Click here for lightsabers
  • Home
  • Help
  • Login
  • Register
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 14   Go Down
Author Topic: Brothers  (Read 43624 times)
TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2017, 07:49:30 PM »


Chapter 3: Adventures in Redemption

    Rakham slept poorly on the ride to the Moro system.  His rest was plagued with visions that were obscured to his perception, the details hovering at the edge of his vision, and scattering when he tried to focus on them. He felt grief, destruction and pain in the vision, but their cause eluded him.  The Force was warning him, that he was sure of. 
    “Master Rakham.” L2-A1’s voice brought him awake with a start. “We are coming out of hyperspeed.  It’s time to prepare for landing.”
    “Thank you, Eltoo.”  Rakham replied with a yawn, reaching for his lightsaber.  He sat on the edge of the bunk holding the hilt in his hands for what felt like hours, but couldn’t have even been a minute.  He was familiar with fear, but the dread that he felt in the Force now was something he had never experienced.  The lightsaber felt both insignificant against this phantom threat, and like it was the only thing that would see him through it alive.  He wondered briefly if Heditt was feeling the same, reaching out through the Force to gauge his brother’s aura.  It was absent, as in their standard practice, Heditt would use an old Sentinel trick to hide himself within the Force before a mission, making it impossible for another Jedi or Dark Jedi to sense his presence.  Rakham didn’t need to feel it to know that it was there, though.  There had been many reports of Jedi experiencing ominous but cloudy visions over the past few weeks, and he had seen the change in Heditt’s demeanor since it had started.

    Before the ship broke atmosphere, the brothers met in the cockpit, with Heditt carrying his usual belt of Sentinel gadgets and his blaster, while Rakham wore his armor and cloak.  L2 carried the custom DC-15 Rakham had constructed. 
    “Are we going to kill the Dark Jedi?” L2 asked solemnly.
    “No, Eltoo.  We don’t even know for sure that Teldryn has fallen to the Dark Side.  We’re here to find out what happened and bring him home safely.  You’re here for moral support, and in case we run into Seperatists.”  Rakham said as the starship began entry into the planet’s atmosphere.  It was unlikely that they’d see anyone here.  There were no ships or radio signals on the scanner, apart from the dead Republic cruiser on the surface below.  This system was entirely uninhabited and mostly uncharted, the Republic forces had reportedly been scouting the area for resources when the Seperatists fell upon them.  It was unknown why the Seperatists were there or what they’d wanted in the system, especially considering that they were now nowhere to be found. 
     Looking out the window, Rakham was stuck by the natural beauty of this world.  There were vast rivers of water so clear that it seemed to glitter like ribbons of diamond, and the leaves on the trees were as blue as sapphire.  On the horizon stood a row of peaks taller than any mountains Rakham had ever seen, their icy caps so high that they seemed to cut into the stars.  Everything was washed in a brilliantly clear white light from the system’s star.
     “This place…” Heditt trailed off.  From where the brothers stood, it was impossible to imagine anything bad happening here.  “Pilot, what is this planet called?”
     “MB-3079178.” The Sullustan said in a  dry tone, never looking up from his controls.  “We’re approaching the coordinates you gave me.”

    As they passed over a high ridgeline, the beauty was replaced with horror.  In a clearing barely large enough to hold it sat a small Republic cruiser, and radiating outwards, away from the sheer ridge, were the scars of battle.  Before them were the charred remains of a forest that had been set alight by ordnance, pocked with the craters of bombs and artillery and gouged by crashed starfighters.  It seemed like there were enough destroyed droids on the ground to fill an ocean, with chunks of battle droid corpses scattered across the scarred ground, peppered by the split open husks of AAT battle tanks and mangled Vulture droids.  If one looked closely, the remains of three ARC-170s and the wreckage of a gunship were among the wreckage.  As the pilot lowered their shuttle into the relatively clear ring closest to the cruiser, one could tell that it was sitting at a severe list, the landing struts blown out from under it by the Seperatists.
    “Where are the Clones?” Eltoo asked suddenly.  Sure enough, white armored corpses were conspicuously absent from the carnage.
    “That’s a good question.”  Heditt replied.  With a gentle thud, the shuttle hit the ground and the ramp lowered.
   
