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Author Topic: Children of the Aether  (Read 22883 times)
Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #105 on: November 07, 2017, 01:49:56 PM »

Whoa....

I read through them, and I am a little overwhelmed, but the ending... 

What is striking me right now is that you didn't really end the story.  :-)  This feels like a "back-story" more than a story, a massive set-up for another story that you want to tell.  I am reminded of Tolkien.  (Yes, I just compared you to Tolkien.  Favorably.  ;-)  )  Anyway...   If you're familiar with JRR Tolkien, you know that his two works, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings are backed up by MILLIONS of words of back-stories and supporting stories.  The Simmarillion is only part of it.  And a lot of it is like this - the story of a people, struggling to survive and somewhat failing, but putting forth a single thread or ember that is destined to have a huge impact in the future.

A future that you jumped to with your final cut scene between Yoda and his last powerful student - Luke Skywalker, a student he must have felt was much like Valens had been.  Much as his father had been as well. 

A child of the Aether...

I am not implying that the Skywalkers are Children of the Aether.  But that is definitely a possiblity.  :-)

No. I think Milaea is still alive.  And I think we'll be hearing more about her soon. 

LGS, this was a great story!  Very dark, very forboding, and certainly not in the normal "happy ending" mold that we generally like to fit into.  But it is tight, it is true to the canon characters you touch, its plausible, and it is a great read!  Well done! 

It would be fun to gather all of these stories up and publish them.  But I think we'd get sued to oblivion...  :-)

And I REALLY hope I'm right and there's a sequel coming! 

This, so much^^

Thanks guys appreciate you reading it and your comments,
Look forward to more of you're thoughts as you get through it Dutchman!
And Karm you have, again, hit on some of the points I wanted to get out - as I've said before if it wasn't for you leading the pack on this forum this would never have been written!   

I'm going to be doing a bit of a review on my own story over the next few weeks so might PM you guys for some feedback.

Anyway the best way I can say thanks to you is by removing some suspense....

***coming Mid-Late November 2017 to Dutchmans Interlude Thread***

The Jedi

The Warrior

The Scientist

...and more....

***Coming Early December 2017 a new short story***

Orphan of the Aether

*** Beginning Mid December 2017***

LEGACY OF THE AETHER
[/size]

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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #106 on: November 07, 2017, 02:37:27 PM »

Thanks guys appreciate you reading it and your comments,
Look forward to more of you're thoughts as you get through it Dutchman!
And Karm you have, again, hit on some of the points I wanted to get out - as I've said before if it wasn't for you leading the pack on this forum this would never have been written!   

I'm going to be doing a bit of a review on my own story over the next few weeks so might PM you guys for some feedback.

Anyway the best way I can say thanks to you is by removing some suspense....

***coming Mid-Late November 2017 to Dutchmans Interlude Thread***

The Jedi

The Warrior

The Scientist

...and more....

***Coming Early December 2017 a new short story***

Orphan of the Aether

*** Beginning Mid December 2017***

LEGACY OF THE AETHER
[/size]


Oh HELL yeah!!!  I can't WAIT for your sequels!!!  Awesome LSG  Grin
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« Reply #107 on: November 07, 2017, 03:09:58 PM »

***coming Mid-Late November 2017 to Dutchmans Interlude Thread***

The Jedi

The Warrior

The Scientist

...and more....

***Coming Early December 2017 a new short story***

Orphan of the Aether

*** Beginning Mid December 2017***

LEGACY OF THE AETHER
[/size]



LOL  I LOVE IT!  A teaser-trailer!  :-)
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #108 on: November 07, 2017, 08:31:27 PM »

Okay, just finished Part 5 Chapter 6, and all I can say is wow. Just wow. Karm put it best in his comparison to Tolkien (great comparison BTW), and I've got to say, he is spot on. This "goddess" is something that I think you will be touching on more in stories to come, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it. Also, Karm's notion that the Skywalkers may have originally come from the Aethans, very interesting, and yes, a good possibility. I also loved that little reference to ROTJ. Fit so well, and it almost seems like that is where you were headed the whole entire time.

