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Author Topic: Brothers  (Read 43626 times)
TheDutchman
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 1026
Posts: 3842


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #195 on: September 08, 2018, 10:33:44 PM »

Just wanted to thank TDC for once again trusting me with his characters  Smiley
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 306
Posts: 1659



« Reply #196 on: September 09, 2018, 04:50:03 AM »

The mindless hordes take their toll. But Rackham said it best their slowly getting ground down, yeah they've got the new iron knights and now more Vhal'Dan...but as he said one step forward two back, the psychological impact is going to build - and as professional as Hit Squad is...surely they must be thinking there are less risky Mercenary jobs than that to sign up for - no amount of money will convince someone to die for your cause after all - and they just took a lot of losses. 

Still Teks seems intriguing, body covered in tattoos...reverse force drain on a virtually dead woman...like anti-Revenenat....or reprogrammed one...Still doesn't seem to be enough for D'Alyanna...the Vih'Torr family isn't having the best of time ATM.

Always great tight action Dutch, really like the feel of the Taris underworks you conjure where no matter where you are you are still assailed by the "a horrible reeking smell accompanying the grinding, inhuman shouting"

"Orb in the base of the stile glowing an eerie black aura."  well someone was watching...probably laughing...definitely learning. 
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
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Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #197 on: September 09, 2018, 11:01:20 AM »

Just wanted to thank TDC for once again trusting me with his characters  Smiley

No, thank you for taking such great care of them!
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Karmack
Forumverse Loremaster
Master of Ceremonies
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
************

Force Alignment: 1147
Posts: 5594


Light side points please.


« Reply #198 on: September 10, 2018, 06:18:35 AM »

The mindless hordes take their toll. But Rackham said it best their slowly getting ground down, yeah they've got the new iron knights and now more Vhal'Dan...but as he said one step forward two back, the psychological impact is going to build - and as professional as Hit Squad is...surely they must be thinking there are less risky Mercenary jobs than that to sign up for - no amount of money will convince someone to die for your cause after all - and they just took a lot of losses. 

Still Teks seems intriguing, body covered in tattoos...reverse force drain on a virtually dead woman...like anti-Revenenat....or reprogrammed one...Still doesn't seem to be enough for D'Alyanna...the Vih'Torr family isn't having the best of time ATM.

Always great tight action Dutch, really like the feel of the Taris underworks you conjure where no matter where you are you are still assailed by the "a horrible reeking smell accompanying the grinding, inhuman shouting"

"Orb in the base of the stile glowing an eerie black aura."  well someone was watching...probably laughing...definitely learning. 

Echoing LSG, this was TIGHT!  The rakghouls are just plain old nasty...   And enough of them will take down any force ... eventually.

But that orb...  I have to wonder.  If the People are able to put an orb into the Revenant Pyramid, might they not have one in the Templar Temple as well? 
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Master Singer of the Mak'Tor

Taegin Roan
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 2043
Posts: 6179


Lord of the Force


« Reply #199 on: September 21, 2018, 09:41:43 PM »

Yes, the orb has me intrigued as well. We now have (at least what seems to be) the (and I cant remember the name of it now) black stone in four of the five connected writer's stories. How long before we see it taking over the galaxy I wonder?

I fully expected more people to die here, but you successfully pulled it off where they were saved without it being cliche or stupid in any way. Well done. I am constantly becoming more and more invested in this story and these characters. I can't help but wondering though, could the "Orb in the base of the stile glowing an eerie black aura" maybe have something to do with why D'Aylanna is in a coma? Or is that really just an Easter Egg into the rest of the universe. We will have to see I suppose. Grin
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #200 on: January 25, 2021, 10:24:41 AM »

