Venting.

[Zren Tobas]

Well back to Colorado it is AGAIN. But only this time for good. I'll try to keep updates as much as possible.

[Zren Tobas]

Well now ex step dad might be coming out. I just gotta say I will be able to get more sabers here soon again. I'm going to catch up on my wanted list. Plus we will be getting a place here soon too. Found an awesome castle style house out here for rent. I'm just nervous about the whole thing so I think this deserves a vent aside from being able to catch up on my saber want list. Having new sabers just has a calming effect for me for some reason.

[JEStucker]

Grrrrrr...

I was supposed to meet a friend I haven't seen for quite a while for a drink and a chance to catch up when he got off work this evening... I'm stuck at home babysitting my 2 year old grand daughter.  My daughter agreed to go in to work on for someone on her night off without checking to see if anyone else had plans first.  So my wife is at work for a few more hours, all the kids are gone, and it's me and a 2 year old.  I really wanted/needed an adult, non-family, guys night out, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

[Luna]

I'm depressed and a little angry. This is the first Thanksgiving of my life where I haven't done anything to celebrate.

Also, I'm a little angry at how many people keep telling me I look like a vampire. Everyone I meet has something to say on the matter or thinks I'm goth (which I'm not). I think it's getting worse as I get older. Plus I'm getting paler and more bony by the day, which doesn't help anything. Grrrrrr.

[Master Rel]

I'm depressed and a little angry. This is the first Thanksgiving of my life where I haven't done anything to celebrate.

Also, I'm a little angry at how many people keep telling me I look like a vampire. Everyone I meet has something to say on the matter or thinks I'm goth (which I'm not). I think it's getting worse as I get older. Plus I'm getting paler and more bony by the day, which doesn't help anything. Grrrrrr.

Lump the lot of them.

In my book, seriously, it is better to look like something...to be memorable, than to be forgettable.

If it is something nice like a movie/TV star or a model well yay...but looking a certain way is the way you look.

It is what it is.

I have looked like a cop or military most of my life...and it was true but that is not the point, I got ignored in NY because everyone thought I was a plant or undercover...I could not even get directions or recommendations.

I am not saying go whole hog vampire, but I am saying so what if you do?

Don't let others tell you that what you see in the mirror is anything other than what you see.

Finding a level of comfort in ourselves is something that many never reach, but that does not mean we should not try anyway.

Denial and Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

These steps are noted for loss and grief but are just as viable for being a teenager or young adult.

Most all of us went through an awkward stage of not wanting to look certain way, then getting p'off because we looked or acted in particular way, then finding reasons to make it seem ok to be ourselves, falling into a funk over it all, and then sometimes some of us find a happy place.

All I can offer, my forum daughter, is what I would tell any of my kids..."find that place where you are comfortable with yourself and surround yourself with others who know who they are".  Friends and family tend to help with acceptance.

Not always lol, but the potential is there.

I say cool...vampires are quite popular these days.  Do you sparkle in daylight by any chance 

Have an interwebz hug.

[ThreadJack]

Yeah, I don't really see anything wrong with looking like a Vamp in this day and age. Vampires are cool now, so I would take it as a compliment, kinda like they're telling me I look cool.

[Luna]

Lump the lot of them.

In my book, seriously, it is better to look like something...to be memorable, than to be forgettable.

If it is something nice like a movie/TV star or a model well yay...but looking a certain way is the way you look.

It is what it is.

I have looked like a cop or military most of my life...and it was true but that is not the point, I got ignored in NY because everyone thought I was a plant or undercover...I could not even get directions or recommendations.

I am not saying go whole hog vampire, but I am saying so what if you do?

Don't let others tell you that what you see in the mirror is anything other than what you see.

Finding a level of comfort in ourselves is something that many never reach, but that does not mean we should not try anyway.

Denial and Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

These steps are noted for loss and grief but are just as viable for being a teenager or young adult.

Most all of us went through an awkward stage of not wanting to look certain way, then getting p'off because we looked or acted in particular way, then finding reasons to make it seem ok to be ourselves, falling into a funk over it all, and then sometimes some of us find a happy place.

All I can offer, my forum daughter, is what I would tell any of my kids..."find that place where you are comfortable with yourself and surround yourself with others who know who they are".  Friends and family tend to help with acceptance.

Not always lol, but the potential is there.

I say cool...vampires are quite popular these days.  Do you sparkle in daylight by any chance  

Have an interwebz hug.

All I do in the sun is burn

Thank you though, that was quite thoughtful. I was comfortable with myself until just a little while ago... probably something to do with the parental situation.

But wait... what if you don't see anything in the mirror?

Yeah, I don't really see anything wrong with looking like a Vamp in this day and age. Vampires are cool now, so I would take it as a compliment, kinda like they're telling me I look cool.

