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Author Topic: A work in progress...  (Read 1975 times)
SpiderJedi
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« on: February 14, 2012, 08:14:42 PM »

Hey guys, so I decided to give a try at writing a piece of Fan Fiction. I had tried in my younger years but never really completed anything, and don't know what happened to the notebooks where they were. Anyway, I figure I'll throw a story out here and see what the reaction is. Please give feedback. I'll post more as I write.

Enjoy!
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-Nathan
XBL, PSN, Steam & TOR: SpiderJedi
Twitter: SithKnightmare

SpiderJedi
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« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2012, 08:16:37 PM »

SJ dropped the data pad. He could hardly believe what he read. At long last, he had finally gotten a lead into the disappearance of his best friend, and mentor, who had gone missing long ago on a search for a lost family heirloom. SJ knew something wasn't right when his mentor decided to go off on this search without him, not so much as even outlining the plan, as was usual before setting out on an expedition. All that was left to tell SJ, or anyone for that matter, of the heirloom search was a scribbled piece of flimsy, left on the table in the academy's library.

The whole thing was wrong, and didn't fit the character of SJ's best friend. SJ awaited word from the normal channels, but nothing ever came. No updates, no anecdotes... nothing. SJ had only been at the Academy for three semesters when it happened, but now, had graduated and moved on to build his own legacy.

The data pad was in SJ's office, after he returned from a conference about the preservation of artifacts. SJ was a panelist, as an expert in the field of archaeology, for the second such conference. Unlike the first conference, which was dull and ordinary, this one had a few thoughts presented and questions asked that drew up old feelings. They were along the line of teachings very near to his heart, very similar to his mentor's thoughts. With the spotlights in the back of the auditorium blinding him, he was unable to make out the features of the commentator, and shrugged it off after giving his thoughts. After all, he himself taught his mentor's teachings as did others around the galaxy. But still, it was the way in which the question was asked that made him continue to dwell on it.

'Is it true that one can never discover an object that was lost, but can only find it?'

A simple question, not outstanding to others, but to SJ… it made his insides queasy. Early on, SJ's mentor instilled in him that nobody can discover something that was lost, only find it. SJ's goal was to make a true discovery, as defined by his mentor, and not just find an old piece stuck in the sand and forgotten eons ago. It was SJ's mission to use findings to unlock true discovery.

But now that didn't matter. Now, SJ's mentor had resurfaced. The data pad gave information about the possible whereabouts of SJ's mentor. SJ didn't know how to take this. He had put out feelers in the past, probing for information. Some of his contacts had connections to the unsavory side of the galaxy. And the words he read on the data pad reeked of that unsavory stench.

It couldn't be true. There is no way that what he read on the readout could be true. But of course, what is truth? One thing that he did know is that the provider of the information only gave part of it. If SJ wanted more, he had to pay.

'US-38, get packed up. Light excursion gear. We've got some digging to do.'

...
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-Nathan
XBL, PSN, Steam & TOR: SpiderJedi
Twitter: SithKnightmare

Luna
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« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2012, 08:43:04 PM »

Not bad Smiley One thing, disregard if it seems pointless: you may want to start more sentences with something other than a subject. That's my one criticism, and it's not really a criticism, just a tip. I like the premise and the story seems like it's going in an intriguing direction. I also appreciate the fact that it isn't something that's already been done a million times like a lot of other fan fiction out there. The casual use of SW lingo (like the use of 'flimsy' in the first paragraph) is brilliant and makes the reader feel more connected to the story.
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SpiderJedi
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2012, 10:13:09 AM »

Thanks for the feedback. I'll try to be more mindful of how I begin sentences. Never much liked grammar...

Here's the next part:


It was loud from all the beings speaking at once, some laughing, few crying, many yelling everything and nothing all at once. It would be impossible to record anything in this atmosphere, yet SJ brought his recording device anyway. There was little light in the cantina, but that’s the way all cantinas were this time of day and on this part of Nar Shadda. Most of the illumination came from neon signs advertising one thing or another. It was cold and damp outside, stark contrast to the hot interior of the cantina.

“There’s a lot of heat being produced from all these bodies. You’d think there would be more ventilation,” SJ said to a human standing by the bar.

“It keeps the operating costs down, no need to use the heater. Besides, the hotter it is the more drinks are ordered. It’s just good business,” the human replied. “Speaking of business, what brings your sort here? You don’t match the typical patrons.”

“My sort?”

“Yea, you’ve got straight, short cut hair. Looks like you shave regularly, and I smell a hint of cologne. Look around, you stick out. You’re obviously not here just to pass the time.”

“And you? You’re a bit chatty. You’re the first being on this rock who’s said anything to me. The locals keep to themselves and the other off-worlders group up and get back off of this planet as soon as possible. What brings you here?”

