Click here for lightsabers
  • Home
  • Help
  • Login
  • Register
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down
Author Topic: Story  (Read 6884 times)
BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« on: February 23, 2012, 04:32:27 AM »

Hello my friends in the Forum Community. I have noticed recently that some people have started putting stories and the like that they are working on for others to view/give ideas or advice. I don't know if this is the proper place for such a thing or not. If not, then Moderators, please move this to the appropriate place. Now, having said all that, I have a rough (and I mean VERY rough) draft of an opening for a book that I am working on, and I would like a bit of input from anyone who'd like to stop by and have a look. I'm personally looking forward to working on this project, and I hope that anyone can feel free to read what I have and give their thoughts. Thanks all!


"Dreamer"

Read at your own risk. Nothing will remain the same.

My name is John King and I am a dreamer. No, I’m not talking about an, “I have a dream” type of dreamer. I’m not talking about the typical REM sleep kind of dreamer either. Ever since I was a child I have had this gift; this curse. I have read different stories about travelling through dimensional rifts or any number of other science-fiction creations. I know all about M-Theory, and I know about travel through the folds of space. I know Schrödinger’s theory quite well, and perhaps that is the closest thing that fits my situation.
    Allow me to tell you a little about my situation. As I said, this all started when I was a child. I think I was nine or ten at the time, and I thought I simply began to have very vivid dreams. It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I truly understood the severity and magnificence of what I was experiencing.
When I close my eyes in sleep, I resume another life. I am the same man in each life or world or whatever you want to call it. I go by the same name with very few exceptions. Simply put, I am always myself but I am in different places and even different worlds.
    Like I said, it was when I was eighteen that I truly realized that what I was experiencing was in fact happening. It was when I was eighteen that I died for the first time. I closed my eyes to sleep and began to dream. In my dream, I was at a fancy restaurant. The carpet was stereotypical Italian restaurant burgundy, as were the curtains. There was soft violin music playing somewhere in the background, and I distinctly remember the smell of freshly baked garlic bread. Even now it could make my mouth water. I remember that I was sitting at the table when a woman in a blue dress, with a black clutch approached the group I was sitting with. She asked me a question. What it was, I cannot for the life of me remember but whatever it was, it was critical. When I did not answer this mystery question, the woman pulled a nickel-plated pistol from her handbag and shot me between the eyes.
    Okay, maybe it was all just a weird dream right? I should have just woken up, maybe with a jump at that point. Instead, I travelled. Bright white light glared in my eyes. I FELT myself moving, yet the light was too bright to allow me to see anything. All of a sudden, I found myself walking beside a crystal clear river. I could see the stones in the riverbed and they were beautiful coral colours such as you could only see on a reef here on Earth; well, on our Earth. Pinks, oranges, pale yellows, they were all there in the river. All around me were rolling, green hills with small white flowers on them. I can still smell the flowers as the gentle breeze carried the scent if I think of it. I heard, as if from a great distance, birds singing. When I turned toward the source of the river, I saw an enormous yet beautiful city the likes of which few living have seen.
    As I turned around to look at that place, I heard a man saying to me, “There is a purpose and season to everything under Heaven.”
“What purpose?” I asked. “What just happened?”
The man responded, “You just died. No, it wasn’t in your sleep. It was in the realm which you just inhabited. We call your kind Dreamers and you have been given and incredible gift and a great responsibility.”
Before I could ask any more questions he continued, “You will know more of your role in the coming years but know this: it is all very real.”
I woke up, or travelled again whichever it was, and found myself in my bed none the worse for wear.
    You may remember that I referred to Schrödinger’s Cat a moment ago; that is how being a Dreamer is. For those of you who have not been acquainted with Schrödinger and his cat, I’ll give you a crash course. Schrödinger put a vial of poison in a box with a cat. The poison was set to open at a random time. He postulated that because you could not see whether the poison had been released or not, the cat could be thought of as both dead and alive at the same time. The only way to find out which it was, was by looking.   
    As a Dreamer, there is the possibility that maybe you live in this world, or maybe you live in a thousand others; the only way to know for sure is to look. The problem lies in the fact that what you see cannot be unseen. Simply put, if you are a Dreamer, and if you see that it is in fact real, your life will be changed forever.
Some of my adventures have been rather uninteresting but there is one adventure that has taken me to the brink of oblivion. It is that adventure which I write about now in case I never return. Each night might be my last, and I want someone, anyone to know the truth of what is happening to me. 
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

Master Bluespike74
Guardian Prime
Vanguard of the Azure Order
Knight Commander
******

Force Alignment: 977
Posts: 4666


As long as there is light, I will be here.


« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2012, 04:50:50 AM »

BenPass,

This story captivated me as much as a story I read in the 90's called Others.  For a rought draft, this thing is absolutely amazing.  The cat reference threw me off a little but the rest flowed quite well.  When you spoke of the garlic bread, my mouth actually watered. 

You have a talent here my friend.  Definitely pursue this and develop it. 

So far, you have your protagonist.  Now, what/who will be your antagonist? 

Thank you for sharing.

Blue
Logged



Guided by the Aing Tii Monks

Shodan in Shaolin Kempo Karate/Kung Fu/Jiu Jitsu

Yes, I am a color:  BLUE

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2012, 05:02:45 AM »

Thanks so much bluespike! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. I have written a short book before and learned a lot from that process, but I am by no means a pro...yet (insert evil laugh here). I'm glad the garlic bread was a hit Smiley I just got thinking of the soft breadsticks from Olive Garden back when I lived in the states, and then got thinking of the cheese topped garlic bread that we make here, and I just thought it would go nicely. I had wondered how the cat would fit in...and I'm not surprised that it detracted. Thanks for the help there!

As to the antagonist, I'm thinking of revealing him/her/it later on in the story. I really want to build up a connection with the main character and his issues with living countless lives (and not getting sleep because of it). I don't have anything set in stone yet, but I'm trying to stay away from the quasi-omniscient beings that we see so often lately in Hollywood and the like.

I was thinking of the possibility of it being someone manipulating brain waves in sleep study patients, but like I said, I really don't have anything nailed down quite yet. When I write, I mostly just go with a general direction that I want the character to go in and then I get immersed. I wrote the other book in a month. Yeah, I've got addictive tendencies.

Thanks again for the help and I look forward to posting more as it comes along!

Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2012, 04:51:16 PM »

Sorry for the double post, but I thought that you would like to know that I have done some more editing, am working on re-writing the good Dr. Schrodinger's part, and have completed chapter 1 (what I posted was just a prologue). And despite my intentions, I revealed (in part) the antagonist!

Known only as Koszmar - the Polish word for nightmare.

They say that you should write what strikes home to you, so since I've got a smattering of Polish in my heritage, I thought it apropos to use that for my name origin.

I keep my chapters short because I don't want to belabour the story, and I want people to keep turning the pages so I was able to write chapter 1 in one night. When I am a little more satisfied with it, I'll post some more. Oh, and anyone who has some advice/pointers/random praise for my awesomeness Tongue post away
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

Manroon
Protector of Abused Dungeon Rancors
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 832
Posts: 8289


Nova Six, two lit and in the green.


WWW
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2012, 10:22:14 PM »

This is awesome, I can't wait to see more! You've got a good style that draws the reader in well, and I like that you've got something original. (I hate cookie cutter stuff lol) Keep up the great work!
Logged

I am not a color...


A Knight can serve only one Master.

Luna
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 550
Posts: 5360


This land is peaceful, its inhabitants kind...


« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2012, 01:41:46 AM »

Dream Cycle, anyone? (that's a compliment, not an accusation of ripping off lol). The idea reminds me a little of Hypnos by Lovecraft, but definitely not the plot or style. Me likey.
Logged

no

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2012, 05:45:09 AM »

Dream Cycle, anyone? The idea reminds me a little of Hypnos by Lovecraft

As soon as I saw this I had to look it up lol. I have (regrettably) never read anything by Lovecraft. I'm glad that everyone is enjoying it!

(I hate cookie cutter stuff lol)

I hate cookie cutter stuff too lol. I'm trying to write something that I would enjoy reading and not feel like it's been done before.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful and encouraging compliments! Just because you're all so wonderful, I'll post what else I've done in the story. I had to work today so it's mostly just been some edits and adding of descriptions, but hopefully you'll still enjoy it.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Dreamer

Read at your own risk. Nothing will remain the same.



Prologue

    My name is John King and I am a dreamer. No, I’m not talking about an, “I have a dream” type of dreamer. I’m not talking about the typical REM sleep kind of dreamer either. Studies show that the average person dreams between four and six times a night, and most people only remember the last few dreams that they have. So many people dream and don’t remember any of their dreams when they wake in the morning. Such is not the case with me. I cannot tell you how many times I have woken up and thought how amazingly real my dream had seemed. Each night, I have dreamt one dream, and I always remember it. Ever since I was a child I have had this gift; this curse.
    I have read different stories about travelling through dimensional rifts or any number of other science-fiction creations. I grew up watching various TV shows about spacefaring species or intergalactic explorers. In fact, one summer that I was recovering from a knee operation, I dedicated myself to reading every science-fiction or fantasy book I could get my hands on; and I have quite a collection. I know all about M-Theory, and I know about travel through the folds of space. I know Schrödinger’s theory quite well, and perhaps that is the closest thing that fits my situation. Edwin Schrödinger put forth the theory that anything is possible, but you can never truly know what is real unless you look.
    Allow me to explain to you a little bit about my situation. As I said, this all started when I was a child. I think I was nine or ten at the time, and I thought I simply began to have very vivid dreams. There would even be mornings that the taste of whatever food I had been eating would be present in my mouth. For example, several nights I dreamt that I was eating pizza, and I would wake up in the morning and I could swear that I had eaten pizza. This was certainly interesting to me, but I thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I truly understood the severity and magnificence of what I was experiencing.
    When I close my eyes in sleep, I resume another life. I am the same man in each life or world or whatever you want to call it. I go by the same name with very few exceptions. Simply put, I am always myself but I am in different places and even different worlds. I have seen aliens of every conceivable shape and size; I have eaten many foods of different countries, and have even seen the world as it would be with alternate histories. There was one time that I found myself in a world where Russia had won the Cold War and that the United States was nothing more than a field of nuclear ash. I still remember hiding from Russian troops as they scoured the countryside looking for resistance cells. But back when I dreamed that dream, I still thought that they were just dreams.
    Like I said, it was when I was eighteen that I truly realized that what I was experiencing was in fact happening. It was when I was eighteen that I died for the first time. I closed my eyes to sleep and began to dream. In my dream, I was at a fancy restaurant. The carpet was stereotypical Italian restaurant burgundy, as were the curtains. There was soft violin music playing somewhere in the background, and I distinctly remember the smell of freshly baked garlic bread topped with melted cheese, diced tomato and some green onion. Even now it could make my mouth water to think of the scents of that place.
    I remember that I was sitting at a circular booth when a blonde woman in a blue dress, holding a black clutch approached the group I was sitting with. She asked me a question. What it was, I cannot for the life of me remember. All I could focus on were her blue eyes and the thick curls of her hair. I always was a sucker for blue eyes and curly hair. I wish I could remember the question. It would help me immensely, but unfortunately I can’t. Whatever the question was, it was critical. When I did not answer this mystery question, the woman pulled a nickel-plated pistol from her handbag and shot me between the eyes.
    Okay, maybe it was all just a weird dream right? I should have just woken up, maybe with a jump at that point. Instead, I travelled. Bright white light glared in my eyes. I could FEEL myself moving, yet the light was too bright to allow me to see anything. All of a sudden, I could feel the warmth of a strong sun on my face. I found myself walking beside a crystal clear river. I could see the stones in the riverbed and they were beautiful coral colours such as you could only see on a reef here on Earth; well, on our Earth as everyone else knows it. Pinks, oranges, pale yellows, they were all there in the river. All around me were rolling, green hills with small white flowers on them. When I stop and remember, I can still smell the aroma of the flowers as it was borne on the wind. I heard, as if from a great distance, birds singing. I have always loved the sound of birds singing in the morning. It reminds me of time spent at my Grandparent’s house in their small town. I would wake up early most mornings, at least when I was young, and I could hear the birds chirping and the ocean roaring. When I turned toward the source of the river which I walked along, I saw an enormous yet beautiful city the likes of which few living have ever seen.
    As I turned around to look at that place, I heard a man saying to me, “There is a purpose and season to everything under Heaven.”
“What purpose?” I asked. “What just happened?”
The man responded, “You just died. No, it wasn’t in your sleep. It was in the realm which you just inhabited. We call your kind Dreamers and you have been given an incredible gift and a great responsibility.”
Before I could ask any more questions he continued, “You will know more of your role in the coming years but know this John King: it is all very real.”
I woke up, or travelled again whichever it was, and found myself in my bed none the worse for wear. As a Dreamer, there is the possibility that maybe you live in this world, or maybe you live in a thousand others; the only way to know for sure is to look. The problem lies in the fact that what you see cannot be unseen. Simply put, if you are a Dreamer, and if you actually peer beyond the curtain of our perceptions and see that what you have dreamt is in fact real, your life will be changed forever.
    Some of my adventures have been rather uninteresting and mundane but there is one adventure that has taken me to the brink of oblivion. It is that adventure which I write about now in case I never return. Each night might be my last, and I want someone, anyone to know the truth of what is happening to me. 


Chapter One

    One night shortly after I had turned twenty-two, I dreamed a dream that changed everything all over again. Four years had passed since I first was told that I was a Dreamer, and nothing had come of it. You must understand that after four years of nothing more than ordinary, though realistic, dreams I had begun to chalk the entire idea of “Dreamers” up to too much junk food before bed. Yes, I was guilty of eating chocolate, cake, cookies, whatever wasn’t nailed down; even before bed. I had almost forgotten about the events which took place four years ago and had moved on with my life. I had married, and we were renting a small place in the country. Though I had begun to doubt what had happened, that night after I had turned twenty-two brought it all crashing back on me.
    I closed my eyes in sleep, and opened them to a new life. I was in an indoor market somewhere in Turkey being chased by soldiers firing automatic weapons at me. I knew that the HK 416 was the most likely weapon being used. How could I know that? I wondered this even as I ran. I hunt for fun each year, and I enjoy guns, but normally I would not be able to identify any automatic weapon except maybe the classic AK-47. I use only my 30-06 rifle or my 12 gauge shotgun. Every now and again I’ll use my little .22, but I’ve never even fired an automatic weapon much less spent enough time around them to identify one being shot at me. With that in mind, how could I know what was being fired at me? Is that what type of gun I carried in my hands?
I did not know how I had gotten to where I was, and I didn’t know why I was being chased, yet there were some things that I did know: 1) I had no ammunition in the weapons which I inexplicably held, 2) there was no way in the worlds that I would stop to ask why these people were trying to kill me and 3), I was lost. I had no idea of where I was other than Turkey and those soldiers were closing in fast.
    As I said, I was in an indoor market. Regardless of how fast I ran, I could still hear the shouts of the soldiers or militants or whatever they were as they followed behind me and sought to trap me in their net. The smells of the market were nearly overwhelming as I sped by. It was not only Turkish merchants set up in the market on that day. I noticed a stand covered in some Asian symbols where delectable smells wafted through the air, and I distinctly saw what looked like Old English script on a sign which advertised, “Queen’s Choice Fish & Chips”. I nearly ran into a tank of Atlantic Canadian lobsters, and the smell of the salt water brought my mind home for the briefest of moments. I was born and raised for the majority of my life on the East Coast of Canada, and the smell of salt water always told me that I was home. When we had moved to the States for a couple of years, I felt so out of place until summer came and we drove home. Once I could smell the salt water, I knew I was back. Unfortunately, I was not home just now, and I had no more time to lose in thinking of it.
    I gave my head a shake to clear the memories of home, and I kept running past the stands. Just then I heard a loud crack of what must have been a sniper's shot. I think that it must have come from a sharpshooter’s gun because in the instant that I heard the shot, I saw a melon directly in front of me burst apart. Even with my faced covered in juice from the destroyed melon, I stumbled forward and wiped my eyes clear. Faintly from outside the market I could hear a helicopter; things just kept getting more interesting.
    As I ran, I looked over my shoulder to check once again on the progress that my pursuers had made. That was a mistake. Always keep your eyes on your goal or you just might go from the frying pan and into the fire. I failed to look in front of me, and I smashed into a soldier just as he rounded a corner. I could smell the sweat and gunpowder that seemed to emanate from him. I didn't even have time to wonder where he had come from. Instead I grabbed a grenade from his waist, spun away while he was still surprised to see me and I pulled the pin, throwing the grenade blindly behind me. Wood splinters from various food stands flew outward as the grenade went off and some splinters even dug into my back. This was not the time to contemplate pain though. My Grandfather’s mantra ran through my head, “It’s only pain”. The carnage wrought from the grenade blast slowed down the pursuers directly to my rear, but it seemed as though the entire army must have been after me. Why were they chasing me of all people? I have always been a peaceful, law-abiding person. What had I done to bring so many soldiers down on my head? Did I want to know?
    I could suddenly see the exit of the market ahead of me. I crashed through the WARNING and POLICE saw-horses and threw myself against the door. I then burst out of the market’s shade and into the sunlight. Nearly blinded by the summer sun glinting off of a car’s side windows, I ran forward in hopes of escape. Unfortunately, my escape was an ill-fated attempt.
    Just as I turned a corner, nearly crashing into a fruit stand which must have been abandoned earlier on in the morning, I saw a massive roadblock. Arrayed in a rough semicircle, three Personnel Carriers had their ramps lowered, and more troops were pouring out. I skidded to a stop, nearly falling over in my haste. I looked around quickly and realized that I had played directly into my pursuers’ hands. Every street and alleyway was guarded by soldiers, blocked by vehicles or both. The helicopter that I had heard earlier was hovering nearby with its side door open and a large machine gun spinning up. There was no hope; that much I could see plainly.
    I quickly determined that if I was going to survive, I had to drop my weapons. I did so immediately. I threw them towards the ground and away from my body. I wanted to be sure that no one misunderstood my intentions; especially with so much firepower aimed at me so I took a step back from the weapons for good measure. Almost as soon as the guns hit the ground, I was tackled by two thick-set, muscular soldiers; grunts really. I knew enough not to struggle, but they were still rough on me. What was so terrible that I had done? When they had raised me to my feet, I was able to see an officer striding toward me. On his shoulders I could see the three stars of the Captain's rank. I began to ask what was going on, and received a punch to the mouth for my trouble. “Mr. King,” the Captain began almost conversationally in heavily accented English, wiping my blood off of his knuckles, “you are a most difficult man to apprehend.” He began to fiddle with the right side of his mustache, twisting it and then straightening it out again. “Why did you come here?” I spat the blood that had filled my mouth along with a tooth, broken by the punch, onto the ground and replied, “I don't kno...” as he punched me again; this time in the stomach.
“You will answer the question!” he fairly screamed, spittle flying in my face.
Whatever had begun the chase was of such vital importance that the Captain was ready to forget himself and do something rash. I couldn't afford for that to happen; not before I had some answers of my own at least. So I did what would normally be unthinkable to a normal, law-abiding person such as myself. I did what I had to do to keep the Turkish Captain from executing me, or worse, throwing me into some dark hole never to be seen again. “Come closer” I told him whispering conspiratorially, eyes darting to the soldiers all around. “I don't want the rest of the grunts hearing what I have to say.” He stepped closer, but instead of learning in, he punched me again. “My superior told me that you would try to trick us. We are smarter than you would give us credit Mr. King.”
    A smile stretched across the Captain's face for a split second until he looked down. The two soldiers that had been holding me had, over time, relaxed their grip to the point that I could use my arms. After all, I couldn’t go anywhere right? When the Captain had stepped forward, I drew his sidearm from its holster. When he looked down and noticed what was in my hand, I spun and fired a shot into each of my guards' ballistic vests so as to stun and yes, injure them, but hopefully not to kill them. I then rounded again on the Captain. He was surprised by my speed, but then again, so was I. I normally do not move quickly being a large man and tending to conserve my energy as much as possible. In my most commanding voice I growled at him, “You listen and listen good because I'm only going to say this once: you are going to tell me why you are chasing me, and who sent you. You can try to kill me, and I'm sure that one of your men will succeed, but I guarantee that I will take you down with me.”
    The Turkish Captain seemed to consider that for a moment, then replied with a deep sigh, “We were told you were dangerous; I guess we didn't realize quite how dangerous. There is one name you should know: Koszmar. Not that it will matter soon anyway.” I turned the name over in my mind for a moment. I had heard or read that name somewhere but where? I was not permitted any more time to contemplate the mystery though. The Captain grinned from ear to ear and said, “You will never reach him though. We will ensure that.” A subtle nod of his head was all that I saw before panic flooded my mind and a splash of cold hit the back of my head. I found myself falling forward feeling the worst migraine I had ever endured. I forgot about the sniper. How did I forget about him?
    Everything went white again. I travelled quickly and found myself beside the river yet again. “They like to shoot your head”, the man that I had met four years earlier said as my eyes continued to refocus. “Maybe they think that they can stop you if they destroy your brain. Unfortunately, I can't tell you a whole lot right now. My hands are tied in this matter. I am only a messenger and until I am permitted to tell you more, I can’t. The only piece of information that I can offer you is this: Dreamers are chosen to deal with grave threats to the multiverse. Unless you can defeat Koszmar, many people will die painfully; starting with those closest to you. Remember that. Until next time Mr. King.”
    With that I was traveling again. I awoke in my bed, surprised that it was not yet morning. The ordeals that I had just endured seemed to have lasted hours and hours. I was exhausted from the running and the stress of the night. My wife lay beside me sleeping soundly, unaware of all that I had just endured. No need to wake her and worry her though. All of a sudden however, I sensed that we were not alone in the room. Despite the warmth of the room and of the bed itself, I felt a chill run from the back of my neck all the way to my shins. Every hair on my body seemed to stand on end and such a terror swept over me that I could speak no challenge to the intruder. Instead, I laid there and listened as the presence began to speak. For some reason I had expected his voice to sound half-choked and gravelly, but instead it seemed so smooth and cultured as to be slimy. He started, “Hello John King. Oh yes, I know who you are. End your dreaming now before I end it for you. I'm coming for you John, and next time we won't just be chatting.”
The person, presence or whatever you want to call it disappeared just as suddenly as he had appeared. His words seemed to echo throughout my mind; “I’m coming for you John”. These were not just dreams. “I’m coming”. I had to end this before it went too far. This Koszmar knew where we lived. For my wife’s sake as well as my own, I had to stop him. “I’m coming, and next time we won’t just be chatting.”
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2012, 05:46:21 AM »