    The three stepped out into the clearing.  The Republic battle line was clear; there was a nearly perfect perimeter of hastily erected fortifications set up thirty five feet out from the cruiser, and within it, there were no droid corpses and far less damage than the outside.  The grass here still seemed fresh and healthy.
    “They held the line.” Rakham said to no one in particular.  Heditt pointed to a lowered ramp that led to the hangar.
    “Shall we investigate?”
    Rakham could feel darkness inside the ship, concentrated in the hangar.  Unfortunately, that meant it was where they needed to start.  He started walking towards, with Heditt and L2 in tow.
    At the top of the ramp, the smell of death hit them.  They had a feeling that they’d found the clones.  The hangar was black, it appeared that power had been cut.  Rakham created a ball of light from the Force, and Heditt pulled a torch light from his belt.  Eltoo’s eyes took on a red glow, indicating that she was activating low light mode.  Apprehensively, the trio began climbing the ramp. 
    At the top, as the light began to fill the hangar, they found the clones.  They had been carefully, respectfully laid to rest here.  There were rows and rows of white armor, most of it muddy, bloody and burned.  Even those with dismemberments had been laid here whole.  Someone had cared very deeply about this.  The smell was almost too much for the Jedi to bear.
    “Eltoo, how many troopers were in Teldryn’s battlegroup?”
    “947, Master Heditt.  There are…” Eltoo trailed off as she scanned the room.  “946 here.”
    “So only one clone survived?  Two men did all of this?” Rakham asked, stunned.
    “Apologies, I seem to have miscalculated.  The 947th member of the battlegroup was Jedi Teldryn.  Not a clone.  He must have moved the bodies here himself.”

    Before anyone could say enough, there was loud click, and a voice came over the intercom, almost deafeningly loud.
    “Why are you violating the sanctity of this tomb?  Leave.  Now.”  The voice was flat, emotionless. 
    “Can you hear us?” Rakham called out into the darkness.
    “Yes.” 
    “Are you Teldryn Oros?  Master Dala sent us, she’s worried about you.” Heditt called out.
    “Oros is dead.”  The voice was not angry, or afraid, or relieved.  It was as though a particularly simple droid were on the other end, simply rattling off a number.
    “Who are you, then?” L2 added her voice to the discourse. 
    “I’m dead too.”  There was another click, and the intercom was silent.
    “Hello?  Are you still there?”  Rakham asked, already knowing that he wouldn’t be.  He looked to his companions.
    “The bridge?”
    “The bridge.” They answered nearly in unison.

    As the four made their way through the cruiser, they found that the entire ship seemed to be running on auxiliary power.  The few lights that were on were dim red emergency lights.  There were no signs of struggle anywhere on the inside, and they had no trouble making their way through the bowels of the ship and to the bridge.  As they approached the bridge, Rakham motioned for the other two to hold back.  He walked down the final corridor alone, until he reached the door to the bridge.  It opened with a hiss, revealing the expansive control room.  Through the front viewports, one could see the mountains in the distance, and due to the list of the ship, no hint of the carnage below was visible.
    “It’s a good place to die, isn’t it?”  The cold voice spoke, coming from the captain’s chair.  Rakham could not see him around the large chair.  He approached slowly, hands clasped in front of him peacefully, and stopped beside the chair, never taking his eyes off the mountains.
    “It’s a beautiful place, but I’d wager it’s better for the living than the dying.”  He said, examing Teldryn’s energy.  He felt darkness, and pain.  “Did you move the clone troopers?”
    “They didn’t deserve to be left out with the scrap.”
    “No, I imagine they didn’t.”  Rakham looked at Teldryn for the first time.  He was a human, with light hair and blue eyes.  His features would have been largely unremarkable, were it not for his emaciated and scarred state.  Rakham suspected that he hadn’t eaten since the battle, and there were at least two blaster scars on his person, one on his left side, and one grazing his cheek.  “Neither do you.  My droid is equipped with medical subroutines, we could have you patched up and back on Coruscant in a day, you know.”
   “No.”
   “Why not?  Your master misses you, Teldryn.”
   “I already told you.  Oros is dead.  He died out there.”  Teldryn’s voice was still toneless, but his energy bristled and he subtly touched the lightsaber at his side.
    “If Teldryn Oros is dead, then who are you, wearing his clothes, carrying his lightsaber and speaking with his voice?” Rakham asked softly.
    “I want you to leave.” The lightsaber was in his hand now, but Rakham made no move to draw his own.
    “I won’t go without you, brother.”

