Click here for lightsabers
  • Home
  • Help
  • Login
  • Register
Pages: 1 ... 11 12 [13] 14 15 ... 32   Go Down
Author Topic: Interludes  (Read 144811 times)
Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1152
Posts: 5602


Light side points please.


« Reply #180 on: February 14, 2018, 09:09:24 PM »

Ah...   A peek into Zearic's beginnings.  Well done and very well written.  Thank you for sharing that, Dutchman.
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903



« Reply #181 on: February 14, 2018, 10:05:50 PM »

Great little interlude, really captures a spirit of a life that has perhaps been a little too long...Kazic seems desperate to find some purpose following the daen nosi - again excellent level of research and detail into your characters race and great description of the cut throat situation of Dosa, random murders, emaciated children scavenging - its very sad in a way...but in tat sense there is an uplift at the end where the old dejected warrior meets someone who needs his help.
Logged

Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Taegin Roan
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 2066
Posts: 6245


Lord of the Force


« Reply #182 on: February 14, 2018, 10:20:39 PM »

What can I say that hasn't already been said? This was a great interlude TD. I loved the dynamic of just a single old man wading through the crowds on a world with virtually nothing good. And yes, your research really shows when you bring in a new character. Well done, it was a pleasure to read.
Logged

"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903



« Reply #183 on: February 20, 2018, 06:29:46 AM »

Deleted/Alternate Scene
This was from the first draft and is from Kimar's POV, previously I had Jarys on Cosurscant longer before meeting Valens, but changed it to be more dramatic - i.e. as soon as he arrives he gets hit by the sentinels and reunited, anyway thought this might be of interest to you to see some of what gets cut and a little snippet of how Kimar and Jarys might've met

He was heading out of the main entrance, datapads under his arms as he came across the concierge at the front of the temple talking with a dark haired military looking man.

“I don’t know her name,” the dark hair said, “but she’s about this high with red hair, fair face,”

“I’m sorry sir,” the bothan concierge said, “We can’t just give out details of individual Jedi, unless you have an appointment, but there is nothing on the list,”

He seemed annoyed, “No appointment, I just want to talk to her…look how much,”

“pardon,” the bothan looked startled,

“how many credits to tell me what I want to know, or at least have a peek at your personnel files or whatever you use,”

“Sir we do not take bribes I think….”

Kimar was angry now, he charged forward and stepped between them poking a finger into the man’s chest,

“Who do you think you are to come in here and try and buy us off, what did you see a pretty Jedi in a bar, did she wink at you?” he laughed in the brutes face,

“Did she ask you some question on a mission, flirt to get some information out of you and now you think she loves you!”  he could sense a certain distant affection…almost a yearning for the person he was seeking…a feeling that was rapidly turning to anger in the brute. 

“I warn you Jedi…” he said calmly and coldly, staring with vicious intent at Kimars eyes from some reason.

He laughed at that, “What! You warn me, are you a Sith lord,” he pressed even closer to the man who held his stare,

“I doubt cantina trash like you even know what a Sith is apart from a Sith’s Head cocktail!”  he laughed right in his face, the arrogance of this fool to come to the temple and demand to see a Jedi!  What a laser brain.

He just kept staring,

“Walk out of here you brute before you have to be carried out,” he used the force to flick a credit chit at him, “Here have a drink on me, a Sith’s Head!”

Kimar pushed past him, deliberately knocking into him as a group of Jedi nearby looked over at them,

After a few steps the man called out,

“I tried Jedi, remember that,” his presence in the force was suddenly cold, predatory…just like a violent mercenary high on death sticks thinking he was some kind of hero.

“Yes,” Kimar replied in a jovial mood to be putting this ruffian in his place, “You tried to get into the temple and utterly failed, go tell that to your chums!”  he headed to his next meeting with a skip in his step.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Logged

Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #184 on: February 20, 2018, 06:52:21 AM »

Kimar, Kimar, Kimar.  That was NOT very Jedi like.  Not. At. All.  Taunting, name calling, bullying...  these are tools of simpletons, and vermin.  Luminous being are we, give example we must.  Fail you did, in front of other Jedi.

