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Author Topic: A Smuggler's Truth  (Read 6673 times)
B1ondeange1
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You can't take the sky from me....


« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2017, 07:07:36 PM »

Good start, interesting take, I like the sort of family dinner table scenario, it's not what you often get in Star Wars stories, a kind of more familial space in which events are impacting everyday lives of a family largely uninvolved in the Galactic politics.  The echoes of Imperial policy...

Okay so some constructive criticism as you've asked for....
The section starting at “Tears were in her eyes, it was as bad as reliving it…” when Bel recounts her adventures with the bio weapon and Danint, there are four solid blocks of text just describing past events…it’s a bit overwhelming, I’d break it up a little maybe one section of back story then a little dialogue in the present.  but yeah can be hard to do when you need to get the reader up to speed.

This is something I’m guilty of having done but in my next stories am trying to get away from it.  My current strategy is roughly one paragraph of action/dialogue, then one of description/backstory when I need it. 

Also there is a lot of play by play in the dialogue, its very descriptive about what everyone's saying...its great in setting the atmosphere, but that can work against you in that its hard to pick up on what the most important points that I as a reader need to keep in mind...having said that most of my chapters are done more like 6-7 minute scenes so might just be me.

These are all just my opinions/observations, I'm by no means a great writer or anything, its more these are some issues I'm trying to work on in my own stuff so though it might help out.  Overall good stuff.


Thanks. The back story bit to what had happened on the missions i added last night quickly, realising that almost no one would know what's happened in the RPGs. I'm gonna have to work on that a bit. Was trying to do it within one paragraph then realised just how much had happened lol.
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Karmack
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« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2017, 06:02:26 AM »

Yes, as far as the RPGs go this is a separate story. What happens here in my story isn't a sign of what will be happening in the future of the RPG.

LOL  This is why I have trouble with RPGs.  :-)  Not on a philosophical level, but I find it VERY hard to play them because I wouldn't be able to put a character into it and just isolate the character for the RPG.  I end up making decisions as  player based on information I have that my RPG character does NOT have...

Karmack is strong in the force, but not THAT strong.  LOL

Still, the story is shaping nicely.  Thank you for the explanation of where material is coming from, etc.  I also enjoyed the family "round table" format and the mother-daughter conflict.  Mom can't help herself! 
Having to come home with bad news would also be very hard to deal with, and you portray that pretty well.   I think my only quibble so far is that there still seems to be a sense of the characters "settling" if you will.  They're not always consistent.  That may be on purpose, there's a lot to tell and we're just beginning, but the closest analogy I can think of is to a new TV show starting up.  Everyone is feeling their way into the characters, so they can sometimes be inconsistent.  I get a little of that from Bel, but I might just be getting lost in the fact that we are actually peeking behind her normal mask, as it were.  And her relationship to Kardac has that same raw, not-quite-settled feel to it in the passages.  He comes across in the first meeting as an unwanted acquaintance, but later on he's morphed into a close friend and confidant.  I suspect he's really more the latter, but I'm still not sure.  That's really my only quibble with the writing.  Stabilize the character relationships a bit and I will be happy happy happy.  :-)
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B1ondeange1
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You can't take the sky from me....


« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2017, 08:01:16 AM »

LOL  This is why I have trouble with RPGs.  :-)  Not on a philosophical level, but I find it VERY hard to play them because I wouldn't be able to put a character into it and just isolate the character for the RPG.  I end up making decisions as  player based on information I have that my RPG character does NOT have...


heh, at times it has been difficult- Bel becomes a very different person in my story to what she is in the RPG and I sometimes have to remember which Bel it is I'm writing about at the time.

Originally this story was written just for myself and Krace as a bit of joint storywriting and fun reading. There will be times where it seems a bit disjointed because we didn't write it for others to understand it rofl. That's the biggest thing I'm going to have to work on posting it here.
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2017, 06:18:38 PM »

Thanks. The back story bit to what had happened on the missions i added last night quickly, realising that almost no one would know what's happened in the RPGs. I'm gonna have to work on that a bit. Was trying to do it within one paragraph then realised just how much had happened lol.