   There was the electric scream of a lightsaber activation.

    With stunning swiftness for one in such a state, Teldryn sprang to his feet and swung the blue saber at Rakham’s head.  Rakham deftly ducked adnd sidestepped, still not drawing his own saber.  The door to the bridge hissed open, and Heditt rushed through it, saber ready.  Eltoo was close behind, but Rakham help up a hand, motioning them to stop.  Heditt deactivated his saber, but Eltoo refused to lower her blaster.

    “Leave.”  The voice was low, but the aura screamed.  The power of the Dark Side surged through Teldryn’s body, keeping him on his feet and furious.  He lunged again at Rakham, and this time, the Consular’s green blade caught the blue one, sweeping it aside in an attempt to disarm Teldryn. 
    “I already told you, I can’t do that without Teldryn Oros.  I know that things seem to be at their darkest right now, and from the look of it they are, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no more light.  There are still people who love you, they want to see you come home safely.”  Rakham deactivated his lightsaber, switching it to his left hand and holding out his right to Teldryn.  “Come back with us.  Let us help you.”
    “You can’t.”  Teldryn said, visibly steeling himself for another attack.
    “I’ve done crazier things.”

    Teldryn charged, swinging wildly. Rakham sidestepped, dropping his own saber and taking hold of Teldryn’s saber arm with one hand and pressing the palm of the other against his forehead.  Summoning all of his power in the Force, he poured his own inner peace and balance into Teldryn’s aura, absorbing as much of his darkness as he could. Teldryn went limp in his arms, and Rakham nearly collapsed, lowering to his knees and cradling the young Jedi Knight, utterly drained of energy.  He closed his eyes for a moment and a half, before looking down at Teldryn.  Tears streamed down his dirty, scarred face, and when he spoke this time, his voice cracked with anguish.
    “I want to go home.”
    “We’re going to get you there, brother.  I promise.”  As Rakham said the words, he suddenly knew he was lying. Teldryn Oros’ life force was fading rapidly, too rapidly, as he succumbed to his wounds and his starvation.
    “Thank you.” 

    These were the last words of Teldryn Oros.

    “Are you okay, Rak?”  Heditt said from behind them.
    “I’m okay.” 

    Teldryn’s body was taken back to the shuttle.  As the pilot took them away from MB-3079178, Heditt worriedly examined Rakham.
    “You know, stunts like that are why the council doesn’t want us around.”
    “To hell with the council.  If they had any idea what it meant to live in balance with the Force, we wouldn’t be out here doing things like this.” Rakham replied angrily.
    “What happened wasn’t your fault.  He was too far gone, his body was a puppet of the dark side, it was the only thing that kept him alive.  When you brought him back into balance, you set him free.  You did the right thing.” Heditt reassured him.
    “I know that, but moral confidence won’t bring him back from the dead.  I guess Grey Jedi tricks only work so far.”
    “Masters,”  Eltoo interupted, “there’s and urgent transmission from the Temple.  They’re calling all of the Jedi home.”
    Suddenly, the dread the brothers had been feeling for weeks washed over them anew, stronger than ever.

CHAPTER END
   
Logged

Who says red is only for the bad guys?

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 306
Posts: 1659



« Reply #16 on: December 20, 2017, 08:23:45 PM »

Sinister, disturbing and harrowing...some really troubling little details with the bodies...and good integration with the canon time period, not overpowering but still very clear.
Great Job!!!
Logged

Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 945


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2017, 08:24:34 PM »

Wow, that was a powerful, deep chapter...  great job, and +1.
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1026
Posts: 3842


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #18 on: December 21, 2017, 05:02:04 AM »

Excellent chapter!  You hit on one of the things that so many SW writers never seem to mention: the absolute horror that the Clone Wars must have been.  LSG was correct: the vivid visuals that you describe establishes that. But even more so: you humanize the clone troopers with Teldryn's funeral rites for them. 