buenas dias

Chapter 28: Fire and Brimstone, Part 1

     The soldering iron was like a magic wand in Faradi's long, spindly green fingers, moving in time with the orchestral music blaring over the laboratory's speakers, dancing a waltz across the exposed circuit boards in Kyber's brand new Beskar chest. Faraday smiled genuinely, humming along with the music as he set aside the soldering iron and picked up a circuit tester, touching it to various places and waiting for the green light to indicate a solid connection.  There were two more wires to plug in; each to the metal bands wrapping around the shard crystal in it's socket.  He plugged them in unceremoniously, and stepped back to review his work as blue photoreceptors glowed to life.   He pointed at the control unit for his music, and with a twisting motion, the volume decreased itself.
     "Khyber, can you hear me?"  He asked pleasantly, still wearing his unsettling, gold-flecked smile.
     "I can hear you."  Khyber replied.
     "Excellent.  Please refrain from moving, we have to run some diagnostics.  Can you see me?  Excellent, please, read the figures off this chart for me…"



     "Feet flat, feet flat.."  Edda muttered to herself, moving deftly around the floor, dodging the stinging bolt launched by one training probe, and with a pirouette, parrying the next probe's blast, even as a third charged it's weapon to fire. She brought the lightsaber around gracefully, taking two quick steps backwards.  The first probe's second bolt sizzled through the air where she'd been, and the third's bounced harmlessly off her saber.  Beads of sweat began to form on her brow, as her dance continued, under the watchful eye of Heditt Crescentfall…



     Berra breathed in the scent of her tea as her reader drone spoke in it's comforting tone.  She wasn't paying much attention.  She was recalling the sound of Jorsk's voice as he'd read to her, the feeling of her head on his shoulder.  She thought of the day they'd met.  He'd gotten completely lost trying to explore the Archive for a tactical assessment, and bumped into her.  She'd given him a tour, and something had just clicked.  They were laughing together almost immediately, and when she'd asked him to have dinner with her that night, he'd agreed in a heartbeat.  She'd never thought that she'd fall for a soldiering type, but she had, and now he was gone.  The thought broke her heart...

... 

   "Ssssss ssss sss ss!"  Sahka laughed mirthfully as Rahl, the young turncoat Revenant, stumbled into the trap she'd set on the Dejaric board between them.  He smiled ruefully, realizing his mistake too late. 
     "Excellent match, Master Sahka.  Shall we reset?"  He said warmly. 
     "Perhaps later, friend.  This one needs resst."  She rose from the table and offered a bow to her opponent.  In the weeks since they'd arrived, the Revenant defectors had been interrogated and interrogated again, and now were allowed some measure of freedom.  Rahl rose as well, and made his way to one of the libraries, picking through ancient leather-bound tomes and dusty holograms, searching for something to catch his interest.  Finally, something did; Avian Fauna of Naboo, written by Master Jonna Dirrell.  He smiled contentedly and made his way to one of the many reading nooks scattered around the archive.  He rather liked it here, with these friendly people.  He resolved to do whatever it took to protect his new friends, as he began reading a fascinating account of a songbird called the Redchested Noa…



     Teks walked down a hall, trailing a hand along the wall and humming absent-mindedly.  She had been feeling good, in a way that she couldn't quite describe.  It had started on Taris, and this feeling had grown and grown since.  Yesterday, Faradi had taken the mask and a final set of readings from her.  He muttered something about his suspicions being confirmed, and thanked her for help.  She wasn't quite sure what it had been about, but she was glad she could help.  The experience had been foggy in her mind, and that fog persisted when she tried to recall her time with the mask.  Later, she would ask Faradi to explain more, but for now, she was fairly happy to be led wherever the Force took her as she explored the Archive…