He truly would be just another bully with a title, a skeezy politician who thinks he's above it all, with the one true vision.  Nice peek behind the scenes.
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1106
Posts: 4131


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #185 on: February 20, 2018, 12:06:33 PM »

Oh that is rich!  I doubt Kimar would appreciate the irony of the scene but it makes me think how often coincidences occur that radically shape future events.  "For want of a nail...the kingdom was lost."

I can see (and agree) why you decided to cut it though (for the sake of narrative flow).  That said, I am glad that you included it here!

Certainly allows us to glimpse the hubris that Kimar exhibits  Wink
Logged

Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1152
Posts: 5602


Light side points please.


« Reply #186 on: February 20, 2018, 03:18:25 PM »

Thanks for sharing the deleted scene, LSG!  But I have to agree with your edit.  Not just for flow, but also I think, as much as I don't like Kimar, he's not QUITE that low.   As Illyiss pointed out, that kind of outburst would have been seen by other Jedi and regarded as petty and low and utterly un-Jedi like.  Kimar strives to maintain the outer trappings of power and status, whatever he is inside.  While he might have intervened and even used sarcasm he wouldn't have been so open and blatant about it. 

No.  He's more like a guy who will gather his knights, hurl them into battle, and then run away when they're all killed by the opponent who only wanted to go 1 on 1 with him to settle a matter of honor...  ;-)

To Illyiss: Lapsed into Yoda-speak you did.  What you did there I saw....  ;-)
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #187 on: February 20, 2018, 08:13:19 PM »

To Illyiss: Lapsed into Yoda-speak you did.  What you did there I saw....  ;-)

It felt... right.  Yoda is the DE FACTO champion of chastisement, especially for not thinking before acting, and extra especially of Jedi.

I think that the scene above, COULD fit into the narrative, even as is, as a mental musing of Kimar, triggered by a slight Force precognition, that he ignored as daydreaming....
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1152
Posts: 5602


Light side points please.


« Reply #188 on: February 22, 2018, 07:10:31 PM »

Interlude: Perpetual Motion

The song swirled around us, wove into our fugue and bound us together.  We were entwined...

I open my eyes and the familiar view of the saber sparring salle snaps into focus.  Normally the observation areas are sparsely populated with instructors and students there to observe or simply preparing to enter or exit the expansive floor.  But today...

Today was different.

The expansive floor was empty save Arnor and I, standing back-to-back in the center of the room.  We were wearing our work-out Gi with sparring armor over it, but no helmets or hand-gear.  The equipment most closely approximated our normal combat armor load-outs.  Arrayed around us were our "enemies" - dozens of remotes set for random activation.  And beyond...

Beyond them was the real test...

My eyes flick involuntarily to the observation area.  Master Kroven and Master Zane are both there, side-by-side, observing.  They are surrounded by a packed house of Knights, Taedowans and Padawans.  Only the Masters know what's supposed to happen.  The rest, though, can sense that something unusual is about to go down and want to see it.

Enjoy the show, folks.  I hope its not a flop...

Arnor and I sense the first remotes coming online and our blades ignite in perfect unison.  Her Cyan fire merges with my gold as we begin the complex Soresu pattern, dancing around each other in perfectly choreographed movement.  I have both blades active, adding to the shield and the complexity of the pattern.  Outside our cocoon of safety the room is alive with red fury as no less than 24 blaster remotes come online and begin firing rapidly.  Energy buzzes and even in low-power mode there is danger.  Like bee stings, the remote's hits are generally just a painful nuisance, but dozens hitting in quick succession could kill.

May of the spectators flinch away as deflected energy sleets off the force screen protecting them.  There is a low buzz of whispers among them, but they remain quiet, afraid to speak loudly lest they interrupt our concentration.

I can hear them, but it doesn't matter.  The song is in full voice and our battle song rises with it...

