The Collected Works of Illyiss

[Taegin Roan]

Oh indeed, but the longing to get away, at least for a time to recharge and reconnect...  Oh how I miss it.  As well, I am tethered to where I can sleep; has to have power.

Indeed. It is good to get away for a time.

Alone
In the dark
No company but my thoughts
Screaming deep inside
Alone
Nothing to see
To distract me from me
Breaking down again
Alone
Sense of worth
Slipping like tires on ice
Dragging me deeper
Alone
Red eyes raw
Echoes of an empty life
Dreams stolen away
Alone
Spinning into nothing
Void a chasm opens wide
Welcome me back
Alone

And this. I don't experience it, yet still, it (in a way) is scary. Not sure why, but it probably has something to do with what we were talking about above. We NEED others, even if we don't want to admit it.

[Illyiss]

Indeed. It is good to get away for a time.

And this. I don't experience it, yet still, it (in a way) is scary. Not sure why, but it probably has something to do with what we were talking about above. We NEED others, even if we don't want to admit it.

We, as a species, are curious pack animals that also require solitude, with the ability to re-connect with the pack.  I think we have lost the opportunity (often) for the right kinds of solitude, and few find packs to connect with, and so not only have that missing piece, but spend too  much time in the wrong kind of solitude, which becomes the chasm... 

What's also interesting, to me, those who wrestle with the dark and depression find it haunting, but familiar, while those who do not, see the frightening aspects of it that some of us have become inured to...

[Lord_S_Gray]

What's also interesting, to me, those who wrestle with the dark and depression find it haunting, but familiar, while those who do not, see the frightening aspects of it that some of us have become inured to...

To quote Simon and Garfunkel....Hello Darkness my old Friend....

Anyway I once heard it said, and think there is more than a little truth in this, that Loneliness is to the absence of any connection or company, but rather the absences of a particular desired/required/fulfilling type of companionship, with out the particular type you need, no amount of contact is going to help - not substitute as it were. 

[TheDutchman]

To quote Simon and Garfunkel....Hello Darkness my old Friend....

Anyway I once heard it said, and think there is more than a little truth in this, that Loneliness is to the absence of any connection or company, but rather the absences of a particular desired/required/fulfilling type of companionship, with out the particular type you need, no amount of contact is going to help - not substitute as it were. 

QFT^^

[Illyiss]

Still of the night
Dark all around

Air hanging thick

Suppressing all sound

Thoughts seek to race

As pulses hard pound

Never reveals

What could be aground

To eyes without sight

Closer they bound

At unready soldier

Who unlike the hound

Never will know

Till in blood is drowned

[Illyiss]

In the dark
We are alike

With no bright light

To call out shame

Now lone touch

Left to see

You seem the same

As me to me

[Lord_S_Gray]

Maybe not what you were going for, but i get a sense of dislocation from 'In the dark' like a sense of loss of self, no distinction between yourself and others. As for Still of Night...yikes watch out, its the one you don't see coming that gets you, but the terror is knowing its coming despite not knowing when.

[Karmack]

Still of the night is haunting.  I love the imagery of the bullet as a beast, stalking the unaware soldier.  A fitting description of combat, from what I've read and heard from those who have seen the elephant (I have not).

In the Dark .... my jury is out on this one.  I can certainly appreciate the thought but there's something to be said for stepping into the light as well.  I'm not sure I buy the idea of hiding in the dark suppressing shame.  More the other way around in my view.  There should be no shame in being different.  And no mistake that cannot be forgiven.  But both require light...

[Illyiss]

Still of the night is haunting.  I love the imagery of the bullet as a beast, stalking the unaware soldier.  A fitting description of combat, from what I've read and heard from those who have seen the elephant (I have not).

In the Dark .... my jury is out on this one.  I can certainly appreciate the thought but there's something to be said for stepping into the light as well.  I'm not sure I buy the idea of hiding in the dark suppressing shame.  More the other way around in my view.  There should be no shame in being different.  And no mistake that cannot be forgiven.  But both require light...

So, as I was writing, the concept of shame in In the Dark, is more about the shame of society teaching that what you see distances us; race, gender, fashion, body type, et al...  In the dark, none of these things matter, we are the same, and superficial distinctions are the shame, and how culture promotes them.  For me, it is a piece about equality, and abolishing bigotry.

[Karmack]

So, as I was writing, the concept of shame in In the Dark, is more about the shame of society teaching that what you see distances us; race, gender, fashion, body type, et al...  In the dark, none of these things matter, we are the same, and superficial distinctions are the shame, and how culture promotes them.  For me, it is a piece about equality, and abolishing bigotry.

OK, yeah.  I can see that.  :-)  I guess my wish then would be that we could eventually find a place where we could live in the light without needing the dark to make us equal. 

[Illyiss]

OK, yeah.  I can see that.  :-)  I guess my wish then would be that we could eventually find a place where we could live in the light without needing the dark to make us equal. 

I agree.

[TheDutchman]

Interesting... I guess I can't say that I'm surprised that all of us can relate to Illyiss' profound words.  Not trying to get into the whole "duality of the soul" Jungian-type thing, but rather the human capacity for both.  As with yin and yang I sometimes wonder if both are necessary for the obverse to exist... Heh, I guess that's why I believe in the Gray Jedi tenets...

Regardless, beautiful Illyiss.

[Illyiss]

Waking up
Learning to feel
Without the fear
Of losing it all
Emotions ran away
Dragging you along
Making you alone
Terror in the night
Hell through the day
Shut them down
Lock the box
Then comes the rot
Half of you denied
Soul entropy
Such an abstract pain
Like a culture crying out
Just to feel again

[Lord_S_Gray]

Emotions ran away
Dragging you along
Making you alone
Terror in the night
Hell through the day
Shut them down
Lock the box

As always amazing depth. This section above I really connected with...that your emotions drag you into despair...so you try and shut it off be neutral unfeeling but then of course...

Then comes the rot
Half of you denied
Soul entropy
Such an abstract pain
Like a culture crying out
Just to feel again

You lose part of yourself by being so locked off. Yeah I've been in a place like that still am sometimes. Thank you for giving such an eloquent voce to such a confused state of mind and heart. Hoping everyone can find peace in the night and a little hope in the day...

[Karmack]

Waking up
Learning to feel
Without the fear
Of losing it all
Emotions ran away
Dragging you along
Making you alone
Terror in the night
Hell through the day
Shut them down
Lock the box
Then comes the rot
Half of you denied
Soul entropy
Such an abstract pain
Like a culture crying out
Just to feel again

I had to read through this 3-4 times.  It was like taking a shot shower with a sun-burn.  It hurt ... but it was necessary.  This has so many layers of meaning.  There's the personal level, a person in pain, depressed, dealing with a hurt or a loss, hoping it will be better, fearing it won't ... and locking the worst of it away, getting temporary relief at the cost of more or worse pain later...

And then there are the cultural and social applications....   :-)  Way to many things to unpack and I won't do it justice anyway, so I'm just going to say that its a profound way to look at our own cultural 'lock box' ... and I fear that what we've locked away, festering, will never be fully dealt with, as to many of us no longer wish to feel at all....