Venting.

[Jev Moldara]

I feel like a blank slate. All of my experiences in life have no emotional context.

My emotions are strong, but they come and go in a passing fashion, experienced purely in the moment. Once that moment has passed, the associated emotion goes with it and the memory is almost purely clinical. Sure I get mad at the jerk who cuts me off. Sure I can tell someone that I love them and mean it. I can laugh at a joke. However, the emotions behind them do not persist.

I am a hollow shell of a human being, just passing through this world without truly experiencing it.

[Kresnik]

I feel like a blank slate. All of my experiences in life have no emotional context.

My emotions are strong, but they come and go in a passing fashion, experienced purely in the moment. Once that moment has passed, the associated emotion goes with it and the memory is almost purely clinical. Sure I get mad at the jerk who cuts me off. Sure I can tell someone that I love them and mean it. I can laugh at a joke. However, the emotions behind them do not persist.

I am a hollow shell of a human being, just passing through this world without truly experiencing it.

Maybe change it up a bit.  Identify what is causing this emotional emptiness.  This is a sign of depression if you are not already in a clinical depression state of thinking it sounds like you are on your way.   

I went through a similar emotional state in fact I am on my way to another one shortly... It was kind of funny I actually feared I was becoming sociopathic in a way - no longer capable of feeling any emotion... So what did I do?  Something really stupid... I went bungee jumping, rock divining and started to race ... I have not done any thing like that in a while but it really put my emotions into perspective and I just realized I was becoming a monotonous meaningless bag of nothing after doing the same routine day in and day out... I mixed it up... Scared the beejezus out of myself and all of the sudden had a new found respect for what I was feeling. 

If you do not have access to get help, working out, going for long walks always helps to get you out of a funk. 

Meeting new people, experiencing new relationships, establishing human contact outside of your normal realm etc. A new hobby...

Im not trying to solve your problems just making suggestions. 

[Jev Moldara]

Maybe change it up a bit.  Identify what is causing this emotional emptiness.  This is a sign of depression if you are not already in a clinical depression state of thinking it sounds like you are on your way.   

I went through a similar emotional state in fact I am on my way to another one shortly... It was kind of funny I actually feared I was becoming sociopathic in a way - no longer capable of feeling any emotion... So what did I do?  Something really stupid... I went bungee jumping, rock divining and started to race ... I have not done any thing like that in a while but it really put my emotions into perspective and I just realized I was becoming a monotonous meaningless bag of nothing after doing the same routine day in and day out... I mixed it up... Scared the beejezus out of myself and all of the sudden had a new found respect for what I was feeling. 

If you do not have access to get help, working out, going for long walks always helps to get you out of a funk. 

Meeting new people, experiencing new relationships, establishing human contact outside of your normal realm etc. A new hobby...

Im not trying to solve your problems just making suggestions. 

You misunderstood what I was saying. It's not emotional emptiness. I can feel emotions just fine. However, they don't associate with the memories, and as such, when I think back on something, it becomes merely an event.

I'm not depressed in the slightest. If I were depressed, then I doubt I would have strong emotions at all. I'm not sad. I'm not melancholy. I'm not in a funk. I experience the emotions that I should when I should, but the emotions do not tie themselves to memories or persist beyond the experience.

When people think about events in their life, often an emotion comes with it. People get happy when they think about their wedding day. They get sad when thinking about a loved one's funeral.

Not so with me. When I think about events in my life, I do not experience the emotions that should be associated with those memories. It's all clinical.

It has it's advantages, though. It allows me to process through bad experiences easily and get past it, as my brain does not retain the emotional state.

However, it has detriments as well. If something good happens, I get excited or happy, but I cannot retain that positive emotion past the event itself.

[Kresnik]

You misunderstood what I was saying. It's not emotional emptiness. I can feel emotions just fine. However, they don't associate with the memories, and as such, when I think back on something, it becomes merely an event.

I'm not depressed in the slightest. If I were depressed, then I doubt I would have strong emotions at all. I'm not sad. I'm not melancholy. I'm not in a funk. I experience the emotions that I should when I should, but the emotions do not tie themselves to memories or persist beyond the experience.

When people think about events in their life, often an emotion comes with it. People get happy when they think about their wedding day. They get sad when thinking about a loved one's funeral.

Not so with me. When I think about events in my life, I do not experience the emotions that should be associated with those memories. It's all clinical.

It has it's advantages, though. It allows me to process through bad experiences easily and get past it, as my brain does not retain the emotional state.

However, it has detriments as well. If something good happens, I get excited or happy, but I cannot retain that positive emotion past the event itself.

Ah I see.

Sounds more like a super power to me. 

[Jev Moldara]

Ah I see.

Sounds more like a super power to me. 

Yes, my lack of ability to maintain relationships because the girl thinks I'm not emotionally available is a freaking super power.

[Jev Moldara]

You know what irks me to no end?

Those "Ideal Weight" Charts... Even the ones that take into account the size of your body frame.

I'm 6'0 with a large frame, so I am supposed to weigh between 180-190 pounds. Anything over that is considered to be overweight.

I weigh 295 pounds as of this morning, so I am supposedly obese.

I am not anywhere near obese.

Yes, I have a bit of a gut, but for the most part, the weight is muscle.

If I lost the weight around my midsection, I estimate that I would weigh around 280.

So how in the bloody blue blazes am I obese?

[JEStucker]

You know what irks me to no end?

Those "Ideal Weight" Charts... Even the ones that take into account the size of your body frame.