Master Zane manipulates the settings on the drones and the pattern of fire begins to shift randomly, ebbing and flowing, concentrating here and ebbing there.  It forces us to react dynamically, but the song is rolling and these are only slight tempo variations and dynamics changes.  Arnor and I continue our dance, relaxed, effortless...

Phase one complete.  Time to move to phase two...

Without changing anything else, I split off part of my concentration.  I am now relying largely on Arnor's input to continue our movements and defense from the drones while I reach out to the outer ring, where two hundred bolts are sitting in a ring around us, next to an equal number of washers and nuts.  I lift them from the floor and begin to sort them.  It takes a little time, but eventually I have them sorted by size and with the force I put on the washers and fasten the nuts.  This takes intense concentration and for the first time the pattern falters slightly.  I sense the miss as it happens and manage to twist my body out of the way of the stinger bolt in time to avoid being hit, but the flicker causes me to lose several of the bolts in the process.  As agreed I do not pick them back up, leaving them lie on the mats.  I step back into pattern and turn more of my attention back to the bolts, finishing the task.  My chest is burning now, my arms and legs on fire, my Gi soaked through under my pads as the last nut is tightened.  For a finale I bring the combined units into a spinning circle around us and begin picking off the remotes with them.  Within seconds the last remote falls, cored by one of the bolts.

I slow the rest and set them down in a pile at the edge of the mat.  Arnor and I turn, face each other and flourish a salute - again in perfect unison - and deactivate our sabers.  I grin at her, noting the sweat streaking her face and soaking her Gi under her armor.  Her grin matches mine.  "Nice..."

The eruption of cheers and rolling applause from the gallery catches us by surprise.  I blink and we turn and wave weakly.  I suddenly feel very drained.

As the crowd begins to disperse, Masters Kroven and Zane step out and approach us.  Master Zane schools her face into sternness but her eyes twinkle with the mirth we can all feel in the force.  "Master Karmack.  That slip in your form was sloppy."

I just grinned at the Mak'Tor blade-master.  "I'll work on that, ma'am."  I looked over at Arnor.  "It worked.  Incredible..."

Master Kroven held out one of the sets that I had dropped.  "That slip cost you about a dozen of these, but you maintained control over most of them.  Now if you'd actually taken a hit..."  She wrinkled her nose in thought.  "That might have been a catastrophe.  However, you avoided the hit despite the break in form and got back into sync very quickly."  She shifted her gaze to Arnor.  "And you were helping him with the sort and helped him hold the ring when he slipped.  So you were both able to load-share both tasks in the meld."  She tipped her head in a bow.  "I am impressed, Master Karmack.   I would say you are ready."

I took the bolt she held out to me, one of the ones I had not used as a missile.  "Thank you."  I looked up at the clock and gulped.  "Whoa.  We were in the meld for twenty minutes?  No wonder I'm beat."

Master Zane nodded.  "Yes.  The endurance was most impressive.  Your crystals no doubt helped.  You must teach us all how to employ this ... channeling effect."

I nodded.  Weary and sore, I felt my spirit sing within me.  "Oh, I will."  I felt my face fall as the dark cloud of worry returned with the shade of my growing nightmares.  "I will indeed."

"I fear we may all need them soon..."
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1106
Posts: 4131


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #189 on: February 22, 2018, 09:44:52 PM »

Interesting battle meld Karm.  I'm a sucker for training montages and you don't disappoint!  Seeing the Mak'Tor leaders come together for the benefit for the order is a welcome departure from the political quagmire that most governing entities devolve into.

Good news: Karm and Arnor look like they've recovered from their injuries at Geonosis  Smiley

I'd like to see where this next leads  Cheesy
Logged

Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903



« Reply #190 on: February 22, 2018, 10:03:16 PM »

Getting right down to the nuts and bolts I see....but you know 'good against remotes is one thing....'
Logged

Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1152
Posts: 5602


Light side points please.


« Reply #191 on: February 22, 2018, 10:15:18 PM »

Getting right down to the nuts and bolts I see....but you know 'good against remotes is one thing....'

