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Author Topic: The Collected Works of Illyiss  (Read 27739 times)
TheDutchman
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« Reply #60 on: May 29, 2018, 03:06:22 PM »

Waking up
Learning to feel
Without the fear
Of losing it all
Emotions ran away
Dragging you along
Making you alone
Terror in the night
Hell through the day
Shut them down
Lock the box
Then comes the rot
Half of you denied
Soul entropy
Such an abstract pain
Like a culture crying out
Just to feel again
Interesting just how poignant this piece speaks to us all, and just how similarly.  Or...perhaps not, given our mutual interest and regard of one another's work.  Regardless, once again Illyis your prose is sublime, your words valid, the subtext both relatable and haunting.
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Illyiss
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« Reply #61 on: May 30, 2018, 03:44:32 PM »

Alone I stood
Amid the blessed dark
Empty still was I
No purpose to guide
When above a light
Dark flaming wings
Falling, crashing
Perilous flight
Without thought
I ran, acted then
To break the fall
Of what I knew not
Angel and Phoenix
Dark flames burning through
My lives began that day
So very long ago
When without thought
I happened upon the chance
To catch you as you fell.
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

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Karmack
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« Reply #62 on: May 30, 2018, 04:01:08 PM »

Alone I stood
Amid the blessed dark
Empty still was I
No purpose to guide
When above a light
Dark flaming wings
Falling, crashing
Perilous flight
Without thought
I ran, acted then
To break the fall
Of what I knew not
Angel and Phoenix
Dark flames burning through
My lives began that day
So very long ago
When without thought
I happened upon the chance
To catch you as you fell.

I love the imagery!  Beginning in a dark place, alone...  And ending better than it began, for both of you. 
As always I find your style evocative and very emotional.  There's something about the broken lines that distills the emotional content and makes the whole work very elemental.  They're never easy to read, but they're always worth the effort.

Thank you!
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Illyiss
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« Reply #63 on: May 30, 2018, 04:09:14 PM »

It was like watching
The story of a life
I know you once lived
And I was by your side
The details not quite right
Just little things that change
In the telling of old tales
Time and time again
Memories dredged up
Some pretty to delight
Some painful and angry
Some sadistic in the night
Sitting there beside you
Feeling all those things
Reactions so much the same
At all the same que points
Surreal moving pictures
Of a life long forgot
Yet no where would I want
To have been for that time
Neither now
Never then
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #64 on: May 31, 2018, 04:02:05 AM »

Wow...I have to Wonder if "It was like watching" is the Sequel to "Alone I Stood" One showing the way helping someone else who is crashing can pull you ou of the darkness...the other that lives don't last, our memories of them twist once they are gone, smoothing over details, misrepresenting what actually happened and what was said, but what sticks is the emotion of the moments if not the precise details - which is actually a strong part of the psychology of memory encoding people tend to remember the emotion a gist of a situation rather than details. I'm not sure what is worse, knowing there was no were else you would have rather been  -

"Yet no where would I want
To have been for that time
Neither now
Never then"
And still losing that time as it turns to an old reel of film...or feeling it was all a waste of time as i tend to with such memories.
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
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« Reply #65 on: May 31, 2018, 11:52:31 AM »

Wow...I have to Wonder if "It was like watching" is the Sequel to "Alone I Stood" One showing the way helping someone else who is crashing can pull you ou of the darkness...the other that lives don't last, our memories of them twist once they are gone, smoothing over details, misrepresenting what actually happened and what was said, but what sticks is the emotion of the moments if not the precise details - which is actually a strong part of the psychology of memory encoding people tend to remember the emotion a gist of a situation rather than details. I'm not sure what is worse, knowing there was no were else you would have rather been  -

"Yet no where would I want
To have been for that time
Neither now
Never then"
And still losing that time as it turns to an old reel of film...or feeling it was all a waste of time as i tend to with such memories.
YES!  Part of the importance of perspectives is the fact that it gives both meaning and purpose to the ephemeral.  But the pain of such a fundamental loss... Only compounded by regret; regret that is twofold: the loss of a life and the inexactitude of failing memory...without which, what do we really have?  Beautiful...and terrifying.

My God Illyiss...THIS is one of the key points about Kazic that I wanted to convey in Schims and you have written something MUCH more adroitly than I ever could. 
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Illyiss
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« Reply #66 on: June 07, 2018, 06:00:53 AM »

This one is...  a little different.  Not poetry, just a very visceral look into my own head... 

1984.  The year I became self aware of the way in which I interface with world around me through music.  The way I delve my emotions, and how I express them when the words become too complex to gift understanding to others.  Something I hadn't realized before tonight.  In a freak chance a friend shared a video shouting out the great music that was 1984.  A discussion ensued how that was a great year musically, but friend thought another year (1987) was better, but that 84 was amazing.  I watched the video on 87, and it hit me.  84 imprinted on me so much deeper.  Why?  So I delved, and found the answer.  Good, right?  Well yes, but...

