw her, and only then it was because he had run into her on accident. She had been walking through the Jedi temple just after being chosen by a Jedi Knight to become their apprentice, and he had not been paying attention then, so literally ran into her. They had both been very young at the time, but he had never thought he could forget her. The way she had lifted him with the Force, much to her master’s surprise, and then looked him in the eyes with something akin to annoyance, but something far kinder. He had quickly apologized and asked her to set him down, but he would normally never have forgotten that. Even now after 18 years or so, the memory scared him. How easily she had lifted him into the air then, almost as if it was an instinct rather than a trained skill. That scared him more now than it had then. If she was that powerful then, I cannot even imagine how powerful she is now after eighteen years, four of which she had been training with a Jedi master. I must be extremely cautious next time I fight her. He thought.

With the supplies in hand, he moved slowly back to his quarters. When he arrived, he locked the door behind him. His men should not be stupid enough to enter without permission, but in that instance that they do, he would not be forgiving. Right now though, he just needed to have some privacy. Many of the other Inquisitors did not have a problem if someone saw them using the Force. In fact, they often would flaunt their powers. Rowahn was different. He didn’t know why, but he did not feel right about using in the open, unless it was in training, or in battle. Meditation was something that he did alone. Always. Maybe it was because he did not think any of the other Inquisitors meditated, or maybe it was because he did not like others seeing him in his most vulnerable state. Whatever the reason, it was something he did alone. Before he started, he removed the original bandage, applied some healing salve, and applied a new bandage. He did not like to use anything but his natural healing ability and the Force to help him to heal, but sometimes he needed to. He preferred to let the pain into his body, fueling his rage, and giving him more focus. So that is what he did. As he sat, he slowly began to meditate. He could feel his thoughts and emotions, they sounded almost . . . happy? No, that wasn’t right, but they definitely were not full of rage, and anger like they were supposed to be. As he meditated, he slowly beat what he could only describe as a song back into submission. This “song” was something only he could hear it seemed, but he could tell it was not from the Dark Side. Something more natural, more balanced than the Light or the Dark. More Light for sure, but definitely something in between. If he went too long without beating it back into a successive beat like a loud drum, it would slowly start to change, both itself and himself. The song became more like a symphony where many instruments worked together to make something beautiful, and he became more in tune with the Force it seemed. Almost as if there was something about it that was perfect. A conductor or . . . Maker, almost. Rowahn could feel it, and he did not like it. It was not the way of the Sith. Not the way he had been trained. He had been trained to be brutal. To let nothing stand in his way. To overcome. But this song was weird. It wanted him to be kind and patient, yet at the same time, hard and confident. Not calloused, just firm and in control.  He needed to be in control, but not this way. He had to be powerful, strong, unforgiving. He had to be like Vader. And this song, it was nothing like Vader. Or the Emperor. Vader had promised that he would never know pain again, and the only way to do that was by being like him. Unmerciful, unforgiving. Nothing could hurt you if you did not have something you cared about. Caring was for the weak, and Rowahn was not weak. He had established that in less than a week once his training had started. Many feared him, and those that didn’t, well, they either learned to, or died.
   
Suddenly, his comlink sounded, awaking him from his meditation. “Sir,” came the voice of the pilot, “we have picked up her trail. It seems that she is heading towards a small system with a single planet.”

“Very good.” Came Rowahn’s reply. “What system is it?”

After a brief pause, the comlink sounded again. “The Octonotil system sir.”

“Set a course for the Octonotil system then. Alert me upon arrival.”

With that, Rowahn returned back to his meditation. The Octonotil system? It is not one I am familiar with. The thoughts came unbidden to his brain. I seem to remember hearing about it once. A small planet but with two stars. Barely habitable if I remember correctly. It is mostly stone and covered in volcanoes. Why Jord would go there, I am not sure. Wait. When I ran into her all those years ago her master had been talking to another Jedi about this planet. That is why I know these random facts about it. Jord must have set up an equipment cache or safe-house because of the location, and anonymity after the Purge. His song began to play faster as if agreeing with him. But he quickly returned to his suppressing of it. He could not allow the unknown to guide him. He had to go by hard facts. And the facts showed Jord heading for Octonotil. If that were the case, then that is where he would go. He had to accomplish his mission. He could not fail again. If he did, who knew what would happen to him. He might never become Vader’s apprentice, and he might never become a Sith Lord. That is not something he could live with. So he continued to crush the Force. Beating it onto submission so hard he hoped that it would not bother to try and bring him back to the light. He had to win. He had to.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

TheDutchman
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« Reply #25 on: October 02, 2017, 05:40:57 AM »

Yes! He's back!  I particularly like your story TR as the perspective is the MAIN character's path from Light->Dark and the conflict within.  The suppression of the "song" is the perfect metaphor (honestly, I wish that I had thought of that; such a poignant narrative device my friend; again, kudos to you and Karm  Cheesy). 
I'm really interested in Jord. She seems the counterbalance to Rowahn/TR...or perhaps a mirror of his Light side self. Again, excellent set up for the emerging pathos  Wink.

Another part I really like is the inner dialogue and Rowahn's self-doubt; you've set up the perfect dichotomy: a Sith vacillating from rage to harmony.  Brilliant my friend! I can't wait to see what awaits on Octonotil  Wink

Until next installment friends  Smiley
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
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Light side points please.