Another point that you make (and one also done incredibly well by our fellow writers) is the failures of the Jedi cutting themselves off from their emotions.  Karm, LSG, TR, and myself address those faults in one way or another within our own narratives.  I like Rakham's ambivalence towards the Council but his concern for a fellow Jedi (especially one in such pain, suffering PTSD) is palpable.

Great job!  I can't wait to read more!
Logged

Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1147
Posts: 5594


Light side points please.


« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2017, 06:17:13 AM »

Let me echo what the others have said: This was a great chapter.  I'm sure this was not easy to write and it gives a very gritty view of just how bloody the Clone Wars would have been.  I am liking the brothers more and more, the Sentinel and the Consular, one a "drunk", the other a "heretic"...  Yes, this is very interesting.

And the recall....   We all know what that means.  :-)

I like this style, its another example of how the SW universe has room for everything.  These are compelling characters and the story is well paced and intriguing.  AS with the others I am very much enjoying reading it and look forward to more offerings!

I am curious: Did all of this come out of a back-story for your saber build?  OR did the saber build grow out of the story? 
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #20 on: December 21, 2017, 10:10:39 AM »

Thanks, guys!

I'd say that when I wrote the saber backstory, I had the idea for the characters.  Two grey Jedi just trying to make it in the post-Jedi galaxy.  To tell you a secret, though, when I sit down to write I almost never know what it is that I'm going to write.  I know where I want the story to end up, so I start picking my way to that point.  Right now, I'm making my way to the timjump.  I know what's going to happen directly after said jump, but when I get there I'll have to figure out a new destination to work towards.
Logged

Who says red is only for the bad guys?

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1026
Posts: 3842


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #21 on: December 21, 2017, 10:59:40 AM »

Thanks, guys!

I'd say that when I wrote the saber backstory, I had the idea for the characters.  Two grey Jedi just trying to make it in the post-Jedi galaxy.  To tell you a secret, though, when I sit down to write I almost never know what it is that I'm going to write.  I know where I want the story to end up, so I start picking my way to that point.  Right now, I'm making my way to the timjump.  I know what's going to happen directly after said jump, but when I get there I'll have to figure out a new destination to work towards.
Gray Jedi?  I would HIGHLY recommend that you read all of Karmak's stories; his are all about the Gray Jedi and are spectacular  Smiley
Logged

Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #22 on: December 21, 2017, 04:10:27 PM »

I've been reading through Wind Chimes, it's excellent so far!  I'm a bit slower to read than I am to write for some reason, but I'm working my slow way through everyone's stuff one at a time!

Now, without further ado, the final Clone War era chapter of Brothers: A Star Wars Story.  Enjoy!

...

Chapter 4: Pain, Sorrow and Blinding Rage

    The interior of the shuttle had three rooms.  In the front, the bridge.  In the rear, the engine room.  In the middle, the passenger space.  Bunks along one wall, seating along the other, storage in between.  Despite being a small ship, the passenger space was surprisingly roomy.

    Rakham was disturbed, and deeply, but Heditt appeared to be coming apart at the seams.  Heditt had never mastered balance the way Rakham had, in times like this, it showed.  While Rackham sat crosslegged on one of the bunks, attempting to meditate, Heditt paced up and down, his stress washing out Rakham’s attempt to find peace.  Suddenly, Rakham stood.
    “Enough.  Take out your lightsaber.” Rakham demanded.
    “Is now really the time for drills?”
    “We’re flying into an unknown threat.  It’s the perfect time.  Start with Shii-Cho.”  While Heditt was the unsidputed master of technology, Rakham was considered one of the best duelists in the Order, and had held his own against Master Windu on many occasions.  Unfortunately, he’d never been able to convince Master Windu to teach him Vaapad, his specialized version of Juyo.  Windu considered Rakham to be too much of a wildcard, even though the two shared many philosophies and methods.

