Venting.

[TheHobbitofDune]

This is going to be long... and regrettable...

1) To put it bluntly and simply, I hate being told what to do. It makes my blood boil. And whenever I do something, I can't help but wonder if the person who told me to do it actually believes that I did it for them. But that's usually never the case unless it's something simple and doesn't stem from confrontation. I won't go into detail, but I was put into this situation tonight and needed to vent about it.

2) I've hit rock bottom before. Twice. And in both cases I reached out and said some things in a haze of desperation and vulnerability that I wouldn't normally have said otherwise. What's happened in the past is my parents would actually use these things I've said against me as ammo whenever I was actually right in the head again. And I hate it. I hate feeling weak more than almost anything else. And I hate it when people actually think it's okay to use things I've said when I was absolutely not right in the head against me during arguments and such. It's not fair to me, and I would never do that to anyone else. I never have either.

3) All roads lead to this. I think I finally understand why I dislike my dad so much. A couple of years ago, I was doing my math homework and was starting to get really pissed off. I have anger issues so you can fill in the rest. Well, my good ole' dad thought it would be a good idea to grab me, run me over to the sofa, and pin me down to it for a very long time while my mom stood at a distance lecturing me. I never wanted to kill someone as much as I did than. And to this day I still can't get over it. I'm of the belief that a parent should never ever under any circumstances raise a hand to their child (unless, you know, the child has a gun or something... and I know not everyone agrees, I get that) and I know for a fact that my dad did the wrong thing. That wasn't discipline, that was him succumbing to the same damn anger issues he passed down to me and cursed me with. And from that day forth, things were never the same between us, and I realize that now. I understand why I always defy him. And with that being said, maybe I always knew all along about this but just denied it to myself.

Like I said, I hate feeling weak. I hate being weak. And I don't know if any of you watch Naruto, but I would say that my feelings towards my dad are nearly identical to the feelings Sasuke had towards his brother Itachi. That might be pushing it, but there are definite similarities there.

I don't know. What do people do in cases like these? Family therapy? To be honest, I just want to move far away from my dad and just not see his face ever again. It's 1:25 AM, and I've been working hard to get my sleeping schedule back on track, but here I am ranting instead about something I have absolutely no desire to change *places head in palms and sighs deeply*

If I ever have kids, and if they end up with anger issues too, I'll work my ass off to make sure that they learn how to control them. And whenever they get upset, I'll sit them down and talk with them, but I most certainly will not wrestle them to a god damn sofa and sow the seeds of hate that'll most assuredly cause major trouble down the road. My dad never bothered to help me with my anger issues. I won't make that same mistake. I refuse.

[Master Bluespike74]

Why are facts so hard to believe?  I can walk outside my door now and tell some horrendous lie and as long as I preface it with "{Insert famous person} said", it becomes reality?  Do we no longer read anymore?  Do we no longer do research anymore?  Maybe it is the fact that I turn 40 this year.  I shake my head more and more as I listen to people telling me things that they cannot provide me with hard evidence upon.  Some cannot provide me with an N=1 explanation sometimes. 

People are going to think that I am just down right cruel to my children because I will ask my daughter and son to provide evidence when they come home with rumors and outright lies brought home from school. 

I had a young man this past week tell me an outright lie about the state I was born and lived for 20 years.  I was at the event he was telling me about and nothing he relayed happened.  When I asked him his source, I got "my teacher."  When I asked where did she get her source, his answer was "I think from a lawyer friend of hers."  I researched the lawyer and he has never been to my home state or lived within 5 states of it.  Yet he believes it to be true.

Two young men approached me last month to discuss a sensitive subject with me.  I took their own pamphlets and there own source manual and showed them with 100% accuracy that they were wrong.  Their response:  "Well Mr. Gallagher said it was this way." 

What is happening?  Sometimes I feel as if the National Inquirer and AM Coast to Coast provide me with more accurate information than people born in the 90's and later are receiving in my area. 

