Possible Final Scene for a StarWars short I want to film.

[Nhylus]

Let me know what you think. Criticism is very much welcomed, positive or negative, so long as it is constructive (You can say its terrible, just explain why and how it could improve)

(also my forum name is spelled wrong... hence why its one letter different then the character in the story)

*Final Battle*

*Final Battle*

Nyhlus tells the little girl to run as far away as she can and when she feels tired and her feet hurt, to really start to sprint.
The little girl nods her head and starts to run.

Nyhlus throws Geonosian grenades to cause racket.
The sith executioner is drawn to the noise.
Nyhlus encounters the sith executioner.

A battle ensues. Nyhlus is fighting in a defensive manner.
Nyhlus takes a hit to the arm causing him cry out in pain.
The little girl hears the clash of sabers and the cry. The curiousness of youth mixed with the concern for her only friend cause her to return cautiously.

The battle continues.
Sith makes taunts and threats.
The sith senses the force sensitive girl. As does Nyhlus.
The sith looks at Nyhlus with a menacing grin.
The sith starts running in the direction of the girl.
Nyhlus tries to cut him off by running beside him (there are trees between the two)
The sith and Nyhlus are throwing their sabers, between the trees, at eachother whislt in a full sprint.

The girl tries to run away as she sees the intimidating glow of red coming towards her.
The sith catches up and grabs the little girl (covering her mouth). And gesturing to her with a "shhh", and igniting his lightsaber, which pierces the child.

Nyhlus has lost purpose once again. Rage fills his heart, but does not blind his eyes.
He clashes sabers with the sith with great ferocity but also with waryness. Like an animal, not like one that has gone rabid, but one that has lost everything but his own life.
The battle continues with the Sith mostly on the defensive, and slowly losing his ground, his footing, and his energy. The sith barely has time to react to each blow, let alone get a single strike in.
Nyhlus' rage builds with each strike. Until the very power inside him snaps. He simply crushes the sith's lightsaber with the force while the sith is still holding onto it.
The sith is now filled with fear.

Nyhlus slashes the sith with his saber repeatedly, just enough to cause injury, but not kill.
Nyhlus knows revenge won't change things. He's experienced enough loss and anger to know that there's no point.
He cripples the sith and leaves him there. Shaming, injurying, and inflicting fear into a monster. Leaving him for his fellow sith and superiors to deal with his failure, and as warning to them.

*Nyhlus walks away*
A narration by Nyhlus plays "I don't hate this galaxy, this existance. I understand the heartaches in our short lives. I know time is wasted on anger. I don't cry because something has ended, because I have lost someone. I smile because I met them, because they gave me something more permanent than revenge.. memories."


Backstory
And quick backstory on the character.
Nyhlus is a young gray Jedi who left the order shortly after becoming a Jedi Knight. His master was not a gung-ho Jedi and was similar to Qui-Gon Jinn. So, Nyhlus was not raised believing in the order or the code blindly or religiously. After the Order requested aid from newly appointed Jedi Knights to fight in a war that was not theirs (the Republic's questionable "justified" war), Nyhlus receded from the Order; believing that they were sending the fresh Knights to their death. His master was killed three days before his Knighting, and thus, Nyhlus could not have his master present at the ceremony. During the ceremony, Nyhlus requested that his padawan braid not to be cut. He believed that no Jedi, even the Grand Master, never ceases to learn and because he no longer had a Master to train him towards Knighthood.
After leaving the Order, Nyhlus went into seclusion. To find new purpose. After years from traveling planet to planet, experiencing love, loss, countless heartaches and unforgettable people, Nyhlus grew to become a quiet, bitter person. During his travels he discovered an old temple of a group of force-users that had long since died out. The Guardians of the Force (a non-canon, fan fiction group that I discovered one day while browsing the internet, I found this to be such a fantastic approach to the Force, except for the "chosen jedi only" part http://starwars-exodus.wikia.com/wiki/Guardians_of_the_Force). Nyhlus found some small form of purpose in living by it's standards.



The film will pick up with Nyhlus landing on Taris and eventually cause him to meet a small orphaned girl who is extremely sensitive to the force. Along the way, Nyhlus becomes her protector against better judgement. And basically somehow the Empire will track him and her down. (Nyhlus has a history against the Empire and the Sith).

So yeah, I'm very sorry if this was an eye-sore to read! haha

Also Nyhlus' theme is Across the Stars. But Im using different versions of it that other people have created (if I get permission) such as this

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYxxqKZhcK4" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYxxqKZhcK4</a>

and this

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyFBVWRamLU" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyFBVWRamLU</a>

[BenPass]

It looks good, but I DO have two questions: you say in the back story that he becomes a quiet bitter person, yet narration makes it seem as though he isn't bitter. So, was that just me reading something the wrong way, or a little contradiction? Also, the name of the character is very similar to Darth Nihilus...http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Nihilus ...Is that intentional?

[Nhylus]

I guess that's the way I worded it. He is bitter on the surface. And he is bitter at through his travels. I guess a better way to describe him is that.. he's pretty much for the most part at peace with himself but with a bitter overtone. And the plot during the short film causes him to open up a little bit. I kind of am also going for a kind of, purposely contradictory, and maybe slightly confusing personality. He's a human, flawed through and through. I think we all have inconsistencies. If that makes sense? haha.

And I do realize its similar to Nihilus haha. It was actually based off of Nihlus from Mass Effect (which is based off of Nihilus from KOTOR2) cause Bioware likes cameros and easter eggs haha.

[BenPass]

I guess that's the way I worded it. He is bitter on the surface. And he is bitter at through his travels. I guess a better way to describe him is that.. he's pretty much for the most part at peace with himself but with a bitter overtone. And the plot during the short film causes him to open up a little bit. I kind of am also going for a kind of, purposely contradictory, and maybe slightly confusing personality. He's a human, flawed through and through. I think we all have inconsistencies. If that makes sense? haha.

And I do realize its similar to Nihilus haha. It was actually based off of Nihlus from Mass Effect (which is based off of Nihilus from KOTOR2) cause Bioware likes cameros and easter eggs haha.

Alrighty sounds good and yeah, it does make sense, but I always look for inconsistencies when I proof read things.

[wolfmetal45]

I like the idea, not a lot of videos currently on youtube have a decent or continuing story.  And many high quality fights forgo story entirely and simply go for a very well choreographed fight.  Yours sounds like it could be a good mesh with the two styles.  I do have a question though, how would you put not one, but multiple saber throws into a video?  We've all seen force hold, levitate, etc in various videos through trick photography.  But I doubt you'll want to be chucking an expesinve ultrasaber through trees.  Will you be working on a CG animation?

[Zephon]

Sounds interesting and good. I'd watch it.

As for the idea or question of throwing multiple lightsabers back and forth through the trees, I could only suggest asking GakAttack for pointers. Here's a video that he helped with.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/LF9Qk6m_b74

Edit: So I tried, and couldn't figure out how to embed the video, so that's the link to it. If a mod could possibly help me out here?