Yeah I get that, its more nit picking than anything else as you asked for feedback! be careful what you wish for.  For a once off get up to speed it worked fine...also makes you think if Bel has done all that already no doubt her future adventures will be pretty awesome too!
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B1ondeange1
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« Reply #19 on: November 28, 2017, 07:17:36 PM »

Yeah I get that, its more nit picking than anything else as you asked for feedback! be careful what you wish for.  For a once off get up to speed it worked fine...also makes you think if Bel has done all that already no doubt her future adventures will be pretty awesome too!

Lol all good. Im not offended. If I cant take constructive criticism then im gonna have a lot of issues in life Tongue some things I do 'wrong' in other people's minds will be different styles in writing- lets face it everyone has their own style which doesnt always mesh for other people, theres been some pretty famous and well loved authors whose work I cant stand just coz of its writing style not the content, JRR Tolkien being one of them- and some of it will be because there are things I can work on to make it better. Either way it is constructive criticism that helps us grow, we can be blind to our own work and sometimes need an outside perspective to improve.

One other thing- I also have a fantasy story I have written and is a WIP (yep, writing two stories side by side as well as rpgs lol). Would ppl like me to post that on SF, given its not a SW story? That one Im a bit more serious about, the Bel story was always just for a bit of fun but I really want to work on improving the fantasy story.
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #20 on: November 28, 2017, 07:34:09 PM »

Lol all good. Im not offended. If I cant take constructive criticism then im gonna have a lot of issues in life Tongue some things I do 'wrong' in other people's minds will be different styles in writing- lets face it everyone has their own style which doesnt always mesh for other people, theres been some pretty famous and well loved authors whose work I cant stand just coz of its writing style not the content, JRR Tolkien being one of them- and some of it will be because there are things I can work on to make it better. Either way it is constructive criticism that helps us grow, we can be blind to our own work and sometimes need an outside perspective to improve.

One other thing- I also have a fantasy story I have written and is a WIP (yep, writing two stories side by side as well as rpgs lol). Would ppl like me to post that on SF, given its not a SW story? That one Im a bit more serious about, the Bel story was always just for a bit of fun but I really want to work on improving the fantasy story.
That's one of the aspects of feedback that I appreciate: the constructive criticism.  I have gotten several critical (but always polite) posts regarding a chapter that I feel helps me grow as a writer.  And--in retrospect--that feedback enables me to produce something that will (hopefully) be superior to my earlier writing.  So: special thanks to TR, LSG, and Karm  Smiley

And I say go for it Angel (with you SF story)!  I feel this is the perfect venue to post your story (regardless that it isn't a SW story  Wink).
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« Reply #21 on: November 28, 2017, 08:15:17 PM »

Lol all good. Im not offended. If I cant take constructive criticism then im gonna have a lot of issues in life Tongue some things I do 'wrong' in other people's minds will be different styles in writing- lets face it everyone has their own style which doesnt always mesh for other people, theres been some pretty famous and well loved authors whose work I cant stand just coz of its writing style not the content, JRR Tolkien being one of them- and some of it will be because there are things I can work on to make it better. Either way it is constructive criticism that helps us grow, we can be blind to our own work and sometimes need an outside perspective to improve.

One other thing- I also have a fantasy story I have written and is a WIP (yep, writing two stories side by side as well as rpgs lol). Would ppl like me to post that on SF, given its not a SW story? That one Im a bit more serious about, the Bel story was always just for a bit of fun but I really want to work on improving the fantasy story.

Fantasy is possibly my favorite genre, and any that I can I like to read, so yes. I'd love to read it. I understand about writing multiple things at once. I am not a writer, but I do do a bunch of stuff with my own superhero universe as well as a fantasy world that I am creating. Plus help my brother come up with ideas for short films or tv shows to make (though none of them have been successful as of yet).
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B1ondeange1
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« Reply #22 on: December 03, 2017, 08:28:50 AM »

She looked out across the warehouse, only half seeing the small stack of crates that were there. Either they were between shipments or business was much slower these days. She remembered that when she left they had four ships in their small fleet and several employees outside of the family itself. After a few more minutes of silence Gaven gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“Hey, there’s something you might like to see.”

He dropped down off the ledge, with Bel and Kardac following suit. He led them over to the corner of the warehouse closest to them which had a smaller room built into it, large enough to house multiple speeders. He opened the door and turned on the light inside. There sat a few more personal items, some crates as well as a speeder and a speeder bike. In the far corner was something hidden beneath a large tarpaulin. He walked over and pulled the cover back. Underneath was a speeder bike, obviously modified. It was old and slightly dusty but looked like it had been cared for over the years. Bel’s mouth fell open and her eyes went wide.

“You kept it?! All these years?! I thought you would have sold it by now!”

Gaven smiled. “You loved this thing so much, we couldn’t just sell it. Besides if we had then you would have probably walked back in the door the next day and been grumpy at us for it.”

Bel walked to the side of it and ran her hand over it lovingly. Her uncle watched on, taking a step closer to place a hand on the machine. “We take her out for a spin every now and then and Erik has been making sure she’s looked after.”

Bel turned back to him then uncharacteristically stepped forward and hugged him tight. “Thanks.”

The elder Elsin gave her a kiss on the head and stepped back. “I really have to get some things done. The bike is yours again if you want it. Don’t go anywhere hun, I look forward to hearing plenty more stories from you. It’s been far too long. Maybe we can set up a few things and shoot at them for old times sake eh?”

Bel smiled. “Yeah, sounds good.”

She watched him walk off then turned her attention back to the bike, pulling the cover off completely and walking around inspecting it fondly. Kardac leant against a crate watching.

“So you rode speeder bikes as well as a teen?”

Bel didn’t look up as she answered. “Yeah. I built this when I was twelve. Never took to bikes like I did starships, but I loved the thrill of the speed and it was good fun to tinker with. That and I wasn’t allowed to pilot my pa’s ships that fast or experiment with modifications on them.”

She gave him a cheeky grin. “I wasn’t allowed to ride bikes that fast either, I was kinda underage and they don’t like you speeding around terrorising the place. I may have been arrested once or twice. They let me keep my bike each time though.”

“I thought you were too good to get caught” he teased gently.

“Hah! Cut me a break, I was just a teen. I got better as I got older” she said back with a little smile.

“Were you a thief then too?”

The question was asked quietly. Bel looked at him for a moment before answering.

“No. I picked that up later. Do me a favour, dun mention to my ma that I not only move illegal goods for a living, but con people and steal and offer my services as a gun for hire. She would either have a heart attack, or kick me out for good.”

Bel realised she was still carrying the bottle of whiskey in one hand, and after having another sip from it put it down on a crate so she could look at her bike better. She made sure it was pulled away from anything else, straddled it and started it up in neutral. It took a couple of attempts since it hadn’t ran in a while but once it started it sputtered twice then purred. Bel smiled with satisfaction and after a minute turned it off again and sat back.

“I’ll have to take her out later. Think if I did it right now my pa and uncle would chase me down thinking I was running off again.”

Kardac tilted his head to one side. “What happened that you took off last time?”

Bel looked back hard at Kardac before eventually replying. If she didn’t, he would probably get the answer out of her family. Besides, how could he do any more damage? He already knew who her family was, the secret was out. “My ma doesn’t approve of my choice of profession. As you saw. I hadn’t even been home long last time when she started ranting at me about it. I…. kinda didn’t react well.”

“Real surprise there” Kardac said in a sarcastic tone.

Bel shot him a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Oh come on Bel. You and I both know you are hotheaded and have the temper of a gundark. You seem to have gotten that from your mother.”

The woman glared at him. Kardac looked back at her steadily. Bel’s expression slowly softened.

“I guess I just proved your point, didn’t I? Well after a very big fight… I walked out on them.”

Bel squirmed a little uncomfortably and lifted one leg over the centre of the bike to sit sideways on it, balancing herself with one foot on the ground.

“It wasn’t my proudest moment. I was only seventeen, though that’s not really the best excuse. I’ve had ten years to grow up and make up for my mistake but…. I couldn’t. I’ve talked to them in that time but only a few times a year and sometimes only via message. Last time was nearly a standard year ago. Ma and I wouldn’t even talk to each other for the first few years. We were both too proud and stubborn.”

She ran one hand over the side of the bike and swung her hanging foot a little.

“Seeing Danint made me realise just how long it’s been since I’ve seen them. He was so much older…. How much have I missed out on? I didn’t even know Erik was married and had kids no one had told me! Am I that out of touch with my family? Honestly I wasn’t even sure how my parents would react to me coming home after so long and leaving them like that. It’s not that I don’t love them all, very much the opposite…. I just… Well, you know what I’m like.”

Kardac pushed off the crate and came over to her. He put a hand on either side of her face and turned her head to look into her eyes. She could just barely see pain reflected in his dark eyes.

“Don’t take your family for granted Bel. Enjoy any opportunity you have to spend time with them. You never know what will happen in life, especially with what we do.”

“I know” was Bel’s whispered response. “I’m sorry. I guess this is hard for you too, isn’t it?”

He smiled gently at her. “It’s okay Bel.”

She gave a slight smile back. “That’s something. Don’t call me Bel. I want to try and keep my personas separate. I guess…. Ari will do.”

She screwed up her nose a little at the thought. Kardac stepped back looking slightly smug.

“Sooo… Ariruuna Elsin is it? I never thought I would learn your true name.”

Bel looked at him sharply. “If you ever tell anyone my name, anyone at all even your Command, I swear I will kill you” she said in a quiet deadly serious tone. “I mean it, I can’t risk it. I’ve crossed too many beings, some of them very bad vindictive beings. I will do whatever is necessary to protect myself and my family.”

“Woah woah. I’m not going to tell anyone nor put your family at risk. You should know me better than that by now! Don’t you trust me at all?”

Kardac’s voice had a hint of anger to it at being threatened like that and his face had darkened. Bel met his gaze with hard eyes.

“If I didn’t trust you at all you would be dead in that alleyway. I wouldn’t have hesitated to pull that trigger to protect them, I have done as much before when I’ve had no choice.”

“Kriffing hell Bel, you can’t keep going through life like that, holding everyone away at arm’s length. Have the last few months meant nothing, haven’t you learnt you can trust us?”

The smuggler’s reply was just as serious as before. “You probably know more about me than anyone else now so yes I trust you, about as much as I would trust anyone. I’ve told you things I’ve never before repeated, hells I just let you meet my family! But you know I’ve been bitten in the arse for trusting before, and trust is a two way thing. Do you trust me?”

“Yes” was the reply.

She just hurruffed a little. “No you don’t” she said quietly in a hurt tone. “You followed me here because you suspected I was up to something. Yeah I avoided answering your questions but if you trusted me, you wouldn’t have done that.”

They both knew she had him there. The smuggler shook her head and slipped down off the side of the bike, carefully pushing past him and heading over to the crate. She undid the cap on the bottle of whiskey and took several gulps before putting the bottle down, ignoring how drinking it like that made her throat burn. The alcohol was slowly serving to ease her nerves. Too much was happening too fast and she was struggling to deal with it. Part of her wanted to run away again but that wouldn’t help anything. It would probably just drive a permanent rift between her and her family and she couldn’t afford to create a rift between her and the crew of the Qanotha.

Much as she hated to admit it she needed the Alliance. Her world had been slowly shrinking and with the increased bounty on her head and more and more blown aliases even disreputable systems were becoming more dangerous than normal for her. The Alliance had work they were willing to offer her, and she had a desire to see the Empire pay. It was an advantageous relationship. She glanced up to the tall darkly tanned man. She hated to admit it, but she had begun enjoying the company of others. Not just in the form of finding some like minded people or some poor sucker she could mark in a cantina, but people she was learning to really relax with.

Bel found a box of tools in the corner and pulled a few out before walking back to the speeder bike. She crouched down to start removing a fairing.

“Kardac, argh Kaberc…. Your crew are the closest thing I have had to friends in years. I can’t help my nature, and it is in my nature to keep everyone and everything at bay, especially that which I can’t control. I was like that even before I became a smuggler, I just learnt to refine it a bit. The fact that I have stayed with your crew these past months…. That in itself is a pretty big thing.”
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B1ondeange1
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You can't take the sky from me....


« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2017, 08:39:38 AM »

Bel and Kardac were busy working on the bike a couple of hours later. It was relaxing and took her mind off everything that was going on while being something a little different. She knew so much more now about mechanics and even though it was mostly gained on starships, she could apply that knowledge to her bike. What she couldn't fix now from her early modifications she was already planning out. She heard footsteps approaching and turned around, brushing a lock of hair from her face with the back of her hand as she did. Her mother was walking towards her with her father in tow.
 
"I shouldn't be surprised that this is where I would find you. It was either going to be here, or aboard one of the ships" she said with a small smile.
 
Aves quipped in "I'm surprised you aren't in the YV-100 somewhere checking her out and pulling something apart."
 
Bel smiled. "I've served on one before. I'll fix whatever you haven't managed to later" she teased back and her father chuckled. Bel finished blocking off the hose she had just removed from another component and stood up. She looked at her parents and took a deep breath. This was not something she was accustomed to doing.
 
"I'm sorry. About earlier. I shouldn't have let my temper get the better of me but it’s kinda... All too much at the moment."
 
Mia cleared her throat and looked at Aves who gave a nodding motion. "I shouldn't have gone off at you like that. As your father said it is your life. That doesn’t mean I have to approve of it though."
 
"By the stars, did I just hear Mia and Ari apologise to one another? Someone hit me, I must be dreaming or something."
 
Gaven wandered in behind Aves and Mia with a wry grin on his face. Both women turned and gave him identical looks, then looked at one another and rolled their eyes identically. Kardac hid a grin behind his arm then picked up a rag and wiped his hands. Mia cleared her throat again.
 
"Well I think tonight we should go out and celebrate your coming home."
 
"What? Are you sure ma, I mean I thought after finding about... about Danint...."
 
Mia walked over and put her hands on Bel's shoulders. "Danint wouldn't want us to mope about because of him. He would want us to enjoy you being home at last."
 
She let go of her daughter’s shoulders. "Besides you haven't said how long you were back for and knowing you, you'll have somewhere you have to go. You are staying here tonight and you are going to come out to dinner with us, as a family. You too Kaberc unless you have somewhere else you have to be. You are about the same build as Erik and only a bit taller so I’m sure he has something nice you can borrow."
 
She gave her daughter a smug look. "And you will wear a dress dear."
 
Bel blinked and said "I'll what?"
 
"I'll not miss the opportunity to see my lovely daughter in a dress."
 
Bel just looked at her mother. While she was more than accustomed to flaunting her looks she did it with tight skin covering clothing not with dresses.
 
"Ahh, I don't own a dress. Besides I have scars now and..."  Her attempts to avoid being put in a dress were easily batted aside by Mia, who simply waved a hand dismissively and cut in over the younger woman’s excuses.
 
That's alright we can buy you one, we have a few hours. And you better have a better excuse than a few scars. If you are that worried about them I can easily hide their appearance."
 
Bel looked exasperatedly to her father who just laughed. "Hey I'm with ya ma on this one. This should be quite the occasion, I haven't seen you in a dress since you were a young girl."
 
"But..."
 
"Come now dear, we have shopping to do. Wash your hands and let's get going." Mia wasn’t taking no for an answer and started pushing her daughter out of the small garage. Bel looked back at Kardac mouthing to him ‘help me!’, but Kardac was too busy laughing as she was bustled out.

A few hours later the men were waiting in the living room of the Elsin’s modest apartment, a small townhouse with a few bedrooms. Gaven had found Erik somewhat calmed down and brought him home in time to get ready for dinner, and Erik’s family had been invited too. His daughter was in his arms while his son was roaming around bored. His wife Misou had gone out shopping with Mia and Bel, and as suggested by Mia Kardac was wearing some clothes borrowed from Erik. They were wearing smart casual clothing and exchanging small talk until the women appeared. Aves leant back against the couch and looked yet again to the staircase leading upstairs.

“Wonder when the ladies will turn up. What’s a bet they will completely outclass us and make us feel underdressed.”

“That’s what women do” Gaven joked back. “They take forever to get ready and leave us feeling like we haven’t put in enough effort. Jax stop that, just sit down and wait.”

“But I’m booorrreeedddd. When are we going to go have food?” the young boy complained but slumped into a chair as he was told, poking at the patterning on the arm while he swung his legs.

“Won’t be long son” Erik said in the typical parental response.

No sooner than he spoke, Mia came down the stairs looking delighted and proud. She was dressed in a smart black dress and despite her age it was still obvious where Bel had gotten her good looks. Behind her came Bel. Gone was her usual attire. She was wearing a black halterneck dress which showed off her curves, with a split up one leg. Her long red hair had been pulled up and her mother had even convinced her to wear makeup, jewellery and strappy shoes with slight heels. She had a borrowed black purse and most shockingly not a blaster in sight. In short she looked absolutely stunning, and just a little uncomfortable. Behind her came Misou, grinning just as broadly as Mia. Aves stood up straight and looked at his daughter proudly and Erik wolf whistled at her with a grin on his face.

“Oh Ariruuna! You look amazing! Doesn’t she just look beautiful?”

He gave his daughter a kiss on her cheek and beamed at the family and despite herself Bel grinned, pleased as always to have the attention of the opposite sex, even if they were her family. She saw Kardac and with her usual seductive smile strutted over to him, did a little spin and batted her eyelashes at him.

“So, what do you think?” she said in a seductive sultry tone.

Kardac had been looking her over and Bel could see from the barely disguised lust in his eyes that he liked what he saw. She enjoyed having that effect on men and this was no exception, even if it did mean she was minus her blasters and in less practical clothing. She might just like wearing the dress after all. Kardac cleared his throat and spoke in an appreciative tone.

“You definitely look stunning in that dress. We should find an excuse for you to wear it more often.”

Mia gave a triumphant little noise then started bustling everyone out proclaiming that the taxi would be there any minute. Kardac took the opportunity in the commotion to step towards Bel, put one hand on either side of her waist and pull her in closer to whisper in her ear. Bel’s eyes went wider and she blushed ever so slightly. She grinned mischievously and whispered back into his, finishing with a quick nibble on his ear. She twisted out of his grip and strutted away with a hungry little backwards glance to him. The exchange hadn’t gone unnoticed by her uncle and cousin, and Gaven came up and put a hand on Kardac's shoulder.
 
"Oh ho, just like her mother alright. Watch out lad, once she gets you in her sights she will pursue you ruthlessly, there will be no hope for you. In fact I think you are already caught, best to just give up now."
 
Gaven spoke loud enough for only Kardac and Erik to hear with a wink to Kardac. Erik chuckled and put his daughter down.
 
"Come on Pa, we better get our arses moving if we don't want to get told off by Aunt Mia."
 
He bustled his little girl out the door followed by the others. A short while later a taxi shuttle piloted by a droid came along, arriving right on schedule for when it had been ordered. The family piled on board chatting, and Bel and Kardac ended up sitting next to each other. She leant in close and spoke quietly so only he could hear. 
 