My heart and brain are stuck in 1984 right now, on a nostalgia trip of all the emotions those songs have been tied to over the 34 intervening years, and I don't know if I really can take all that heartache again and again and again, but I can't stop either.  Coming into 84 was the last time I remember not being always dysthmic, the last time before I saw through the last of the illusions my narcissistic mother had woven around my life.  By the time my impressionable mind made it into 1985, there was a miasma, a darker, bleaker outlook that had taken root, and has never left to this day.

I grew up with movies and pundits that told my overly imaginative, abused brain that by the time I reached adulthood, or shortly after, we would be in either a post-apocalyptic wasteland, or else that the world would be a dark dystopia brought straight from cyberpunk fiction.  Mad Max or Blade Runner.  That's if we didn't all go out like in the older, "The Day After".  I watched people die, and not just on tv; I was just one year older, in 1985, when I first saw someone shot and killed up close (for a pair of Air Jordan shoes, which the offender was wearing a matching pair).  I saw the homeless under the bridges and overpasses, the crack and heroin addicts huddled, muttering, shivering, searching, with eyes that spoke of having been too far over the edge, and having seen too much.  I lived just outside of the murder capitol of the world, where politicians did nothing about the pressing problems of the day, while less than a mile away, murders were so rampant, Judge Dredd might have fit right in.  When I could go out the door, get on my bicycle and ignore everything, I could escape.  For little, tiny pieces of time.  Music.  Politics.  Sociology.  Fashion.  All commentated every thirty minutes by the ever stoic Kurt Loder, and the whole world loomed large and ready to rip itself into flaming shreds of nuclear winter...

I still think I don't understand what timeline I slipped, this still feels wrong, and I am lost without the apocalypse I was born to experience, and find myself in this slow, orchestrated slide into consensual dystopia, all at the call of the Capitalist masters and their demi-human handlers...  Hell, even the end of the world is monetized...
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

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Karmack
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« Reply #67 on: June 07, 2018, 01:23:49 PM »

Illyiss, thank you for sharing.  I'm not sure exactly how old you are, sir, but we are of an age.  I have a similar reaction to 1984, but I didn't have the dysfunctional family members you're describing nor did I live on the edge of "The Dark Side".   So my own recollection of that time is far sunnier.  What I remember from 1984 is triumph.   USA striking gold in LA.  Star Trek IV.  I also became "musically aware" that year, but my discoveries were the works of a men such as Bach, Mozart, Holst, and Copeland.  Especially Bach.  The precision and order spoke to me.  It still does.  But my favorite type of music, again something I found during a long time of enforced stillness in the summer of 1984, was music from a period I learned later was called the Renaissance.  Pre-classical music, coming out of the Medieval age.  Loved it.  Still do.

I did NOT love the broken leg and crushed bicycle.  I also learned in 1984 that I am mortal.  Well, sort of...  I didn't actually die.  I just almost died when a car slammed into my bike.  I spent a long summer unable to get out and do things.  I lost a summer of fun.  I found classical music and books about stuff.  I read about 60% of the Encyclopedia that summer... 

My friend, I hope and pray you can find your way out of your dark maze.  I won't pretend to understand the agony you are living, but there is hope and healing available.  To coin a phrase: Let go of your darkness.  Embrace the light... 
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #68 on: June 07, 2018, 10:43:08 PM »

I think I get it…everything you saw pointed toward an imminent end, not just in various media but also in real life – and with good reason too - the list of things you did see show a society already tumbling into dystopia – but it never quite came and so it’s like the world has frozen – it’s on a kind of strange pause where time moves but doesn’t progress.  And perhaps the worst thing is these things that show a path to desolation are still there – there are still the homeless, the drug addicts, rusting industrial wastes bordered by foreclosed housing estates – so in a sense everything is still as it was in 1984 but the apocalypse remains in abeyance.

If anything I would be surprised if you didn’t feel the way indicated here. I’m reminded of a scene in a book about WWI where the protagonist watches all the people being carted toward the battlefield and he imagines this is the way it will always be – the machine will just keep churning – in many ways he was right – same old stage just a change of scene.

I grew up in a very different place- sunny South Australia of the late 80’s across the 90’s.  Despite both speaking English and being ‘western’ the culture is very different to urban US, much more like a big country town than city.  So far from most of the major problems of the world all those movies at the time were just fantasy and showed no parallels to what we saw day to day.  That doesn’t invalidate your reality – rather in my mind it makes me think how weird it is two such different ‘worlds’ can exist on the same planet at roughly the same time depending where you’re located –neither is reflective of the whole of the world, yet each is its own universe….and each produces different people as a result. 