Also, I was going to say this even before I finished, but now that I have finished, I feel the need to say it even more. A couple of days ago, Kathleen Kennedy was was interviewed on The Star Wars Show, and one of the things she said has really stuck with me since I watched it. And that is "we're also looking at working with people that are interested in coming in to the Star Wars world, and taking us to places we haven't been yet. And that's exciting too, because it's a vast galaxy far far away.... The possibilities are endless." Reading your story, I get the sense that this is what they would be looking for. So after hearing that, I would strongly encourage you to get in contact with LucasFilms, and try and get them to at least read this story after you have done your editing. Try and get them to bring it into canon, because I know it would be well received by quite a few fans. So please, please do this. I'm sure it may be a bit daunting, but I think it could really go well with everything else.


Oh yeah, and that little teaser trailer there was great.  Grin Really looking forward to what is to come.
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"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #109 on: November 08, 2017, 04:10:53 AM »

Part5, CH.2 Yoda

One of the (many) enjoyable components of your story has been the addition of "young" Yoda.  It really is a pleasure getting us perspective as an "active" Jedi agent.  Plus, he makes a great foil to Valens.  And Kimar is a wonderful antagonistic protagonist; truly the definition of a bureaucrat (something that the Prequels didn't really show but is PERFECT given Jedi propensity towards dogma and sloth)!  I remember Karm saying that characters make the narrative (paraphrasing) well YOUR characters are incredible!  TR is RIGHT: you should submit this!  It IS that good  Smiley

Oh, and I really loved the "Farscape" easter egg  Cheesy

Until next installment friends  Smiley
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« Reply #110 on: November 08, 2017, 06:31:12 PM »

Part 5, CH.3  Lyr

Always a pleasure to see that self-serving sleemo Lyr!  He takes "survivor" to new depths  Wink. Sevra's fracturing psyche is as well written as it is terrible to contemplate; and I can't wait to see what she has in store for those dark artifacts...

Valens' restraint is commendable considering he neither killed Lyr nor "drained" him completely...but I know that's not out of mercy  Cheesy

Until next installment friends  Smiley
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #111 on: November 08, 2017, 07:22:22 PM »

Okay, just finished Part 5 Chapter 6, and all I can say is wow. Just wow. Karm put it best in his comparison to Tolkien (great comparison BTW), and I've got to say, he is spot on. This "goddess" is something that I think you will be touching on more in stories to come, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it. Also, Karm's notion that the Skywalkers may have originally come from the Aethans, very interesting, and yes, a good possibility. I also loved that little reference to ROTJ. Fit so well, and it almost seems like that is where you were headed the whole entire time.

Also, I was going to say this even before I finished, but now that I have finished, I feel the need to say it even more. A couple of days ago, Kathleen Kennedy was was interviewed on The Star Wars Show, and one of the things she said has really stuck with me since I watched it. And that is "we're also looking at working with people that are interested in coming in to the Star Wars world, and taking us to places we haven't been yet. And that's exciting too, because it's a vast galaxy far far away.... The possibilities are endless." Reading your story, I get the sense that this is what they would be looking for. So after hearing that, I would strongly encourage you to get in contact with LucasFilms, and try and get them to at least read this story after you have done your editing. Try and get them to bring it into canon, because I know it would be well received by quite a few fans. So please, please do this. I'm sure it may be a bit daunting, but I think it could really go well with everything else.


Oh yeah, and that little teaser trailer there was great.  Grin Really looking forward to what is to come.

Thanks Taegin, you're right re the Luke/Yoda quote, that was actually part of the inspiration for the whole story, that Yoda will die as he is not that strong got me thinking about what if someone was that strong what would they become....what would other people call them...and where would they come from in the first place?

In the EU some characters do live exceptionally long via various means (Darth Addendu, Karness Muur, Darth Kyrat, Emperor in Dark Empire) but its always with great cost.

I leave the canon writing to the professionals, I'm just in it for the fun. Plus the story isn't over yet.....
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #112 on: November 09, 2017, 04:46:43 AM »

Part 5, CH.4 Soryu

It never ceases to amaze me how you take these completely disparate threads and perspectives and bring them together flawlessly.  I LOVE fight scenes like this: dynamic, perfect pacing, and engrossing!  Nice seeing Soryu cut loose; shows why Jedi are feared  Wink
And Yoda's characterization is spot-on!  It's such a pleasure seeing him as more than just the "sage" but rather an active force to be reckoned with. 

But the BIG development: the child.  Aethans primal Force connection really shows here; no wonder they're so powerful given their innate ability.  Wonderful!

...he could sense the rage polluting the force
LSG, I have got to steal that line from you!