"I feel practically naked in this get up. I always get nervous when my sidearms are missing."
 
"Surprised you didn't somehow manage to strap one on somewhere" he joked.
 
Bel smiled and patted the borrowed purse. "My holdout blaster just fitted in here, and I managed to strap my vibroblade to my thigh."
 
He looked at her legs pointedly. "How?! That dress is tight."
 
"Where there's a will, there's a way."
 
Kardac rolled his eyes at her insistence to remain armed in some manner. 
 
"Oh Ari, I'm sure you will be perfectly safe. We are only going out for dinner."
 
"I never take my safety for granted. Besides both Uncle Gav and Erik are carrying. So are you I noticed."
 
Kardac grinned. "Exactly, you are perfectly safe. We will protect you sweetheart."
 
Bel rolled her eyes at the sweetheart, said in a perfect imitation of her Corellian accent in the way spacers everywhere said it. She couldn't help returning his grin however.
 
"I'll make a smuggler of you yet hun."
 
"You do look very nice in that dress though."
 
"Awww, you're a sweetie."
 
Bel gave him a kiss on the cheek for his compliment then realized that was probably a mistake, given her mother's earlier assumption and the knowing look the older woman was now giving her daughter. 
 
"Ah kark. Next she's probably gonna ask when we are getting married. If she asks how many kids we are planning to have, I say we run."
 
Kardac got a mischievous glint in his eyes. Bel looked at him slightly concerned. 
 
"What is that for?"
 
"Nothing sweetheart" he said in return as he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in closer.
 
"I could hurt you" she warned.
 
"Not here in front of your family you wouldn't" he whispered into her ear.
 
She groaned with exasperation. She never like being beaten at her own game. "Enjoy your advantage while it lasts."
 
"Oh I will" he said, and cemented it with a return kiss on her cheek.
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2017, 04:30:42 AM »

These last two posts were very well written.  You really have great rapport within the family and it comes across in the easy dialogue.  Indeed, I would say that's a strength in your writing; the natural comradery within the family while still having Bel's reticence is organic. Nicely done Angel!  The best characters have layers and you are providing that for us.

Call me paranoid, but do I detect an undercurrent of something...bad on the horizon?  We'll, it's a SW story  Wink.  Again, your story is very different from Karm's, LSG's, TR's, and mine; a VERY enjoyable departure from what we've been reading (again, if you have the time/inclination I'd suggest reading theirs  Smiley).  Keep up the good work!

Until next installment friends  Smiley
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B1ondeange1
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« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2017, 07:45:04 AM »

These last two posts were very well written.  You really have great rapport within the family and it comes across in the easy dialogue.  Indeed, I would say that's a strength in your writing; the natural comradery within the family while still having Bel's reticence is organic. Nicely done Angel!  The best characters have layers and you are providing that for us.

Call me paranoid, but do I detect an undercurrent of something...bad on the horizon?  We'll, it's a SW story  Wink.  Again, your story is very different from Karm's, LSG's, TR's, and mine; a VERY enjoyable departure from what we've been reading (again, if you have the time/inclination I'd suggest reading theirs  Smiley).  Keep up the good work!

Until next installment friends  Smiley

Heh, i wish I had spare time! I hardly get any time to do reading lately 😕 very sad coz I love reading, but writing my own story is just as cool
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2017, 07:15:04 PM »

Indeed quite different as Dutchamn mentioned...interesting though...combined with the title A Smuggler Truth it has the feel of being a lot about identity, belonging, the truth of who Bel is between her current life and her past which is quite interesting.
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Lord_S_Gray

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Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

txdarkjedi
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« Reply #27 on: January 11, 2018, 05:53:51 AM »

I read a lot, and I am sure that a lot of people say that but seriously I read A LOT!. That being said, wonderful story, and like someone else stated, it was nice to see a family connection in the SWU. Love the story and can't wait to read more.
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