Vampires are cool now, but when I hear "vampire", I think of cannibalistic monsters (Empusae, for instance) and real people like Erszebet Bathory.

[ThreadJack]

Vampires are cool now, but when I hear "vampire", I think of cannibalistic monsters (Empusae, for instance) and real people like Erszebet Bathory.

I never really thought about this. I could see how this might be a problem. lol.

[TheHobbitofDune]

My rant in a convenient set of lyrics which perfectly captures the essence of what I am thinking and feeling right now...

How I yearn for the silence
For an end to the voices
The calamity grows and the deafness leads to disarray

Guilt buries me alive
In a coffin - criticized
I shouldered the blame and dug this hole for me to lay in

I reach for calm
I starve for a balance unknown
This burden tortures me deep in my soul

I've found that strife won't make the bleeding stop
Nor will it take away the pain
I feel like this search is all in vain
And I struggle to find my way

-Strife by Trivium

[Darth Kitsune]

And thusly, doing light dueling against a box I was using as a target with my Elegy, and the wires to the battery pack in her came apart and basically shredded or something, and I have no means of repairing it myself.

I'm beyond livid with myself.

[Luna]

If we're using lyrics to vent....

Sadly one Sunday
I waited and waited
with flowers in my arms
all the dream has created
I waited till dreams,
like my heart, were all broken
The flowers were all dead
and the words were unspoken
The grief that I know
was beyond all consoling
the beat of my heart
was a bell that was tolling

Saddest of Sundays

Then came a Sunday
when you came to find me
they bore me to church
and I left you behind me
My eyes could not see
what I wanted to love me
the earth and the flowers
are forever above me
The bell tolled for me
and the wind whispered ''Never!''
but you I have loved
and I'll bless you forever

Last of all Sundays

I haven't been this depressed in a long time. I hate everything and I can't motivate myself to do anything - not even to work out, which is usually my way of relaxing. Obviously my choices in entertainment aren't going to be that encouraging, so I don't bother. My lady can't be by my side constantly, otherwise I know she would be, despite the fact that I am not pleasant company right now. I have this terribly guilty, heavy feeling in my chest. My family is no consolation, nor are my studies. I can't eat, and even with a sedative I can hardly sleep. I'm morbid to the point where not even A Serbian Film is disturbing. I know what may be my only salvation in this pit of despair, but I am generally able to convince myself that it is a bad idea, and I'll talk about it with my psychiatrist on Monday - an appointment which will most likely end in my hospitalization.

I generally try not to be too dramatic, but I had to get all that off my chest somewhere.

Don't worry about my health, though - I'll be fine, at least until Monday, and whatever way that goes, I'll be okay.

[Master Bluespike74]

Hey Luna, it may be a side effect of your iron deficiency.  In the interim, you might want to try eating red meat or if you are vegetarian, you might want to try peanut butter.  Allergic to peanuts, then try Hummus or chick peas.  It will help to temporarily boost your iron levels that will allow you to sleep and restore your energy levels. 

[Luna]

Hey Luna, it may be a side effect of your iron deficiency.  In the interim, you might want to try eating red meat or if you are vegetarian, you might want to try peanut butter.  Allergic to peanuts, then try Hummus or chick peas.  It will help to temporarily boost your iron levels that will allow you to sleep and restore your energy levels. 

Thanks Blue! Would raw red meat have the same effect as cooked?

[TheHobbitofDune]

I haven't been this depressed in a long time. I hate everything and I can't motivate myself to do anything... I have this terribly guilty, heavy feeling in my chest. My family is no consolation, nor are my studies.

Pretty much the same for me. I have a final exam, end-of-term group presentation, and a load of other stuff all due this coming Monday and Tuesday... and I'm not prepared for any of it. I haven't studied at all for the exam, I haven't typed out a speech for the presentation, and I have a huge pile-up of work for all my other classes. I've been procrastinating so much lately, and just can't will myself to do anything other than pursue pointless and trivial activities. It's as if there's an invisible heavy blanket pinning me down and keeping me under. And I keep seeing the bad in everyone now, rather than the good. And I also grovel in the dirt for comments on a writing website I frequent, because I just feel that worthless. And I'm picking fights with everyone.

I promised myself I wouldn't vent again, at least not to this extent. But I failed.

[Master Rel]

Thanks Blue! Would raw red meat have the same effect as cooked?

Not in most cases, but raw meat does come with MANY considerations and concerns especially if a routine consumption by a non-carnivore...and even carivores need to check their intake by eating the veg loaded lower digestive track of its prey to maintain the complexities of good health.

Mentioning you want raw meat does not assist you in your campaign to not be noted as a vampire you know?

 

PS
A little tartar every now and then can be tasty...but anything in excess comes with heavy baggage.