LOL  Exactly!   Somehow I don't think it will be a magic bullet.  Still, every little bit helps...  ;-)
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #192 on: February 22, 2018, 11:53:49 PM »

Levels and layers of interest and import here, as our recovering heroes put on an impressive demonstration and test of layers of mastery, and discovery.  The display of endurance and a strong battle meld, not unknown, is a wonderful platform of demonstration in these, and the cooperation is impressive.  As well the channeling through the crystals, something that seems to have been hinted at in times long, long passed in the history of the Jedi, and their successors, shown to give great benefit here as bonded pair push the limits of how long, and how much, the Force can be pulled into combat.  As well, the Mak'Tor are starting in on expanding, or it would seem, the levels of combat, something we see done much more effectively by the Aethans...
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1152
Posts: 5602


Light side points please.


« Reply #193 on: February 26, 2018, 10:45:16 PM »

Stacked Deck

*** EYES ONLY CAPT B'Lain'Throwd ***
*** MOST SECRET **** MOST SECRET ***
*** MOVEMENT ORDERS - JOKER SQDR ***


Blain groaned slightly as he read the headers on the electronic message from HQ blinking in his queue.  Great, more paperwork...  He affixed his electronic seal to the document he'd just completed - a fascinating breakdown of the Joker's fuel expenditures and ammunition allocations over the last three months - and opened the new message. 

<<< Captain Throwd, you are hearby notified of a change of station.  Your command has been selected for service aboard the MSS Hornet, which is prepping now for launch.  As such the Jokers will be redesignated VF-2.  In addition, you will assume the duties of Commander Air Group of the Hornet, with responsibility over all her auxilliaries and small-craft as well as your fighter squadron.  All Joker assets will be transferred from your current quarters on Cutlass Station to the Hornet's launch bays, this evolution to occur within the next 14 days.  Schematics for the Hornet's bays and facilities as well as contact information for the Captain and XO of the Hornet are attached. 

In light of your new duties as CAG you are given the brevet promotion to Major effecive immediately, this rank to become permanent upon validation by the M'Tzigon Defense Advisory Promotion board.  Congratulations, Major!  In addition, you will be expected to be present during the ship's commissioning at Dorian Station Dock One, 11:00 station time, VII-III-IV, Year 1248.

Good luck and Good Hunting, Commander.  As always, contact HQ with any questions or concerns.  The Quartermaster and S4 are prepped and expecting your call for movement assets to get your team moved to the ship. 

Master-of-Arms Elax Cliff
Commander Naval Forces Ro'Lax'Klu, Meanowan Knight of the Mak'Tor order.
M'Tzigon Republic Men-At-Arms HQ >>>


Blain let out a low whistle and re-read the message.  So ... they were getting the Hornet!  There had been more than a little disappointment when their main rival, the Black Aces, had been designated VF-1 and assigned to the Enterprise, the first of a proposed three M'Tzigon carriers being launched.  They'd all felt the Jokers had made a better overall case for deployment into deep patrol, capping it with their recent recovery of "Shadow" from a busted mission in the Mid-Rim.  He'd been told the selection had simply been an expedient as the Jokers were deployed at the time of the Enterprise commissioning.  None of them had really believed that answer at the time, but now...

Blain keyed his intercom.  "Jace, Jan, I need to see you ASAP." He sat back and waited, thinking, while his flight leaders made their way to his small office.

"What's up skip?" Jace'n'Cam was small and wirey with dirty blonde hair and sharp hazel eyes.  He held the rank of "Flight-Officer Lieutenant" or just "Lieutenant" and served as the Squadron's first officer.  He had a sharp, sarcastic wit and quick mind, and never forgot a face or name. 

Blain waved him toward the coffee pot in the corner. "Grab some coffee.  We need to..." 

