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Author Topic: A scene I wrote for fun…  (Read 1545 times)
mrg149
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« on: February 05, 2018, 06:41:39 PM »

Just starting to try my hand at some writing. I posted this on a website for now and will include a link below.  I hope to get some feedback. Please leave comments

http://trakkercarrde.weebly.com/jedi-journal/some-fanfic-to-start
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“Heeded my words not, did you? "Pass on what you have learned." Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, failure, also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters."
– Yoda


ARSENAL:
*Dominix LE v2 - "Dark Apprentice"
*Dominix LE v3 - "INVICTUS"
*"GUARDIAN" -Ask for Picture (non-US saber)
-Whatever Points-

Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2018, 02:43:25 AM »

Dark, bloody and deep.  Overall that was very good, good mixing in of details of the Order/galaxy with an emotional and shocking scene.   This kind of dark stuff is my kind of thing so i'm a little bias, but yeah really good little story that is in a solid narrative world of its own.  and i have to say my favourite line was "He spat out this last sentence like mynock venom" that was a really great way to combine Star Wars themes into your narrative, really impressed. 

Feel free to post the whole thing up here, and if you ever feel the urge to write more, even just a short story like that one or something larger, i would love to read it, and if you're looking for ideas/suggestions in your writing we're all here to help out!


And of Course feel free to check out some of the Awesome stories on here.  I would recommend (in not particular order) Brothers by the drunken consular, he's just finished a first book, its has good quick pace but great detail and twists, Shadow of the Outcast by Taegin Rowahn is great for combat.  Karmack and the Dutchman have great stories about Gray Jedi that have been going for a few great series, the Gray and the Unchained is a great 'jump in' place to get started that is currently underway and i think the best yet but Tarnished knight is great and fairly short by Dutchman, We Are Gray a good start for Karmack (Hide and seek then Wind Chimes and Shadow Etude are sequels that rely on them a fair bit).    
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

mrg149
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Force Alignment: -150
Posts: 843


Peace & Purpose


« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2018, 04:23:21 AM »

Dark, bloody and deep.  Overall that was very good, good mixing in of details of the Order/galaxy with an emotional and shocking scene.   This kind of dark stuff is my kind of thing so i'm a little bias, but yeah really good little story that is in a solid narrative world of its own.  and i have to say my favourite line was "He spat out this last sentence like mynock venom" that was a really great way to combine Star Wars themes into your narrative, really impressed.

Thanks for your kind words. I'll post the story in a new thread as requested. I really enjoyed writing it and it was a first step into a larger universe  Roll Eyes

P.S. Thanks also for the reading list!
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“Heeded my words not, did you? "Pass on what you have learned." Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, failure, also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters."
– Yoda


ARSENAL:
*Dominix LE v2 - "Dark Apprentice"
*Dominix LE v3 - "INVICTUS"
*"GUARDIAN" -Ask for Picture (non-US saber)
-Whatever Points-

TheDutchman
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Force Alignment: 1039
Posts: 3871


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« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2018, 04:45:47 AM »

Dark, bloody and deep.  Overall that was very good, good mixing in of details of the Order/galaxy with an emotional and shocking scene.   This kind of dark stuff is my kind of thing so i'm a little bias, but yeah really good little story that is in a solid narrative world of its own.  and i have to say my favourite line was "He spat out this last sentence like mynock venom" that was a really great way to combine Star Wars themes into your narrative, really impressed. 

Feel free to post the whole thing up here, and if you ever feel the urge to write more, even just a short story like that one or something larger, i would love to read it, and if you're looking for ideas/suggestions in your writing we're all here to help out!


And of Course feel free to check out some of the Awesome stories on here.  I would recommend (in not particular order) Brothers by the drunken consular, he's just finished a first book, its has good quick pace but great detail and twists, Shadow of the Outcast by Taegin Rowahn is great for combat.  Karmack and the Dutchman have great stories about Gray Jedi that have been going for a few great series, the Gray and the Unchained is a great 'jump in' place to get started that is currently underway and i think the best yet but Tarnished knight is great and fairly short by Dutchman, We Are Gray a good start for Karmack (Hide and seek then Wind Chimes and Shadow Etude are sequels that rely on them a fair bit).    
While I cannot argue with an awesome endorsement from LSG, I would be remiss if we did not include LSG's "Aether" series, beginning with Children of the Aether.  "Must-reads" for sure!
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My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

Karmack
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« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2018, 07:40:00 AM »

Read it.  We don't see a lot of "death" scenes, and this one was dark and tragic. An interesting exploration into the betrayal and pain that comes from that betrayal.  On both sides.  Well done!

Feel free to poke around.  I would certainly recommend LSG's "Aether" series, as well as Dutchman's stories which are most excellent.  We've been crossing over a lot, but feel free to hop in and add to the diversity of the storyline.  I think the one thing we all agree on completely is that there's plenty of room in the SW universe for us all to play!  :-)

Karm
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2018, 10:49:45 AM »

Excellent scene!  As LSG noted, we don't see many death narratives; yours was emotional and full of the moral conundrums facing the dual ideologies between the Jedi and the Sith.  Wonderfully written!  I feel for both Lexi and Magus...that's testament to your skill as author  Smiley

Again, I wish to echo my fellow writers and highly recommend you check out any (and all  Smiley) stories authored by Karmack, Lord_S_Gray, Taegin Roan, and TheDrunkenConsular  Smiley
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

mrg149
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Force Alignment: -150
Posts: 843


Peace & Purpose


« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2018, 12:24:50 PM »

Thank you all for such warm feedback. I'm already plotting out my next attempt.
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“Heeded my words not, did you? "Pass on what you have learned." Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, failure, also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters."
– Yoda


ARSENAL:
*Dominix LE v2 - "Dark Apprentice"
*Dominix LE v3 - "INVICTUS"
*"GUARDIAN" -Ask for Picture (non-US saber)
-Whatever Points-

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