    Rakham looked at his assembled allies around the table.  Kathracite, leader of the Iron Knights.  Sam, the long forgotten Jedi swordsman.  Captain Edrian Nemo, smuggler and rogue.  Commander Yefim Tarr, leader of the battered but still proud Hit Squad.  Rys Treller, cyborg freedom fighter and explosives expert.  Master Dena, exiled Togruta Jedi Master.  Kathracite, the freshly upgraded leader of the Iron Knights.  And then those who were more than allies.  Heditt, his brother,   Dala, his wife.  Tasrii and Nadia, his adopted sisters. His family.  He'd gathered these people here to make their final plan, to end this private little war, but as he gazed around at his allies new and old, a laugh began to build in his chest, and his eyes twinkled through the wreath of pipe smoke about his face.  Several of them looked at him with worry, until he finally spoke.
     "The Revenant are fu-"

TO BE CONTINUED

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Taegin Roan
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 2043
Posts: 6179


Lord of the Force


« Reply #201 on: January 25, 2021, 01:17:04 PM »

Hola, my friend! Great to see you! It's great getting to see more of this story.
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #202 on: January 25, 2021, 06:48:48 PM »

Chapter 28: Fire and Brimstone, Part 2

     The Archive was a flurry of activity.  The plan was made, and in twenty four hours, the war would be over.  The Iron Knights, Revenant Defectors led by Anzio Ket, Hit Squad, and a Templar strike team led by Berra would be on the Narudar.  Berra's team consisted of Teks, Faradi, Stikes, Sahka, Stringer and Callo Morn, Dala and Rawbacca.  Heditt accompanied them.  Nemo and Treller would be on the Fugitive with the Steel Guard, Khyber, Bondar, Corusca, Damind and Dragite.  Tasrii and Rakham would flying their custom Eta-2 Jedi Starfighters.

     The plan was fairly simple.  The data retrieved from Taris had led them to a long abandoned space station, which Anzio corroborated.  This was the personal lair of Annora, and it would be the last fortress of the Revenant.  The station would be heavily defended, but not impenetrable.  The first part was up to Nemo, Treller and the Steel Guard…




     "Dropping out of hyperpace… NOW!"  Nemo shouted over the din of proximity alarms.  He snatched the two throttle levers back and the viewport was suddenly filled with the space station's hull.  He pulled up, hard, and the Fugitive swept up along the side of the station.  He throttled down, preparing for the next maneuver.  He figured he had three seconds before the station's turbolasers ripped them apart.  In one and a half, the Fugitive was diving into a hangar bay, skidding to a stop and breaking the landing gear.  It hadn't even stopped moving before the boarding party was running down the half-extended ramp.  Nemo held a shatter pistol in each hand, his long brown coat flowing behind him.  The Steel Guard came next, each of the five activating their lightsabers as they hit the deck.  Khyber's blue, Bondar's green, Dragite's Yellow, Corusca's Purple and Damind's red.  Finally Treller descended, wearing armor and wielding a blue lightsaber, with a satchel over his shoulder.
     The hangar was deserted but for a forgotten light freighter and two long outdated starfighters, all covered in dust and rust.
     "This way!"  Nemo said, pointing to a door in the far wall with one of his pistols.  "We don't want to be here when the Revenant figure out where our ship went!"

     The group moved quickly.  This station was old, and many of the lights had long gone out.  The doorway led into a dark hallway, but the glow of their sabers, especially the overcharged ones belonging to the Steel Guard, washed the corridor in multicolored light.  According to the schematics they'd found, their objective would be two decks down, and in the core of the station.  As they made their way through the dark corridors, they all began to feel uneasy.  There were no alarms blaring, no droids scurrying, no Force Lords hiding in the dark.  Just silence, and an oppressive cloud in the Force that promised them, they were not alone.

     Finally, they found a working lift, and used it to reach the level of their objective.  From the doors of the lift, it was a straight shot down fifty feet of corridor to the objective.  They found themselves readying weapons as the lift lowered, certain that the Revenant waited on the other side.  The doors hissed open.