"Sir, reporting as ordered." Jan'a'Naith was Joker 9, his second officer and the leader of the Joker's third flight of four.  She was shorter than Jace, in fact shorter than any of the pilots, and unlike the rest of the Jokers she was also a Knight of the Mak'Tor order, of the rank of Koawan Gray.  Her rank in the Mak'Tor, however, had been disregarded by her own request.  She was working her way up to her own Squadron command "the old-fashioned way" and while she was still learning about being a leader everyone readily acknowledged that she was an excellent pilot.  Or, as Jace insisted on putting it, a "hot stick".

Blain was pretty sure it was going to get him killed one fine day...

The formality of her greeting was also indicative of the diminutive knight, but it had gone from a form of emotional armor when she'd arrived in the squadron to more of an inside joke, which explained the twinkle in her blue eyes.  "At ease, Koawan!  Grab a cup and sit."

Blain sipped his own coffee while his subordinates filled their mugs.  Jace took his black, and he gave Jan a bit of good-natured ribbing when she added copious amounts of half-and-half.  Her reply that she used the same coffee-to-cream ratio as Master Karmack only made her peers chuckle.  Rumor was the young Knight had a touch of hero-worship regarding the prominent Mak'Tor Knight.

Nor is she alone in that... Blain reflected, grinning.  And she could do far worse for a role model!

"OK, lets get started." Blain said.  He turned his screen, revealing the orders.  "We have orders for a new duty station.  They're giving us the Hornet."

Jace performed a fist-pump.  "Awesome!  'bout time those HQ weenies made the right call!"  He and Jan exchanged a high-five.  "When do we transfer?"

Blain raised a hand.  "Whoa, hold on a bit!  Jace, contact the S4 and quartermaster and get the ball rolling on the transfer.  Jan, I'm looking over the schematics...  The core of the ship is basically a CR-90 corvette with these two flight bays strapped on.  They have six launch/recovery bays on each side with room for maintenance on each ship, but that means we're going to have to split your flight."

Jan's forehead crinkled and she absentmindedly stroked her saber hilt as she thought.  "Hmm.  Maybe we should just go Blue/Gold?"

Blain and Jace both sat back at that.  Blue/Gold was a re-organization scheme they'd come up with to use in case of the loss of one of the three of them in battle.  It split the squadron (or it's survivors) into two units instead of three.  If they used it here, Jan would basically be giving up what amounted to an autonomous command.  Not an easy thing for a nugget to suggest. 

Jace frowned and shook his head.  "No, I think we should stick with our current rotation.  We practice as three flights and we've been using this arrangement for a while.  Your flight will just be split, one element on each side, but we should be able to make sure you still have common bunk and mess areas."

Blain leaned back and cupped his mug under his chin.  "Agreed. My Gold team will take the starboard bay.  Jace, your Silver team will take the port bay.  Jan, your Bronze team will split up port and starboard.  I want you with me on the Starboard side, put Flight Officer Jo'Nas to port."

Jan nodded.  Jo'Nas'Klu was a grizzled veteran, a warrant officer and the most experienced pilot in the Jokers.  He would make a good complement to Jace's informality and relaxed style in the Port bay while she would essentially do the same for Blain in the Starboard bay.  It also put his greenest flight leader directly under his own thumb, if needs be.  Blain could tell from the look on her face that Jan was calculating all of this in her head and he smiled.  "Don't worry, Jan, I won't step on your toes." 

Her sheepish look confirmed his deduction and he let his smile broaden as her cheeks reddened slightly.  "Yes sir."

"Good.  Now, go tell your teams and get them moving, then I would suggest that we get our dress uniforms in order, Jace.  You know how dingy we look next to Jan's formal robes." 

The three stood and his subordinates departed, smiling. 

Oh yes.  This is going to be fun...
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #194 on: February 27, 2018, 12:02:57 AM »

Simple moments, that engage exposure deeper into the individuals, so often in the background, that make the depth of the world fill out so much more richly, with a warmth that invites readers to invest deeper and deeper.
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

Pages: 1 ... 11 12 [13] 14 15 ... 32   Go Up
Send this topic | Print
Jump to: