Ruin A Wish Foundation

[BurceChuat]

Granted, you have all the time in the world! But to conserve space-time dimensionality, you now have no space to do those things in.


I wish for a basket of fresh fruit.

Granted, you get a basket of fresh fruit. But, you're also allergic to all those fruits! As soon as you take a bite out of an especially scrumptious-looking apple, your skin starts itching, you get rashes, and you start tearing up. Your symptoms grow more severe; your eyes become bloodshot, you turn into a terrifyingly dark shade of red, and your throat closes, rendering you unable to breath. As you desperately (and futilely) gasp for air, you see a figure standing by your window - it's the Grim Reaper, in the form of your grandmother riding a skeletal horse! You try running up the stairs as you attempt to cheat death, but to no avail as you collapse on your staircase, dead from oxygen deprivation. The reaper and his steed phase through the wall, and stand by your body singing the Small Potatoes theme song. The horse has the voice of Bing Crosby.



I wish I had a magical picture like Dorian Gray.

[Darth Justicar]

Granted, but now your soul is as hideous as the picture you hide in your attic, and everybody hates you and wishes you were dead.

I wish I could chat with Professor X.

[Majobu5]

Granted, but now your soul is as hideous as the picture you hide in your attic, and everybody hates you and wishes you were dead.

I wish I could chat with Professor X.

Granted. Initially it's good until the Professor falls asleep while speaking to you telepathically. You are stuck in an empty, endless, white room with elevator music ringing throughout. He wakes up briefly, relieving you of the abyss. But, you notice he now needs to be changed and all the caretakers have gone home for the night.


I wish for crystal blue oceans

[Darth Justicar]

The oceans are made of blue crystals, but now there is no water in the ecosystem, so the water cycle stops and the only life left on Earth is extremophile bacteria.

I wish my tablet battery was always charged.

[Rapine]

The oceans are made of blue crystals, but now there is no water in the ecosystem, so the water cycle stops and the only life left on Earth is extremophile bacteria.

I wish my tablet battery was always charged.

Granted, but with no water on the planet, it makes no matter.  

I wish for a campfire.

[BurceChuat]

Granted, but now your soul is as hideous as the picture you hide in your attic, and everybody hates you and wishes you were dead.

Good thing I'm a nihilist

Granted, but with no water on the planet, it makes no matter.  

I wish for a campfire.

Granted, you get the biggest campfire your country's ever seen. But, the sheer size of it entices hippies to flock to your backyard and hold Burning Man there. Despite you and your neighbors' protests, they've acquired permission from the government because the revenue generated from the event would give a huge boost to the Canadian economy. The festival goes on, and it's filled with sights and stenches of booze, multiple drugs, and dirty people having a good time. When it comes time to light the effigy, however, the Burning Man falls over as it's alight - killing 50 people instantly and 300 more later, due to the burning fire as well as the smoke inhalation and general chaos. You're held accountable for all the deaths and the costs associated with the wanton destruction caused by all the attendees. You go mad from all the debt you've acquired, and are left a lonesome, empty shell of a man. One morning, while roaming the streets at 4 am, you see a couple kids who seem to be hippies. You assault and murder them due to your newly-acquired hatred of hippies, and receive two life sentences in Canadian prison.

I wish nursing school wasn't so hard.

[Rapine]

(Oh, so free room & board for five years - and an education - alright. )

Granted, it's simple.  You're the worst nurse in history though.

I wish I was I had no attraction to other people.

[Majobu5]

(Oh, so free room & board for five years - and an education - alright. )

Granted, it's simple.  You're the worst nurse in history though.

I wish I was I had no attraction to other people.

Granted, but now you're narcissistic to the point that you cover every wall inside your home with mirrors as so you never leave your own sight, which causes you to become jealous of the wall behind you always staring at, well, your butt. Eventually, you decide it's best you and you can't live like this no more, and you take your life, and yours as well.

I wish grass was always green.

[Darth Justicar]

Good thing I'm a nihilist

What can I say, I read that story in school.  Your wish was already corrupted from the get-go.

I wish grass was always green.

Granted, but the spray-paint fumes everywhere there's grass are intolerable, because the grass as been PAINTED green.

I wish my drawing skills were better.

[JEStucker]

I wish my drawing skills were better.

Granted, but your improved drawing skills are now in the style of Sergio Aragones.


I wish my dog could talk.

[Majobu5]

Granted, but your improved drawing skills are now in the style of Sergio Aragones.


I wish my dog could talk.

Granted, but you find out your dog is an over opinionated, know it all who can't stay quiet during TV time.

I wish I had better style.

[Xaeyon]

Granted! Your style is known among the world, and you can never have another moment of peace for your fans are always hunting you down.

I wish for a better mattress.

[Majobu5]

Granted! Your style is known among the world, and you can never have another moment of peace for your fans are always hunting you down.

I wish for a better mattress.

Granted, and that night you get the best night of sleep ever! Which, is also the last night of sleep you ever get. Because your body rested so well, it has convinced itself that it no longer needs anymore rest. Your brain doesn't get the memo, and you become a restless insomniac, filling your house full of 2am infomercial items.

I wish I had a better body.

[Darth Justicar]

Granted!  Except it's the body of a tiger.  Which is pretty cool, except you'll have to live the rest of your life in the zoo with people gawking at you all day.  No privacy or change of scenery, ever.

I wish people were nicer to each other.

[Xaeyon]

Granted! People go out of their way to help others so much that the individuals feels so neglected by themselves resulting in decreased self-satisfaction and increased suicide rates.

I wish for universally accepted currency.