     More darkness.  They exited the elevator slowly, guards raised.  Treller was the last, and as soon as he stepped out into the black corridor, the doors slammed shut with unnerving force, and the trap was sprung.  Droids poured out of doors on each side of the hallway, blasters blazing.  The Steel Guard moved to the front, their Beskar plate able to absorb all the fire the droids could give.  Khyber and Damind spun their blue and red sabers into a shield, deflecting as much incoming fire as possible.  The other three began firing their wrist-mounted shatterguns into the battalion of droids.  Nemo pressed his back again Khyber's, and Treller did the same with Damind. 
     "What do we do?"  Treller yelled.
     "We gotta push through!"  Nemo responded in a shout.  "Khyber, you hear me?  We gotta push them, before more of them come down the lift!"
     "I understand.  Damind, we'll use our lightsabers.  The rest of you, continue to fire."  Khyber responded in his cool, rich monotone. 
     The two of them suddenly became a whirlwind of destruction, leaping forward into the crowd.  Their fellow Iron Knights continued to fire at a rate that seemed impossible when compared to their precision, each round smashing some critical component of an enemy droid.  The air was still thick with fire, but as one, the Steel Guard moved forward.  Soon, Nemo and Treller found themselves stepping over shattered droid parts as the lift door shrank further and further away.  The blaster bolts pinging off of the Iron Knights' armor was deafening, as was the roar of their overcharged lightsabers.  The lightsabers did too much damage to the droids they hit for their auto repair to manage, but the ones taken down by shattergun fire were already beginning to reform behind the party, and Nemo began firing shots into the writhing mass of metal behind them at random.  It seemed like years passed, when finally, he heard Khyber's voice, and noticed that the sound had quieted; the humming of lightsabers and clanking and chattering of the auto repair systems was all that was left.
     "Captain Nemo, we made it."

     The room before them housed the control system for all the weaponry and shielding systems.  As Treller unshouldered his satchel, everyone moved into the room.  Khyber and Damind stood in the door with their sabers at the ready.  Corusca, Bondar and Dragite had taken the brunt of the fire, and were looking worse for it.  Their armor plating was pitted, and their exposed joints had taken hits.  One of Bondar's photoreceptors was shot out, and Corusca dragged a foot limply. 
     "We'll keep you safe.  Do what we came to."  Kyber said, and Nemo and Treller got to work.  The satchel was opened to reveal an explosive charge that would take out half this deck…



     "Black-3, this is Black-2, how copy?"  Rakhams voice crackled in Tasrii's ear, over the Eta-2's comm system. 
     "Solid copy, Black-2.  How you doing, Rak?"
     "Fandamntastic.  I wish we'd finished work on these an age ago, this thing is amazing!"  He replied.
     "I know what you mean.  Ten seconds."  Tas said, placing a hand on the hyperspace control.  The Jedi Starfighters were small enough that they wouldn't have to try any tricks like Fugitive had, they could evade the turbolasers easily.
     "Five seconds.  May the Force be with you."  Rakham's voice came again, and after a few beats, the two starfighters dropped out of hyperspace, ten kilometers from the station.  Immediately, warning bells chimed in Tas' cockpit, and in the force.  Three triangles appeared on her targeting display.
     "They've scrambled fighters, Black-2!" She said into the comm, and armed her weapons. 
     "I see them, Black-3.  Split off and engage.  Remember Ryloth?'
     "Affirmative, Black-2.  Let's do it."

     The two fighters stayed neck and neck, side by side, and punched the throttles.  The Eta-2 had been fast in it's day, but these were equipped with highly modified aftermarket engines and thrusters, along with upgraded laser cannons, an extra battery of which replaced the ion cannons initially equipped.  They were a blur, streaking across the void in an instant, facing the trio of Revenant fighters head on.  At the last second, the pair peeled off, Tasrii to one side and Rakham from the other, and using the Etas' extreme maneuverability, looped back on the fighters, catching them in a crossfire.  They raked the three craft, destroying two and disabling the third.  Alarms rang again in their cockpits, signaling more fighters scrambling.
     "Good shooting, Black-3.  I think that's our cue to get out of here."  Rackham said.
     "I think I see an in, follow me!" Tasrii replied.  She saw a hangar opening near the top of the station and gunned it.  The two Etas were landing gracefully by the time the fresh Revenant fighters hit their afterburners, and the pilots stepped out. 

     Tasrii wore her red Mandalorian armor and brown cape.  Her lightsaber hilt was in her hand.  Rakhsm wore simple brown robes, and a hooded cloak.  As he walked across the hangar floor, he produced a pipe and lit it.  Smoke wreathed his head. As the two met between their fighters, his shadowed eyes locked onto her visored ones, as if by instinct, and neither of the spoke.  They didn't need to.  They could feel their objective, all the way at the top of the station…



     "Why does this have to be so damn complicated!"  Nemo growled, kneeling in front of the bomb beside Treller.  Neither of them had noticed the neat, black hole burned into the side of the satchel, until they'd tried to arm the bomb and nothing happened.  Now, they were working furiously to repair the rat's nest of damaged wires, and the room they were in was under a serious siege.  The corpses of both droid and Revenant were forming a pie at the door.  Corusca lie dead.  A Revenant had beheaded her, and driven his saber down into her neck.  The three pieces of his body lied next to hers.  An explosion rocked the room suddenly, knocking Khyber onto his back, and sending the two men sprawling.
     "We've gotta hurry!"  Treller shouted over the ringing in his ears.  As his vision cleared, he could see Nemo, a hand on the side of the bomb, staring at the timer as pale as a ghost
      "Oh no, oh please no."  He whispered.
      "Nemo, what's happening!"  Treller shouted.  The sound of clashing lightsabers filled his ears.
      "My hand hit the wires…"  He responded, too quiet for Treller to hear.  Nemo was holding his hand stock still.  Treller crawled over to him, and saw what Nemo was staring at.
     The timer read two seconds. 

     Treller waited for it to reach one.  And waited.  It was frozen.
     "It'll blow if I move my hand!  You have to run!"  Nemo said, coming to his senses, or at least, to terms.
     "We can't leave you!"  Treller shouted back.
     "No choice!  Go!" 
     "What if the bomb doesn't go off?" 
     "Then those Mandalorians are in for a bumpy ride!  All of you, get out of here!"
     "Captain Nemo, are you sure?"  Khyber called out.
    "Go, before it's too late, dammit!" Tears were streaming down Nemo's face.  "And Treller, take care of my ship!" 
     Treller nodded. 
     "Captain Nemo, may the Force be with you."  Khyber said, and hesitated for a long second.
     "Steel Guard, push through!  For Corusca, and for Captain Nemo!"

     They were on the lift in less than a minute.



     It wasn't long before the first blaster bolt buried itself in Nemo's side.  The pain was unbearable, worse than anything he'd ever felt.  He held on, as the second and third hit, and the pain doubled, tripled, and then receded.  His vision was blurred.  He hadn't given them enough time.  They needed longer.

     He thought of home.  Rolling green pastures.  Cozy little pubs.  His dad's face.  His little sister's. The fourth bolt hit.  His first kiss.  The fifth burned into his thigh.  His last kiss.  His ship, his beautiful ship.

He slumped over to the floor.  The timer read 00:02

00:02

00:02

00:02

00:01

00:00



     As Treller and the remaining Steel Guard stepped off the lift, the floor shook violently, with a deafening boom.  Their mission was complete.



     The Narudar dropped from hyperspace with her guns blazing. A swarm of starfighters was shredded, and the rest were picked off slowly.  The crew on the bridge held their breath, waiting to see if the turbolasers would tear the Narudar apart just as easily,but the fire never came, and their approach to the station's main hangar was unimpeded. The ship came in slowly, set down easily.  The hangar had, wisely, been recently abandoned.  The Narudar's turrets made quick work of the ships still inside, and the teams quickly disembarked.

     Dala led Auresh, which was made up of the Iron Knights and Revenant defectors.  Anzio stood proudly at her side.  Besh was made up of the Templar strike team, and Cresh were Hit Squad.  Aurek and Besh were to secure as much of the station as possible.  Cresh would protect the hangar, their escape route.
The first two teams moved quickly to the bay doors.  The control panel was sliced quickly, and they were through, into battle.

     The Revenant had tried to set an ambush.  Droids had set a crossfire in the darkened corridor, and swordsmen were waiting behind them.

     They had not expected the ferocity of the Templars and their allies.



     Tasrii and Rakham walked silently.  They knew that the lift at the end of this hall was the one they needed.  Tasrii pressed the button, and the doors whooshed open.  They rode it upwards.  When it opened, they would face Annoura.  Even without speaking, they understood one another, not through telepathy, but through familiarity.
     May the Force be with you, sister.
     And with you, brother.
     Remember to guard against her lightning.
     Remember your left leg acts up sometimes.
    Your whiskey's on me when we get home.
     Your agavinol's on me.

     The sweet smell of burning tobacco permeated the lift.  It reminded Tasrii of home.  Lifting boulders with her mind on Oros.  Eltoo's snarky quips.  Koloa trees.

     Rakham tasted it it's sweetness, and thought of the warehouse he'd shared with Heditt. All those hours they'd shared, him showing Rakham how to program a droid brain, Rakham showing him how to counter Juyyo.  He thought of the stolen kisses he'd shared with Dala after the Purge.  He thought of their wedding.  The Fugitive.  Adkai's laugh ringing through it's halls.

     The lift doors opened.  The room on the other side was dim.  Surrounded by windows with a beautiful view of the stars.  Furnished expensively, but tastefully.  Silhouetted against the window, facing away from them, a cloaked figure.  The pair of Templars stepped forward slowly, calmly.
     "I suppose that you've brought a list of demands?"  Annoura spoke haughtily, sarcastically. 
     "Only the one."  Tasrii said evenly.
     "Leave us alone.  Forever."  Rakham added, grinning around his pipe.

     Annoura ignited her lightsaber.  A long white blade languidly came to life at her side.  Tasrii's icy blue saber snapped on with a hiss, quillons burning fiercely.  Rakham carried only the saber with the large, curved hilt he'd picked up all those years ago. He took it in his hand, but did not ignite it.
     "You won't win."  He said, his voice still warm.  Annoura did not respond, but let the clock fall from her shoulders.  She wore snug black robes that left her arms bare.  She turned slowly to face them, hatred in her eyes, and unleashed a blast of Force lightning at Rakham.  His saber was ignited immediately, and caught the lightning.

     The dance had begun.

     Tasrii rushed forward, getting only close enough for the tip of her blade to threaten Annoura, and began probing her defenses, her movements efficient.  No strike was wasted; no subterfuge attempted.  She fought classically, straightforwardly.  Rakham joined the fray, utilizing his old form of loose, deceptive movements, almost feigning drunkenness, attempting to lure his opponent into making a mistake. 
     Annoura backed along the window, keeping the two of them in front of her.  Her movements were almost impossibly fast; she was no saber master, like her opponents, but she opened herself to the Dark Side, bent the Force to her will and channeled it through her body, and managed to keep up.  Finally, she saw an opening; her saber was busy parrying a strike from Tasrii, but Rakham's chest was wide open as he reeled backwards after a strike.  She charged her hand with lightning and extended it, palm open…

     Rakham's off hand latched onto her wrist like a vice, and snatched, hard, dislocating her shoulder and burying his saber in the Revenant's spine.  He cut upwards, savagely, until the blade exited the top of her head. 

     Her body tumbled to the floor.

     The war was won.