Anyway much to consider and a very fascinating and deep exploration of your thoughts.  Glad you felt you could share. Hopefully putting it out there helps to externalise a little.
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Karmack
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« Reply #69 on: June 08, 2018, 01:02:42 PM »

Its sobering to realize how much our circumstances can shape our views on life.  Also a good thing to remember.  Just because I have fond memories of the 80's doesn't mean everyone else does.  :-)
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #70 on: June 08, 2018, 03:16:13 PM »

I too grew up during the 80s.  I remember being worried about impending nuclear war with the USSR, I can recall the incredible interest rates of the time (God forbid you borrow money at 13% or more), and--like Illyiss--distinctly remember seeing my first pair of Air Jordans.  Not mine; I grew up poor, but rather a classmate of mine had them.  A month later he was stabbed during a robbery (the Air Jordans being the object of desire).  My memories of the 80s are also balanced by good times to compensate for the bad.  Seems that duality is a common trait, at least here among us.  I had a saint of a mother; my dad...well, let's just say that its been to my benefit that I haven't seen/spoken/worried about him in decades.

It was during the 80s that I developed an appreciation for those things that I hold in high regard: reading, writing, music (I remember the first time I heard Carmina Burana; still epic IMO), exercise, history.  And while I certainly cannot know what Illyiss is going through, I can certainly empathize given my own adversity.

But I also lucked out: somehow I had the wherewithal and wisdom despite my 20-year-old stupidity to realize that the woman who became my wife was THE ONE.  And regardless of ups and downs (and there have been many), I know that having her has helped beyond what I can convey here.  And to think that was almost 25 years ago...

Illyiss my friend, I will not relay to you useless platitudes or suggestions (which, for the record, I do not believe ANYONE here has done; we're in GOOD company with Karm and LSG) but I can--like my friends--offer you my friendship and a ready ear.  And that's a promise that you can count on.
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Illyiss
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There are shadows darker still...


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« Reply #71 on: June 10, 2018, 03:55:06 PM »

You come and you go
Follow whim and desire
Live as you do
Be who you are
All of the foibles
Oddness and faults
Each dirty garment
On closeted skelletons
These all as well
Are aspects of you
None of them scare
Frighten or phase
No batted eyes
At any of this
I know the depth
Of your sweet darkness
Singing a song
I've always known
A lilting dirge tune
Calling me home
To claim what you gave
More precious than throne
You made requests
Which I have fulfilled
Come share the spoils
Of what you desire
My dearest, dark lady
All this for you
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

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Illyiss
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Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #72 on: June 10, 2018, 03:58:47 PM »

Brilliant soft points
Glowing up high
Shades of bright blue
And innocent white
Against inky blackness
Green all around
Canopy above
Soft on the ground
Chirping of crickets
Temperature warm
Slowly pale disk
Her reflection of light
Rises up towards
Those blue and white dots
Arcing across
Horizon to horizon
While settled together
Close upon blanket
No words need be spoken
Nocturnal this tryst
Fingers light touch
Joining of lips
Deep flames uprising
Burning red hot
Joining together
Passionate need
Find it together
Some soon summer's eve
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

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Illyiss
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Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #73 on: June 10, 2018, 04:00:27 PM »

This moment suspends
Perception quantum expands
Aeons range back
Foundations of time
Infinity stretching out
Possibility forever more
Always one constant
One thing stays true
As I looked into
Brown eyes like oceans
Turned golden storm waves
Became intersections
Dimensions' crossroads
All things that were
And ever may be
Carry this weight
This truth I can see
I glance in your eyes
See perfectly clear
My heart simply melts
To have you so near
So over and over
Through life and through age
I assert my vow, promise
This feeling, no cage
Never you question
Or believe it not true
Forever I love
My queen
Yes you
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

Dominix LE V4 Tri-Cree FO, Sentinel LE V4 BR, Sentinel V4 BR, Dark Initiate LE V3 CG

Illyiss
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: -491
Posts: 946


There are shadows darker still...


WWW
« Reply #74 on: June 10, 2018, 04:03:19 PM »

Unbridled darkness
Long days unseen
Asked to come forth
By word set free
Churning storm seething
Stretching old wings
Flexing clawed fingers
Gnashing sharp teeth
Sights hard set
Purpose in mind
Biding the time
Unbridled passion
Specific intent
Ready to give
What was so asked
Towering form
Growling reply
Eager to hear
Some soon reply
Question I pose
Hanging out there
Conversation prompt
The words,
"My queen..."
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Darth Pandæmis

Peace is a lie...

Jedi Council of Ohio

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