What is one to do?  Do any of you run into this same situation or am I just growing more cynical and Sith-like every day?  I find myself trusting less and less everyday. 

Blue is slowly becoming not only my favorite color but a true definition of how I feel lately. 

[Master Rel]

Hobbie...until you get a real hold of your emotions, gain some stability, and as a whole find your center I would hold off from any plans of having kids.

My Dad was and is a cult leader, a hippie, and an all around great example of being a complete disaster of a father figure.  How I handled dealing with him is not the norm and it is not something that I recommend but it did give me a significant measure of relief...once I became an adult I left his drama to him, I left and did not talk to him in any way for 5-6yrs...he had a heart attack and the family asked to me to come home, I did, he told me he was sorry for being a waste and ruining my childhood...then when he got out and felt better, let me know I needed to join his cult or I would continue to be worthless...so it has been 14yrs since I had any contact and I never miss a moment of the lost time.

Again this is not normal, but neither was the situation.

If you were 100% or near it, I mean who is really all there...but more so than you currently are...and the parents were still a source of major drama as mine were, this is a way to deal with it.  I do not really recommend it, cutting ties and burning bridges can rarely be fixed...but you gotta live.

So get yourself straight and then see what is what.  It is tough being that you have real issues and will most likely need long term reconstructive therapy and development, if you do not get this help and accept that you need it, well life is going to be tough.

Pretty much your entire life will include people telling you what to do in some measure.  If this is in your core then you need to find a job that has zero contact with people, clients, and customers...just numbers on a screen, farming in the boonies, fishing out at sea, etc.

Sucks, but it is what it is.


*****


Blue...each generation looks to the new generation, especially in teaching positions, as belligerent and callous.  But I do agree, there is a certain attitude of entitlement that has sprouted up with the social media generation and I am curious to see where this goes in the next 10yrs.

[Kresnik]

It's the internet culture combined with sensationalism .. Social media has given every mentally challenged individual a voice.  Teens and stupid people are going to follow those who they look up too.  Before dumb people were not listened too but now they all loud voices that are heard by impressionable young and ill developed minds.

My favorite aspect of this is all the Facebook postings with "scientific data" posted on the page.

Then you get the same idiot ranting about the misinformation as though it's true..

There are a lot of positives to the internet and social media but at what cost too laziness sensationalism and stupidity ?

I'm with you blue !

[Kresnik]

Just gave a 5 hour long deposition ... God that attorney was obnoxious asked me the same questions 15 plus times  ...

[Master Rel]

Just gave a 5 hour long deposition ... God that attorney was obnoxious asked me the same questions 15 plus times  ...

Painted my mother-in law's kitchen and living room in the color she picked, she said I got the wrong color. So I took her back to the paint store and let her pick it, again.  She first picked the same exact color she picked the first time.

 

I pointed this out and she yelled at me. Then proceeded to pick five other colors, all of which were not the white with a touch of color that she said she wanted.

So I got white.

She likes it, says she likes the touch of blue in the paint.

It is WHITE as in the base white.

 

Sigh.

[Kresnik]

Painted my mother-in law's kitchen and living room in the color she picked, she said I got the wrong color. So I took her back to the paint store and let her pick it, again.  She first picked the same exact color she picked the first time.

 

I pointed this out and she yelled at me. Then proceeded to pick five other colors, all of which were not the white with a touch of color that she said she wanted.

So I got white.

She likes it, says she likes the touch of blue in the paint.

It is WHITE as in the base white.

 

Sigh.

I had 5 hours of torture in a room of people I strongly dislike… But you win…

You win…

[Master Rel]

Funny I don't feel like I won...feel closer to that moment after you have been tortured and are waiting for the next round...yah like that lol.

[Kresnik]

Funny I don't feel like I won...feel closer to that moment after you have been tortured and are waiting for the next round...yah like that lol.

I have a next round its called a trial date… but your next round is probably the next time you see that lovely lady…

Good luck on your next adventure as… A blood family member can judge  you… but in laws opinion of you somehow makes every thing your fault….