     The Archive felt, for the first time in a long time, a bit empty.  A month had passed.  The Iron Knights had gone first, climbing onto the rusty ship now captained by Treller.  Then Hit Squad, their contract up and their honor satisfied, had loaded their remnants into the Narudar and set off in search of more battles to fight.  A few of the Revenant turncoats were allowed to take the oath, including Anzio and Rahl.  Heditt, as always, vanished as soon as the excitement was done.  The rest parted ways amicably, seeking their own paths through the galaxy.  And so, citing the need to train his apprentice, Rakham, Dala, Edda, Tasrii and Nadia made the trip to Oros, carrying a bag or two of Koloa seeds.  The planet was as beautiful now as it had ever been, and as Rakham watched the sun set, turning the sky a million hues of pink, purple, orange and gold, he smiled contentedly…

END BOOK TWO

https://youtu.be/rydGsOB7YaI
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Who says red is only for the bad guys?

TheDrunkenConsular
Knight Ensign
*

Force Alignment: 44
Posts: 166


Light Side


« Reply #203 on: January 25, 2021, 06:56:43 PM »

Hola, my friend! Great to see you! It's great getting to see more of this story.

I couldn't leave it unfinished.  I know things have quieted down here some, but I just hope that everyone who was so invested, who contributed so much, is around to see an end.  I didn't realize how long it had actually been.

I'll definitely be writing more in The Burned One.  I have two goals for Brothers.  The first is to rewrite it, treating this as a first draft, and post the "complete edition" here.  The second, after that, is to write another draft, moving the characters and story to an original setting.  With enough work, I may self publish it.  If that happens, I want to make it available to my readers here.  This is my favorite thing I've ever written, and I love the people who enjoyed it, and gave me feedback that made me want to keep writing every time I posted.

To everyone, thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know, and may the Force be with you all.
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Who says red is only for the bad guys?

Taegin Roan
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 2043
Posts: 6179


Lord of the Force


« Reply #204 on: January 26, 2021, 01:53:51 PM »

I couldn't leave it unfinished.  I know things have quieted down here some, but I just hope that everyone who was so invested, who contributed so much, is around to see an end.  I didn't realize how long it had actually been.

I'll definitely be writing more in The Burned One.  I have two goals for Brothers.  The first is to rewrite it, treating this as a first draft, and post the "complete edition" here.  The second, after that, is to write another draft, moving the characters and story to an original setting.  With enough work, I may self publish it.  If that happens, I want to make it available to my readers here.  This is my favorite thing I've ever written, and I love the people who enjoyed it, and gave me feedback that made me want to keep writing every time I posted.

To everyone, thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know, and may the Force be with you all.

Well I'm glad you finished it. A good, strong ending that did a great job tying it back to the beginning when we first met Rakham and Heddit.

As for your goals for Brothers, that's super cool that you want to edit it and rewrite it in its own setting. I will say though, that it would make an excellent addition to Canon (though who know's what Disney would allow). My eventual goal for Shadow of the Outcast is to get it published and canonized with Disney and LucasFilms, it is a ways away from that though. Unfortunately I haven't been able to keep up with everything else that was written, but I do intend to catch up eventually. I'm glad I could keep up with this one though, as I found Rakham a super fun character to follow.

Excited to see where you go next my fried.
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #205 on: January 26, 2021, 04:56:20 PM »

Did what they had to do, nothing fancy, nothing complex, went straight in and cut off the head, ending the Revenant chapter - a fanatical and obdurate enemy to be sure...or rather perhaps that sect of Revenant, who knows how many more are out there splintered off.  But where to from there? Anyway will be cool to see more of the Burned one taking us back to the old EU when you get a chance.
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Lord_S_Gray

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Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #206 on: February 16, 2021, 10:12:08 AM »

And so everything finally comes together, Annoura getting a VERY deserved comeuppance  Smiley

TDC, I was VERY glad to see that you'd returned and finished this!  I'd love to see your "Revised Version" when you get to it, as well as what you do with subsequent "Burned One" chapters  Smiley

Hope to see more of you around the Forums!
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