I'm 6'0 with a large frame, so I am supposed to weigh between 180-190 pounds. Anything over that is considered to be overweight.

I weigh 295 pounds as of this morning, so I am supposedly obese.

I am not anywhere near obese.

Yes, I have a bit of a gut, but for the most part, the weight is muscle.

If I lost the weight around my midsection, I estimate that I would weigh around 280.

So how in the bloody blue blazes am I obese?

I, also, take issues with those "Ideal Body Weight" charts... like you, my ideal body weight is 186 lbs.  And like you I too have a large frame, currently I think hovering right around 300 lbs (I am down from the 330 I scared myself at)  At one point several (10) years ago (before completely destroying my left knee the first time) I was down to 220 lbs.  I felt like I was hungry all the time and people commented about how thin I looked (not healthy thin.)  I couldn't image what I would look like even 40 lbs less than that.  I think ideally I'd like to be around 250 lbs, which is amazingly the how much most people think I weigh anyways.  On the plus side my doctor doesn't give me too many issues about my weight because he's over 400 lbs (genetics was mean to him)

[ThreadJack]

I'm 5'7" and weigh just under 200lds, which makes me "obese" according to those charts. I am also definitely NOT obese. A bit chunky, yes, but most people think I'm about 160, even 150.

[Master Bluespike74]

Ideal Body Charts are about as believable as an Ideal anything.  I am 5'11" tall.  My last weigh in was 277 lbs.  I am considered morbidly obese by those charts.  But I was also considered morbidly obese when I played college football also.  I can run 2 miles and then fight for over 8 hours and not drop dead.  I think I am in good shape as there are plenty of those ideal body weight types dropping dead from heart attacks while jogging in those marathons. 

I say pay attention to your body chemistry results.  They will tell you whether you are on the right track or not.

[Jev Moldara]

Screw it.

I've tried being sociable.

It just feels awkward and insincere.

Back to being Social Wallpaper.

[sedstiskyfaller]

Screw it.

I've tried being sociable.

It just feels awkward and insincere.

Back to being Social Wallpaper.

I totally know what you mean.

[Kresnik]

Doing the job of a sales person, operations manager, communications manager, office manager, Human Resources etc...

Can really get to you some days...

I have ordered a collection of hats that I will display on my office wall and whenever someone calls me or comes in I will demand that they select the appropriate hat, show it to me then put it on me. Then talk.

Just so I know where I am at the time and what role I am playing...

[JEStucker]

I despise online job applications... I am getting so tired of hour plus long personality assessment quizzes and places that want your whole life's history and all your personal information for a !@#$ing $8.00 per hour job.  You want employees, then don't make it so hard to apply that all I want to do is stab you in the neck with a pencil when I'm applying for a job selling motor oil and windshield wiper blades to people that would buy freakin' blinker fluid and muffler bearings if I told them they needed it.

I didn't have this in depth a background check getting the clearance to work on Ft. Leavenworth at the Disciplinary Barracks after 9/11...

AutoZone can go !@#$ itself.

[Master Bluespike74]

I despise online job applications... I am getting so tired of hour plus long personality assessment quizzes and places that want your whole life's history and all your personal information for a !@#$ing $8.00 per hour job.  You want employees, then don't make it so hard to apply that all I want to do is stab you in the neck with a pencil when I'm applying for a job selling motor oil and windshield wiper blades to people that would buy freakin' blinker fluid and muffler bearings if I told them they needed it.

I didn't have this in depth a background check getting the clearance to work on Ft. Leavenworth at the Disciplinary Barracks after 9/11...

AutoZone can go !@#$ itself.

I am feeling you on this.  Same thing happened to me last week.  I am putting job information from when I was 12 years old and spent 2 weeks filling out the application.  What am I told when I call HR to check on the application?  "Sorry sir, we had an internal applicant who wanted to go from PRN to full time so they took the job."  I ask if I could be considered for PRN and the response was "we try to hold those jobs for the students that graduate our program."  Why post the job if you already filled it?  I swear, I think I should go back to being a bouncer for a living again. 

[Darth Abaddon]

I "love" my current job, let me tell ya.

1.Get treated like an idiot/scumbag/dirt/expletive words by customers I wouldn't wipe off the bottom of my boot.

2.I get the S*** end of the stick constantly.

3.I was always willing to cover for someone or come in for someone when they were sick/hurt/etc., but when I was sick earlier in the week, nobody would come in. And I don't mean sore throat or anything. I was in the store's bathroom puking my guts out, so I had to stay.

4.We're understaffed.

5.My manager is an idiot.

6. "No, sir/ma'am. I don't know if this item is on sale." "Why the f**** not!? You work here!" "Because, sir. We change our sales every week. It's impossible to keep track. Also, that came from the back of the store. I'm not allowed to go that far from the register." "F***ing idiot! Learn your job!"

7. (Here's where it starts to get dangerous) I have addicts constantly following me, trying to get me to go into the pharmacy to get them needles.

8. I have the "privilege" of preventing irate folks under narcotic influence (Anything from heroin to PCP) from leaving until the police arrive.

9. Last time I cleaned the bathroom, I pulled out the garbage bag. It made a "ting" noise off the ground. I lifted the bag to look and there was a spoon with heroin residue on it. So I had to carry it at arm's length because somewhere in that bag was at best hepatitis and at worst, HIV.

10. They say they need people but are shaving my hours/days. I NEED MONEY!

11. I make $8 per hour.

I HOPE I get this new job, cause it's about a $12k a year difference.