Wow, that's a huge wall of text! More than I thought I had lol. Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate it!
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

Amanita
Knight Captain
*

Force Alignment: 39
Posts: 409



« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2012, 05:14:56 PM »

I like it:)
Logged


Manroon
Protector of Abused Dungeon Rancors
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 832
Posts: 8289


Nova Six, two lit and in the green.


WWW
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2012, 02:03:42 AM »

More.  Smiley
Logged

I am not a color...


A Knight can serve only one Master.

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2012, 03:17:38 AM »

NECROPOST!!!!!!

Hi everyone, I know it's been...well forever since I posted anything in this thread, but I wanted to give you another little bit to whet your appetites. As always, let me know what you think.

******************************************


I found myself in a darkened room. It felt damp and smelled strongly of mold and mildew. I could hear a steady drip, drip of water echoing off of the rough, concrete walls. It took some time for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. There was some light, but very little. I immediately began to process as much information as I could about my surroundings and situation. The last thing I remembered was driving back from the doctor’s office with Jenny. I must have fallen asleep! Of course, why else would I be wherever I was?

I soon found that my hands were bound behind my back with plastic cuffs; the kind that military and Special Forces used. Was I back in Turkey? No, I had died in that reality. Above my head and to the right, I could see a single beam of light struggling to make its way through the almost luminescent green moss and the crumbling mortar which held the concrete blocks together. There was a hallway of sorts off to my left side. I couldn’t see much as it was almost completely in darkness, but the water which slowly dripped seemed to run down the center of the passageway. There must have been some form of drainage to keep the room from filling up with water. Maybe I could use that to my advantage when I tried to escape.

Where was I? I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t sure how exactly I had gotten there, but I knew that I had to escape. Obviously I had fallen asleep again; I had to get out as soon as possible so that Koszmar would not harm my wife! As I sat there against the damp, concrete wall, it felt as though hours ticked slowly by. Instead of simply waiting, I thought. Regardless of what situation I conjured up in my mind, I could see no hope for a different fate. Unless I died, I would never be able to stay awake forever. If I fell asleep, I would dream. If I dreamt, I would travel. If I travelled through my dreams, Koszmar would kill Jenny. I couldn’t let that happen. No matter what, I had to find and stop Koszmar or I would never be free; I would remain a Dreamer and Jenny would die.

I screamed at the top of my lungs until my throat was raw and dry. I didn’t expect anyone to hear me, but I had had enough. “I don’t know who you are but I’m going to stop him! I’ll kill him if he touches one hair on her head! Do you hear me? I’ll kill him! I’ll stop this maniac if it’s the last thing I do!” The echoes of my tirade had barely begun to fade away and die out before I heard a throaty rumbling that seemed to cause the entire room to shake. Dust began falling from the ceiling and more mortar around the one light hole crumbled away, brightening up the room. The noise seemed to come from the hallway.

