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Author Topic: Brothers  (Read 43627 times)
TheDrunkenConsular
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« on: December 16, 2017, 02:08:42 PM »

Chapter 1: The Beginning of an Ending

    Rakham was beginning to feel the effects of the Agavinol as it worked it's way through his system.  The Consular considered himself a connoisseur of fine spirits, but the options on tap at the seedy establishment he found himself in were anything but.  He checked the time for the fifth time in as many minutes.  Heditt was meant to have returned half an hour ago from his big secret Sentinel meeting.  As a constant subject of scrutiny from the Jedi Council himself, Rakham could understand why the Sentinel Order preferred to discuss business away from prying eyes and wandering ears, but what he didn't grasp was why they had to meet in Mos Eisley.  He hated Tattoine.  He slid a credit chip across the bar to pay for his drinks and made his way outside.  As he reached the door, he unconsciously brushed his fingers across the hilt of his lightsaber.  He'd lost it once before, and Heditt made him swear he'd be more careful.

     Stepping out into the square, he noted to himself that this was indeed one of the nicer places on Tattoine.  There were no animals or speeders, and very few pedestrians.  In the center of the square was a fountain that anywhere else would have been considered an eyesore, but in this setting was rather pleasant.  He walked over to it and gazed at the reflection of the setting suns in the murky water before turning his attention to his own appearance.  He was tall, six feet and seven inches in the measurements of his home world.  His brown hair was unkempt, and he wore a rough beard.  His eyes were a deep brown, and always looked sorrowful, and he had darkly tanned olive skin.  He wore the traditional brown  Jedi cloak, but rather than robes he had acquired a set of armor in the same pattern as a Clone Trooper's, and it was painted blue and yellow, but weathered and beaten from rough use.  He cut a sharp contrast to his brother Heditt, who was also tall, but not excessively so, and kept a clean hairstyle, shaved face and had green eyes set into pale skin.  The Sentinel brother also preferred a black uniform, and carried a blaster pistol and multiple other gadgets alongside his lightsaber.

     Rakham felt Heditt's presence before he saw him.  The Sentinel was a true Jedi, and carried himself up the street with a calm, humble stride.  The lightsaber hilt at his side was a mirror of Rakham's, with Rahkam's being silver with black inlays, and Heditt's black with silver.  The presence of the Sentinel alone was often enough enough to calm those around him, and the few pedestrians milling about broke into contented smiles as he approached.  Rakham felt the pull of his brother'a aura as well, but it never had the same effect on him.

     "Heditt.  How did the secret Jedi spy club meeting go?  Are your people still on about some great conspiracy to end the Jedi Order?" Rakham teased.

     "No one thinks that there's a conspiracy to end the Order, brother, but you've felt the disturbances too.  Something is going to happen."  Heditt replied as calmly as ever.

     "We're in the middle of a galactic war.  Thousands die every day.  It would be stranger if there weren't disturbances in the Force." Rakham turned back to fountain.  They both knew he was being dishonest with himself, what so many Jedi had been feeling was far more than the average wartime rumblings of the Force.   Something big was coming. There was a moment of silence, before Rakham turned back with a grin and began walking off.
     "But hey, I'm not criticizing.  My job is to heal the sick and drink agavinol, yours is to be paranoid, and you guys are doing great.  Now let's get back to the shuttle and off this rock."

    As the pair worked their way back to the spaceport, they were uncharacteristically silent.  Both of the brothers were mulling over the meaning of the visions and disturbances they'd felt over the past few weeks.  As they approached their shuttle, the engines were already on and the pilot was on the ramp, pacing anxiously. 

    "Did you call ahead?" Rakham asked.
    "No..." his brother trailed off as the pilot, a short, ornery man who neither brother cared for noticed them.
    "Blast, would you two hurry?  Haven't you heard?" The pilot nearly shouted at them.
    "Heard what?" Heditt replied.
    "There's a battle!  The damn Confederation is invading Coruscant!"

...

    By the time the brothers got to Coruscant, the battle was over.  Several droid transports had crash landed on the surface, and the two were immediately sent to one of the sites to ensure that it wasn't a threat to any civilians, and help anyone who may have harmed by the crash.  The shuttle never even landed, as it neared the ground, the pair had already lowered the ramp and kept out, lightsabers in hand.  As soon as they hit the ground, they could hear blaster fire and smell smoke.  They were on a wide but abandoned street, and the sound seemed to be coming from around the corner.  They ran in that direction, lightsabers flashing to life almost in unison, but they nearly stumbled over themselves at what they saw as they rounded the corner.  There were indeed a group of B1 battle droids around the wreckage of a landing craft, and taking cover behind a hunk of burning wreckage fighting them was... a B1 battle droid.  The lone droid appeared to be badly damaged but still combat effective, considering the way it mowed down it's brethren as the brothers watched.  Heditt moved as though he intended to dispatch the droid, but Rakham stopped him.  Deactivating his lightsaber, Rakham began walking slowly towards it.

