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Author Topic: Atlas: Hearing  (Read 1431 times)
bunchesofcats
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Force Alignment: 0
Posts: 5


« on: October 07, 2021, 09:01:30 PM »

So I fully don't expect anyone to read this at all as I am still very new to all of this, but I've been fascinated by the ForumVerse for a while now, and I've finally gathered the courage to actually post something, so here it goes! I don't know where I'm going with this yet, I was just kind of hoping to finally post it, even if it's only for myself lol. If anyone reads this, I hope you enjoy!

***************************************************************************************

I was nine when my life changed forever.

Growing up on a small farming planet lent for a quiet upbringing. Mor'belv was located far enough into the outer planets that we were left widely alone, only trading between the planets and moons closest to us and otherwise being fairly self-sufficient. Most inhabitants sustained themselves through farming and livestock, and lived on the planet from birth to death without ever having stepped foot off of it. Most didn't even know what happened outside of our little system, and to be honest, they liked it that way. This was not true of my father and mother.

Neither had been born on Mor'belv. From stories told to me when I begged to be told of their adventures, they'd both been traders before, navigating the galaxy and seeing things I'd only ever dreamed of. In my head, they were superheroes, imagination supplemented by the stories they told to me. My father - the best negotiator in the galaxy, able to turn any situation into his favor with just a few well placed words. My mother - a genius pilot who couldn't hear the world around her, but still felt the language of her ship in her bones and flew circles around anyone who dared challenge her for her disability.

But, after an incident that neither would ever talk about left Papa unable to talk and the growing unrest in the galaxy, they retired, coming to Mor'belv at the recommendation of "an Old Friend" who they also rarely talked about, and never in great detail. I was born shortly after they settled, and the residents of our small town were only more than happy to help a deaf new mother and mute new father raise a child and start a farm. Though I certainly did not make it easy for them.

"Eri'mel!"

My natural curiosity got me into many sticky situations for sure, but aside from that, there were signs that I was...different from a very young age. I had an uncanny ability to always sense where there was danger (a deep hum that vibrated in my chest), and always had this instinctive idea of when my parents wanted me home (something like chimes in the wind). This all culminated in "the Incident".

"MEL!" Aunt Hala called again from behind me, frustration building in her voice as I continued forward just out of her reach. I giggled and sidestepped a fallen branch on my path, scrambling quickly up the tree that gave me the best view of the woods at the edge of town - my favorite exploration grounds. Aunt Hala stopped just under the branch I was standing on, looking up at me with stormy gray eyes with her hands on her hips. "Eri'mel Myra Sundar you get down from there this instant!"

"But Aunt Hala, you can see the whole world from up here!" I replied, looking down at her with a wide grin. However, after seeing her lack of amusement and quickly dwindling patience I decided it was in my best interest to heed her calls and slowly began to descend from my perch. That was when I felt the Shift.

It initially felt like a pull in my gut, similar but different to the feeling of danger, and it made me pause while climbing down and focus back on those seemingly endless woods ahead of me. And the more I focused, the more it felt like...

"Eri'mel!"

I started, looking quickly down at Aunt Hala and back up again.

"Do you hear that?" I asked, leaning forward and cocking my head to the side as if it would help me to hear what I was feeling better.

"Hear what, girl?" Aunt Hala asked, exasperation in her voice. My eyes squinted, then closed, and as I squeezed them tighter, putting every cell of my small 9-year-old body into making It clearer, it all snapped into place, and I just knew where I needed to go.

"The Music," I answered finally, jumping the rest of the way down and landing much more gracefully than I ever had before. Without further thought I stepped further into the woods, following the sounds that I felt more than heard.

"Eri'mel! We have to go back!" Aunt Hala tried again, but I was not having it.

"Come on Aunt Hala," I said, turning to look at her briefly before gesturing forward again. "We have to follow it."

"Follow what?" she asked, trying to catch up with me as I deftly climbed and navigated the dense forest around us.

"The Song," I answered, as if it were the obvious answer, which to me, in that moment, with the mysterious melody filling my ears and heart and soul, it was. "It wants us to go this way. Come on." And though she had turned white as a sheet, Aunt Hala took my hand, and followed me as I led her forward.

And into the woods we went.
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Lord_S_Gray
Knight Commander
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Force Alignment: 428
Posts: 1903



« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2021, 10:40:01 PM »

Sounds good so far, the first person is a bit like a journal entry or tale being told long after the fact.  The rural idyll is a very traditional kind of heroes quest start point, with a forest of the unknown too so a solid launching pad.  Some little easter eggs I think pointing to other forum verse stories, notably 'song and chimes in the wind!'  Just keep writing, see where it takes you!
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Lord_S_Gray

Surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?"
Kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole."

Taegin Roan
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Posts: 6252


Lord of the Force


« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2021, 01:02:17 AM »

Agree with LSG, I do. Lots of immediately interesting things going on here. The hero's journey is probably my favorite storyline, and seeing the potential beginnings of it here is great. Plus the inclusion of The Song is always fun. I'll be sure to try and follow this one better than I have been the many other ForumVerse stories that are currently being written (I'm so far behind).
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"I am the Outcast's Shadow" - Taegin Roan
"Confronting fear is the Destiny of a Jedi" - Luke Skywalker
"So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause." - Padmé Amidala

TheDutchman
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Force Alignment: 1106
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« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2021, 04:06:42 PM »

This was a wonderful first foray into SW, especially with the (appreciative!) nod to the Forumverse!  Let me echo both LSG and TR: please keep writing!  I guarantee you: we'll keep reading as a result of both our shared hobby as well as our appreciation of a fellow author/creator  Smiley

By the way: VERY good choice to incorporate Karmack's Song!  I actually really enjoy his representation of the Force as not only an aspect of metaphysics BUT also as something so pure as music.  From there, a unique planet (Mor'belv in this case) and new characters=enjoyable beginning for your narrative  Smiley

I also like the First Person perspective (it's actually how I started out writing).  I can honestly say that I'd like to read more about Eri'mel.  Is Mel a long-lost Mak'Tor?  Perhaps even a Cantor?  Or someone/thing else entirely?

Only time will tell  Cheesy
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