    Heditt’s first attempt at a Shii-cho drill left much to be desired, but at a disaproving glare from Rakham, he began again, this time concentrating on the simple, methodical motions.  The yellow lightsaber cut clean, efficient arcs through the air.  While Shii-cho was a greatly outdated form, Rakham considered it to be the building block of all other forms, and required mastery of it from his few students. 
    “Makashi.” Rakham said next.  Heditt was a particularly adept practicioner of Makashi, and he ran the drill flawlessly, carefully executing the rapid, subtle motions.
    “Juyo.”  Heditt stopped.  He’d been trying to get Rakham to teach him the Ferocity Form since Rakham had mastered it himself, years before.  Rakham stepped forward, drawing his own green saber.  “Watch my movements.”


    Rakham spoke as he slowly moved through the drill.  “The concept of this form is to make your opponent feel that they are being attacked from half a dozen places, by half a dozen blades.  It requires speed, fury and grace.  If you aren’t fast enough, the form will leave you open, and you will be struck down as easily as a child with a stick. Now, repeat the motions.”

    “We’re coming out of hyperspace.”  Before Heditt could begin, the pilot spoke over the intercom.  The pilot had already been notified of their urgency, and by the time the brothers reached the cockpit, they’d broken atmosphere and the temple was visible through the viewport.
    “Set down on the upper landing pad.” Heditt ordered the pilot, and the two left, already making their way back to the door.
    “Eltoo, weapons hot.” Rakham said, giving the droid a wink.  He was trying to hide his apprehension, discomfort and fear.  As the door began to open, L2 shouted over the din of the engines.
    “Masters, there’s a message from the Sentinel Council!  Their saying to ignore the return messa-” a flurry of blaster fire cut off her words, as clones poured out onto the landing pad.  The scream of L2’s custom blaster tore across the landing pad, a rapid stream of overcharged bolts blowing holes though the clones’ armor, and then through the clones themselves.  With no time to think, the brothers had drawn their lightsabers and deflected most of the incoming fire.  Both of them dove down beside the doors, taking cover from the incoming fire.  L2 showed no such fear, walking down the ramp and unleashing Hell from the blaster.  Heditt later swore he heard the droid screaming “Get some!” over the din, but Rakham denied it.  Four seconds later, it was silent.

    “Masters, area clear.”  Eltoo called out.
    “I think that droid’s aggression inhibitor needs to be rebuilt, Rakham.” Heditt said incredulously.
    “I’m more worried about why we just got attacked by clones.” He replied.  “Did you sense that?  They knew we were Jedi and tried to kill us.”
    “Eltoo, what were you saying before they attacked us?” Heditt said as the pair made their way down the ramp.  Rakham was in awe at the destruction.  The clones, at least a dozen of them, were lying in a mangled heap.  Eltoo’s blaster had blown scorched craters into the walls and floor around them, and the doors into the temple were torn off their rails.  Turning around, he saw that their shuttle was covered in scorch marks, and the viewports had been blasted out.  His heart fell at the sight of the Sullustan pilot slumped lifelessly over the controls.
    “The Sentinels said that it was a trap.  They said that all of the Jedi should get away from the clones and go into hiding.” Eltoo recounted.
    “Let’s go.” Rakham said, coldly.  He marched towards the doors of the temple, saber blazing.  He stepped through the door at the ready, almost hoping for there to be a legion of clone troopers to try and strike him down.  There weren’t.  On the floor lay the body of a young Jedi Rakham had never seen before, her eyes gazing lifelessly at the ceiling and her body riddled with blaster wounds.  In her hand was a lightsaber, and around her were the bodies of six clones.  Rakham knelt and closed her eyes, and the dread inside him began to be replaced with fury.  He picked up her lightsaber.  It was interesting, a curved design favored by Makashi practitioners.  Upon hitting the activation switch, a blue blade hissed into life, with a sound softer than most sabers.  Rakham’s eyes flashed, and with the fallen Knight’s saber in his left hand, he marched through the next door, deeper into the temple.  Here, he found what he was looking for.  A large group of clones, standing around the bodies of half a dozen fallen knights.  Rakham roared, his vision turning red as the two blades in his hand became spinning gyroscopes.  The first two clones had been too close the door to ever know hit them.  The first was decapitated as he turned to look at Rackham, the second had both sabers buried to the hilts in his stomach.
    For the first time, Rakham had lost his balance.  He was unable to think, unable to process his actions.  Rather than his normal fluid, deceptive, balanced fighting form, he poured himself instinctively into Juyo, and darkness washed over him as he killed.  Every one of them that fell to his blade added fuel to his burning hatred.  In Rakham’s mind, it  went on for days; every time he opened a door, it was the same thing; dead Jedi, laughing clones.  He left none alive, and Heditt and L2 were unable to keep up, chasing him through the carnage.

