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Author Topic: Interludes  (Read 31391 times)
Karmack
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Master of Ceremonies
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Light side points please.


« Reply #15 on: November 02, 2017, 07:01:05 AM »

LOL  LSG, that's a good point!  I honestly didn't even notice that flip.  Most of my past writing has been 3rd Person, I started writing We Are Gray 1st person as more of an experiment and I've stuck with it for that character.  But you're right I slip back into 3rd for other characters.  Even within the narrative.  Interesting... 

As for Dark Phoenix - Nice!  I agree wtih LSG, that was an interesting perspective and I see an echo of Vader's own "resurrection" in there.  Might even be the same facility, eh?  And the Dark Lord is there, taking some perverse pleasure in putting another through his own brand of hell...

Now ... I wonder where we might see Gaetana again....  ;-)
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDutchman
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Force Alignment: 779
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« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2017, 08:21:07 AM »

One thing I noted was you both went with a third person perspective for characters others than your protagonist where you use first person, good to see a bit of a flip, might try first person myself to mix it up.  Having said that I think Gaetana would be a fascinating first person view point.   
LOL  LSG, that's a good point!  I honestly didn't even notice that flip.  Most of my past writing has been 3rd Person, I started writing We Are Gray 1st person as more of an experiment and I've stuck with it for that character.  But you're right I slip back into 3rd for other characters.  Even within the narrative.  Interesting... 
Good catch LSG.  Originally, I'd intended to just keep Zearic as my only first-person perspective...but now I think that I'll change that  Wink  Once again, I really appreciate the feedback from you guys  Smiley

As for Dark Phoenix - Nice!  I agree wtih LSG, that was an interesting perspective and I see an echo of Vader's own "resurrection" in there.  Might even be the same facility, eh?  And the Dark Lord is there, taking some perverse pleasure in putting another through his own brand of hell...

Now ... I wonder where we might see Gaetana again....  ;-)
Yeah I was hoping for that kind of comparison (although I never thought about Lumiya, LSG; I need to read up on her!). 

Oh yes, we'll see Gaetana again... Roll Eyes
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 912
Posts: 4401


Light side points please.


« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2017, 08:42:08 AM »

Actually, I was thinking that Gaetana reminded me of Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy...  :-)  Right down to the cybernetics being added to compensate for her failures.  LOL
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDutchman
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« Reply #18 on: November 02, 2017, 08:44:12 AM »

Actually, I was thinking that Gaetana reminded me of Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy...  :-)  Right down to the cybernetics being added to compensate for her failures.  LOL
LOL that's what I was imagining when I ended up rereading it  Grin  Completely unintentional, I assure you  Wink
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Taegin Roan
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Lord of the Force


« Reply #19 on: November 02, 2017, 10:55:39 AM »

I haven't commented yet because I just didn't know what to say. Dark Phoenix was awesome, and it was dark. Evil, damaged, creepy, it was good. I really like getting the perspective from Gaetana, that is definitely something I'd like to see more of.

Does anyone else read the Darth Vader scenes in his voice? Grin
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the first order down." - Poe Dameron

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TheDutchman
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« Reply #20 on: November 02, 2017, 11:13:15 AM »

I haven't commented yet because I just didn't know what to say. Dark Phoenix was awesome, and it was dark. Evil, damaged, creepy, it was good. I really like getting the perspective from Gaetana, that is definitely something I'd like to see more of.

Does anyone else read the Darth Vader scenes in his voice? Grin
LOL I do, I DO  Grin
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Taegin Roan
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Lord of the Force


« Reply #21 on: November 02, 2017, 11:17:49 AM »

LOL I do, I DO  Grin

It's got to be they way they are written. He is concise and to the point in what he says, yet he uses big words to reinforce the meaning. And you just have to read it like that. Grin Things like "Be careful not to choke on your aspirations director" or "The Inquisitorious is diminished as a result of your machinations" So great. Grin
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the first order down." - Poe Dameron

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TheDutchman
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« Reply #22 on: November 02, 2017, 11:43:36 AM »

It's got to be they way they are written. He is concise and to the point in what he says, yet he uses big words to reinforce the meaning. And you just have to read it like that. Grin Things like "Be careful not to choke on your aspirations director" or "The Inquisitorious is diminished as a result of your machinations" So great. Grin
LOL *bow*  Cheesy
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
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Posts: 4401


Light side points please.


« Reply #23 on: November 02, 2017, 11:51:18 AM »

It's got to be they way they are written. He is concise and to the point in what he says, yet he uses big words to reinforce the meaning. And you just have to read it like that. Grin Things like "Be careful not to choke on your aspirations director" or "The Inquisitorious is diminished as a result of your machinations" So great. Grin
Totally agree.  I read them in the "Vader" voice as well.  And the phrases were spot-on!  :-)
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 912
Posts: 4401


Light side points please.


« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2017, 12:26:35 PM »

Kennaniah

I knelt, meditating. We were due to lift off in three hours and I couldn't shake this feeling...  It was not something I was used to, and hadn't had to deal with it on this ... visceral ... level for a very long time. 

Fear

I sang, but the songs of comfort and strength rang hollow.  The pathways, the melodies and harmonies normally so full of delight and beauty remained distant and remote. 
And always, in the pit of my stomach, fear.

Fear - loss - anger - pain - suffering - fear...


It was a spiralling drumbeat in my head.  Singing was not helping.

And then, another voice.  Calm.  Soothing.  Quiet.  Trust the Singer, Karm.  The song, like everything else in Creation, can and is corrupted.  Only the Maker is truly Good.  Trust Him...

I felt the tears in my eyes then.  Shame welled up with fear.  Maker!  How can I forget so soon?!?  The image came unbidden to my mind: Kenneniah as an infant, lying on the alter, dedicated to the Maker on his 8th day.  The first-born of the Clan, returned to the Maker, as tradition required.

Maker, he belongs to You, not to me.  Forgive my arrogance.  Strengthen Your song in my heart!  Make my way straight!  Protect us as You will, but Your will be done!

I felt the cold stone on my forehead, wetted by my tears, and suddenly the song burst back into my consciousness.  The thread was alive, strong, vibrant ... victorious! 

Three strands, now.  Three, woven together ... for a time.

Trust the Maker, not the song...
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDutchman
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« Reply #25 on: November 02, 2017, 12:35:55 PM »

Karm, that is just...beautiful.

I should have guessed that you have a poet's spirit; certainly you have the prose down  Smiley

Again: beautiful.
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 912
Posts: 4401


Light side points please.


« Reply #26 on: November 02, 2017, 01:13:09 PM »

There is an echo of real life here.  My oldest, 3-4 years ago, decided she wanted to spend a summer in Israel working with Friends of Nazareth.  So she packs up and goes to Israel for 10 weeks.
That was hard, sending my 19-year-old daughter to a very dangerous place.  Alone.  I had that sleepless night of fear, ending with me remembering her dedication, and the reminder that she belongs to God and not me.

So there it is.  :-)  But thank you.  I don't believe I deserve the praise, but ... thank you.
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDutchman
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Force Alignment: 779
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« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2017, 01:39:37 PM »

So there it is.  :-)  But thank you.  I don't believe I deserve the praise, but ... thank you.
Yes.  Yes you do my friend  Smiley

Annddd while I cannot QUITE relate, I can somewhat empathize: when my wife and I were first married, she went to Mexico and South America for an Anthropology Internship for 2 months.  As you say: sleepless nights and having to remind myself of the same  Smiley
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Maenowan Nexu Master of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #28 on: November 05, 2017, 03:09:06 PM »

Kennaniah

Three strands, now.  Three, woven together ... for a time.

Trust the Maker, not the song...

Short but effective little interlude...reminds me of a line from Paradise Lost - 'Happy, but for so happy, ill secured".  Nothing lasts, things fall apart...but knowing this what do you do, do you try and force things to stay as they are, do you accept the inevitable change?  It seems to me here Karmack is stuck between the two, he doesn't want to let go but knows he has not choice, he can't fully accept either extreme (fighting against it or completely accepting it) the result is fear ending in a hope that his deity is in control and will turn things to the good.

That and the prayer aspect is an interesting contrast to one of my own characters who will go to extreme lengths to undo the destiny that has been dealt him and trusts in no one but himself and no matter what, would never even consider asking for forgiveness or subsume to another's will.

Anyway gives me an idea for a future chapter to play on this contrast....
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Karmack
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Master of Ceremonies
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 912
Posts: 4401


Light side points please.


« Reply #29 on: November 13, 2017, 10:26:45 AM »

The Ancient One

I walked into my dad's study and sighed.  The music...  It swirled around me and I closed my eyes, listening.  I had never been invited into his study before.  Master Chillum and my Father had spent hours the night before, discussing something ... intense.  Mom had done her best to distract Amanda and I from it, but the tension had been palpable. 

When Master Chillum had left, Father had called me in.  This room, this mystery, had always left me in awe.  The power of the force and the chorus of the Song rang through it like a catherdal.  The room just echoed and rang with the music of the force.  I had spent hours sitting outside his door, just listening to the reverberations and harmonies.  It was fascinating and beautiful and filled with power and sheer terror all at once.

And I absolutely loved it.

Father, I think, knew of my hours of meditation and while I wasn't allowed into the center of the room he seemed to take pride in my enjoyment of exploring what I could hear from outside.  But today I stood in the very heart of the music.  Despite the seriousness I sensed in my dad I couldn't help but spend a few seconds just ... absorbing it.

The moment ended.  "So, Karm, I understand you constructed your first light saber."

I nodded, hesitantly.  Usually only the older students were allowed into the saber shop, but the locks were literally child's play.  The saber body had been simple - we'd all bee shown the schematics and specs - and the crystal...

...it sang to me....

I had been drawn to the crystal.  A slightly irregular kyber crystal, it had taken some doing to nail down the exact alignment, but careful work and some precise tooling had made it work, with a 30% over-build on the shielding around the crystal just in case.  But nothing bad had happened, and when I'd pushed the activation button for the first time, the snap-shisss of the blade forming had been ... awesome.  The blade had formed, a bright slightly-golden yellow, and I could hear the crystal chiming in tune to the hum of the blade itself.

It had been most satisfying, even if I was three years to young for the build.

But now I had been caught, and I knew my first saber and it's marvelous crystal would be taken away.  As if in confirmation, my father reached out his hand.  I sighed and withdrew the hilt from the hiding place I'd made for it behind my right hip.  I let my fingertips caress it one last time, then laid it in my Father's hand.

Father took the hilt and turned it over, examining it in detail.  The hilt was nothing special, a carbon-fiber core and chassis with nickel-steel outer rings and sheath.  A quad of vents at the emitter allowed cooling air into the plasma stream and helped to stabilize the blade under heavy contact.  The blade itself - though of an unusual color, even among the Mak'Tor - was strong and steady.  Despite it's slight variances which had caused many others to pass it by, the crystal was pumping plasma and channeling energy perfectly, and it's echoes in the song gave me a connection to it I'd never experienced before.  Father's blue blade and Mom's pink blade didn't seem to sing to them, anyway, nor did any of the light training sabers I'd come into contact with up to now...

My dad finished his examination, checked the power levels (fully charged, of course!) and pressed the ignition button.  The blade sprang to life, and I felt a slight tug as the crystal came fully to life ... and called to me again.  I started to raise my hand, to call the hilt to myself, but I caught myself in time and pulled my hand - and the impulse - back.

My Father felt it anyway, of course.  I saw his eyebrow raise in silent evaluation.  He carefully checked the blade's integrity with a small instrument on his desk (where had that come from???) and nodded in satisfaction as it checked out.  A small smile appeared on his face as he deactivated the blade.  "Excellent construction, son.  Well done."  He extended the hilt to me, pommel first.

I stared at it.  He's giving it back?

He's GIVING IT BACK!


I caught my eagerness and throttled it, forcing control as I reached out and took the hilt.  I started to put it back in it's hiding place, but then I caught my Father's eye.  There was a look there...  I stopped and instead of tucking it away, I reached under my tunic and moved the clip to my right hip, hanging the hilt on my belt in it's proper place.  The place of a Knight.

Or a Taedowan...

My Father's grin widened.  "As you may have concluded, Master Chillum reviewed the security logs on the saber lab after the sensors reported after-hours activity.  He was ... very concerned with your choice of crystal."

"Sir?"  I blurted.  "Because it was out of the norm for size and shape?"

"No, son.  Because that crystal has been lying in the shop for literally centuries.  NO ONE has ever successfully incorporated it into a saber.  A few have tried, but they failed."  He leaned forward, his eyes now very serious and intent.  "Son, that crystal, the Ancient One, has chosen you as much as you have chosen it."

I blinked.  "Sir?  How ....  how is that possible?  I mean, I chose it, didn't I...?"

...it sang to me...

My father smiled as the realization dawned.  The crystal had drawn me to it!  As much as I had chosen it, built my hilt for it and done the work of creating the saber, the crystal had also chosen me, worked with me, and accepted the new home I had offered it.

I reached down and held the hilt in my hand, appreciating it anew.  We were a team...

"Karm, you're young.  To young for me to take you formally as my Taedowan.  But your mother and I have noticed your ... strong connection to the song.  This, as well as your demonstration of your skills, warrant special training.  Tomorrow, instead of reporting to your normal regime, you will report to Master Chillum.  He will begin teaching you the secrets of the song.  The music you hear?  It will soon come alive to you in ways even I can only imagine." 

I looked back at my Father, saw the pride shining in his eyes, as well as the echoes of regret and ... envy?  Yes, a slight shadow of envy was there.  The realization was a lot for me, as I suddenly realized that at ten years old I could sense something my Father, the strongest Knight I knew, could only wish to feel...

I clipped my saber to my belt and stood up straighter, looking my Father in the eye.  "I will not let you down, sir."

"I know."  He replied, then turned and opened his arms for a hug.

The room was alive with music, swirling and echoing in a glorious, beautiful crescendo...
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

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