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Author Topic: New Fanfic idea (Feedback please)  (Read 4264 times)
Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2020, 06:20:26 PM »

Hmmmm true!  Maybe both! Dooku and a Holocron?

Could do, if I recall Dooku in the comics gave Quinlan Vos a holocron so he might have one to spare, something that encourages him down a dark path...possibly for its own purposes...the holocron could almost become his new 'companion' e.g. Exar Kun and Freedon Nadd...

and I for sure like the fighting his old handler!

Yeah the best fight scenes are where the two combatants know each other very personally, Vader/Anakin is good but without a personal connection (which is highly unlikely again due to canon) it just won't have that same dramatic tone.
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Lord_S_Gray

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Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

DarthRegol
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« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2020, 06:21:23 PM »

I will admit, the premise has me intrigued. I haven't had time to sit down and think about what could make it better though. I'll for sure be keeping abreast of any develoments.

Along these lines, this "suicide squad" type thing does seem like something the Jedi Counsel could commission. After reading Dark Disciple and seeing the darker sides of some of the characters (Ki-Adi Mundi specifically), it doesn't seem too far fetched. But maybe it could be something where the Republic (i.e. Papa Palps) "requests" a more elite squad from the Jedi to send on more dangerous/covert missions. Then Palps could technically still be influencing Sai'le, but not quite so directly, and he could still run into Dooku, and retrieve "artifacts" before the CIS does.

I don't know if that made sense or not. Roll Eyes
It did actually! and I like it!  I can see many ways to incorporate all of these amazing ideas, I'll keep updating changes, and eventually open a thread of the actual story!
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Lord_S_Gray
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« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2020, 06:23:15 PM »

I will admit, the premise has me intrigued. I haven't had time to sit down and think about what could make it better though. I'll for sure be keeping abreast of any develoments.

Along these lines, this "suicide squad" type thing does seem like something the Jedi Counsel could commission. After reading Dark Disciple and seeing the darker sides of some of the characters (Ki-Adi Mundi specifically), it doesn't seem too far fetched. But maybe it could be something where the Republic (i.e. Papa Palps) "requests" a more elite squad from the Jedi to send on more dangerous/covert missions. Then Palps could technically still be influencing Sai'le, but not quite so directly, and he could still run into Dooku, and retrieve "artifacts" before the CIS does.

I don't know if that made sense or not. Roll Eyes

Yes I think Palpatine would encourage more active Jedi role as more Jedi in dangerous missions means more die, which is one fot he main goals of the whole war to thin Jedi ranks as much as possible. In his role as Chancellor of course he would be all against the idea of risking lives un-necessarily, but that is his whole Act at that point in time, secretly he's doing happy dances more Jedi will die. Could make a good cameo scene, ties into canon but doesn't force it.  
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

DarthRegol
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« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2020, 06:24:27 PM »

Could do, if I recall Dooku in the comics gave Quinlan Vos a holocron so he might have one to spare, something that encourages him down a dark path...possibly for its own purposes...the holocron could almost become his new 'companion' e.g. Exar Kun and Freedon Nadd...

Yeah the best fight scenes are where the two combatants know each other very personally, Vader/Anakin is good but without a personal connection (which is highly unlikely again due to canon) it just won't have that same dramatic tone.
Yes I did not dare attempt to make Sai'le and Anakin have a relationship other than sparing once but it wasn't anything special so much that Sai'le isn't even sure if it was Anakin.  More of a fun mention rather than important to the story
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2020, 06:26:54 PM »

Yes I think Palpatine would encourage more active Jedi role as more Jedi in dangerous missions means more die, which is one fot he main goals of the whole war to thin Jedi ranks as much as possible. In his role as Chancellor of course he would be all against the idea of risking lives un-necessarily, but that is his whole Act at that point in time, secretly he's doing happy dances more Jedi will die. Could make a good cameo scene, ties into canon but doesn't force it.  
I like this for another reason as well: Palpy would want all of the more dangerous Jedi together because he would believe them more likely to turn and influence each other, or, as a plan b, all be in one place if he has to terminate them.
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Karmack
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« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2020, 07:49:28 PM »

Perhaps with  more sinister intent, all these 'dark leaning' Jedi that want to fight but are unsuitable for working with clones placed together for dangerous missions with a mentality that even if they get killed it rids the council of a problem...like a suicide squad...cold but I can see it being more probable as a way to make use of the fringe Jedi as the war heats up. As they come to realsie this it would certainly make them more willing to turn.....