[Master Rel]

Good luck with the trial.

[Darth_Arkanus]

OK, simple rant really. MY CURRENT ATTITUDE STINKS!!!!!

I'm in a hole right now, a very, deep one! My sabering has gone to pot (not helped by so much damned RAIN that I cannot get outside!!!!!), and I'm just feeling very demotivated to even try any more.

Guess I'm just gonna have to wait for it to pass, and hope that it does.

[Prowl 1701]

OK, simple rant really. MY CURRENT ATTITUDE STINKS!!!!!

I'm in a hole right now, a very, deep one! My sabering has gone to pot (not helped by so much damned RAIN that I cannot get outside!!!!!), and I'm just feeling very demotivated to even try any more.

Guess I'm just gonna have to wait for it to pass, and hope that it does.

It will pass, Arkanus, and then you can get back to sithing.  Hope it passes quickly for you.

@kresnik, best of luck with that trial.

[Genkaku Sho`shyk]

i fear i may be losing a friend, and a 15 year old friend ship due to maturity and heroin.....long story short, my friend got into some hard drugs with a relative of his over new years, and she OD'd.... he took it like it was his fault... and it kinda was, he didnt stop her from doing that shell, nor did he TRY to get help when he found himself hooked on it she also kinda tricked him into doing some heroin about a month before this happened...she told him it was cocain, but it was heroin in white powder form, so i blame her for his addiction to it.but im blaming him for not going to get help when he found out.... thus... in the last few weeks, my life, and my job, as well as my life long career path as a holistic practitioner.... is far more important then a friend that cant take help when its there.... this is really hitting me hard.... on one hand, i dont care about it more and what it to just be past me... but at the other hand, i been there for him in the hard times and the good times.... his parents consider me a son.... and i considered him a brother....

he lives the life of a drug dealer... not a big timer, but non the less... hood rat... no job, thinks hes all that..... wont think twice about robing someone in a deal.... and i told him many many many a time to stop that shell and get it together.... instead he has just let it slide..... and slide... and slide.... im really heart broken over this.... kinda not sure what to think...

as nerd as it sounds i follow the teaching so the jedi, and all other religions, do unto other as you would like others to do unto you.... point being i live my life by the things i do in service for others.... its hard to let this one go.... but i think im gonna be free of its constraints in the next months....

[Deceptae]

Ok so I'm starting to get pretty depressed.
Since kid December I've been dateing a girl I used to date in school. The first time we were together was my longest single relationship and the only one that really had me emotionally invested in another human being, she is the first human being I ever liked more than my dog. Sadly I pushed her away because my anger at the world made it hard to show her how I felt.
Recently though, we got back together and it has been great, fantastic really, save for her parents. They seemed to like me well enough the first time around, and I was kind of a jerk back then, but now they seem to think of me as some kind of predator trying to take advantage of her. I'm only older than her by a week! I've sent them letters (I have no way of making a trek to her house, and I'd probably get shot anyway) and showed them nothing but respect (to their faces anyway) and they just keep doing everything in their power to minimize our contact. It doesn't make sense except that they pretty much bully her and I just want to be there for her. Anyway I haven't heard from her in three days now and it's really eating at me. I just dont know what to do anymore. There's no way I'm giving up on her though so I just have to ride out the storm until something gives.
But it's all just so very depressing.

[Darth Severus]

Sadley riding out the storm is the best course of action. Parents especially of girls tend to not be rational. Since as it has been scientificaly proven only the male of the species would ever want to have "biblical" relations that do not result in child birth.

Seriously though, first loves bring a unnatural and often unhealty attachment.  But that does not seem to be your problem, your problem is her parents and the answer is to wait them out.

Here is the fun part. Once the  let her speak to you again, there will be more problems and if you get engaged, more pressure and more bad moments and then you get married an you add problems.

If she's worth it learn to live with her parents because they will be part of your life until they die.