Grinning, the human replied “I think I just found out why I’m here.”
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-Nathan
XBL, PSN, Steam & TOR: SpiderJedi
Twitter: SithKnightmare

SpiderJedi
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« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2012, 12:11:35 PM »

A blaster shot could barely be heard over the commotion in the bar, but subsequent shots rang clearer as the sound gradually died down and beings hit the floor, in an effort to avoid blaster bolts.
Her barrel still smoking from the shots, the human grabbed SJ saying “Come with me, we have to get out of here now!”
SJ, still trying to figure out what was going on, had little choice but to go. After the two of them reached the exit, the human turned and fired at a rodian that was chasing behind them. After the rodian hit the floor, hushed gasps came from everyone in the cantina, and they all began to scatter, heading for overturned tables and booths for protection, knocking down others as they tried to make their way to safety.
The human female and SJ were running outside in the damp night air away from the cantina and the crowds. They came to a parked speeder and got in.
“Where are we going? What’s going on? What was that all about?” SJ yelled excitedly as the speeder began to take off.
She looked at him, then back to the flight path, replying “We don’t have time yet, but soon I’ll explain.”
“This is ridiculous! I need to go back! I am looking for answers that are back in the cantina you shot up!”
“No, your answers aren’t in the cantina, Saren-Jun. I’ll explain when we’re clear.”
SJ blinked with comprehension as she used full name. She was the contact. Well this didn’t go as planned, SJ thought.
The speeder banked around a building and landed in a dark hangar. The female closed the hangar doors and then artificial illumination light up the bay. After she armed the security system she backed away from the panel and returned her attention to SJ.
Still sitting in the speeder, SJ looked at her and asked “Care to explain to me what’s going on now?”
“My name is Elle. I came across some information I think you might want to know on my last job.” Elle began to pace around the speeder. “I gather things for people when they can pay enough for my services.”
“You’re a thief?”
“Depends on your definition of the word, but call me what you like.” Elle walked over to a terminal that had readouts on it. She pointed to the screen. “Does this look familiar?”
Finally climbing out of the speeder, SJ made his way over to the terminal and instantly recognized what he saw.
“Where did you find this!?” SJ exclaimed!
“It was one of the things I acquired during my last job. Looked worthless to me, but I do what I say and grabbed it. I document everything I get. When I put this through the holonet to see what turned up, I saw mention of a disappearance, and of you.”
He cut her off “Who wanted this? Do you know what it is?”
“I know what I was told. It’s an old piece of artwork. It’s deceptively heavy.”
“Heh, artwork. Yes… It is a thing of beauty; it’s ancient, older than I know. That’s not all it is…” he paused as if in deep thought. “Who wanted it?”
“That information is currently for sale, if you’re interested.”
He turned to Elle, “What’s the going rate for names these days? 50, perhaps 75 credits?”
She grinned, “Just a small fee to fuel up the speeder and replace the bolts I used to rescue you, in addition to using your knowledge and talents to help me with something.”
Staring at her in disbelief he retorted, “Rescue? Just what was that back there?”
“I came across some information that some of my…” she paused “colleagues… were planning on following you back from the cantina, and getting as many credits out of you as you had. They planted some data pad in your office to lure you here to get what they could from you before turning you over to their boss.”
“Turn me in to their boss?”
“Yea, I think it had something to do with finishing a job.”
“Hmm, I see. And how did you come to be involved in all this?”
“Like I said before, your name came up in my holonet search. So I figured I could just snatch you up first, and in your gratitude, you’d agree to help me.”
SJ turned and looked back at the screen. “Does helping you involve this piece on the screen?”
“See I knew you had some brains in there! The same person who had me acquire that has asked me to acquire a related piece.” She reached over to the terminal and brought up another picture.
Upon seeing it, SJ knew what it was, his heart began to beat a little faster, his stomach started to churn. “I see… and what is that?”
“Unless I’m mistaken, which rarely I am… you know what it is.”
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-Nathan
XBL, PSN, Steam & TOR: SpiderJedi
Twitter: SithKnightmare

SpiderJedi
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« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2012, 07:35:21 AM »

What do you guys think so far?
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-Nathan
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Twitter: SithKnightmare

Kham-Ryn Kurios
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« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2012, 12:50:36 PM »

I'm enjoying it.

Are you a Sentinel?

Just wondering. Grin
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« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2012, 05:01:33 PM »

Story is very intriguing, you want to know more. I would suggest replacing SJ with the appropriate pronoun ie he or his etc when it is obvious otherwise the sjs can become repetitive. Look forward to reading more
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SpiderJedi
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« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2012, 06:58:54 AM »

Story is very intriguing, you want to know more. I would suggest replacing SJ with the appropriate pronoun ie he or his etc when it is obvious otherwise the sjs can become repetitive. Look forward to reading more

Yea, the SJ thing is getting a bit repetitive. I will work on this as I continue to write more. I've not written any since the last post, but at least a couple of you are reading it, so I'll write some more soon.

Thanks for the feedback!
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-Nathan
XBL, PSN, Steam & TOR: SpiderJedi
Twitter: SithKnightmare

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