Another point here: Having them being sent on "special" missions would also help Palpatine identify Jedi who might make good candidates for his Inquisitorious.   Or his personal guard. 
Or just rivals for Vader, to keep him on his toes.   :-)
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #21 on: April 08, 2020, 11:34:46 AM »

Another point here: Having them being sent on "special" missions would also help Palpatine identify Jedi who might make good candidates for his Inquisitorious.   Or his personal guard. 
Or just rivals for Vader, to keep him on his toes.   :-)
Thats part of the reason I want him to fight vader, so that vader can just show how bad-ass he is and how he can easily over power someone who is almost as strong as he is, and how Obi-wan won against him becasue of his experience rather than power
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« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2020, 11:33:28 AM »

Somebody else pointed out the dubiousness of Saile(sp?) being put in charge of more darkside candidates.

If these story parts were a book, is there enough meat in part one to form a complete story?  I see nothing in between Saile gets his new padawan to she dies and thirsts for revenge/roll credits on part one.

What is going on in the galaxy during the between time?
What major plot is this team solving?
How does Avani and Naroh's characters develop to be appealing so the heel-turn and loss hit the reader?

One reason these questions matter is "Women In Fridges"  Basically, as summed up, Avani exists to a be a MacGuffin for Naroh and revenge plot trigger for Saile.  A problem that might be alleviated by making part one actually be about something that Avani matters as a whole character and not a chalk outline.

So consider an A-plot and B-plot story.  This relationship Naroh and Avani develop is the B-Plot (which in part two becomes the A-Plot perhaps).  What is the main Star Warsy story going on while romance and training is budding?  Maybe it's hunting down some scheme Count Dooku started that kept your characters busy and off camera during Clone Wars.  Which also gives Naroh a chance for a meetup and persuasion by Dooku before Dooku's off to rendevous with Obi and Ani.




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DarthRegol
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« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2020, 11:58:09 AM »

Somebody else pointed out the dubiousness of Saile(sp?) being put in charge of more darkside candidates.

If these story parts were a book, is there enough meat in part one to form a complete story?  I see nothing in between Saile gets his new padawan to she dies and thirsts for revenge/roll credits on part one.

What is going on in the galaxy during the between time?
What major plot is this team solving?
How does Avani and Naroh's characters develop to be appealing so the heel-turn and loss hit the reader?

One reason these questions matter is "Women In Fridges"  Basically, as summed up, Avani exists to a be a MacGuffin for Naroh and revenge plot trigger for Saile.  A problem that might be alleviated by making part one actually be about something that Avani matters as a whole character and not a chalk outline.

So consider an A-plot and B-plot story.  This relationship Naroh and Avani develop is the B-Plot (which in part two becomes the A-Plot perhaps).  What is the main Star Warsy story going on while romance and training is budding?  Maybe it's hunting down some scheme Count Dooku started that kept your characters busy and off camera during Clone Wars.  Which also gives Naroh a chance for a meetup and persuasion by Dooku before Dooku's off to rendevous with Obi and Ani.





Of course!  I definatly had that plan, but I was just summarizing the plot structure, and this helps me visualize it even more, thank you!
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2020, 12:02:12 PM »

Avaini loves Naroh, and that is her own conflict as well, where she has to chose between her master or her feelings, and both have their concequences.  Her and Sai'le do a lot together before, I just didn't see that as major plot points, more of character development points.  In reality, Naroh is the side character, Sai'le and Avaini are the main characters, Naroh simply exists to create a major shift in Sai'le.
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2020, 12:03:49 PM »

Avaini loves Naroh, and that is her own conflict as well, where she has to chose between her master or her feelings, and both have their concequences.  Her and Sai'le do a lot together before, I just didn't see that as major plot points, more of character development points.  In reality, Naroh is the side character, Sai'le and Avaini are the main characters, Naroh simply exists to create a major shift in Sai'le.
To me Avani (I spelt her name wrong in the last two posts my bad) is my favorite character, and I plan to build her up so much that her death hits hard.
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2020, 12:06:51 PM »

Somebody else pointed out the dubiousness of Saile(sp?) being put in charge of more darkside candidates.

If these story parts were a book, is there enough meat in part one to form a complete story?  I see nothing in between Saile gets his new padawan to she dies and thirsts for revenge/roll credits on part one.

What is going on in the galaxy during the between time?
What major plot is this team solving?
How does Avani and Naroh's characters develop to be appealing so the heel-turn and loss hit the reader?