    "Rak, what are you-" Heditt's words finally caught the droid's attention, and it turned to them quickly, apparently too quickly, as it's mangled right leg couldn't take the stress and sent it clattering to the ground, it's weapon skidding away.  It made little attempt to right itself, instead turning it's head mournfully to stare at the Jedi.

    "Je-di..." It's voice was deepened to a croak by some unknowable damage, and it spoke haltingly.
    "Why did you kill the other droids?"  Rakham asked it.
    "Ordered to kill citizens.  Programming damaged.  Did not want to kill."
    "Hear that, Heditt?  A Battle Droid that doesn't want to kill.  I think I want to keep it."
    "It's not a little fuzzy animal you can feed from a bottle, Rakham."
    "Perhaps it will be after I reprogram it.  What do you think, buddy?" Rakham said, turning his attention back to the droid.
    "Serve... Je-di?  Keep... peace?  These... are acceptable... para-para-para-parameters."
    "It'a settled, then.  Let'a double check this wreckage, then call for a cleanup team."

    With that, the pair temporarily deactivated the droid and went to work.  It seemed like they visited a dozen such crash sites over the next few hours, but they remained in high spirits; Count Dooku was dead, and very, very soon, the war would be over and the galaxy would find peace once again.

CHAPTER END
Thanks for reading!  I know it was kind of a slow start, but big things are coming!  There will be purges, duels, Mandalorians, Zabraks, bounty hunters, a time jump and much, much more, so stay tuned!
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Illyiss
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« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2017, 04:40:32 PM »

Great start, +1!
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

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TheDutchman
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« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2017, 07:50:06 PM »

TDC, great start!  I like the juxtaposition between the two brothers, Rakham and Heditt.  Good canon identifiers for the current setting (RotS).  And I love the ominous title  Wink.  Definitely looking forward to reading more!

Also: allow me to welcome you to this thread!  Karmack, Lord_S_Gray, Taegin Roan, and myself have established stories that I would eagerly suggest that you read!  Point of fact, we have a bit of an "experiment" going on: shared continuity.  Now I am by no means telling you what to do, just relating some information so that you would better enjoy the stories replete with various easter eggs throughout  Smiley

Also: we would enjoy hearing any feedback (and that goes for all readers) as it allows us to sharpen our writing skills  Smiley

Again: welcome and wonderful start!
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Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
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Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2017, 04:29:02 PM »

Thanks, guys!  I'll definitely check out the stories you mentioned, Dutch!  The next chapter should be coming soon, but I'll be typing it up on a computer rather than a phone, so the formatting and editing will be a lot cleaner.
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2017, 07:15:56 PM »

As Dutchman said good set up for the brothers characters and differences, even down to the Lightsabres which was a nice visual touch to keep in ones mind. 

If you're interested in reading our little series I would recommend (if I had to pick one) checking out Dutchman's a Tarnished Knight first, not too long and very accessible (mine are a bit more out there), but on any of them you get the benefit of seeing the whole series at once!
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Karmack
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« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2017, 07:30:30 AM »

Hey DC!  A nice beginning!  I didn't think it dragged at all.  Smiley  And its nice to see another writer on the field, as it were!  Welcome!  Feel free to poke around, there are several good stories kicking around these days.  I highly recommend Dutchman and LSG's threads!

These brothers are very interesting characters.  Nice to see a Jedi who isn't "perfect", too.  :-)  Considering the timing...  I'd say they're about to run afoul of Order 66...  Should be a wild and crazy ride!
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Taegin Roan
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« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2017, 11:42:21 AM »

Great start. I'm interested to see where this one leads.

Yes, I recommend reading the others as well. In order of how they were written it is

We Are Gray/Shadow of the Outcast/A Tarnished Knight/Children of the Aether
Hide and Seek/Shadow of the Outcast/A Tarnished Knight/Children of the Aether
Wind Chimes/Shadow of the Outcast/Shadow Etude/Orphan of the Aether

And the "Interludes" thread has some "fill in the blanks" chapters that belong to many of the different stories.

In chronological order it goes

Children of the Aether
Orphan of the Aether
A Tarnished Knight
Shadow of the Outcast
We Are Gray
Hide and Seek
Wind Chimes/Shadow Etude

and various interludes.

Also, Rogue One: Resurrection and A Smugglers Truth are both pretty good, though I haven't finished RO:R. The reason I didn't include these last two in the main list, is because the others all have a bit of shared continuity, where we use stuff from the other stories in our own. But I definitely suggest reading all of these.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
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TheDrunkenConsular
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Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2017, 10:09:45 AM »

Chapter 2: Rakham Continues a Long Tradition of Skirting Expulsion from the Order

    “I’ve heard that you and your brother are the very best for these sorts of things, even if your methods are sometimes… unorthodox.”  The Twi’lek Jedi Master said to Heditt, as the two of them approached the brothers’ Coruscant residence.  It wasn’t as much a house as it was a warehouse, but it was perfect for their needs. 
    “Of course, Master Dala.  We always get our man, no matter…” Heditt trailed off and grimaced as he heard the muffled sound of training blasters and hum of a lightsaber.  Rakham was training.  With a sigh, he pushed open the door and evaluated the damage.

    The warehouse itself had a rather pleasant open floor plan  Along one wall, beds and dressers, with a simple kitchen and dining area near to it.  Along the opposite wall was the workshop, a jumble of toolboxes, machinery and parts from droids, speeders and who knows what else.  This was all well and good.  However, the most obvious thing when you opened the door, after the acrid smell of blaster smoke and a hint of the part spicy, part funky scent of agavinol was the giant Jedi Knight in the middle of the room, surrounded by training droids, with a red blindfold tied around his eyes and wearing nothing else but a pair of baggy pants.  Rakham was currently taking fire from five different angles, and using his bright green lightsaber to expertly deflect, or more appropriately, absorb, all of it.  He swayed back and forth, and his movements were wide and swinging.  At any moment it looked like he could stumble and collapse into a heap on the floor, but Heditt knew better.  This was his brother’s fighting style; lure his opponents into thinking that he was out of control, and counter that misunderstanding with control that was absolute and unyielding.  To the untrained eye, he looked like any violent drunkard.  Heditt noted the bottle on the floor that appeared to have been bisected by an errant swing of the lightsaber.  Perhaps being violent and drunk helped him sell that impression.
   
    Before either of the intruding Jedi could say anything, there was a flurry of movement from the workshop, and the Battle Droid Rakham had recovered the day of the invasion sprung out of the mess, scattering parts across the floor and raising a ludicrously large blaster that appeared to be a custom stripped down and bored up DC-15.  Rakham had done significant work on the droid, it was now completely repaired, reprogrammed and customized.  Gone was the tan Confederacy paintjob, replaced by Rakham’s preferred blue and yellow, and in multiple places damage had been covered with chrome plates riveted to the droid’s body and head, providing a complement to the chrome parts and fittings in all of the droid’s moving parts. 

    “Master Rakham, there is an intruder holding Master Heditt hostage!  Requesting permission to open fire immediately!”  In Rakham’s idea of a hilarious joke, the droid spoke in a sultry, seductive female voice.
    “Denied, Elltoo.” Rakham said, never missing a beat. “Stand down.”  The second order was to the training droids.
    “I…” Master Dala was lost for words at the spectacle.  It was a rare thing to see a Jedi Master so taken aback.
    “I assure you, Master, L2-A1 would not have fired on you without my express permission.  Rakham said, reaching for a nearby towel.  It was not particularly reassuring.
   


    After Rakham got dressed and Heditt apologized profusely for the spectacle, the three  around the brother’s table and got down to the purpose of Master Dala’s visit.
    “It’s my old apprentice, Teldryn.  He was leading a Clone Battlegroup in the Moro system when they were attacked by Seperatists.  The last time I spoke to Teldryn, he told me he was the only survivor of the battle, and I could sense that he was disturbed deeply.  He said he would return to the Temple, but that was weeks ago and no one has heard from him.  I fear that he may have fallen into despair and lost his way.”  The master’s sorrow at the thought of losing her old apprentice and friend to the dark side was almost physical, and the brothers had no trouble sensing it.  Rakham was the first to speak, in a soft tone.
    “The Jedi were not made for war, Master.  This is not the first time something like this has happened.  My brother and I will get Teldryn back safely, you have our word.”
    “We need to know his exact location the last time anyone contacted him, and we’ll begin our search.” Heditt added.
    “Of course, everything you need to know is on this holocron.  Just bring him back.”
    “We will, Master.  Elltoo, I need you to analyze the information on this holocron and gather my equipment.  I’ll accompany the Master back to her shuttle.”  Rakham said, rising to his feet.  “Heditt, arrange for transport.  I want to be off world in the next four hours.”

