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Author Topic: Lost Jedi  (Read 2258 times)
Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 334
Posts: 1689



« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2020, 10:59:34 PM »

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The lightsabers for each of the Jedi in this story have finally arrived! I will be taking pictures soon and I'll post them to this thread as soon as I can. We just moved into our new home, so things have been a bit hectic for us around here but I am so very excited to be posting this rewrite. Its been on my mind for quite some time and I have much more planned for the arc of these three characters. I have more chapters coming with plans for new characters and deeper takes on life under the rule of the Empire. 

Looking forward to your feedback. Thanks again, everyone. It's wonderful to be able to come back to the forum
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Real life sabers can be a real inspiration that's for sure...and vice vesa you come up with the character then want the saber to match.  A good take 2 more action oriented because of the way it ended with the cliff hanger, breath is still held at the end. Look forward to the next part.
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

TheDutchman
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 1044
Posts: 3898


Avatar courtesy of For Tyeth


« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2020, 10:51:48 AM »

OUTSTANDING rewrite, jsierra!  A genuine improvement to be sure  Smiley

You captured Vader's "Implacable Man" tendencies perfectly!  Poor Shar-na, Mykl Anthon, Djaf-Rae; I agree that all three would have problems against the former Chosen One.  One part that really evoked a cheer: both Djaf-Rae and Mykl coming to the realization that they could not abandon their fellow Jedi.  Wonderful characterization, I am much more invested in these characters (and you're only on chapter 2  Wink).  I can't wait for the next part!

Another observation: your saber combat scenes flow very well.  All too often, writers will get bogged down in exacting details (each lightsaber strike written, each action listed which becomes a tedious read).  Nice job avoiding this!

To echo LSG: great cliff-hanger!  Chapter 3 soon please  Cheesy
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Sig courtesy of DarthScrub

Cataphract Triarch of the Vhal'Dan

My sabers:Zearic's Aldrnari, Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, AS; Zearic's shoto, Apprentice v4 w/Obsidian, AS; Graflex SE w/Obsidian, GB; Archon v3 (modded w/ activation box) w/Obsidian, CG; Dark Sentinel v4 w/Obsidian, BR; Sentinel LE v4 w/Obsidian, GB; Initiate v5 w/Obsidian, AS; Sentinel LE v4 stunt, EG; Aeon LE v4 stunt, FO; Dominix v4 stunt, BR; Aeon v3 stunt, SY

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