One reason these questions matter is "Women In Fridges"  Basically, as summed up, Avani exists to a be a MacGuffin for Naroh and revenge plot trigger for Saile.  A problem that might be alleviated by making part one actually be about something that Avani matters as a whole character and not a chalk outline.

So consider an A-plot and B-plot story.  This relationship Naroh and Avani develop is the B-Plot (which in part two becomes the A-Plot perhaps).  What is the main Star Warsy story going on while romance and training is budding?  Maybe it's hunting down some scheme Count Dooku started that kept your characters busy and off camera during Clone Wars.  Which also gives Naroh a chance for a meetup and persuasion by Dooku before Dooku's off to rendevous with Obi and Ani.





Also I see how it may have been a bit confusion, but the part one two and three are not the actual separations for the story, just the chunks I wanted to post at a time
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2020, 01:55:42 PM »

Also thank you to everyone who is giving advice, it's very helpful.  I'm only 18 and more of a playwright, so to get these ideas and tips from others is awesome, especially since I was more than a little nervous about posting this storyboard at first.
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TheDutchman
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« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2020, 11:01:17 PM »

DarthRegol,
First of all: welcome to the FanFic Forums!  I feel confident in speaking for my fellow authors in saying that this is a fantastic place to share your story(ies)!  And with that in mind...

I like where you're going with your ideas; I think that there is a very good story to tell from the POV of your characters while interlinking them with SW canon.  Sometimes, HOW your own creations play against established canon is part of the fun, especially when you're able to write to an audience that is also familiar with the established continuity.  Just watch out for continuity snarls  Wink

I would also like to reiterate what my fellow writers have already stated: be careful with anything that is out of character, be it from a single individual character to the scene to the ambience of the galaxy-at-large.  I know that can be somewhat...broad but I cannot tell you how many FanFics I've read where the main character is an obvious author-self-insert that devolves into a Mary Sue (I don't think that's the case here, just an observation from my own reading experiences  Wink).  And on that note...

Be very, VERY careful NOT to have the "Boring, Invincible Hero" for your protagonist.  Sure, readers don't want their favorite characters killed off but having little-to-no adversity or dramatic conflict can really hamstring your story.  Unless you're Steven Seagal (that is meant as a joke BTW  Wink)

Finally: if you have the time/inclination I would HIGHLY recommend that you read some of the offerings here within the Forums.  I would honestly start with Karmack's excellent "We Are Gray"(http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35563.msg574188#msg574188) followed by LSG's "Children of the Aether" (http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35974.msg582434#msg582434) and finally TR's "Shadow of the Outcast" (http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35795.msg578858#msg578858).  And these are just three examples of how to write good fanfiction  Smiley
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DarthRegol
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« Reply #29 on: April 10, 2020, 08:48:22 AM »

DarthRegol,
First of all: welcome to the FanFic Forums!  I feel confident in speaking for my fellow authors in saying that this is a fantastic place to share your story(ies)!  And with that in mind...

I like where you're going with your ideas; I think that there is a very good story to tell from the POV of your characters while interlinking them with SW canon.  Sometimes, HOW your own creations play against established canon is part of the fun, especially when you're able to write to an audience that is also familiar with the established continuity.  Just watch out for continuity snarls  Wink

I would also like to reiterate what my fellow writers have already stated: be careful with anything that is out of character, be it from a single individual character to the scene to the ambience of the galaxy-at-large.  I know that can be somewhat...broad but I cannot tell you how many FanFics I've read where the main character is an obvious author-self-insert that devolves into a Mary Sue (I don't think that's the case here, just an observation from my own reading experiences  Wink).  And on that note...

Be very, VERY careful NOT to have the "Boring, Invincible Hero" for your protagonist.  Sure, readers don't want their favorite characters killed off but having little-to-no adversity or dramatic conflict can really hamstring your story.  Unless you're Steven Seagal (that is meant as a joke BTW  Wink)

Finally: if you have the time/inclination I would HIGHLY recommend that you read some of the offerings here within the Forums.  I would honestly start with Karmack's excellent "We Are Gray"(http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35563.msg574188#msg574188) followed by LSG's "Children of the Aether" (http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35974.msg582434#msg582434) and finally TR's "Shadow of the Outcast" (http://www.saberforum.com/index.php?topic=35795.msg578858#msg578858).  And these are just three examples of how to write good fanfiction  Smiley
Thank you for the tips! And have no fear, my protagonist gets his but kicked quite a bit, mainly because of his own hesitations and inner conflict that distracts him from being at his maximum power.  Can you explain Mary Sue? I am not familiar with that term
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