    “I have a question for you.” Dala said as she and Rakham made their way down the crowded street towards her shuttle.
    “Of course, Master.”
    “What’s the story with that droid?  B1s aren’t smart enough to analyze a loaf of bread, but that wasn’t your average B1, was it?”
    “No, I’m afraid she isn’t.  Heditt and I found Elltoo on the day of the invasion, badly damaged and confused into fighting her own allies.  I took a shine to her, and dragged her back.  I rebuilt her completely.  To be truthful, the only B1 part left is the shell.  Everything inside is custom.  There are still some kinks in the programming, but I’ll get it worked out.”
    “That’s impressive.”
    “Oh, I can’t take credit, I learned everything I know about tech from my brother.”  There was a long pause.
    “Do you really think you can get Teldryn back?”
    “I’m sure of it.”



    Rakham walked back into the warehouse with a plain clay pipe clenched in his teeth and satisfied look on his face.
    “Stop it.”  Heditt reprimanded him.
    “What?  I’m not doing anything.”  Rakham’s grin grew wider.
    “She’s a Jedi Master, Rakham.”
    “And I have the utmost respect for her.”
    “Maybe a little too much respect.”
    “Too much respect?  Impossible.”
    “Master Rakham, I am detecting increased blood flow-”
    “Finish that sentence and you’ll find out what happened to L1, Eltoo.  Come on guys, are we ready to leave yet?”  Rakham said with an exaggerated sigh.  His proclivities were well known to Heditt, and he knew it was a waste of time to pretend otherwise.
    “Your bags are packed and ready to be loaded, Master Rackham.”
    “The shuttle will be here to pick us up in fifteen minutes.”
    “Master Rakham, why do Twi’lek females excite you so?”
    “Shut up, Elltoo.”

END CHAPTER
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Karmack
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Light side points please.


« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2017, 12:48:37 PM »

First, I want to say I LOVE IT!  Great character dynamics and Eltoo is cool!  :-)  The vibe is ... interesting.  It feels like a Sam Spade novel, or a Dixon Hill holo-deck adventure.  These guys have that seedy, not-quite-legit but not-really-criminal private eye feel that is very different and fun to read.  The fact that they don't live in the Temple ...  yeah, I can buy that. 

These guys are the Jedi no one wants to admit exist...  :-) 

Loving the story!  I am very much looking forward to future chapters!

Karm
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TheDrunkenConsular
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Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2017, 02:58:48 PM »

First, I want to say I LOVE IT!  Great character dynamics and Eltoo is cool!  :-)  The vibe is ... interesting.  It feels like a Sam Spade novel, or a Dixon Hill holo-deck adventure.  These guys have that seedy, not-quite-legit but not-really-criminal private eye feel that is very different and fun to read.  The fact that they don't live in the Temple ...  yeah, I can buy that. 

These guys are the Jedi no one wants to admit exist...  :-) 

Loving the story!  I am very much looking forward to future chapters!

Karm

Thanks!  I'm really glad to hear that I'm successfully getting what I call "Jedi-noir" across!  There's one more major juxtaposition I'm trying to get a across, but I haven't gotten far enough in for it to start showing yet.
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Illyiss
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Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 945


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2017, 06:07:10 PM »

Coming along wonderfully!
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

TheDutchman
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« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2017, 06:47:53 PM »

Wonderful!  I like the easy dialogue between the brothers, very believable and familiar.  Karm is right: it does have the ambiance of a Sam Spade (or Dixon Hill for Trekkers  Wink) novel.  "Noir" is a good description indeed!

I love the detail that a battle droid would have an incongruous sultry voice; Eltoo is a great, unique character  Smiley. And Rakham's style reminds me of Chinese Drunken Boxing: it only looks slovenly  Wink

Good world building! I can't wait to read more!
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Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Illyiss
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 945


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2017, 08:09:12 PM »

And Rakham's style reminds me of Chinese Drunken Boxing: it only looks slovenly  Wink

This is EXACTLY what I thought of as well!
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

TheDrunkenConsular
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Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2017, 08:19:11 PM »

I may or may not have had Zui Quan in mind there  Grin  Grin Grin
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2017, 06:25:05 AM »

This is EXACTLY what I thought of as well!
I may or may not have had Zui Quan in mind there  Grin  Grin Grin
Lol "great minds" gentleman  Smiley. Again, I really like the details that your narrative is taking.

Points for you both  Cheesy

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Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

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