Until next installment friends  Smiley
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #113 on: November 09, 2017, 01:31:57 PM »

Part 5, CH.4 Soryu

It never ceases to amaze me how you take these completely disparate threads and perspectives and bring them together flawlessly.  I LOVE fight scenes like this: dynamic, perfect pacing, and engrossing!  Nice seeing Soryu cut loose; shows why Jedi are feared  Wink
And Yoda's characterization is spot-on!  It's such a pleasure seeing him as more than just the "sage" but rather an active force to be reckoned with. 

But the BIG development: the child.  Aethans primal Force connection really shows here; no wonder they're so powerful given their innate ability.  Wonderful!

...he could sense the rage polluting the force
LSG, I have got to steal that line from you!

Until next installment friends  Smiley

Thanks Dutchman, your comments are certainly comprehensive, appreciate it, but don't feel you have to comment on everything, wouldn't want to use up your praise supplies!  the last few chapters after Soryu all group as one arc so i'd suggest reading them together.

Anyway I've been doing a review of my story in preparation of the sequels and identified some things to improve on below.  would love any other Critical feedback (be brutal please it only helps!  On the flip side if there is a chapter or scene that you think I really did well let me know that example to - whilst I have the sequels man plot points worked out now I have to work out how to deliver it!  So please feel free to post or PM me with any thoughts or suggestions and especially criticism.

Weaknesses 

Too many characters too far apart – become disjointed in places shifts between people too far away leads to one line dropping and swapping to another in a jarring way.  Some threads were just too far apart in terms of chapter to follow easily e.g. The Aethan red Lady/Goddess.

Limited action scenes, too much off screen action (e.g. Lyr hearing Sevra fighting rather than seeing, Kimar v. Mandolorians off screen)

Some scenes had little purpose other than just discussing a character thoughts at a point in time, not progression of story, need to integrate these things into actual events better.

Some characters served as little more than windows to look at other characters at times notably Lyr and Soryu

Few female characters. 

Jarys story felt a bit disconnected against main Sevra/Valens arc.

A little too subtle on some important points made some things get lost

Aethan characters came off over powered at times

Strengths

Key concepts came across clearly – Aethan culture, Jedi inability to understand them, Jedi arrogance and stagnation, Aethan moral ambiguity and drive to survive

Chapters with strong emotional focus tied to events – notably Shilea’s second chapter seemed to get a really positive response, and Jarys chapter ‘Simple’ concept running through it.

Overall characters seemed to be well developed based on comments received
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #114 on: November 09, 2017, 02:05:58 PM »

Thanks Dutchman, your comments are certainly comprehensive, appreciate it, but don't feel you have to comment on everything, wouldn't want to use up your praise supplies!  the last few chapters after Soryu all group as one arc so i'd suggest reading them together.

Anyway I've been doing a review of my story in preparation of the sequels and identified some things to improve on below.  would love any other Critical feedback (be brutal please it only helps!  On the flip side if there is a chapter or scene that you think I really did well let me know that example to - whilst I have the sequels man plot points worked out now I have to work out how to deliver it!  So please feel free to post or PM me with any thoughts or suggestions and especially criticism.

Weaknesses 

Too many characters too far apart – become disjointed in places shifts between people too far away leads to one line dropping and swapping to another in a jarring way.  Some threads were just too far apart in terms of chapter to follow easily e.g. The Aethan red Lady/Goddess.

Limited action scenes, too much off screen action (e.g. Lyr hearing Sevra fighting rather than seeing, Kimar v. Mandolorians off screen)

Some scenes had little purpose other than just discussing a character thoughts at a point in time, not progression of story, need to integrate these things into actual events better.

Some characters served as little more than windows to look at other characters at times notably Lyr and Soryu

Few female characters. 

Jarys story felt a bit disconnected against main Sevra/Valens arc.

A little too subtle on some important points made some things get lost

Aethan characters came off over powered at times

Strengths

Key concepts came across clearly – Aethan culture, Jedi inability to understand them, Jedi arrogance and stagnation, Aethan moral ambiguity and drive to survive

Chapters with strong emotional focus tied to events – notably Shilea’s second chapter seemed to get a really positive response, and Jarys chapter ‘Simple’ concept running through it.

Overall characters seemed to be well developed based on comments received

Honestly, you hit squarely with your "Weaknesses" and "Strengths" list.  Although, I would respectfully disagree that Jarys was too removed; his thread was organic in that his trajectory was further from Valens and Sevra/Shilea so IMO he would be more isolated.
However I would agree that some things might have gone unnoticed as they were too subtle (or might be me being oblivious  Wink).  Granted that can be tough since you don't want your foreshadowing to be anvilicious  Smiley
Also, not sure about "overpowered" but perhaps more concise consequences as a result of...maybe Force manipulation? 

Again LSG, your narrative is incredible with its uniqueness and ambitions. I can't wait for more!

Oh, and thanks for the heads up; I'll read the final chapter in one read-through  Wink
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #115 on: November 09, 2017, 05:20:13 PM »

One of the chapters I really liked was the first one with Soryu where he was watching Valens and seeing how much he didn't know. That IMO was one of the best written chapters. I also loved pretty much every chapter for Jarys. His utter brutality in his fight to survive really shows through. You can tell he is powerful, and also that if your going to mess with him, you'd better be prepared to face the consequences. I don't think the Aethans were too OP, and that is because they were born extremely powerful, and then raised their whole lives to be Guardians (the most powerful of them all). Even if they didn't make it like Cilina and Shilia, they still had the training, and the power. Another thing that I really liked was the training scene where Valens was fighting other padawans in the temple. He would study them, and then easily defeat them the next time. He even stated that he liked to do that if he could. It is such a useful tool to be able to use when fighting (if you have the chance) that when you put it in there I was extremely happy.

As for things I didn't like, there weren't too many that I can think of (at least right now). In your weaknesses, you say that you don't have enough female characters. I don't necessarily agree or disagree. I feel like the characters you did have (Shilia, Cilina) were both great, you just didn't focus as much on them as I might have liked. I think Shilia/Sevra you did just about perfect, but I think you may have left Cilina out for too long.

Personally I don't mind the fighting in the background, and I don't think you overdid it. Every time you see some characters (i.e. Jarys) there is a fight going on. On that is both realistic and gory, but at the same time, really gives us a look into the characters. And with Jarys, you said his story was a little disconnected from Valens' and Shilias's, but what I see is that he had a different arc to live out, and that in the sequel, the story could very easily be focused more on him than anyone else.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know, but those are my thoughts ATM.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #116 on: November 10, 2017, 01:38:25 PM »

One of the chapters I really liked was the first one with Soryu where he was watching Valens and seeing how much he didn't know. That IMO was one of the best written chapters. I also loved pretty much every chapter for Jarys. His utter brutality in his fight to survive really shows through. You can tell he is powerful, and also that if your going to mess with him, you'd better be prepared to face the consequences. I don't think the Aethans were too OP, and that is because they were born extremely powerful, and then raised their whole lives to be Guardians (the most powerful of them all). Even if they didn't make it like Cilina and Shilia, they still had the training, and the power. Another thing that I really liked was the training scene where Valens was fighting other padawans in the temple. He would study them, and then easily defeat them the next time. He even stated that he liked to do that if he could. It is such a useful tool to be able to use when fighting (if you have the chance) that when you put it in there I was extremely happy.

As for things I didn't like, there weren't too many that I can think of (at least right now). In your weaknesses, you say that you don't have enough female characters. I don't necessarily agree or disagree. I feel like the characters you did have (Shilia, Cilina) were both great, you just didn't focus as much on them as I might have liked. I think Shilia/Sevra you did just about perfect, but I think you may have left Cilina out for too long.

Personally I don't mind the fighting in the background, and I don't think you overdid it. Every time you see some characters (i.e. Jarys) there is a fight going on. On that is both realistic and gory, but at the same time, really gives us a look into the characters. And with Jarys, you said his story was a little disconnected from Valens' and Shilias's, but what I see is that he had a different arc to live out, and that in the sequel, the story could very easily be focused more on him than anyone else.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know, but those are my thoughts ATM.

Thanks mate, that is exactly the kind to feedback that will help me make the sequel better than the first, you've helped confirm what I should focus my writing towards!
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #117 on: November 11, 2017, 05:02:57 AM »

LSG...

That is incredible writing.  I can see why TR and Karm likened it to Tolkien: the initial narrative is full of characters, themes, and pathos that we become invested in...yet there is clearly so much MORE than what we've seen.  Who is the Red Lady/Goddess?  What is the purpose of the funerary rite; ceremonial or something else? Why are the Aethans primal Force powers/connection so potent, not to mention how an entire populace can be Force sensitives?  And what will come of the child, Milea? 

Also: the "off-screen" fighting works as a narrative device; consider: who's perspective we were viewing from at the time.  Each chapter is set as a third-person, singular point of view.  IMO, that tracks.