    Finally, Rakham came to a room that wasn’t like the others.   There were clones on the floor, but no Jedi.  Instead, propped up against a pillar in the middle of the room sat Master Dala.  In an instant, Rakham’s fury drained away, and he just felt anguish. 
    “Are you okay?”  He asked, kneeling at her side.  She’d been hit with blaster fire, badly.
    “I think I’m going to make it.”  She said weakly.  “Teldryn?” She asked, with hope in her eyes.
    Rakham couldn’t meet her gaze as he shook his head.  A solitary tear ran down his face.  He felt like an animal being led into a slaughterhouse, watching his fellows die without understanding why.
    “I see.”  She said quietly.
    “We tried.” He spoke, his voice breaking.  Heditt and L2 finally caught up to them.
    “Rakham, I think we need to get out of here.” Headitt said, out of breath.
    “I agree, Master Rakham.  I am not programmed for cowardice, but I don’t know what we can accomplish by laying down our lives here.” L2 added.
    “No!  You have to save the younglings!”  Dala protested.  “They’re hiding in the council chambers.”
    “Don’t worry master, I’ll go look for them.  Heditt, get Master Dala out of here, Eltoo, find us some transportation.  I’ll meet you at the landing pad.  Go!” Rakham said.  As his companions left, he took a moment, kneeling there on the floor, to find his balance.  Nothing was more sacred to him than the balance between light and dark, but it eluded him.  He stood, sabers in hand, and began making his way toward the council chambers.  There were few clones now, but he still saw dead Jedi at every turn.  The rage was still there, but beneath the surface now.  He was externally calm. 
   
    Rakham reached the council chamber with very little resistance.  He started methodically checking each chamber, until eventually, he found the one.  He was physically sickened.  Each of the Padawans had been cut down by a lightsaber.  He couldn’t stop from falling to his knees and vomiting on the floor.  He stood, and rushed from the room, trying to put the images out of his mind.  He didn’t notice the figure standing at the end of the hallway until he ignited his lightsaber, drawing Rakham’s attention.
    “Skywalker?  What the hell is going on here?  Why are the clones attacking us?”  Rakham asked in bewilderment.  Skywalker did not answer, but began marching towards Rakham with sinister purpose.  “You?  You did this?  YOU?!” Rakham screamed, the rage returning to the surface.  He ignited the two sabers and marched down the hallway to meet Anakin Skywalker.

    On the landing pad, Heditt and Dala waited for L2 to bring the shuttle she’d found on the lower level.  She’d radioed ahead, letting them know that she was on the way, and sure enough, a shuttle just like the one that had brought them set down before them.  L2 was waiting at the top of the ramp, covered in blood and without her rifle.
    “Come on, Masters!  Where is Master Rakham?”
    “He isn’t back yet.” Heditt replied.
    “I’ll go get him.”  The droid replied matter-of-factly, marching down the ramp and stooping to pick up a clone blaster when she reached the bodies from earlier.

