Funny How Life Works...

[Jev Moldara]

First of all, I want to apologize for my absence as of late. I've been going through some personal issues and needed a break from, well, everything.



Real Talk Time: (trigger warning: suicidal thoughts)

For quite some time I have been suffering from a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness, and self-loathing. I have even been contemplating suicide.

Well, as it happens, I sat down to watch The Greatest Showman yesterday, and a particular number from the movie resonated with me. Okay, fine, it hit me like a damned freight train. Made of neutronium. Traveling faster than the Millenium Falcon on PCP with full afterburners.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6OE-mXM-DM" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6OE-mXM-DM</a>

I STRONGLY identified with this song, and was crying and grinning like and idiot by the time it ended, clapping like a retarded seal.

Seriously, though... that song transformed me.

I had originally planned to see the film with a friend in the theater, but our plans fell through because she got sick that day. Due to work and other issues, we never got around to actually seeing the movie, and it fell out of theaters. At the time, I was disappointed, but after some soul searching, I had an epiphany.

I wasn't ready to see the film at that time.

Had I seen it at the time, I would have enjoyed it, yes, but the message would have been lost.

It took me hitting rock bottom emotionally, mentally, physically, and professionally, to the point where I was ready to end it all, to get to where the message made sense to me, as if Fate, Destiny, and Kismet got together, somehow had a three-way baby, and called it "Now Is The Goddamned Time You Dumbass."

After hearing the song and really listening to it, it was like a giant weight was lifted off my chest.

I am now ready and willing to walk the path and keep pushing forward to become the best version of me there is.

Will I stumble or fall? Probably. That's the nature of any transformative experience. However, I will no longer view these issues as roadblocks on the path of life. Now, they are stepping stones.

As the song says: "There's nothing I'm not worthy of."

[Gar-Wi Musan]

  I have struggled with extreme depression myself. pretty much my whole life. I have felt suicidal off and on since I was a child. But it has been really bad lately. Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to me. And It's nice to be reminded I'm not alone in a place full of people with similar interests.
Points obviously. But also Stay strong. You just made my day a lot better.

[Lady Agana Kath]

Glad to know you are doing better Jev. It's amazing how something like a song can resonate so strongly with us and trigger such change. Point

[Darth Davester]

I have been to the dark side and I came close to ending it all a few times, more than I care to admit.

But I didn't and am here today standing and a much better person.

It does suck when it feels like it's at that point, but that's when you really need to dig deep and see the light.

Never give up, never surrender!

Points all around 

[Gar-Wi Musan]

I have been to the dark side and I came close to ending it all a few times, more than I care to admit.

But I didn't and am here today standing and a much better person.

It does suck when it feels like it's at that point, but that's when you really need to dig deep and see the light.

Never give up, never surrender!

Points all around 

 Well said my friend. Well said!

[Gar-Wi Musan]

 By the way, if ANYONE feels like P.M. ing me or emailing me about this, I'm no expert, and I'm on the edge all the time. However I've gone through the gauntlet, and for me, I can only relate to people that have been through similar circumstances. No matter how low I feel, I will be real with you and try my best to help. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!!

Keep on rocking!

Garrett McGee.

[Darth Davester]

Well said my friend. Well said!

Thank you!

[Rapine]

This is simply spectacular to see and read.

Jev, I had no idea that you were hurting so badly - you always come across as so stoic and solid.

I can relate to that so much personally too.  There's actually a few tunes where I swear the dude was seeing through my eyes when he wrote it.  Just spot on.

The hardships, loses, and feeling of inadequacy is so me too.

I'm so glad to learn that you're rising above it though - carrying on.  

It's a privilege to know you, and an honour to speak with you.  Always remember that.

+1 too.  

[Jev Moldara]

This is simply spectacular to see and read.

Jev, I had no idea that you were hurting so badly - you always come across as so stoic and solid.

I can relate to that so much personally too.  There's actually a few tunes where I swear the dude was seeing through my eyes when he wrote it.  Just spot on.

The hardships, loses, and feeling of inadequacy is so me too.

I'm so glad to learn that you're rising above it though - carrying on.  

It's a privilege to know you, and an honour to speak with you.  Always remember that.

+1 too.  

Yeah... "Stoic and Solid."

I've always been a rock for other people. A source of strength and grounding for people to lean on when times are tough.

That's what was killing me.

I spent so long being that source of strength for others that I eventually saw myself as just that.

Eventually, though, wear and tear coupled with lack of maintenance will crumble even the strongest foundations, and that's what happened to me.

I shattered as a person.

Now that I have broken, it is time to rebuild.


And don't worry. NOBODY knew what I was going through. Being the rock for others often means putting yourself aside for the sake of others. You end up pushing aside your own issues and thoughts in favor of helping others with their own.

That's bthe kind of person I have always been. I keep everyone else happy at my own expense.

[Darth Logos]

Yeah... "Stoic and Solid."

I've always been a rock for other people. A source of strength and grounding for people to lean on when times are tough.

That's what was killing me.

I spent so long being that source of strength for others that I eventually saw myself as just that.

Eventually, though, wear and tear coupled with lack of maintenance will crumble even the strongest foundations, and that's what happened to me.

I shattered as a person.

Now that I have broken, it is time to rebuild.


And don't worry. NOBODY knew what I was going through. Being the rock for others often means putting yourself aside for the sake of others. You end up pushing aside your own issues and thoughts in favor of helping others with their own.

That's the kind of person I have always been. I keep everyone else happy at my own expense.

Even a rock's strength has a point at which it fails. Good to know you've found something to reinvigorate your strength.

[hazard502]

This is a powerful testimony, and so huge to have you and others here say something out loud.

So many can feel trapped inside their own head feeling like their story and need for a helping hand doesn't matter.

That's straight up lies and BS.

It matters, and what's going on inside and out is extremely valuable. This all belongs in the light ... and such a victory needs celebrating!

Thank you for sharing.



Edit: "And I know that I deserve your love."
        "There's nothing I'm not worthy of."

Good stuff right there! (from the song if some haven't listened to it).

[Jev Moldara]

Here's another great song from the movie. Really jazzes you up.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywMeInRS8_w" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywMeInRS8_w</a>

[KennayGW]

Stand tall and stay strong my friend. And always be prepared to be surprised. Bless.