I have to say that I am SERIOUSLY looking forward to reading your upcoming stories! 

Until next story friends  Wink
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« Reply #118 on: November 09, 2018, 01:11:21 PM »

Shilea
Another pin dropped to the floor, just didn’t seem to want to stay in.  she could hold it in place with the aether, but she didn’t want to be distracted during the ceremony.  She flicked it up with a thought and once again it slipped from her light brown hair. 

“let me,”Cilina said coming up behind her.  Her sister pulled back her hair almost painfully and put the pin in place.

“there, now help me with this”, she turned and handed Shilea the ends of her blue waist ribbon.

They were above the main hall in the Central Village, outside she could hear the chatter of people catching up, all the Valley was here for the yearly Gathering when all the adults of twenty seasons would be paired and married.  There was little surprise in who she would be wed to, the formula was designed to avoid interbreeding, a necessity with such a small population, she would be married to either the bold dark haired Jarys or the quiet brown haired Valens her sister to the other.  She had known both of them for years, being of an age they played during the Gatherings, on occasion visited her village of Valleys End.  But those brief encounters hardly made enduring bonds.

“do you think I look too fat in this dress”  Cilina asked drawing Shilea out of her reverie.

“No, of course not”, Cilina ran her hands down her sides and frowned, “hmm…make it a little tighter,”  Shilea rolled her eyes but obliged.  Cilina was no larger than her, they were twins after all, very common amongst Aethans, and in turn often married other twin pairs to cement bloodlines for that generation. 

Blue was the colour of their village, at the wedding their blue waist ribbon would be joined by the black of their betrothed, their children would wear blue and black ribbons to Gatherings to signify which families could and could not consider them as partners for their own children.

“There finished,” Shilea turned to have her ribbon tied. 

“I hope they have have lots of sappher cakes” Cilina said absently,

“I thought you were worried you looked fat?”

“I said too fat! Have to have some fat for winter!  Plus Nelina says it helps with getting pregnant,”

“You don’t even know who you’re marrying yet and you’re thinking of children!” Shilea said shocked

“Uh it’s so obvious, I’ll marry Jarys you’ll marry Valens, everyone know it”

“What makes you say that,”

“UH!” Cilina cried in faux exasperation, “they always put the older brother with the younger sister, plus they always put the most handsome groom with the most beautiful bride!”
Shilea lightly slapped her with the aether,
“Hey!...ooh I should shred your dress!” Cilina would too, when they were children Cilinas favourite trick had been to use the aether to shred a hole in Shilea’s dress.  But the mirth in her voice belied any real anger.

“hmm, I wonder who’ll live at Old Andis farm, me and Jarys or you and Valens?” Cilina went on, “either way we’ll have to visit each season…”

Cilina kept talking but Shilea paid little attention.  It was becoming all too real...soon she would be married…married…and then off to live in a different house, children…it had all been just a thought, an idea you never thought would come true…today it would become very real.
****************************************************************
Cilina had been right, Shilea was to marry Valens.  She stood on the main stage of the amphitheatre in the refreshingly warm midday sun, in a line with eight other girls, Cilina to her left, and across from her, Valens. 

The steps of the amphitheatre were packed with almost every Aethan on the planet, to publically witness their unions.  She had been here several times of the last three weeks to see the six Guardians present (two were in the dead lands) announce changes to the Law, pass judgement on disputes and oversee votes on plans to build a new mine and create a dam.  She had also seen the public announcement of three new Guardians and the presentation of the swords they had forged themselves, Yorna a girl from the Coast, Jarys, whose trailing Vorynx had caused not a little alarm, and Valens.

Valens before her now looked just as distracted and distant as he had then.  Whilst Yorna and Jarys had beemed with pride at being announced Guardians and taking on the light steel armour, Valens had looked at his feet.  She could see the board smiles of Jarys and Cilina, the air between them heavy with excitement.  She wanted to cry.  She had known Valens was a distant, shy person, but seeing him now before her….she could barely sense him in the aether even…just a distant faded whisper against the booming voice of Jarys presence.

She barely heard the words of Guardian Karintha who stood at the end of the row of birdes and grooms, against the drowning beating of her own heart and rushing of her blood in her ears.  She felt on the edge of fainting, it was a strange sensation, to feel like collapsing yet being aware enough to notice the fact.  The others around her raised their arms palms facing toward their partner.  Some hidden part of her managed to lift her arms of stone and step forward so her palms pressed against Valens.  She looked toward him, he was now staring right at her with expressionless eyes. 

“Let their light be one” called Karintha and the air cracked with aetheric lightning as both bride and groom sent fine bolts of energy from their joined hands.  Shileas’ lightning was slow to start, she began to feel less light headed as she focused on sending the energy out, Valens lightning was instant and quickly mingled with hers even trailing up her arms, bonding him to her.  In the fluctuating arcs between their bodies something odd happened, stray arcs seemed to stay in place forming a jagged heart shape between them….This wasn’t her doing…on Valens face was a sad nervous smile.

As they parted the final step began, Valens and the grooms kneeled before their brides and tied their ribbon around their waists.  He tied it gently and slowly.  Perhaps there was something she could learn to love in him.
****************************************************************
After the ceremony and the feast, always a short affair, Aethans ate quickly and efficiently, Shilea found herself with her husband in one of the specially built newlywed cottages west of the village’s public garden.

He closed the door silently as she looked around at the names of previous couples carved in the wooden beams.  He looked at his feet, then sharply looked to the east, staring into the wall, eyes furrowed as if trying desperately to make out some distant object.  She knew what was meant to happen….but doubted whether he would make the first, or any move..  She swallowed hard and walked up to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, she touched his cheek with the other and turned her head to face her.  His eyes only slowly moved away from the wall.

“Valens, are you alright” she asked quietly. 
“ummm…I…I’m…I’m glad, no happy, that it was, it was you…that I, that is we are together, I wanted to say that I really think you’re beautiful and…” he turned to the wall again this his expression changing from nervous to serious in an instant.

“You’re nervous I understand…and I’m happy I was married to you too,” she stroked his face and exuded all the warmth she could into the aether to make him more comfortable, her mother had warned her how critical these moment were to setting the tone for their marriage.  “It’s alright,” She moved closer and wrapped her arm around his waist, her hand trailed from his face to his arm to wrap his around her shoulder. 

For the first time that day he truly looked at her, his presence rushed like a sudden gale into existence, it was a cool steady breeze, but like the precursor to storm there was a troubling waver to it …he was just on edge she reasoned, in time she would learn to read him better.

She pressed her head against his, and tried to blow calm into his mind, slowly his tensed muscles relaxed, it was now or never, she tilted her head and leaned into their first kiss.
****************************************************************
The room was burning, flames licked the walls and turned to steel as they rose, losing none of their heat.  Women and children screamed their auras cyclones of fear. 

The amphitheatre was full of the dead crying out black smoke of rage and vengeance that poured coalesced into a single black stream, she turned to follow it and saw Valens standing on the peak of a mountain dressed in black his eyes alight with aetheric energy, the stream poured into him and his presence grew crushing the stone around him to dust. 
She reached out for him, but her arm was not her own, it was a metal claw of strange flowing design and it grasped his throat. 
His face turned to one of nervous uncertainty as she choked him, he mouthed words, “What” she yelled as the winds of the aether spun around them, as terrifying as the situation was she didn’t want to be blown away from the only other being that seemed to exist. He mouthed again “What!” the wind in her ears grew in volume.  “Wake!! Run!! They’re coming”.

She sat bolt upright as though shocked back to life, Valens was on top of her shaking her, a roaring sound echoed from outside like an unending peal of thunder. 
“Shilea, get up you have to run, get to the mountains,” he quickly kissed her on the forehead then leapt off the bed, she felt herself rise above the bed under his power, as he used the aether to fasten his armour her clothes flew toward her and he dressed her with his powers.
“There’s an old mine north-north west of here once you get inside collapse the entrance,” He drew his sword and gave it a quick spin, she heard the first shriek from outside as her boots tightened around her feet.  The door flung open and he pulled her out with the aether, “what is….”, she tried to ask, “Go…”, he looked to the east where the fires of the village seemed too bright and the thunderous sound emanated,
“I’ll speed you while I can my love…” with a sad look he sent her running. 
***************************************************************


Don’t mind me! Just bookmarking! Smiley I’m loving what you have so far, LSG!!!! I’m about to go into a gig (already late, but traffic is awful >.<) but I’ll finish up when I get home.
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Author of: Only Light Can Cast Shadow A pre-KotOR Fem!Revan Fic

Twisted Morality (Part III of "Only Light Can Cast Shadow")

I leave my alignment to fate--Light or Dark

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