So I'm finally getting therapy after 4 years of Severe Depression, social anxiety, Psychosis, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and plainly put no will to live anymore. I've pretty much just been dealing with all these things all on my own with almost no help. I was suicidal for almost a year and a half straight and even made suicidal plans at school almost every other day and even planned on bringing a knife to school and do it in one of the restrooms there, was seeing things that were telling me that I needed to save the world, believed that everyone could hear my thoughts, that I had healing powers and could heal others with my mind, couldn't trust my own parents because I believed that they were part of the government and were doing experiments on me when I was asleep. I kept all these things to myself, although the things I were seeing were actually really the only emotional support I had, they cared for me and it was almost impossible for me to let go of them because they were the only things keeping me going. I know that I've posted here on this subject before but I'm making my story told here because really when I began opening up to other people about it, they would look at me funny and walk away from me, making me really feel alone. I had a very hard time really even talking to other people and I found it hard to even speak at some points. I had a few session of therapy with various therapists and was on a medication called zoloft, but neither really helped me. I couldnt tell my therapists about the things I was seeing and the beliefs I was having because I knew that If I told them, they would lock me up and I wouldnt be able to save the world. Ive come a long way just being on my own and finding my own ways of coping. Ive been in physical therapy like massage therapy and chiropractic care which helped heal my body of all the physical symptoms of depression like tight muscles from all the stress chemicals, which resulted to poor circulation to my head, and I have chiropractic care because I had my head slouched all the time, giving me a problem with one of my vertebras and gave me constant headaches all the time. The headaches have gone away and the tight muscles I had are mostly all gone, I had to break free of the delusions I was having and found a way to make the hallucinations stop all on my own. It took a huge toll on me and I am going into therapy to tell my whole story to get myself back on track with life as I find it extremely difficult to keep going most days, Ive also become almost completely emotionally numb and find it very hard to feel joy in my life as well. I also find it very hard to trust my parents to this day. I still have thoughts of suicide but they barely even phase me anymore as Ive become very used to them. I hope this goes well......
Hey bud. How have you been? Have you found a good therapist or someone to help?
Just checking in. I hope you are doing well.