« Reply #26 on: October 02, 2017, 07:14:19 AM »

Oh, nicely done!  Teagin, I love the way you're weaving the song into your view, particularly the conflict our Inquisitor feels when he hears it.  I had considered treading a similar path, but I am going to leave you with this one.  :-)  I am also looking forward to what awaits our dark friend on Octonotil.  There is obviously more coming for Rowahn ... and Jord.  And where better for a Jedi and a Darth to confront each other than a rocky, volcanic planet, eh?  ;-)

I am also intrigued that he hears the song when he is calm and at rest...  And healing.  Perhaps that's the REAL reason he hides these moments?  In his "dark" state he perceives them as weakness or corruption of his Sith training, but deep down...   Yeah.   "I feel the conflict within you.   Let go of your hate!"  ;-) 

Keep it up!  Your style, as well as that of Dutchman (who's story I am also enjoying greatly!) are different and the contrasts are fun and refreshing.  Thank you for sharing!  I look forward to the next chapter, my friend!

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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Taegin Roan
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Force Alignment: 1868
Posts: 5459


Lord of the Force


« Reply #27 on: October 02, 2017, 11:20:00 AM »

Yes! He's back!  I particularly like your story TR as the perspective is the MAIN character's path from Light->Dark and the conflict within.  The suppression of the "song" is the perfect metaphor (honestly, I wish that I had thought of that; such a poignant narrative device my friend; again, kudos to you and Karm  Cheesy). 
I'm really interested in Jord. She seems the counterbalance to Rowahn/TR...or perhaps a mirror of his Light side self. Again, excellent set up for the emerging pathos  Wink.

Another part I really like is the inner dialogue and Rowahn's self-doubt; you've set up the perfect dichotomy: a Sith vacillating from rage to harmony.  Brilliant my friend! I can't wait to see what awaits on Octonotil  Wink

Until next installment friends  Smiley

Oh, nicely done!  Teagin, I love the way you're weaving the song into your view, particularly the conflict our Inquisitor feels when he hears it.  I had considered treading a similar path, but I am going to leave you with this one.  :-)  I am also looking forward to what awaits our dark friend on Octonotil.  There is obviously more coming for Rowahn ... and Jord.  And where better for a Jedi and a Darth to confront each other than a rocky, volcanic planet, eh?  ;-)

I am also intrigued that he hears the song when he is calm and at rest...  And healing.  Perhaps that's the REAL reason he hides these moments?  In his "dark" state he perceives them as weakness or corruption of his Sith training, but deep down...   Yeah.   "I feel the conflict within you.   Let go of your hate!"  ;-) 

Keep it up!  Your style, as well as that of Dutchman (who's story I am also enjoying greatly!) are different and the contrasts are fun and refreshing.  Thank you for sharing!  I look forward to the next chapter, my friend!



Thank you guys. Your praise is really what keeps me going. There are more surprises yet to come, so stay tuned. I love how you can see exactly what I am trying to portray. That either means that I am writing it well, or else you can read between the lines very well. I'm guessing it is the latter, but thanks anyways. Jord has been a fun character to develop. I had no idea what I was going to do for her at first. Then in that first chapter she just kind of came out. Personally I love that she owned him, and now Rowahn is scared of her. Makes it interesting for me to write. Anyways, thanks again guys.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #28 on: October 02, 2017, 10:30:12 PM »

I like the conversation with the Grand Inquisitor, reminds me of KOTOR 2, the Exile leaves Atris alive with the Sith Holocrons, noting as she leaves - "They are Sith, and Sith do not tolerate failure"

There is an interesting irony at play in your description of the suppression of the song.  It seems that this song is emanating from his emotions (albeit positive ones) and he's using logic, task focused thinking to supress it.  The irony I see is that is almost the opposite of the characteristic Sith view point, they typically embrace their emotions far more than Jedi, he's also shutting off a potential path to more power, again not Sith like behaviour.  My understanding is a true Sith could care less whether they draw power from the light or dark side so long as it achieves their goals - The Force shall free me, not the dark side or light side, the force as a whole.  Anyway I'm interested to see how that plays out in future chapters.   
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Taegin Roan
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Force Alignment: 1868
Posts: 5459


Lord of the Force


« Reply #29 on: October 02, 2017, 10:55:43 PM »

I like the conversation with the Grand Inquisitor, reminds me of KOTOR 2, the Exile leaves Atris alive with the Sith Holocrons, noting as she leaves - "They are Sith, and Sith do not tolerate failure"

There is an interesting irony at play in your description of the suppression of the song.  It seems that this song is emanating from his emotions (albeit positive ones) and he's using logic, task focused thinking to supress it.  The irony I see is that is almost the opposite of the characteristic Sith view point, they typically embrace their emotions far more than Jedi, he's also shutting off a potential path to more power, again not Sith like behaviour.  My understanding is a true Sith could care less whether they draw power from the light or dark side so long as it achieves their goals - The Force shall free me, not the dark side or light side, the force as a whole.  Anyway I'm interested to see how that plays out in future chapters.   

I see what you mean, and honestly, I don't know how intentional it was. I feel like Rowahn has a "flawed" view of the Sith, in that they don't welcome or use "good" emotions, only ones like Rage, Fear, Anger, etc.. I am hoping I can successfully incorporate that into the story a little more as I go.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker

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