I could see scarcely four or five feet down the darkened hallway, but the sound had certainly come from that direction. The sound seemed to stop. I strained my ears to hear. My neck began to hurt as I cocked my head in an effort to coax more volume into my ears; a futile gesture yet one which I had done ever since I was a child. Suddenly, I heard a shrieking that could only be described as “other-worldly”. It was a sound that you would only expect to hear in the very bowels of Hell; a tormented sound which made me think of tortured souls. Be that as it may, I reasoned to myself that it was most likely a very old and unused set of hinges grown rusty with age. I was amazed by how calm I had become in the moment that the rumbling first began.

As I listened, I could tell that something or someone was coming my way. I could hear two distinct sets of steps; likely two men from the weight of the treads. They were dragging…something. The water in the hall splashed noisily as the steps drew nearer. Soon, they neared the end of the hallway where I could see them. There were two men that looked to be guards; military I guessed. They were dragging another figure by the arms. As they drew nearer, the prisoner looked up at the weak light which streamed in from above me. The sun revealed a swollen and bruised face. “Jenny!” I cried in horror as the guards threw her roughly to the ground. She cried out as she hit the cold, hard floor. My heart felt as though it was being torn out of my chest, and the rage built in me so quickly that I thought my head would explode. I wasn’t asleep at all! This was real, and they had my wife!

I struggled to rise and get nearer to my wife. The guards merely looked on with a detached and emotionless expression on their faces. I managed to find my feet, and I stumbled over to Jenny, and knelt beside her. She laid her head on my legs and wept uncontrollably. “Who are you and what do you want from us,” I demanded of the guards. Neither man spoke; instead they simply moved to either side of the hallway as if to clear the way for someone else. Just as I was about to speak again, I heard another set of footsteps splashing down the hall. The steps were measured and clipped like someone with a military background. Sure enough, when the man came into view, he was wearing a plain black suit with a small American flag pinned to his lapel.

He stopped some six to eight feet away from me and stood with his feet slightly apart, braced for whatever I might try to throw at him. Smart man, I thought sourly. The newcomer looked me and Jenny over carefully and made a tsk-ing sound. He then gestured around the room and said, “It’s quite the place isn’t it John?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” I answered back through gritted teeth. “Now, you mind telling me who you are and why we’re here? Also,” now I was getting mad again. “You want to tell me why you did that to her?” I gestured angrily with my head at my poor Jenny’s swollen face.

“How thoughtless of me,” he exclaimed as he spread his arms in a mock gesture of surprise and self-chastisement. “I am Agent Lee of the NSA. You’re here on suspicion of terrorist activity. And,” he added menacingly, “we don’t take too kindly to terrorists that take advantage of our freedoms by living here and then try to destroy them.”

“Terrorist activity,” I asked incredulously. “I’m no terrorist!”

“That has yet to be determined,” he answered calmly. “The fact of the matter is that your DNA and fingerprints have been found in several high security government facilities where sensitive equipment has disappeared from. Care to explain that one to me John? Surely if you aren’t a terrorist, you have some good reason to be in those facilities.”   
« Last Edit: July 05, 2012, 03:21:47 AM by BenPass » Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2012, 03:20:55 AM »

'
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

Manroon
Protector of Abused Dungeon Rancors
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 832
Posts: 8289


Nova Six, two lit and in the green.


WWW
« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2012, 04:06:36 AM »

Most interesting. More?  Grin
Logged

I am not a color...


A Knight can serve only one Master.

BenPass
Knight of the Consular Order
Knight Commander
*

Force Alignment: 690
Posts: 6031


Jedi Consular


WWW
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2012, 04:23:46 AM »

Most interesting. More?  Grin

lol, I promise I'll add more later. That's all I had written up. Well, that's not completely true. I had another two chapters, but they got wiped in a power fritz.
Logged

May the Force be with me? Sure! It can come along!
"Lux triumphat super obscurum" - "Light triumphs over darkness"

ThreadJack
Lady of the Order Aeon
SaberForum.Com Moderator
Knight Commander
OVER 9000!!
*****

Force Alignment: 809
Posts: 13786

Truly, she will be strong- A luminous being is she


« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2012, 08:01:04 PM »

It's pretty good(at least the first part, I didn't read the rest yet Cheesy) but wouldn't this be better in the Fan Fiction and Art section?
Logged

(Sig by me!)
Now accepting dark side points.

Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
Send this topic | Print
Jump to: