Be patient with her, and be supportive of her. Try to keep in mind that not everyone handles stressful situations well; what might be no big deal for some might result in crippling anxiety for someone else. And even if you mean it well, "mind over matter" doesn't come that easily to some people. There's no on/off switch.
I know this because my wife was the same way; stuff that didn't bother me that much would stress her out to maximum levels. Some people are just wired that way; she knew it, and admitted that she couldn't help it. And there were times that I would lose my patience a little and I regret it now. I wish I handled some moments better than I did. Mostly I did okay, but there were some times that weren't so good.
After her work day is done and it's been a stressful day, ask what you can do to help her out, to help her de-stress. Even if it's just to listen to her vent. And then be encouraging of her. Is it hard? Yes, but that's part of being married.
Find out what you can do to help, and hang in there. Good luck to you both.
What he said, with a couple of additions from my experience.
1) One thing I've learned, probably later in life than I should have, is that sometimes people want to vent/talk, and get your input/advice in return. But sometimes people just want to talk/vent, and have you say "It'll be ok. I love you." without a critique of what they could/should have done better/different. And sometimes they just want a back rub.
I think my wife hates her job.
You "think?" Have you asked her how she feels about it?
A job we spent years trying to get her.
Blunt honesty: You sound a little resentful that she's unhappy. My interpretation of this (and feel free to tell me I'm wrong, but think about it for a couple of minutes first) is that you, at least in some part, feel that given all the work that went into getting her the job, a great deal of which was probably done by you, that she should just "suck it up, take the arrow to the knee, get over it, and drive on." And while I obviously cannot read her mind, 3rd year psychology says that in addition to being stressed out, she's also, if not there already, on the road to being resentful that you "forced" her into a job that she's miserable at. Of course this also leads to the issue that if she leaves, she's going to feel guilty that you put in all that work to get her the job and it didn't work out.
I work for a large insurance company and now she does too, although completely separate departments.
It's literally the best job she's ever had because she's not yet a citizen and had to take lesser jobs when she just had her work visa.
Best pay and benefits she's ever had, but the stress has made her cry several times.
I really want to be supportive but most of her issues are stuff I and my peers have learned to overcome. It seems easy to me, but for her the slightest conflict is too much. I feel like most of her stress is self inflicted due to low confidence, but she hates when I give her the "mind over matter" spiel.
[I moved the last sentence up to here so I can respond to it better.] So don't give her the "mind over matter" speech. Mostly because that's not what this is. If anything it would need to be a "mind over mind" speech, since stress/anxiety is mental. So instead of just saying that, try to tell her how you and your peers learned to overcome the issues. Also I've found that voodoo dolls of my co-workers does wonders (for anyone wondering, no, I'm not joking).
And what sucks is that I know she'll never find a company that treats their employees as well as ours does, so I want her to just toughen up, but that makes me feel like a bad husband.
I really hope it gets better for her.
2) I don't think you're a bad husband. A bad husband would just blow her off and tell her to get over it. You at least seem concerned about her and how she feels.
3) You know what they say about "hope:" that and 50 cents will get you some Death Star plans and a cup of coffee. BUT IT NEVER SOLVES ANYTHING.
Last: It's the best job she's ever had so far in her life, the pay is excellent, the benefits are awesome, and
NONE of that matters if she's miserable. I know that in this day and age, money rules most things, but mental health is always more important. I guarantee you that, if she had a job making less money, with not as good benefits, but it was one she was happy at, that both of your lives would be better.
So, some further suggestions:
4) Is it possible for her to transfer to a different department (and obviously still different from the one you're in), still at he same company? I guess I should have asked if what she is having trouble with is conflict with co-workers, or conflict with customers?
5) Be supportive, no matter what happens. If the job just doesn't work out, give her a hug and tell her you love her. When she apologizes for all the work you did to get her the job and she couldn't do it (I guarantee you it will happen), just shrug, tell her that she tried, and that she'll just need to find something else. Which reminds me, at any point did you ask her if she wanted to work there? Was it something she just went along with because, hey the money's good, the benefits are good, I get to work at the same place as my husband, that sounds good. Or was she actively interested/excited in what she would be doing as her job?
I'm going to point out, again, that despite everything, you are not a bad person or husband. That you care about her is proof of that. Now, at my standard rate, that will be !450.00. No, Republic Credits will not be fine. Seriously, quit saying that and waving your hand around like the Karate Kid. *sigh* light siders...