    Minutes passed.  Heditt punched a set of coordinates into the shuttle’s nav system and prepared for take off.  More time passed.  Heditt tried reaching out in the Force to contact his brother, but the disturbance was too great.  Finally, Dala, who was positioned to see out of the doorway, shouted weakly.
    “They’re here!”
    Eltoo was carrying Rakham over her shoulder.  Rakham was missing his left leg from the thigh down, and his right one from the knee.  Behind them was a Padawan, no more than fifteen years old.  Eltoo’s face was scarred by a lightsaber strike, and the arm not holding Rakham was missing entirely.  They dashed for the shuttle as fast as L2’s robotic legs would take them, and behind them, Heditt felt a dark presence drawing closer.  He ran out of the shuttle to help L2 with Rakham, taking half of the massive Jedi’s weight. 

    As the shuttle door closed, a hooded figure with a blue saber walked out onto the pad and watched the fleeing shuttle.The throttles were maxed out, and it was only and instant before the shuttle was in space.
    “Go to Corellia.  The Redholm spaceport.” Dala said, lowering herself into the copilot’s seat.  “I have a connection there outside of the Jedi who can help with our wounds and find us new identities.”

    A week later, Dala and Rakham were in bacta tanks on a smuggling ship disguised as an enormous scrap freighter.  Heditt and the Padawan they’d rescued from the temple, a human boy named Adkai, were living on the ship as well.  Heditt had promised to train him when things settled down.  L2 never left Rakham’s bacta tank, and refused to let anyone but him repair the damage she’d sustained.  None of them knew what the future held, and they had little hope that it would be bright.

CHAPTER END
Logged

Who says red is only for the bad guys?

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #23 on: December 21, 2017, 04:18:29 PM »

Okay guys, I have two things.  First, a bit of democracy on a story detail.  How do you guys feel about Master Dala?  I'm thinking of having her leave the brothers during the time jump, and in that case, the most that we'll see from her in the future is a reference here or there.  However, I'm also partially of a mind to have her stick around.  It's up the readers, and if you guys want to see her character fleshed out to something more than "Plot Device No. 1", what what you like to see?   

Second thing, I'd like to deliver unto you our intermission soundtrack.  Next chapter will be out soon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0MIFHLIzZY&feature=youtu.be

EDIT: I don't know how to embed things on this forum apparently

Logged

Who says red is only for the bad guys?

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1147
Posts: 5594


Light side points please.


« Reply #24 on: December 21, 2017, 04:55:33 PM »

LOL

Dala...  That's a tough call.  I'd like to find out more about her personally, but three Jedi and a padawan all together might be conspicuous...  On the other hand, if she leaves you still have two Jedi and a padawan, so...

I vote to keep her around.  She's to good a character to become "plot device number 1".  You can at least promote her to "significant death number one".  LOL
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 306
Posts: 1659



« Reply #25 on: December 21, 2017, 06:44:49 PM »

Dala...hmmm lets see two very different brothers, one female in an emotionally charged situation...on the run, sticking close not knowing if today will be their last day or not...I'd say there is too much potential there not to keep her in...but whatever works with where you're going!
Logged

Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1026
Posts: 3842


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2017, 05:00:37 AM »

Let me echo both Karm and LSG: I say keep her around. If you do wish to be more "brothers" centric with your story, you can always have her elsewhere or on overwatch.  Personally, I have found that some characters virtually write themselves and some serendipitous events can lead to incredible narratives!

BTW, well done incorporating canon further into your story.  Poor Rakham...but it's amazing that he went against Vader and lived  Wink. Good characterization, I can't wait to read more!
Logged

Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 945


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2017, 07:25:41 AM »

Again, another riveting chapter.  You write conflict and emotion wonderfully.  I look forward to more and more of this tale!  As for Dala, I think that a balance might be called for.  Have her remain a part of the tale, but perhaps not a constant part of it.
Logged

Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1147
Posts: 5594


Light side points please.


« Reply #28 on: January 08, 2018, 07:54:38 AM »

*bump*  I am hoping this isn't abandoned???
Logged

signature picture by DarthScrub

Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2018, 02:25:44 PM »

*bump*  I am hoping this isn't abandoned???

Not yet!  Computer problems put it on hiatus, but I'm hoping to get the next chapter posted either tonight or early tomorrow.
Logged

Who says red is only for the bad guys?

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 14   Go Up
Send this topic | Print
Jump to: